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Bad Movie Tuesday: The Scorpion King 3: The Battle for Redemption

April 10, 2012

I’m going out on a limb when I say that Scorpion King 3 is better than Scorpion King 2. It should be noted that I haven’t watched SK2 but I am normally accurate on my bad movie assumptions. Also, I think this is the first sequel to a prequel of a spin-off off a sequel.

Picking this film for a Bad Movie Tuesday is a bit unfair because the movie never had a chance of being good. I expected three things to happen.

1. Billy Zane would overact while sitting in a chair.

2. The dialogue would be written by a blindfolded camel walking on a large keyboard.

3. The plot would revolve around one guy trying to kill another guy.

All three of my assumptions were correct. Zane ripped off a guy’s ear, the script reeked of camel hoof and a guy tried to kill another guy. The only time the film caught my attention was when I heard lines like “where in Odin’s codpiece have you been?” The camel writing this film must have had a sense of humor because you cannot say “Odin’s codpiece” and be serious. There are many lines like this in SK3.

While watching this cinematic treat I started to notice a strange trend. There are many insulting references to animals.

Did you bathe in camel dung this morning?

Are you courting me with those love taps you great lover of sheep?

Your breath smells like rotten yak carcus.

Great gods! What do they feed you cats over here?

One gorilla is better than fifty chimps.

I will take out your eyes and feed them to the ravens.

It interests me as much as camel dung in the desert

What in the name of the demon serpent is going on?

Aside from all the animal insults the movie speeds along at a brisk pace and features a sassy performance from Billy Zane. In Billy’s last two bad movies he stayed stationary in chairs. He NEVER got up from his seat. So, it was nice to see that he can still walk and pulls ears. I would love to see a flow chart of Billy Zane’s career because with movies like Titanic, The Phantom and Journey to Promethea the flow would be funky.

The only reason you should watch this film is if you are writing a paper on the usage of animal insults in direct to DVD movies.

In the direct to DVD world this movie is comparable to the big screen classic Hard Rain. Both of these films were unnecessary. However, I watched them both.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. johnleavengood permalink
    April 11, 2012 11:57 am

    “The first sequel to a prequel of a spin-off of a sequel?” You must be right on that one. I feel like I need to watch this simply so that I can say that I saw “the first sequel to a prequel of a spin-off of a sequel.”

    And, not that I know the plot but, how did an Odin reference find its way into an Egyptian period-fantasy-adventure flick? Shouldn’t the comment be something like “by Osiris’ rejoined testicles from opposite ends of the cosmos?”


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