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Bad Movie Tuesday: Season of the Witch

July 26, 2011

Demons, witches, barbarians, wolves, Ron Perlman and Nicolas Cage. All the makings of a fantastic bad movie. In my head I imagined over the top acting, bad CGI and blood and guts flying in every direction. Just picture Nicolas Cage covered in blood battling a CGI demon while laughing radically the whole time.

Much to my dismay this did not happen. The movie is rated PG-13 and Nicolas Cage  resorted back to his bored acting.

It is one of Cinema’s seven  great mysteries as to why Cage under acts when surrounded by crazy incidents. Here are the seven mysteries.

1. Nic Cage underacting

2. Why Kurt Russel isn’t a superstar

3. Why hollywood cannot make a good film featuring Aliens fighting Predators

4. Paul Blart: Mall cop

5. The remake of Psycho

6.  Point Break not winning an Oscar

7. Point Break not winning 14 more Oscars

If you haven’t read my review of the Nic Cage film Next I will give you some examples of bored acting.

Fighting Demonic Spirits: Bored

Wearing stylish duds during the plague ridden dark ages: Bored

Arbitrarily pointing at a map: Bored

Looking at beautiful vistas: Bored

Imprisoned: Bored

The movie centers around Nic Cage and Ron Perlman escorting a witch to a castle in which they will destroy her. The two talk boringly while one by one the knights traveling with them die. Wolves make an appearance and they have to cross the most inconvenient bridge in the history of cinema. The movie moves along ploddingly until the ending where Cage battles CGI right out of the 1990s.

This movie has no freakouts, Cage does not wear a bear suit and punch a woman…… And he never loses his sh*%.

Do not watch this flick. Watch the Wicker Man remake instead.

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