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The MFF All-Star Basketball Team: The Most Random Squad Ever

April 1, 2016

In honor of March Madness, I’ve pulled together the greatest/worst cinematic basketball team ever. This grouping of random characters may not win many games, but they will certainly entertain. I’ve stayed away from the obvious picks (White Men Can’t Jump, Blue Chips, Glory Road, Teen Wolf, Above the Rim, Rebound, Semi-Pro, White Men Can’t Jump, Love & Basketball, Hoosiers) and instead pulled together a hodgepodge of well-meaning folks who make games very entertaining.

Bill Murray Space Jam

Every team needs Bill Murray

If I had to build a team that would never lose here are my picks. These five would destroy everyone, and probably wreck many stadiums and basketball courts. Here is the dream team before the real team.

  • The Huge Troll – Trollhunter
  • Groot – Guardians of the Galaxy
  • Sue Storm – Fantastic Four
  • Dr. Octopus – Spider-Man 2 
  • David Rice – Jumper

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Here is the greatest/worst basketball team I could come up with. Make sure to listen to our recent podcast where we drafted the oddest basketball team ever!

Herman Blume – Rushmore

Herman Blume is a master of blocking shots, and his playground game is strong. The dude is laid-back, and has no problem getting his hands dirty when he is angry. Nobody would ever dare drive on him because they know their shot will be blocked.

Bill Murray Rushmore basketball gif


Elliot – Bedazzled

Elliot is a basketball monster who lacks intelligence but has a killer instinct. He dunks, assists, blocks and gets rebounds with ease. The only problem is he got his powers from the Devil. This could be a good or bad thing.

Brendan Fraser Bedazzled


Ripley – Alien Resurrection 

Ripley doesn’t even need to look at the basketball hoop to make a shot. She can dunk, block and I guarantee she isn’t afraid of anything on the court. Ripley will outlast everyone on the court.

Sigourney Weaver basketball gif


Jake – He Got Game

I just want to see Denzel Washington’s character intimidating everyone on the court. Jake is a great character and I love He Got Game.

Denzel He Got game


Snake Plissken – Escape From L.A.

The guy can hit shots from anywhere while accomplishing the impossible. Snake was set up to fail in Escape From L.A., and he ended up draining five beautiful baskets. The guy can do anything.


Sandy Lyle – Along Came Polly

Let it rain! Sandy Lyle is extremely confident on the court and nothing fazes him. Despite his lack of athleticism and speed, he is a human bulldozer who loves the game.


The Cable Guy – The Cable Guy

The Cable Guy is the perfect enforcer for your team . He scraps, hurts and looks great in short shorts. When you need to take out the star on the other squad, send him in.


Samantha Pringle – Deadly Friend

I don’t know how great she is at basketball, but, I know she is deadly with a ball. Nobody will want to mess with her because they don’t want their heads exploded (which isn’t legal, but she doesn’t care).

Deadly Friend Basketball gif


Bill Murray – Space Jam

Bill Murray is the perfect substitute to get your team back in the game. He has no problem going against giant aliens and dishing beautiful assists. Just don’t mess with his trousers.


Ben Manibag – Better Luck Tomorrow

He lacks raw talent, but he can go 100% on the free-throw line. You need that in the clutch. The guy is so driven he will practice constantly and push others to succeed. Watch Better Luck Tomorrow!

Better Luck Tomorrow

Ben is on the right. Dude nails free throws


Fletch – Fletch

Chevy Chase is a tall guy. He could find some minutes on any squad (in his dreams). I miss awesome Chevy Chase.


Ernest – Ernest Slam Dunk

Every team needs a lovable loser with magic shoes. Ernest is a lovable loser who has magic shoes. Ernest Scared Stupid will always be my favorite Ernest film, but I’ve always been fond of a grimacing Ernest dunking basketballs.

Ernest Slam Dunk


Hedges – Blade: Trinity

PAtton Oswalt


Patton Oswalt is very aware that he is not a good basketball player. However, his character in Blade: Trinity is a dunking machine. He dunks over much larger competition and makes it look really easy. The basketball isn’t pretty, but the dunking is stellar. Oswalt still tweets about it.



Who would you add to the basketball team?

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