John’s Horror Corner: Biohazard (1985), a goofy schlocky B-movie Alien (1979) rip-off about a busty psychic and a crab-clawed monster.

MY CALL: Among the lesser Alien (1979) rip-offs in the 80s marketplace, but not undeserving of your schlocky B-movie-loving attention. MOVIES LIKE Biohazard: For more low budget Alien (1979) rip-offs, check out Contamination (1980; aka Alien Contamination), Alien 2: On Earth (1980), Scared to Death (1980; aka Syngenor), Galaxy of Terror (1981), Forbidden World (1982; aka Mutant), Inseminoid (1982; aka Horror Planet), Parasite (1982), Creature (1985; aka Titan Find), Star Crystal (1986), Creepazoids (1987), Blue Monkey (1987), Nightflyers (1987), Deep Space (1988), Transformations (1988; aka Alien Transformations), The Terror Within (1989), Shocking Dark (1989; aka Terminator 2, aka Aliennators), The Rift (1990), Syngenor (1990), Xtro 2: The Second Encounter (1991), Dark Universe (1993) and Zombies: The Beginning (2007).

Written (in part) and directed by Fred Olen Ray (The Alien Dead, Scalps, Deep Space), this Sci-Horror opens in very familiar territory with a guy in a biohazard suit and a Geiger counter. The writing is pretty basic (yet not exactly horrible, although the acting comes close), but the content is actually suggestive of some care and effort. When we meet Lisa, a particularly busty psychic (Angelique Pettyjohn) whose skills are tested at some secret underground government facility, generals and scientists and politicians brainstorm as to how her cosmic powers might benefit the military.

After conducting a psychic experiment, an interstellar container is summoned and transported to yet another special government facility… probably just to create the opportunity for something to go wrong in transit. And wrong it goes when an alien monster with crab claws maims one of the soldiers and escapes! So, Carter (William Fair; Deep Space) and Lisa team up to track the creature.

The latex wound effects and dead bodies are satisfyingly gory. But the rubber monster suit leaves much to be desired. When we see an on-screen death scene, it’s laughably disappointing in that hokey 1960s style of “aaaargh I’m the monster and I just grabbed you so clearly you’re dying now.” Oh well, at least we see a lot of boobs to make up for it. However, this movie isn’t the smutty film the poster suggests. The nudity may be as gratuitous as nudity gets. But still, to be fair, this is not smut.

This movie wanders into the deep end of Alien (1979) rip-off territory when our clawed monster slimily drools on a victim from above, a slimy growling chestburster-like critter emerges from a space canister and rips out a guy’s throat, and a facehugger-like creature chokes and blatantly “facehugs” a guy! When Carter kills the clawed “xenomorph” it’s about as anticlimactic as it gets. But fret not, there’s a gory schlocky “booby” extra-cheesy finale complete with boobs and rending latex flesh.

Watch the credits. They’re full of silly outtakes showing how self-aware Fred Olen Ray was of his goofy product. It makes the entire film feel more forgivable and light-hearted. The outtakes even include, you guessed it, more boobs. But even without nudity, this bad film might be the right kind of bad enough to be a good B-movie choice.