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Sucker Punch

July 28, 2011

Hello all. Mark here

Sucker Punch is like a juggler who has dropped all three balls. 99% of the time he wouldn’t have dropped the ball……This time he did. Read John’s review.  I agree

 

Sucker Punch

By John Leavengood

MY CALL:  This movie is clearly a reference to what you feel like after watching this movie.  It’s essentially an example of what should have been epic schizophrenic ingenuity.  However, what I watched felt like being spoon-fed heaping doses of terrible.  WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD:  There are some good examples of schizophrenic cunning out there.  Try Cemetery Man, Pulp Fiction, The Shining or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.  How’s that for a genre mix?

            I simply don’t understand how one movie could have so many things that delight me and, contrarily, so many things that make me wish the moviemakers would all get bitten by an ebola-ridden gibbon monkey and die!  What gives?

            This generally awful flick follows the demented escape-fantasy hallucinations of a girl in a girls’ psychiatric facility.  That’s the plot.  I seriously nailed it in one sentence.  While there is a story to her fragmented daydreams, it has no more direction than a slapped together game of Dungeons & Dragons…a mysterious dude gives her some instructions on things she needs to find, he throws in some clues along the way, and they have to kill a bunch of weird shit to get to these quest-completing items.  It’s really no more complicated than a game of capture the flag—but with guns and swords.

            I feel like the writers had a really easy time with this screenplay.  Not a single piece of dialogue was ever important.  It probably simply addressed how this chick gets thrown into the girls’ psych ward, she meets other girls, a series of badass special effects-driven dream scenes, and the movie ends with whatever lame scene is cheapest when our budget runs dry.  While filming, the actresses just adlibbed everything.

            Here’s a list of awesome shit that was in this movie.  If you saw this list, you’d probably just assume this movie would be amazing, guaranteed…and you’d be wrong.

1)  A fight between a chick with a katana and three 20’ tall shogun-samurai dudes, and one of them has a giant Gatling gun!  How would that not make any movie awesome, right?

2)  An army of zombies.  Zombies will never be out of style.

3)  A fire-breathing dragon.

4)  An oversized mech-warrior robot thing.

5)  A group of (mostly) cute chicks wearing cute Halloween outfits while fighting all these things.  It’s like they crossed a strip club with ComicCon.

            With these elements and a competent CGI-effects team, how on Earth did they manage to screw this up?

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