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Movies, Films & Flix Roundtable: The Dark Knight Rises

May 13, 2012

Hello all. Mark here

The following is a transcript from a discussion my friends and I had about The Dark Knight Rises trailer. It veers away from the movie pretty quickly and gets into the issues people want to hear. For instance, what kind of Gatorade does Bane drink?

Read, enjoy and comment.

Mark: Bane survives a plane crash, bridges explode, football fields sink and Batman flies around in a bat jet. I liked The Dark Knight because with the Joker around it felt like a fist fight would break out at any moment. I loved the blue collar violence. This movie not so much….

John L: Tom Hardy is really a tiny man, despite his muscularity.  I feel like he’d have no better chance at surviving a plane crash than would a chihuahua. But, then again, he does have a gas mask (or something like that)–so, that pretty much explains how he survived.

Chuck Finley: Bane is wearing the same bomber jacket I once owned. Does this mean I am also a terrorist?. And was the one guy in the orange jump suit doing a front flip whilst shaking hands with a dude behind bars? Must be one hell of a prison grip. I also wonder if Batman goes through a lot of throat lozenges. Or maybe he just smokes the same brand that I do. So wait…am I also Batman? Finally, more Gary less anyone else.

Mark: I wondered about the prison flip. It reminded me of what Mitch Hedburg says about human pyramids…”totally unnecessary.”

Sweet Sugar: Or maybe the prisoner was a fan of Benecio del Toro in the Usual Suspects.

John L: If Batman cleared his throat, would he just sound like regular Bruce Wayne?  Like, if he was punched by a criminal, then coughed up a loogey or something and started threatening them, would they stop taking him seriously?

Mark: You proved my “face punching” theory correct! Good things happen when villians prefer face punches to blowing up a well manicured football field.

Chuck Finley: I bet he drinks a lot of red Gatorade to get his throat coated.

John: Or Super Unleaded….or Jagermesiter.

Mark: I’d love to see Bane and Batman take a gatorade break like Lloyd Bridges and Saddam Hessein did in Hot Shots Part Deux

Chuck Finley: I bet Bane drinks yellow Gatorade

Mark: Straw slurps……Now, where were we Batman!

Megan: Silly Straws FTW!

O’Lasavath: Hines Ward is All-Pro. The football field explodes and collapses and he still manages to score a touchdown.

Chuck Finley: A collapsed field would be the only way the Cleveland Browns could win. Cleveland: at least we aren’t Gotham.

Mark: Hines Ward “I’d like to thank Bane for killing all of the defenders.”

O’Lasavath: Hines Ward must’ve been on Bane’s fantasy team.

Sweet Sugar: How many penalties would Bane rack up for blowing up a football field during a game? He’s gotta second all time to Bill Romanowski

Chuck Finley: Although it would be hard to spit in J.J. Stokes’ face with that mask Bane has on.

Ham Sandwich: Theory: Bane’s mask is actually an elaborate form of braces due to his bad British hygiene.

Chuck Finley: Test: Tom Hardy is British? Results: Yes. Conclusion: Mask=braces.

Mark: People complain about the mask but Joker had face paint, Batman a mask, scare crow a burlap sack, two face had two faces…….Have you ever come to the sudden realization that you are a nerd? That just happened to me.

Chuck Finley: I actually think Calendar Man wouldve been a more formidable foe.

Mark: So, some people are saying Joseph Gordon Leviit might be the new Batman, Robin or some other caped dude…..I think he is secretly Calendar Man

Chuck Finley: Gotham better hope not.

Tony 9.5: Ok guys have @ it.

Chuck Finley:  “Time to die” ~Calendar Man (probably)

Mark: Till we meet again….Next Wednesday the 4th.

Chuck Finley: When will this maniac strike again?!?. Uhh *flips pages* Tuesday, probably.

Megan: Ah calendar man…it is so accommodating of him to have a public calendar. The Gotham police force and local residents are quite grateful.  Next Wednesday you say? I see vacation time in my future…

Tony 9.5: His cape is made out of pages…awesome! His shoulder pads..freakin awesome.

Chuck Finley: Good thing his belt has numbers on it. Otherwise….uhhh…it’s just a…white belt?

O’Lasavath: So that’s why the Ziggy calendars are always sold out.

Mark: I still can’t get over the sash/belt thing.

Chuck Finley:  Maybe Batman should call his a utility sash. Way sassier.

Tony 9.5: I’m wouldn’t be surprised if he had a suit for each day of the month, we can conclude he doesn’t discriminate in months that go all the way to 31.

Chuck Finley:  C. M. has it figured out

Tony 9.5: I’m getting the feeling most aren’t digging the trailer

Mark: I will watch the movie. Love the movie. Then go drink gatorade.

Chuck finley: I’ll watch it and probably enjoy it. Mark your calendar *laugh evily*

Tony 9.5: I really hope Batman says “Hockey pants” it doesn’t matter when, where, or why I just want to see it.

Chuck finley: I just said hockey pants in a Batman voice. Conclusion: it sounds awesome.

Mark: So, if you had to sum up this trailer in one sentence what would you write?

O’Lasavath: “Pain don’t hurt.” – Dalton

Chuck Finley: Batman probably wins but maybe he doesn’t because, you know, Nolan.

Tony 9.5: I hope Bane treats Batman like Tommy treated his dad in Warrior.

Megan: Ooof.

Mark: Superstar!!!

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