The 2015 Mid-Year Random Awards: Best Nautical Themed Outfit, Belgian Beer and Squishy Noises
Hello all. Mark here.
The random awards are back and they are more random than ever! We here at MFF celebrate the random (check out our podcast) and always look to give the reader something different. Because of our adherence to different I want to celebrate 2015’s dancing, squishy noises, Belgian beer and unsafe sea beast enclosures.
Sit back, relax and enjoy the 2015 mid-year random awards.
Best battle involving war boys, onesie wearing guitar players and elderly female motorcyclists.
Mad Max: Fury Road is amazing. It is the best movie of 2015 so far and I loved the final battle.
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Best Villain who dresses like “a slutty dolphin trainer.”
Spy is the funniest movie of 2015. You kinda need to watch it. Rose Byrne continues her comedy hot streak and Jason Statham is pure gold.
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Jason Statham needs to do more comedy Award
With this bit of dialogue Statham became a comedy legend.
You really think you’re ready for the field? I once used defibrillators on myself. I put shards of glass in my eye. I’ve jumped from a high-rise building using only a raincoat as a parachute and broke both legs upon landing; I still had to pretend I was in a Cirque du Soleil show! I’ve swallowed enough microchips and shit them back out again to make a computer. This arm has been ripped off completely and re-attached with this arm. During the threat of an assassination attempt, I appeared convincingly in front of congress as Barack Obama. I watched the woman I love get tossed from a plane and hit by another plane mid-air. I drove a car off a freeway on top of a train while it was on fire. Not the car, *I* was on fire.
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Best Fur Coat
Ben Mendelsohn in Slow West is my hero. I feel like the fur coat just formed around him one day.
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When searching for treasure in the Black Sea never allow Ben Mendelsohn to board the submarine award
Black Sea is a fun claustrophobic submarine movie that deserves a bigger audience. Kudos to Mendelsohn’s makeshift headband.
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Best erotic dance performed by a vampire
What We Do in the Shadows is the best vampire mockumentary ever made. You will love this movie.
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Best shooting of energy orbs that makes it look like you are a raver full of Red Bull
If Elizabeth Olsen’s character in Avengers: Age of Ultron got mad at a rave it would be lights out for all the poor dancers.
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Best dancing by a megalomaniac billionaire.
Ex-Machina is a fantastic film. Oscar Issac has never not been great.
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Least safe sea beast enclosure ever award
Why would anybody sit in the front rows at Jurassic World? How much does this thing eat? Why feed it great whites? Can it swim right up to the that beach?
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Best usage of Belgian beer
Kurt Russell is my hero. Furious 7 is #4 on the all-time worldwide box-office list. It is because of Kurt Russell (I have no proof to backup this claim). The guy is so good he knew Dominic would want Corona so he had a six pack waiting on ice.
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In 120 minutes you fit in eight air battles, one wedding, three rescues, 80 outfit changes, egg selling, Lizard henchmen, TV purchases, three dinners, bureaucracy, bounty hunters, double crosses, imprisonment, space orgies (10 seconds of footage, It took eight hours to film), bee attacks, toilet cleaning, almost space death, roller skating, expository dialogue (X8), wing growth and a whole lot more award.
I love Jupiter Ascending. It may be total gobbledygook but I love it.
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Best usage of Keegan-Michael Key calling people by the wrong name.
I could listen to Key’s character in Pitch Perfect 2 call Anna Kendrick “Reggie” all day.
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You dared to be optimistic award
Tomorrowland was an optimistic little thing that got written off because it was so optimistic. Please find a life on video.
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Best usage of a possessed teenager kicking off her leg casts (Think Kickboxer) and then walking on broken legs while crunching noises abound with each step.
Insidious 3 and Lin Shaye were very good. I normally dislike horror prequels and was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be glorious (check out the pod for it here). You will love the crunchy leg scene.
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Best usage of squishy noises
Spring plays like Before Sunrise met Species and spawned a lot of squishy noises.
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Best DePalma homage involving a woman running around in high heels
It Follows is an original horror film that opens with a stellar cold open that is a calling card and love letter for director David Robert Mitchell.
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Sam Jackson is at his best when he plays a villain award
I love Kingsman. Sam Jackson and his lisp are pure gold. Also, he was amazing in Unbreakable.
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Best Bucket Holding Posture
Lily James is really really ridiculously likable. Cinderella is a fun live action remake that was a total cash grab but didn’t feel like a total cash grab.
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Best hiding of the word “Genisys”
Please don’t see the word “Genisys.” Please don’t see the word “Genisys.”
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I haven’t watched you yet but I hate you with all my soul (not me, the rest of the world) award.
Pretty much everyone on the planet hated Aloha before it came out. It is like John Carter all over again.
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I tried to explain your plot the other day and it ended up with two very confused people award
Predestination is a very good film. Just don’t try to break down the plot for your friends.
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Best nautical themed outfit worn by Benicio Del Toro.
Inherent Vice is a beautifully odd opus.
