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10 Moments in Shark Movies That Seem Absolutely Terrible

July 25, 2019

I love shark movies, but I’d never want to be a character in a shark movie. The unlucky characters are ripped in half, eaten whole or harassed for hours before being ripped in half. To make it worse, the fictional antagonist sharks carry grudges, grow to insane lengths, and in the case of Jaws: The Revenge, have a psychic connection to the people they are trying to eat. Basically, shark movies put characters in terrible situations, and the following 10 are the worst. I guarantee that you won’t want to be anywhere near these moments.

10. In the Heart of the Sea – In the Water With a Pissed-Off Whale the Size of a Skyscraper

I’m cheating here because In the Heart of the Sea is about whales, and I’m using the poster instead of an actual scene from the movie. However, holy sh*t, how big is the whale in this poster? Is the person going to attack it? It doesn’t matter what happens next, because it’s lights out.

Oof.

9. The Reef and Open Water – Being Harassed By Sharks While Stranded in the Ocean

Both The Reef and Open Water feature people in terrible situations where they are constantly harassed (or eaten) by sharks. There is no reprieve, rest or hope in these situations, because they’re either going to be nibbled to death by sharks, or eaten quickly by a great white. No thanks.

Long drawn out shark attacks are the worst

8. Jaws 3-D – Swallowed Whole By a Shark

Jaws 3-D features a scuba diver being swallowed whole by a great white shark. How terrible would that be? Would you just sit in its body and slowly die? Could the shark digest you? Would you die because your oxygen tank empties? If you’ve ever been swallowed whole by a shark I’d love some answers.

No thanks

7. Jaws – The Death of Quint

Quint’s death in Jaws is terrible. He slowly slides into the sharks mouth and is chewed up inch-by-inch. Throw in the the pained screaming and blood exploding from this mouth, and you have one of the best deaths ever in a shark movie. I would want to be nowhere near this scene.

The crunching noises sell the kill

6. Deep Blue Sea – Being Eaten while Monologuing

Very few people on this planet have ever had the chance to deliver a rallying monologue to a group of scared scientists. How awesome would it be to motivate people to fight three giant sharks? Russell Franklin (Samuel L. Jackson) had this opportunity, and even though he took his eyes off the water (can’t blame him), It bums me out that he couldn’t finish his speech and save the day.

His speech was going perfectly

5. The Meg – Being Chased By a Megalodon

The only person on this planet who could survive being chased by a megalodon is Jason Statham. Every other plebian on this planet would be doomed to a water-logged ride that ended with them being obliterated by a hungry dinosaur.

Only Statham could survive this

4. Jaws: The Revenge – Being Eaten While Riding a Banana Boat

Jaws: The Revenge is about a relative of the sharks from the prior films (I think), hunting down the remaining Brodys. During the shark’s hunt, it accidentely kills an innocent woman because it has terrible aim. The shark wanted the Brody kid, but instead, caught a woman who was enjoying a ride on the banana boat. There is nothing worse than paying for a ride on a banana boat, then being eaten halfway through the ride because you’re sitting next to the grandchild of the guy who killed two great white sharks 10 years ago.

The Brody’s are the worst

3. 47 Meters Down – Saved By the Flare

Imagine this, the shark cage you are in sinks to the bottom of the ocean because the cut-rate shark diving outfit you picked couldn’t afford gear that works. After several harrowing hours, you decide to swim to the surface with a handful of flares. When you get close to the surface you have to wait five minutes — so nitrogen bubbles don’t kill you. Eventually, you get down to your last flare and can’t light it quickly enough — which leaves you in absolute darkness. When you manage to light your last flare, there are three massive sharks surrounding you. I’d quit.

No thanks

2. Jaws – Being Dragged Around While Skinny Dipping

Imagine going for a swim in the ocean and being attacked by an unseen (but massive) shark that drags you around the ocean like rag-doll. Chrissie’s death in Jaws is one of cinemas greatest shocks, and I wish I could’ve witnessed the audiences reaction in 1975, when Jaws was unleashed upon the world. I can think of only one moment that is worse…

Never saw it coming

1. Deep Blue Sea – The Prolonged Death of Jim Whitlock

Jim Whitlock’s goes through a lot before he is killed in Deep Blue Sea. First, a shark bites his arm off, then the rescue helicopters winch fails and drops the gurney that he is strapped to into shark infested waters. Once in the water, a 45-foot shark grabs ahold of his gurney and takes him on a long underwater ride that ends with the shark using his gurney to break the glass separating the wetlab (where he was initially attacked) from the ocean. I can’t think of anything worse than what happened to Jim Whitlock in Deep Blue Sea.

Dude went on a journey


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One Comment leave one →
  1. August 4, 2019 8:03 pm

    An older cousin took me to see Jaws when I was 7 and Quint’s less than gracious exit gave me nightmares for years. Excellent list.

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