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The MFF Soccer Squad: A Collection of Cinematic Characters Who Would Easily Win the World Cup

June 13, 2018

With the World Cup on the horizon, I thought I’d put together a cinematic soccer squad that would give Brazil, Spain, and Germany a run for their money. I’ve previously put together an American football squad (podcast here) and a basketball team (podcast here) and I believe this team rivals the weirdness and talent of the previous squads. I went out of my way to make it as eclectic as possible and I hope you enjoy!

Let me know which movie characters you would add to the team in the comments.

Elastigirl – The Incredibles – Goalie

Pros – I have no clue how anybody could score a goal on her.

Cons – Disappears occasionally so she can fight crime.

She would keep a clean sheet every game.

Gandalf – The Lord of the Rings/Hobbit – Central Defender

Pros – “You Shall Not Pass!!” Gandalf is an unstoppable defender who would never let a striker get past him. He would be a great captain and would also provide the fireworks for when they win the World Cup.

Cons – He goes on too many adventures and smokes a bit too much.

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Bryan Mills – Taken – Central Defender 

Pros – Bryan Mills would work extra hard to make sure nobody kidnaps the ball from him. Also, his skill set is impressive

Cons – He gets a lot of red cards.

TAKEN 2 © 2012 EUROPACORP – M6 FILMS – GRIVE PRODUCTIONS. All rights reserved.

Come at me, bro.

Mystique – X-Men/X2 – Left Back

Pros – Mystique is a great athlete who confuses opposing teams when she becomes one of them on the field.

Cons – Sometimes she forgets which team she’s on and scores a lot of own goals.

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Mickey Haller – The Lincoln Lawyer – Right Back

Pros – This defense attorney has a game plan for everything and I guarantee nobody can outmaneuver him.

Cons – His cardio is suspect and he argues with the referees too much.

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Nigel Gruff – The Replacements – Central Midfielder

Pros – Gruff’s experience would be invaluable in the midfield because he could keep the ball moving forward and he would be a constant long-ball threat. I see him taking all the free kicks and he would be the go-to guy for any penalty shots.

Cons – He is old, out-of-shape and is a nightmare around reporters.

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Sue Storm (The Invisible Woman) – Central Midfielder

Pros – She is invisible and can steal the ball from anyone.

Cons – She is invisible and her team doesn’t know where she is most of the time.

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Rama – The Raid – Left Midfielder

Pros – Rama has cardio for days and his soccer kicks would be lethal for anybody willing to take him on.

Cons – His high-kicking exploits result in lots of penalties and you’d better keep him away from fans rushing the field

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Black Dynamite – Black Dynamite – Right Midfielder

Pros – Black Dynamite could hold-up the ball with ease and create time for his teammates to get up the field. Also, he has great Kung-Fu which would aid him with his kicks.

Cons – Nobody can interrupt him during his training and he doesn’t like to play defense.

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Lestat – Interview With the Vampire – Forward

Pros – The only thing on this planet who can run faster than Tom Cruise is a vampire Tom Cruise. The dude would have cardio for days and I guarantee the opposing defense would hate chasing him around.

Cons – He can’t play at night.

The problem is he can only play night games.

Walker – Timecop – Striker

Pros – Not only is Walker a great striker but he could go back in time to change the result of any game. He would win the Golden Boot easily. I’m predicting 78 goals just in the group stage.

Cons – He thinks spin-kicks are a useful soccer skill and all of his stretches revolve around splits.

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Bench

The Sarlacc Pit – The Return of the Jedi

The Blob – The Blob

Deadpool – Deadpool

Ren McCormack – Footloose

Trantor the Troll – Ernest Scared Stupid

Fezzik – The Princess Bride

Black WidowThe Avengers

Godzilla – Godzilla

Selene – Underworld

Brienne of Tarth – Game of Thrones

Rey – The Force Awakens

Who would you pick to play on your World Cup squad? Let me know in the comments!

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