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Movies, Films & Flix Roundtable:The Amazing Spider Man

May 21, 2012

Hello all. Mark here.

The Movies, Films & Flix crew got together and talked about the third Amazing Spider Man trailer. The conversation got away from the movie and focused on Bill Murray, Billy Zane and Wiry men from Wales.

Enjoy! Also, read The Dark Knight Rises Roundtable as well.

Mark: It looks like somebody sneezed a lot of CGI and got lucky.

Sweet Sugar: “Amazing” was named the #1 overused English word for 2011. Now amazing just means slightly above average. How does the Slightly Above Average Spiderman sound?

Chuck Finley: The Pretty Okay Spiderman?

O’Lasavath: I’m already thinking ahead to when they remake this movie again. I think Bill Murray would make a good Peter Parker. Also, what happens when we remake a movie one too many times? Would it fall into remake limbo ala Inception?

Mark: The Scorpion King 3 was a sequel to a prequel of a prequel which occurred after a sequel of a film which was a remake. They tried to make another one but a vortex opened and sucked the entire Latvian crew into remake limbo.

O’Lasavath: I can imagine a scenario where Leonardo Dicaprio progressively falls asleep through each Scorpion King movie to reach limbo and find the missing crew. In the meantime, Joseph Gordon Levitt has a fist fight with The Rock in a revolving hallway. They all eventually escape limbo and wake up and have a drink with Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz.

Mark: Where does Billy Zane fall into the Inception King?

Chuck Finley: And Arnold Vosloo

O’Lasavath: Billy Zane is permanently stuck in limbo while wearing his costume from The Phantom and reliving the plot of Bloodrayne. Arnold Vosloo wishes people would quit calling him the poor man’s Billy Zane.

Mark: The Lizard looks like a blob of CGI.

Chuck Finley: Even when I was younger and reading comics I was like, “Lizardman really?

Mark: Why an angry Lizard? Couldn’t he fight a wiry Welshman with kicks worthy of the NFL

John: Ole’–ole’, ole’, ole’

Mark: The lizard has to pay off massive gambling debts or some New York thugs will break his tail.

Megan: Overheard during movie: “We are on your tail lizard man!”

Mark: We want our money Rango.

Sweet Sugar: It does seem like a lot of drama for a lizard. I usually crunch a lizard every time I go jogging.  I would love to see Spiderman grab on to the lizard’s tail only to see it fall off as a defense mechanism.

Mark: Movies with large reptiles rarely work (Anacondas 1-5, Primeval, Lake Placid, 27 Dresses). I do think Zach Galifianakis as the Bearded Dragon would be sweet.

Chuck Finley: This movie should be called Mega Spider vs. Ultra Lizard.

Mark: I would love to be a thief when all of this is breaking out because 500 cops are chasing Spider Man while he is harassing car jackers and wrestling with an angry Welshman.

Chuck Finley: Well no one is guarding this bank…

Mark: When Marvel gets Spiderman back I’d love to see a crossover with The Punisher. The only problem is which of the three Punishers would they choose? Dolph Lundgren, Thomas Jane or Ray Stevenson?

Chuck Finley: Ray Winstone…wait.

Mark: If you’ve never watched the Ray Stevenson Punisher you need to see it. He blows a freerunner up while in mid jump with a grenade launcher. I think grenade launchers are vastly underrated.

Megan: Andrew Garfield could earn a few things about being snarky from the bad guys in Punisher War Zone.

Mark: This movie raises many questions. For example, how many people die due to debris when Spidey and Lizardman duel whilst on top of skyscrapers. I’d wager at least 70.

Hooper: In the scene where he is saving the kid he takes his mask off, revealing his identity.  This seems like a complete waste of valuable time. Why didn’t he just save that time and just clobber the kid with his spider web??  Kids saved in two seconds, no potential loss of identity….Done deal.  Isn’t Spiderman supposed to be smart?  Or did he lose his smarts when get gained the spider strength?

Mark: I think it is an interesting theory that spidey becomes a meathead when gets his strength. I think I saw him fist pumping and wearing a tank top too. Is that the untold story that the poster promotes?

I was thinking how I could sum up this trailer and this is what immediately popped into my head: “Snot Sandwich.” what do you think about this trailer?

Chuck Finley: If this movie wasn’t so expensive it would be really cheap.

There you have it! I hope you enjoy The Pretty Decent Spiderman.

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