John’s Horror Corner: Deep Space (1988)
Okay, before I get started can we please take a moment to appreciate the lines on this poster? It’s actually rather indicative of the screenwriters’ skill.
MY CALL: Three parts Aliens (1986), one part The Thing (1982, 2011), then add shredded cheddar until desired level of horror cheesiness is achieved. This laughable flick is only advisable for connoisseurs of truly bad horror and sci-fi. I give it a cheesy C+. IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: Other campy Alien rip-offs include Contamination (1980) and the Tokyo Shock-esque Alien vs Ninja (2010). Enjoy them both with an immature friend and some good beer. Just want some cheesy 80s space madness? Then try Inseminoid (1982) or Galaxy of Terror (1981).
Like most 80s horror, the plot is essentially that some “thing” starts killing people. Not surprisingly, a lot of our questions about the plot will go unanswered. More specifically, some government scientists engineered this alien-mutant-monster thing. They never explain why. Then they put it into a dormant state and shot it into space. They never explain why. Then the monster storage space parcel crashes back onto Earth. They never explain why. After the first few minutes of the movie the story takes place entirely on Earth, yet it’s called Deep Space. They never explain why.
After the “ship” crashes to Earth a couple of nearby teens go investigate. Guess what? They won’t be right back. Amid the burning rubble they find a giant pod-thing that is evidently the monster’s cocoon of sorts. Much as in The Thing, tendrils fire from its body and drag the nutritious teens to its over-sized maw. Some rather unattractive cops, whose lines are both written and acted poorly to the point of annoyance, investigate and serve as our protagonists. You never feel the urge to root for them.
Look at this guy. Is this really our hero? Don’t you just wish the alien would eat his face off?
So the cops take the alien pod thing to their crime lab where, just like in The Thing, it comes to life, kills, and disappears quietly…from the police station! Sure, aliens may be sneaky. But later, every scene with these creatures depicts them as extremely noisy. Setting this ridiculous notion aside, the cops turn their attention to some other pods they got from the crash site and kept at home—yeah, loud and clear, they brought unidentified alien crash site objects home! They bring it to some scientist with the theory that it’s like “a giant roach egg.” These pods hatch out Alien facehugger-ripoffs. They lunge and skitter across the floor just like them. If I go by the movie, the best way to kill them is with a baseball bat.
Oooh la la…look at how casual I am about handling this alien roach egg thingy. Pssst. Does the chick look impressed? She looks impressed, doesn’t she? I am so getting lucky tonight.
Without any clues to get to the bottom of this, our cops turn to a meddlesome psychic (Julie Newmar) who randomly contacted them after the alien crashed. This plot device feels pointless and forced, and the psychic is no less annoying than the cops. I was really hoping the alien would win and kill all these losers. No such luck.
The Psychic Friends Network has been doing so poorly that some of their employees have been dropping freebies about alien invasions on the local police force. Even the cops could care less.
In the finale, the cops hunt down a fully-metamorphosed alien. We don’t know if this is “the queen” or simply a developed adult. They track it by the Alien calling card: clear, thick mucus-like ooze. Either way, it had the general body form of an Alien with an elongate, exoskeleton-like head with no eyes. It was hybridized with The Thing, having unevenly mangled teeth and a second toothy maw on its stomach, beside which are half a dozen rubbery, whip-like tendrils.
The final fight is pretty funny and pretty dumb. Despite some heavy firearms, the creature was ultimately done in with a fireaxe, a chainsaw and a jar of Roach-B-Gone from a pest control company. Thankfully, the credits started rolling within a minute of the creature’s death to help numb the pain.
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Trailer Talk: Seeking Justice
Nic Cage is married to January Jones and he has bad facial hair. He is terrorized by Guy Pearce. Will Cage freak out? Will January Jones finally emote? Will this go straight to DVD?
The plot revolves around Nic Cage’s wife getting attacked and hospitalized. Nic Cage gets involved with some shady folks who kill the attacker. The kicker is that Cage has to kill somebody. Cage doesn’t want to murder that somebody…..Wait….I don’t care about any of this. All I care about is Cage running around whilst people chase him.
Anytime you get to see Nicolas Cage running away from a truck you smile. I’m stoked for this flick and more bad facial hair
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Margin Call
Actors in expensive suits look at computer monitors and say “F**k me.” Then, they show paperwork to other actors who say “F**k me.”
J.C. Chandor makes a memorable directorial and writing debut about a fictional Wall Street firm in 2008. Chandor put together a $3.5 million dollar budget and a plethora of big names actors to bring his Oscar nominated dialogue to life.
The budget and time constraints are evident in the film as Chandor tries to get into his groove as a director. The writing is crisp, the acting is solid but the film suffers from too many stagey flat shots.. I like that he tried to utilize a washed out color palate to mimic the coldness of the business climate. However, the shots make the production feel staged. I understand the need for static shots so the actors can spit out the rapid fire dialogue. However, when the setting feels staged the effectiveness of the film diminishes. You are supposed to be a fly on the wall but the set ups distract and take you out of that world.
The cast is game. It is good to see Paul Bettany back in dialogue heavy films after his recent ventures in Priest, Legion and The Da Vinci Code. Kevin Spacey is spectacular as his first non-smarmy character in years.
The acting and writing saves the day. Without the actors the film would look like a film school production of the crisis on Wall Street. I know that sounds like an insult. However, if you are investing in actors and solid dialogue you need to build a decent look. I’m looking forward to what Chandor does next.
Enjoy the flick. Dig the Spacey. Leave not saying “F**k me.”
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Real Steel (2011) [Round 2]
MY CALL: The fights may lack the technical delight we see from Scott Adkins (Assassination Games; Undisputed II) or Michael Jai White (Undisputed II, Never Back Down 2: The Beatdown), but with Sugar Ray Leonard’s choreography these fights are some good, old-fashioned bot brawler fun. I give this an unexpected B+. IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: Not much like this, but this reminds me of Robot Jox (1990), a low budgeter sci-fi for the superfans out there. SIDEBAR: I stick more to the story while Marko provided a detailed critique of the moviemakers and production of Real Steel. Check it out.
In the not-too-distant future (2027) Charlie Kenton (Hugh Jackman; X-Men, The Prestige) plays a down on his luck, scheming ex-boxer who signed away the rights to his son at birth, owes every unsavory soul he could find some money, is behind on his rent, and even more behind on his dignity. He’s down on himself so much that he won’t even tolerate hearing accolades of his past triumphs. Charlie pushes everyone away so far and hard that he can’t even remember how old his own son is (who is 11).
The ultimate scumbag, Charlie sells custody of his son (Max, played by Dakota Goya; Thor). But to collect, he must spend the summer with him. He uses the $50K custodial bounty to buy an ex-pro robot boxer to pit in a dirty underground fight. Guess how that turns out for this winner?
Charlie teaches Max about haste, greed, theft, and the history of sport-fighting that led to the robot boxing sensation. Max, a fan of robot boxing, teaches him how to dream with his devout support of an obsolete model junkyard robot. Because Max won’t let up, Charlie has no choice but to submit and teach him about the sport. “You’ve played video games, right? Well this is just like that. Except that this one’s a 1000 pound robot.” Atom, as Max names him, is a sparring bot that mirrors fighting styles. Atom is under-sized, fast and designed to take hits, not deliver them. Charlie has doubts. Max has dreams. And Atom is special.
Charlie teaches Max what the audience wants and trains the bot to box. Max works up a mean robot shadow-dancing routine to give Atom a persona. Atom serves as a friend to the boy and an inspiration to both of them. This makes Charlie smile for reasons beyond money. When he sees Max win with Atom, it’s as if Charlie begins to think he can, too. They quickly beat some big names and make one for themselves and go pro aiming for Zeus, the pro-champ and an evolving, fully autonomous robot. How do you beat that?
For the boxing enthusiasts out there, Sugar Ray Leonard sets up an original rope-a-dope for our junkyard scrapper in honor of Muhammad Ali. In Real Steel, Atom may lack the palpable emotional output of Wall-E, but this faceless robot manages to make us “feel”. And it may not quite be Rocky, but when Atom wins, I feel like “I win.” This father-son team and junkyard robot turned hero really made my day! The hits are hard, the drive is contagious, and the victory is emotional!
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Real Steel
Real Steel is better than it should have been. The previews didn’t suggest much, I thought the premise was silly and Shawn levy was directing. I was a bit skeptical because of his past filmography. Levy’s films have been commercial successes but critcally bashed (Pink Panther, Date Night, Cheaper by the Dozen, Night at the Museum).
I’m happy that my first impressions were wrong. Megan and I had a really fun time watching the film. We were surprised to find solid boxing, great CGI and likable characters. Levy made a savvy move when he hired boxing great Sugar Ray Leonard to choreograph the fight scenes. Leonard also trained Hugh Jackman in the art of movie boxing.
Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemekis executive produced this film and along with them came a lot of money and experience. The CGI is fantastic and Mauro Fiore’s cinematography is outstanding. I must have said “wow, that is a good looking shot” ten times.
The movie focuses on an odd accented Hugh Jackman making increasingly poor decisions. He finds out he has a kid. To make some money he agrees to watch the little punk for the summer. The two bond over robot fighting and one night in a junkyard they find a generation two sparring bot that can take tons of punishment.
Joining Jackman and the kid is an incredibly likable Evangeline Lilly. She is probably the most supportive female in robot fighting movie history.
Real Steel becomes a movie about a kid and his robot. You like the kid. You like the robot. You like that the kid can act opposite nothing. Levy was able to get a confident performance out of a little bugger.
This movie offers no surprises but it doesn’t matter. Real Steel is a glossy well-made action film that allows you to like the characters and appreciate the robot fighting.
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John’s Asian Horror Corner: 3 Extremes (2004)
MY CALL: These three stories seem to be presented in order of sanity. The plots range from over-explainedly easy to follow one-acts, to fragmented and confusing to the point that I wonder why the filmmakers even bothered. As someone who loves “extreme” movies, I feel that there was nothing even resembling extreme’s little sister in 3 Extremes. Very disappointing. As far as extreme movies go, this gets a C-/D. But Dumplings gets a B as a nice, subtle, Tales from the Crypt story. WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD: Want superweird plotty Asian extreme? Try Strange Circus (2005), Audition (1999) or Re-Cycle (2006). Swap plotty for action and go for Battle Royale (2000). Add gore and depravity and you should turn to the latest Tokyo Shock flicks like Tokyo Gore Police (2008) or Robo-Geisha (2009). Check out my Beginner’s Guide to Tokyo Shock Cinema to learn more about Tokyo Shock.
Dumplings (Directed by Fruit Chan)
[Like an Asian Julia Childs, Bai Ling works the dumpling dough]
This first twisted tale is lead by Bai Ling (Crank: High Voltage) playing Auntie Mei, an apparently young woman. A potential “client” arrives at Mei’s home and orders some rejuvenating dumplings. Sounds like the typical holistic, Eastern medicine approach. Like a young Asian Martha Stewart, Mei narrates some cooking tips as she prepares the meal and presents it for the diner’s approval—but not before advising that the client forget “what they were” and rather attend to “what they’ll do.”
[That taste…what does that taste remind me of…?]
The imagery alludes to the dumplings’ secret ingredient. But if that wasn’t enough, Mei also runs a revealing errand at the local hospital. Then, as if the writers were afraid that the viewers still wouldn’t get it, Mei delights in explaining the disturbing ingredients in great detail. I feel that the writers/director should have let the imagery alone suggest the disturbing nature of the dumplings’ filling. There was no attempt to shock the viewer, making this a subtle, smooth film experience.
[This does not taste like chicken!]
The wardrobe and food are all very colorful, lively in fact. Contrastingly, the sets and lighting are dull and soft. This is no Saw or Hostel, but I’m sure a few fair-weather horror-goers may be a bit squeamish about it. This short one-act has a charming Tales from the Crypt-esque feel at the end.
Cut (Directed by Chan-wook Park; Thirst, Oldboy)
In this short film a director (Byung Hun-Li; The Good, the Bad, and the Weird, I Saw the Devil) and his wife are forced into a sick murder game. Why? Some extra was somehow sickened by the fact that he (the director) was not only educated and wealthy, but also a nice person; someone never meeting the temptation to sin. So, with the threat of cutting off one of his wife’s fingers every five minutes, this extra intends to force him to kill a child.
Most Asian horror is typically plotty and slow. This one-act follows suit, but manages to deliver an awkwardly grinning song and dance number. There is a well-derived twist, but it’s presented in an over-subdued manner that numbed me of any shock. All in all, this ended up being a little too schizophrenic for my taste. It was somewhat entertaining, very random, and overall intentionally disconcertingly misdirecting.
The Box (Directed by Takashi Miike; Audition, Ichi the Killer, 13 Assassins)
[This is exactly why you never go see Cirque du Soliel on acid. You see this shit!]
Lots of provocative imagery and beautiful shots. Very weird. This short is far from a one-act. It feels like a full length movie that was cut and recut down to 30 minutes and cut so much that the tools the audience required to understand the story’s significance were lost in the process. This strange tale follows identical twin adolescent circus contortionists and the adult lover of one of them. The slightly hotter twin, right, frat guy who still high-fives? Various utilized devices include emotionally tortured dream sequences, envy-guilt tugs-of-war, and generally weird imagery.
I found this to be both very interesting and very pointless at the same time. I felt that there was no twist; no reason to put this story to film. However I wasn’t bored or upset that I watched it.
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If 2012 Oscar-Nominated Posters Told the Truth
I found these great posters on Collider. I wanted to share the best two.
I agree with both. Gary Oldman is a badass and I’ve already watched Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.
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The Iron Lady
The Iron Lady
By Sweet Sugar
Rating: B
Synopsis: Pass on the theater and add to your NetFlix queue
“People don’t think anymore, they feel.”
— Lady Thatcher
I was hesitant at first when first asked to write this review by the Movies Films & Flix crew because I thought a review would bring down the “cool” factor of this site faster than English britches after a Muse concert. But hey, Meryl Streep is an Oscar frontrunner, and hopefully this review will add a notch in your movie belt of pretentiousness.
Lady Thatcher is a conservative rock star. She was a rigidly-principled and polarizing figure, so of course a movie about her will be equally as polarizing (55 percent on Rotten Tomatoes).
Half of critics seem to like the script and half seem to hate it, but everyone loved Meryl Streep’s performance. The performance was the driving force in the movie because the script was average. It was really amazing how Streep slipped into Lady Thatcher’s skin and mannerisms. It’s also impressive how production team made this good of a movie in six weeks on a $13 million budget.
The writers took a different angle by depicting an elderly Thatcher suffering from dementia and reminiscing on her life through her conversations with her deceased husband, leading to a very broad, time-hopping look at her life. To put it in perspective, it was kind of like the Brits making a movie about Ronald Reagan with Alzheimer’s starring a spectacular Michael Caine. I wish they added more history and insight, but I can see why the movie was personal and feministic in nature instead of politically-charged to try and get a pass from left-leaning Hollywood and the mainstream media.
The Iron Lady struck a chord with me for two reasons. First, it is so completely relevant to what is going on with the necessary “austerity measures” in Europe and the uproar over the U.S. national debt. Second, her relationship with her quirky yet suave and impeccably well-dressed husband was really warm and interesting from the days they first met until their elderly days. It clearly displays the importance of friendship in marriage.
I say, dismiss the critics like Lady Thatcher would dismiss placaters and weak men. Watch it when it comes out on DVD; learn to dress better, and talk about it with a British accent while discussing the movie around the water cooler at work.
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John’s Foreign Horror Corner: We Are the Night (2010)
MY CALL: A foreign contemporary horror with stellar production value made for a younger audience. If you are a twenty-one year old college socialite, this is the life you’d fantasize about leading if you became a vampire. Oh, and there are no vampire men…whatever. Girl power, I guess. For what it is I’ll give this a “B”. IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: Though clearly less fangy, I’d suggest An American Werewolf in Paris (1997). TRAILER: Check out Mark’s Trailer Talk for the trailer.
[Anime-chic, right?]
Young vampires with alternative attitudes make this very contemporary fang flick stand out from an overdone genre—not that Let the Right One In (2008) or the remake Let Me In (2010) weren’t unique, repeated delights. There is an outlandishly perky a la Anime fashionista, an experienced techno-chic lesbian, a deep, depressed intellectual, and a teen, tomboy, grungy human newbie.
[Before photo]
The story gets interesting when the grungy newbie is transformed early in the movie and learns from her experienced peers’ advice. During the slow, vein-blaringly painful transformation we learn that all the standard vampire rules seem to apply. 1) Hair-styling and make-up are tough without being able to use a mirror; 2) beastly, insatiable hunger goes unremedied by food, so start an LA fad diet on blood; 3) there is a desperate need for SPF 5000 in daylight; 4) you gain super crazy bitch strength and you regenerate; 5) you can defy gravity better than Michael Jackson and fight like those chicks in The Craft (1996); 6) vampires exercise a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy; and 7) all vampires lead a swanky lifestyle. Religion goes unaddressed throughout the movie and I don’t know about garlic. They never ate any Italians.
[That’s one Hell of an “after photo”, just look at how much less of a beaten up crack-whore she is now]
With her newfound vampiric elegance, our newbie is now a tomboy-turned-princess. But because this isn’t some gun and sword-filled installment of Blade (1998-2004) or Underworld (2003-2012), we need a plot device. And in every non-action fang flick the problems all seem to stem from turning someone into a vampire who doesn’t take it well. It happened in Interview with a Vampire (1994), Near Dark (1987), Fright Night (1985-2011), Vamp (1986)…pretty much all of them. And then, life goes to Hell for ALL vampires as if this was the first time that someone ever took poorly to being turned into a vampire and didn’t devoutly follow the tenets of vampirism. Go figure. Not to rant and rave, but it’s worth pointing out. However, I actually enjoyed the movie a lot.
[Um, why are you staring? Is there, like, something on my face? There’s food on my face, isn’t there?]
Anyway, our fully-turned newbie starts out feeling enamored by the power and lifestyle. As she learns more she becomes hesitant and frightened by their method of sustenance and the consciouslessness that accompanies it. Ultimately she becomes resistant to the vampire way along with the romantic fixation her maker holds for her and how that conflicts with her feelings for a human she met before she was turned. Throw in a lot of clubbing and that’s the plot in a nutshell.
During the turning/transformation, feeding scenes and the resistance phase at the end we get a lot of violence (including one particular scene for which I’ll issue a “violence against women” warning). The action is well done, along with generally all aspects of production. However, the major flaw in this movie—at least the Netflix version I saw—was the poor English dubbing job. Before I got used to it, I would have almost preferred to “read” this movie. But once the story got started I thankfully forgot all about it.
Minus the inevitable outcome, this film depicts a fantasy of the young and beautiful, immortalized in a taboo shell, living with wealthy trappings like fancy cars and doing whatever they please. There’s also some not-so-in-your-face feminism that I could appreciate. Evidently, guys who can’t handle Vegas are like all guys to vampirism in general. So no male vampire egos run rampant in this movie.
Older moviegoers will likely appreciate this movie less. I certainly enjoyed it. But I know that over ten years ago (we’ll just say from age 15-22) I would have loved it.
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2012 Oscar Nominations
The nominees have been released. There are several big surprises that I didn’t see coming. Some of the surprises are good…some are annoying…others are downright dumb. Read, comment and let me know who you think will win.
Here is my Oscar nomination prediction post.
Best Picture
The Artist
The Descendants
War Horse
Moneyball
The Tree of Life
Mightnight in Paris
The Help
Hugo
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Extremely Loud? The film has been critically panned and only has a %50 on Rotten Tomatoes. Capone from Aintitcool thought it was the worst film of the year.
I’m happy War Horse got a nomination. It could pull an upset because The Artist and The Descendants are losing momentum. I’d love to see Mightnight in Paris or The Tree of Life win.
Notable snub: Tinker Tailor Solider Spy.
Best Director
Michael Hazanavicius – The Artist
Alexander Payne – The Descendants
Martin Scorsese – Hugo
Woody Allen – Midnight in Paris
Terrence Malick – The Tree of Life
This was the easist category to predict. I’m happy Malick got a nomination. The Tree of Life is a work of true talent.
Best Actor
Demian Bechir – A Better Life
George Clooney – The Descendants
Jean Dujardin – The Artist
Gary Oldman – Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Brad Pitt – Moneyball
I really wanted Michael Shannon to get a nomination for his work in Take Shelter. I am stoked that Gary Oldman got a nom for Tinker Tailor. Oldman was on fire and deserves the attention. Grantland predicted Demian would get the vote. I was going to put him on the list but I opted for Michael Fassbender. Everyone thought he was a lock but the NC-17 nature of Shame cost him.
I’m thinking Brad Pitt will finally get the golden statue.
Best Actress
Glenn Close – Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis – The Help
Rooney Mara – The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep – The Iron Lady
Michelle Williams – My Week with Marilyn
Meryl Streep will win the Oscar. Viola Davis might get the upset. Rooney has a boatload of momentum.
Best Supporting Actress
Berenice Bejo – The Artist
Jessica Chastain – The Help
Melissa McCarthy – Bridesmaids
Janet McTeer – Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer – The Help
How great would it be if Melissa McCarthy won best supporting actress? Jessica Chastain deserves the win. However, Spencer will walk away with the Oscar.
Best Supporting Actor
Kenneth Branagh – My Week with Marilyn
Jonah Hill – Moneyball
Nick Nolte – Warrior
Christopher Plummer – Beginners
Max Von Sydow – Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
I really hope Nick Nolte wins the Oscar. No other actor came close to the work he did in Warrior. Christopher Plummer will win though. I really dig Beginners and hope the statue will bring it more of an audience.
Best Original Screenplay
The Artist
Bridesmaids
Margin Call
Midnight in Paris
A Separation
No Win Win or 50/50? Lame. I’m hoping Midnight or Bridesmaids will win. They are both incredibly watchable films.
Best Adapted Screenplay
The Descendants
Hugo
The Ides of March
Moneyball
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Woo hoo for Tinker Tailor! Moneyball will win though. Sorkin wrote a superb script.
Best Animated Feature
A Cat in Paris
Chico & Rita
Kung Fu Panda 2
Puss in Boots
Rango
No Tin Tin? Huh? Why? It is easiest the best animated film of the year. This is Rangos race to lose.
Comment and let me know what you think. I want conversations.
Movies, Films & Flix 