The TOP 10 Survivors of Horror

Hello all. Mark here.

Many people die in horror films. They get tortured, beheaded, chainsawed, stabbed and eaten alive by bugs. The body count is astronomically high and very few make it through.

We here at MFF have decided to write about the survivors of horror. They’ve endured rednecks who wear skin masks and jerky ghosts whom suck your face off. They’ve survived despite immense odds and rough environments. So, in honor of Halloween and these tough individuals John (The Horror Czar) and I will introduce our favorite survivors.

SPOILERS ABOUND! YOU WILL KNOW THE SURVIVORS! 

Here is John’s list

1. Kurt Russell (Escape from New York) and Keith David (They Live) from The Thing (1982).  Those guys faced the toughest of times together in the toughest of places against the toughest “thing” and survived…just so that they could freeze to death together knowing that some alien genetic mimic wouldn’t overtake transform their body into some disastrously goretastic mess of a killing machine.  Yes!  THEY are some serious horror survivors.

SKILL LEVEL: EPIC.  They drank, which kills teenagers by the dozen in horror, and distrusted each other over and over again.  But they survived.  And absolutely NOT Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Final Destination 3, Black Christmas, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) from The Thing that should have never been remade (2011).

2. Constance from Just Before Dawn (1981).  What makes this entire movie (and the “heroine” character) worth it is when, while her boyfriend watches and whimpers, Constance goes toe-to-toe with our killer hillbilly mountain man and literally…wait for iiiiiiit…fists him to death!  This was one of the most memorable slasher movie kills EVER!

SKILL LEVEL: DESPERATE.  She was really just surviving her way through the film until she had her moment to shine.

3. Sigourney Weaver – Ripley (Ghostbusters, Galaxy Quest) from Alien (1979).  Ripley was perhaps the strongest female character I can remember excepting perhaps Linda Hamilton as Sarah Conner in T2.  And she saved the cat…and then in Aliens (1986) she saved Newt.  Let’s forget that Newt got parasitized between the second and third movie and just call this a win.

SKILL LEVEL: Straight up Liam Neeson throat-punching amaze-balls!

4. Billy (Zach Galligan; Waxwork, Hatchet III) from Gremlins (1984).  Billy had no idea of the consequences he’d face if he didn’t take special care of his exotic pet.  People with marmosets need to spend thousands of dollars on rare sugar compounds and people with 30′ anacondas shell out cash for livestock meals…it’s not like he was the first kid to get a pet from afar with special needs.  And what were those needs?  1) Don’t get it wet.  This should be no problem.  Every teenager I know neglects giving his dog a bath so often that it basically turns into his dad’s dog…or a filthy dog.  2) Don’t feed it after midnight.  Again, irresponsible teenagers aren’t too good about feeding schedules.  But if Billy is awake after midnight, he’s probably out doing keg stands or trying to get to second base.  3) Don’t expose it to sunlight…or it will die like a vampire?  Whatever.  Despite these simple rules that any other teenager would follow by accident, Billy–on his very first night as a pet owner that came with two very clear and easy to follow rules–let Gizmo become patient zero in a citywide gremlin outbreak.  Parents, don’t buy your kids a mogwai!

SKILL LEVEL: Stupid lucky…he really deserved to die but the movie was rated PG.

5. Daryl Dixon (Norman Reedus; The Walking Dead, Blade II).  Does this one really require any explanation at all?  Daryl is a true survivor.  He does what need to get done and he gets plenty of attention from the ladies.

 Here are my (Mark) top 6 survivors! 

1. Sarah (Shauna MacDonald) – The Descent 

Sarah survives spelunking accidents, claustrophobia and hungry mole creatures. She becomes a one woman murdering machine that immerses herself in blood and comes out an angel of mole creature death. You need to watch The Descent.

 2. Carter and Preacher (Thomas Jane/LL Cool J) – Deep Blue Sea 

I was working in a movie theater when Deep Blue Sea was released. The audience went bananas as LL and Jane survived their way through a sinking laboratory of sea water doom. LL survived a kitchen nightmare  while Jane managed to survive an arrow in the leg and exploding shark. They had zero reason to live and fought their way to survival via cross necklace stabs and sweet swim moves.  Deep Blue Sea is beautiful garbage that is my all time guilty pleasure.

3. Sally (Marilyn Burns) – Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Poor Sally got put through a meat grinder/horror house/death trap/ringer in Chainsaw. She was harassed, poked, prodded, whomped, chased and fed gross stuff. However, she survived and gave us one of the most iconic shots of horror history.

4. Josh and Renai – (Patrick Wilson/Rose Byrne) – Insidious

They survived The Further, red evil demons and a lady ghost so terrifying it left me uber stressed out. They are good parents who protect their family and are smart enough to move when a house gets creepy. They support each other when one of them turns evil and will go to vast lengths to rid themselves of jerky ghosts.

5. Jim – (Cillian Murphy) –28 Days Later 

Jim got dealt a bum hand. He wakes up in a hospital and proceeds to survive fast zombies, old cars and a colonel Kurtz like fellow. Eventually, he becomes a British Terminator/Daryl Dixon hybrid who lays waste to the alive and undead. Danny Boyle is one of my favorite directors and he gave us a horror hero to support.

6. Ernest P. Worrell – (Jim Varney)- Ernest Scared Stupid

Trantor the Troll is the only horror villain to ever give me nightmares. Ernest defeats him. Thus, Ernest is my horror hero. Watch this scene and respect Ernest and his quick thinking.

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 Honorable Mentions:

Tucker and Dale

Heather Langenkamp – Nancy Thompson – “A Nightmare On Elm Street”

Shaun of Shaun the Dead

David Drayton (Thomas Jane) – The Mist (2007)

Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), Zombieland