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Bad Movie Tuesday:Trespass

November 8, 2011

Or as it is called in Norway: Loud Noises

When I heard that a movie directed by Joel Shumacher and starring Nicole Kidman and Nic Cage was going direct to DVD I became very excited. It meant that Trespass had to be incredibly bad. Cage has starred in many bad theatrical films like Next, Season of the Witch, The Wicker Man and Drive Angry 3D(read these reviews, you will love them)… I figured this movie had to be a special kind of bad. The kind of bad movie where Nic Cage wears these glasses.

The answer was simple as to why the film is bad. It is a movie where everybody yells bad dialogue constantly. Nic Cage yells, Nicole Kidman yells, Cam Gigandet yells, the junkie thieves yell, Nic Cage yells again then loses it…then yells more, the viewer starts yelling. Also, during a flashback Nic yells at Nic(ole) via the phone.

I have never heard more yelling in a film. It gets ridiculous at points. If you are a thief you probably don’t want to be yelling a lot. Hans Gruber never yelled in Die Hard. Paul Bettany never screamed in the bad movie Firewall. It seems like lazy filmmaking. All I could think of was Anchorman’s Brick Tamland saying “loud noises!”

Two seconds after this picture Cage yells:

I really hope the sound guy made a lot of money because the levels must have been through the roof. the poor boom operator must have been on double duty. I bet by the end of the film they were calling him “What” because every time somebody said something the boom guy said “what?”

The swearing-in this film is very creative as well. Nic Cage screams “sh** F***, Sh** Fu**ing bastard and Fu** Di**. If I was the guy being trespassed on by moustached attractive junkies I’d be swearing creatively as well.

The movie Trespass centers around a bunch of attractive junkie thieves trying to steal diamonds from Nic Cage. The plan goes bad and screaming occurs. Nic gets his hand smooshed. Kidman gets thown into 17 walls and bad decisions rule the day.

The film goes down like this:

1.The robbers ask Cage where the money is.

2. Nic Cage defies them and swears a lot.

3. The robbers yell, swear and threaten Nicole Kidman (who then calls her agent and fires him for putting her in the movie).

The process repeats itself X30.

Watch this film if you have a new sound system and need to break it in.

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