MY CALL: This just wasn’t for me—not enough “effective” gore, not funny enough, not slapstick enough, not smart enough… just not enough of anything really. But it’s tone and style are easily something to be desired by many who enjoy highly quirky horror comedy. MORE MOVIES LIKE Patchwork: Looking for more movies about mad scientists surgically grafting patients together without their consent, consider The Human Centipede (2009), Frankenhooker (1990) and The Thing with Two Heads (1972). For a newer movie capturing the same desired tone, I’d suggest Bad Blood (2016).
Upon awakening after their abduction and surgery, Jennifer (Tory Stolper), Ellie (Tracey Fairaway) and Madeleine (Maria Blasucci) discover all three of their minds (and only some of their individual body parts) have been combined into a single stitchwork horror of a body; a Frankensteinian monster. And with each mind controlling her respective limbs, some cooperation must be mustered as she (or they) stumbles down corridors like a freshly animated Pinocchio; only more macabre, twitchy and zombie-like. These early locomotory scenes liken much to the stumblings of Frankenhooker (1990).
In trying to solve their shared problem (i.e., how to be reassembled and made normal and whole again), the three women’s minds have conversations “in person” like a group theatrical aside. Although it adds little to the greater story, we get to see how each of the three women spent their evening the night of their abduction. Over the course of the movie, each girl takes revenge on some of those who wronged them on their abduction night, but not against the actual abductors. As they take their revenge, it seems like this is supposed to feel brutal or intense or at the very least wildly slapstick… but if so, I’d say it failed in this measure. But I’ll give it this, this movie has a feisty personality. That impish style (and its execution) just wasn’t enough for me on its own to make this movie worthwhile for me.
The fraternity massacre was meant to be stylish, but for me it just didn’t amuse at all—I need more/better gore. But speaking of feisty, the romantic flirty scene and subsequent sex scene were probably the highlight of the movie. I feel this part best embraced the tone this movie was hoping to achieve. On the other hand, the eating scenes were disappointingly just too childishly executed for me to care.
Still other aspects brought appreciated favor to my attention. Sounds of sticky, air-coagulated blood and visuals of crudely sutured patches of skin are always a pleasure when done well. There was a charming little Muppet of an “owl-cat.” And the idiosyncratic mad scientists and green glowing liquids in laboratory glassware remind me of Re-Animator (1985), and even Bad Blood (2016).
Director Tyler MacIntyre (Tragedy Girls) tries to do a lot with this quirky little movie, but little of it really worked for me—at least, not enough for me to recommend it. The violence was too soft (with little to nothing actually transpiring directly on screen), the character writing was decent but uncompelling, the comedy never really did it for me beyond a few choice moments, and overall I think this struggled to grasp its own desired tone successfully. But, to be fair, a much more favorable review can be enjoyed in the Movies, Films & Flix podcast #267: Patchwork, Cult Classics and Unhelpful Owls. So to make a completely informed decision as to whether or not this is for you (with some spoilers), you should check out the podcast.
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The MFF podcast is back, and this week we’re joined by Zanandi Botes (Read her work at Cracked and Bunny Ears – It’s excellent) to discuss the excellent 2019 film Doctor Sleep. Directed by Mike Flanagan (Gerald’s Game, Hush, Oculus), and starring Ewan McGregor and Rebecca Ferguson, this adaptation of Stephen King’s 2013 sequel to The Shining, was critically adored, but it annoyingly underperformed at the box office (not cool, it’s so good). In this episode, we’re giving it the love it deserves, and discussing magic hats, eating fear, and consuming souls. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the episode!
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John’s Horror Corner: Piranha (1978), Joe Dante’s feisty and gory little creature feature is a blast from the 70s!
MY CALL: Pretty gory and fast-paced for the 70s! This movie goes to great effort to provide a lot of effects scenes. A strong recommendation to fans of creature features and perhaps shark movies. MORE MOVIES LIKE Piranha: Looking for more piranha creature features? Then don’t miss Piranha II: The Spawning (1981), Piranha 3D (2010) or Piranha 3DD (2012). Additional fun diminutive-turned-mutant creature features include Ticks (1993) and Mosquito (1994).
The opening scenes and shots reveal a lot to the audience. Firstly, the atmospheric, misty, full moon hike sets the kind of mood that earned director Joe Dante (Burying the Ex) the right to helm The Howling (1981). Secondly, when our hikers decide to take a midnight swim in a reservoir, the revelation of the danger in the water takes quite a feisty yet still deadly menacing tone, perhaps dawning Dante’s more playful style that would be mastered for Gremlins (1984). These traits convince me I’m in for something good…
Woodsy local Paul (Bradford Dillman; Escape from the Planet of the Apes, The Swarm) reluctantly teams up with missing persons investigator Maggie (Heather Menzies-Urich; Sssssss, Endangered Species) to find our recently disappeared fish-food victims from the opening scene.
Early in their investigation, the laboratory scene offers some great set design—I love a good laboratory set (e.g., The Vineyard, Bad Blood, Victor Frankenstein). Watch out for a completely unexplained, awesome Claymation fishman-homunculus skulking about behind the specimen jars of fish and mutant fish, illustrative of a history of strange genetic experiments in that fish hatchery reservoir. Maggie’s snooping reveals the control lever to drain the reservoir. Arriving and immediately in a panic, Dr. Hoak (Kevin McCarthy; Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Ghoulies go to College, Dark Tower) tries to stop them, but it’s too late. They drained it all into the nearby river… along with his piranhas!
The first signs of gore include the flesh-stripped feet (with some chunky fleshy remains) of someone who dipped his feet in the river off his dock. Most gore is presented post-attack, with the attacks themselves being chaotic and too difficult to tell exactly what’s happening beyond the bloody wake of their thrashing. But the visuals of the attacks remain appealing as we see rapid cuts of fish flailing and darting at their fleshy targets squirming in the water and, in one case, swarming a sinking victim as she is eaten alive. That was a particularly cool shot given the effects limitations of the 70s.
Now with this aquatic menace released in the river, they make their way to the nearby summer resort’s lake (ran by Dick Miller; Gremlins, The Terminator, Chopping Mall) brimming with kids at summer camp and vacationers. We get a large-scale attack on the resort, but it’s nothing particularly gory at first (although, maybe gory for the 70s). If you want a full-tilt gorefest, then you want the remake/reimagining Piranha 3D (2010) or Piranha 3DD (2012). Here we have a lot of chummy water, heavily nibbled-up cadavers, and lots of screaming vacationers coming ashore (and some of them) with covered in wounds and blood.
The movie ends with some commentary on our world’s cover-up nature, distrust of the military, and hints that the ocean is the next step for our voracious piranhas.
No surprise here, but director Joe Dante’s 1978 classic remains solidly entertaining for me even today. This stands strong in its 70s gore along with Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) and Dawn of the Dead (1978). This movie is faster paced than most 70s horror and goes to great effort to provide a lot of effects scenes. A strong recommendation to fans of creature features and perhaps shark movies.
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The boxing match between Mickey O’Neil (Brad Pitt) and Horace Anderson (Scott Welch – A real professional boxer) during the finale of Snatch is a marvel of inspired editing, excellent song selection and stylish shots that make the fight seem hyper-kinetic. Director Guy Ritchie did an excellent job creating an atmosphere that feels alive and violent, and he intelligently built towards a fight with massive stakes that turn the tension to 11. It’s a badass brawl, that looks excellent, and features iconic moments (Brad Pitt in the air after an uppercut). that will linger in your memory. Enjoy!
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John’s Horror Corner: The Hitcher (1986), creepy, intense and sinister… but not very graphic.
MY CALL: An 80s classic in considering the great, sinister, unmasked slashers, and boasting a very creepy and intense performance by a most unnerving Rutger Hauer. But if it’s gore and death scenes you seek, this isn’t your movie. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Hitcher: Looking for more horror on the road? Maybe schedule some detours for Jeepers Creepers (2001), Joyride (2001), The Hills Have Eyes (1977, 2006) and the remake of The Hitcher (2007).
A bit weary from a long day on the road, Jim (C. Thomas Howell; The Hitcher II, Kindred: The Embraced) picks up a hitchhiker by the name of John Ryder (Rutger Hauer; Bleeders, Salute of the Jugger) for some company. Just one problem, John is suspiciously quiet and wastes no time before threatening Jim when he’s asked to leave the car. Quite a lot happens in the first 15 minutes of the movie, and its inertia builds fast.
Within minutes of entering Jim’s car, John’s menace emanates powerfully even if quietly. He threatens Jim’s life and Jim manages to eject him from the car and escape. But he’s not free of John for long…
Jim’s murderous cop-killing hitchhiker follows him across the southwest and frames him for several violent crimes. I guess that’s suitable punishment for denying a hitchhiker a free ride, right? Our villain is just plain sadistic, and he basks in his own evil. I imagine this inspired Joyride (2001) in the best of ways.
Director Robert Harmon (They, Nowhere to Run) delivers more of a creepy, intense crime-action thriller than a horror movie. As a horror movie, I find it quite tame. A lot happens, so there’s nothing wrong with the pacing. I just find the events that transpire dull and uncompelling. Only when John sharpens his toothy personality on screen do enjoy the film—purely for Hauer’s performance and Howell’s wonderfully tortured and hopeless reactions. Now with that said, most of the cast did well. But Hauer shined brightest as a sociopath lacking any fear of death or remorse, and who thrived on the entropy he brought about. This movie was extremely mean-spirited… but surprisingly, not particularly graphic.
I find myself yearning for more 80s gore. The trailer hitch damsel (Jennifer Jason Leigh) death scene didn’t feel as intense as I recall… that is, until the scene abruptly ended. That was my single “gasp” of the movie. I just wish they showed us what happened even though we could easily imagine.
Fans of 80s and retro horror really ought to check this out. I may not be a big fan, but this film holds a special place in my heart. However, the real reason to see this is simply for Rutger Hauer’s performance. The man secretes villainy from every pore and delights in his sins like a demon pig wallowing in his own sinister filth.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #275: Escape From New York, Kurt Russell and Movies Featuring Snakes
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275 episodes! This week we’re celebrating 275 episodes by discussing the Kurt Russell classic Escape From New York. Directed by John Carpenter, this 1981 science fiction film focuses on a criminal named Snake Plissken (Russell) being sent to Manhattan (now a prison) to rescue the the President of the United States after his plane is hijacked. In this episode, we discuss the excellence of Kurt Russell, creepy henchmen, and how to stretch a tiny budget. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the episode!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean,or Spreaker.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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The final fight between Aquaman (Jason Momoa) and King Orm (Patrick Wilson) in Aquaman is a super stylized brawl that features spinning tridents, superhero landings, and property destruction. It’s a fun fight that takes place after one of the most insane battles ever put on film (a Kaiju potentially rips through the earth’s core), and I appreciate how director James Wan makes it look completely different from the rest of the film. In this episode, we discuss how far errant tridents would fly, satellite imagery, and villains forgetting how to fight.
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The Trip franchise is an absolute delight and it was a pleasant surprise to hear that Director Michael Winterbottom and stars Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon were headed to Greece for more food shenanigans. Watching Rob and Steve bicker, argue, and annoy each other in beautiful locations has been thoroughly enjoyable since 2010’s The Trip, and it’s always a pleasure to spend time watching them. I’m pleased to announce that The Trip to Greece is a delight, and their fourth film keeps things fresh, and doesn’t feel like microwaved leftovers.
Steve and Rob’s fourth trek across the world has them recreating the steps that Odysseus took on his journey from Troy to Ithaca. Their posh journey sees them singing Grease songs, eating delicious food and recreating the death of Socrates. As always, Steve drives, while Rob sits in the passenger seat and does his best to annoy Steve by challenging his acting credentials, and beating him in swimming races (which is a great moment. Rob is a legit swimmer). What I like the most about The Trip to Greece is how their six day “work assignment” is less antagonistic than their prior trips, and it’s unique how it takes a turn towards melancholy when Steve learns that his father has fallen ill.
There’s something comforting about watching Steve and Rob impersonate Robert De Niro while eating at Michelin-starred restaurants that serve delicious looking food. Their friendship has evolved since 2010, as it’s now on a more level relationship as Rob’s career has been boosted by his The Trip appearances. He’s no longer the second fiddle on the trips, and it’s forced Steve to change his behavior towards him. This allows the two of them to be more relaxed around each other and be more willing to support each other’s nonsense (the cave singing scene is sublime).
The Trip to Greece is a lot of fun, and I totally recommend you go along on Steve and Rob’s journey.
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John’s Horror Corner: Fantasy Island (2020), where your wildest dreams twist the Monkey’s Paw.
MY CALL: Fun first half, painful second half. I was hoping for Inception (2010) meets Saw (2004), but what I got was Jumanji (1995) meets Wishmaster (1997) with a dark moral lesson, a few casualties, and a dash of Escape Room (2019). MORE MOVIES LIKE Fantasy Island: Looking for more recreational horror? Try Escape Room (2019).
Contest winners Gwen (Maggie Q; Live Free or Die Hard, Priest), Melanie (Lucy Hale; Truth or Dare, Scream 4), Patrick (Austin Stowell; Swallow), Brax (Jimmy O. Yang; Crazy Rich Asians, The Happytime Murders), JD (Ryan Hansen; Friday the 13th) are flown to a remote island with no cellular service and goon-like bell hops to live out whatever fantasy they dare to dream or request. If that sounds too good to be true, it’s probably because it is. Owned and operated by Mr. Roarke (Michael Peña; Narcos: Mexico, Extinction, The Vatican Tapes), the island’s fantasy-fulfilment is rumored to be facilitated by holograms, virtual reality and hallucinogens.
Just as soon as we land on the island’s crystal blue waters, the setting is bright and gorgeously shot, and the tone is peaceful yet comedic as we meet our fantasy contestants. JD and Brax bring a twenty-turned-thirtysomething college comedy vibe complemented by Melanie’s out-on-the-prowl forwardness. Gwen and Patrick feel like the only mature contestants of the five. And Melanie just seems petty and shallow.
Their fantasies are all quite different; as different as their personalities. Our man-child party-boys Brax and JD enjoy their fantasy of a wild pool rave; Gwen seeks a second chance at happiness with a lost love; Patrick wants to enlist like he never did in his youth; and Melanie wants revenge on a childhood nemesis (Portia Doubleday; Carrie, Mr. Robot).
I love Michael Peña… but this role doesn’t fit him well—or, more appropriately, he doesn’t fit the role at all. Peña never felt like the wealthy, mysterious type who would own such an establishment and actualize people’s fantasies. He just lacks that air about him; the debonair mannerism falls flat. He felt more like one of Steve Martin’s Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988) playing a smooth part on short notice, lacking the savoir faire mastery of Michael Caine. Still, Peña doesn’t fail to entertain or convince us of his role in this game. Likewise, Michael Rooker (Slither, The Belko Experiment, The Dark Half) felt very out of place playing a very unnecessary character, and Kim Coates (Resident Evil: Afterlife, Skinwalkers, Innocent Blood) was equally squandered.
Director Jeff Wadlow (Cry Wolf, Kick-Ass 2, Truth or Dare) brings us a mean wish-gone-wrong twist on the popular television series Fantasy Island (1977-1984). Much like Escape Room (2019), this starts out strong and then doesn’t know what to do with itself. The first half of this movie was very engaging and interesting. But after that it all fell apart in its own Monkey Paw theme, breaking its own rules and disappointing left and right. The writing felt shallow; in fact, the second half felt like it had different writers entirely. It even wanders into idiotically corny territory. The stakes feel no more real than they did in Jumanji (1995). And that’s just it… I was hoping for Inception (2010) meets Saw (2004), but what I got was Jumanji (1995) meets Wishmaster (1997) with a dark moral lesson and a few casualties. Meh.
If you liked Escape Room (2019), you’ll probably like this. And if you didn’t, you probably won’t. Using a single-movie comparison isn’t the best guidance, but it’s honestly all I can think up. That’s my best advice on whether or not you should see this.
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The MFF podcast is back, and this week we’re talking about Hobbs and Shaw, the ninth installment of the Fast & Furious franchise. We love this film and couldn’t get enough of Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham insulting each other while trying to stop Idris Elba from unleashing a virus that will end the world. In this episode, we pitch new Fast movies, discuss henchmen, rave about Vanessa Kirby, and ponder how many calories Johnson consumed during the breakfast scene.
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the episode!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean,or Spreaker.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
Movies, Films & Flix 