Hofmeyer’s 11

Hello all. Mark here.

I just got done watching The Usual Suspects again and I noticed that Safe Men is now on Netflix. Also, I went to watch Cowboys and Aliens and before the movie I saw the preview for Tower Heist. It got me thinking about the dream team of thieves I could put together to make the greatest (in my world) heist film ever.

I’m thinking the 11 will be looking to steal from billionaire/thief/Evil Genius Nicolas Cage and his Henchmen John Leguizamo and Dolph Lundgren. The plot centers around Swayze planning to take 600 million dollars from the Jamaican accented Cage who plans to turn a beautiful Hawaiian surf resort into condos to run his drug business out of.

Of course, police officers will be hot on their tails. Delroy Lindo and Timothy Olyphant from Gone in 60 Seconds will fit in Nicely.

Here is the crew:

Bodhi–Point Break

The perfect leader. Cool, Collected, good with a gun and Cool.  He picks the greatest disguises and would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for Johnny Utah. This was Swayze’s best role ever. Plus, there will be gratuitous surfing montages!

Chris Shiherlis–Heat

Perfect second in command. Plus, he could handle himself in any shoot out. The dude was awesome in Heat and with his long hair would make a great one-two punch of flowing hair with Swayze.  

Dignan–Bottle Rocket

Any man who will put a piece of tape on his nose to hide his identity needs to be in the crew. What Dignan lacks in intelligence and criminal prowess he makes up in willingness and a love of fireworks.  Dignan will be the gopher. The guy will be utility in every aspect. Just don’t expect him to drive…he will lock the keys in the car.

Cindy–Extract

She manipulates everyone she meets…and she does it well.  She could steal your guitar and sell it back to you.  I don’t see any normal human being able to withstand her verbal attack for long. She could get the team into any place they wanted.

Virginia Baker–Entrapment

Every team needs a gymnast and I think she fits the bill well. Also, I’m pretty certain she is the only reason people went to watch Entrapment.

Brian and Roman–2 Fast 2 Furious

Scott Caan and Casey Affleck were brothers in Ocean’s Eleven. Tyrese and Walker call each other “bro” or “brah” at least 700 times in 2 Fast 2 Furious. They would be the perfect get away drivers and could supply lots of unintentional laughs. These guys survived every thing thrown at them and more. I’d love to see them outrun the two teams of Leguizamo-Lundgren and Olyphant-Lindo.

Sam and Eddie– Safe Men

Two musicians who are mistaken for thieves who love Slo-Gin Fizzes. They could provide the perfect distraction while the real thieves are doing the dirty work.  Any movie that has Sam Rockwell dancing cannot be bad. Also, Steve Zahn becomes a master safe cracker. You gotta have one of those.

Fred Fenster– The Usual Suspects

He’ll Flip Ya! I just like hearing him talk. Sure he bails on the team and dies…..But they won’t be stealing from Kaiser Soze.

Peter Gibbons– Office Space

Every team needs a computer guy and who better than Zen Master Livingston. He could design some beautiful computer programs. It is an added bonus that he is the chillest dude ever and dislikes leaving a paper trail (TPS reports).

ENJOY THE MOVIE!!!!