John’s Horror Corner: Pitchfork (2016), this “farm horror” tries hard but fails at every turn.

MY CALL:  Yeah, I wasn’t impressed… by anything in this movie. It disappoints in all filmmaking dimensions and even fails us in the stabby gore department. Weak slasher. Hard pass!  MORE MOVIES LIKE Pitchfork: They/Them (2022) does a much better job capturing LGBTQ themes and characters.

College student Hunter (Brian Michael Raetz) brings his New York City friends (incl. Nicole Dambro; The Axiom) back to his family farm for support when he confronts his father in person for the first time since coming out to him over the phone. Hunter is fearful of his rural father’s views of the LGBTQ community, and we quickly learn his fears were correct.

The barn dance montage is fun, lively and energized. It feels like it’s from a completely different movie or, more so, an uppity feel-good music video. But at least something in this movie is done well. Unfortunately, outside of this, the movie is generally devoid of redeeming qualities. This movie is far more “farm horror” than “queer horror” despite the suggestions of the trailer and premise.

Farm Horror SIDEBAR: For more and “better” farm horror, I’d try When Evil Lurks (2023), The Dark and the Wicked (2020), The Boys from County Hell (2020), Charlie’s Farm (2014), The Witch (2016), Farm House (2008), Isolation (2005), Dead Birds (2004), Scarecrows (1988), The Curse (1987), and Children of the Corn (1984).

The killer (Pitchfork) is highly derivative and uninteresting down to his 1978 Michael Myers copycat head tilt and his Leatherface psychological issues. He has a barb wire-bound pitchfork in place of a hand and wears a weird animal mask. Now there’s nothing wrong with highly derivative killers—I really enjoyed The Hills Run Red (2009). But this killer brings nothing interesting to the table.

Worse yet, we see none of the juicy stabby gory things happen on screen—only the aftermath like blood splatter or an axe in the back. And that’s a big fail. I don’t care how budget-challenged you are. The only good effects are one gory neck bite and a brutal gunshot to the hand during the finale. We deserve more!

The finale of this movie tries hard, but seems to fall flat at every turn. Mean torture and cruel characters are squandered in the budgetary disfavoritism of gore and, yeah, also the poor writing. The acting isn’t good either, but surely magnified by the direction and script.

At times we feel the vibe of a horror comedy, and then there’s no comedy… but also no dread in the atmosphere. What were we going for here? Director Glenn Douglas Packard’s sole feature film has a soap opera filming and lighting style, with over-simplified dialogue and wooden acting. This movie was not good. Still, the supportive message is nice and well-received, however brief it may be.