John’s Horror Corner: Unhinged (2017), an equally lame remake of the forgettable 1982 exploitation slasher film.
MY CALL: Ooof. Every bit as regrettably bad as its 1982 predecessor. Terrible remake; terrible horror flick. Why even bother…? MORE MOVIES LIKE Unhinged: For more rural outings-gone-wrong, try The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Frontiers (2007), The Damned (2013) and Tusk (2014). Also, maybe try the original Unhinged (1982), not that it’s any better than this weak remake.
On their way to a wedding, four friends find themselves stuck in woodsy rural England. So, low on gas and seeking help, Melissa (Kate Lister; Fox Trap, The Final Scream, Curse of the Scarecrow, Mandy the Doll, Suicide Club), Lisa (Lucy-Jane Quinlan; The Cutting Room, The Carrier, Cage, 60 Seconds to Die), Gina (Becca Hirani; Lucifer’s Night, Deadly Waters, House on Elm Lake, Mother Krampus, The Bad Nun) and Thalia (Lorena Andrea; Warrior Nun, House on Elm Lake) find a lonely old house occupied by Miss Perkins (Michelle Archer; Let’s Go Home, Curse of the Witch’s Doll, Mother Krampus).
Honoring the 1982 original is that the acting in this ranges from very bland to terrible. Did you happen to read the movie titles in parentheses in the previous paragraph? Whereas the 1982 original had an entirely inexperienced cast, this remake seems to have targeted only actresses with abundant experience… in B-movies, none of which I knew existed.
REMAKE/REIMAGINING SIDEBAR: For more horror remakes, I strongly favor the following: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978), An American Werewolf in London (1981), The Thing (1982), The Fly (1986), The Mummy (1999), The Ring (2002), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Hills Have Eyes (2006), Friday the 13th (2009), Let Me In (2010), Evil Dead (2013), Carrie (2013), The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014), It (2017), Suspiria (2018) and Child’s Play (2019). Those to avoid include Body Snatchers (1993; the second remake), War of the Worlds (2005), The Invasion (2007; the third remake), Night of the Demons (2009), Sorority Row (2009), A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), Patrick: Evil Awakens (2013), Poltergeist (2015), Cabin Fever (2016) and The Mummy (2017). I’m on the fence about An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), The Grudge (2004), Halloween (2007), It’s Alive (2009), My Bloody Valentine (2009), Fright Night (2011), The Thing (2011; a prequel/remake), Maniac (2012) and Pet Sematary (2019), which range from bad to so-so (as remakes) but still are entertaining movies on their own.
Writer and director Dan Allen (Mummy Reborn) had only done short films leading to this remake, and he should have stuck to them. Attempts to make this remake “fresh and different” include stronger criminal themes, protagonist relationship drama, an odd wedding dress fixation, and deeper psychological parallels into Psycho (1960) with a sprig of the preternatural. None of it works. And the scare tactics employed in the final act fall into incomprehensibly stupid territory as I constantly wondered “but… why would the killer do any of this?”
Something especially odd about this remake is that we see a murder, then the screen says 35 years later—which is the disparity between the 1982 original and this 2017 remake—as if to suggest this was actually perhaps a sequel to the events of the original. We have also switched from a regal mansion (Unhinged 1982) to a somewhat weathered house (2017) in the woods.
The death scenes are totally phoned-in, with nothing interesting, scary, shocking or gory occurring on-screen. The final death was much bloodier, but still very weak. Even the torture scene was weak. That stupid mask the killer wore was a cheap and stupidly convenient tactic. A better filmmaker would have better utilized light, darkness, a thicker veil or a sneakier killer to keep their face obscured from victims.
The most satisfying scene, in terms of “gore”, was a scared girl vomiting. And the best part of the film were its final moments, which were actually pleasantly cheeky (i.e., dry cleaner scene). But those two scenes—at a combined 10-15 seconds of the film’s running time—were the best that was offered. I may have never before seen a remake with such low production value. Do yourself a favor and don’t watch this.
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MY CALL: An early slashersploitation movie that packs good ideas, but backs them with not one ounce of worthy execution. MORE MOVIES LIKE Unhinged: For more rural outings-gone-wrong, try The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), Wrong Turn (2003), Frontiers (2007), The Damned (2013) and Tusk (2014). Also, maybe try the remake of Unhinged (2017), not that it’s any better than this original.
After crashing their car on a rural road in the woods, three college girls awaken in the wealthy Ms. Penrose’s remote home. Now house guests of the elderly Ms. Penrose and her daughter, the girls uncomfortably witness the psychological abuse imposed from elder mother to daughter. Their Bates-ian toxic relationship is palpable and the girls are stuck until their care can be recovered.
The atmosphere tends toward Black Christmas (1974) as a stalker skulks around, spying on the women, heavily panting in the darkness. The girls catch onto this fast but have little action to take—the mansion has no phones, they have no car, and they’re nowhere near the next town.
The pacing is slow, with only one death in first 60 minutes. The killer uses a scythe and garden sheers (and other stabbing implements) and the death scenes are quite bloody, but the killing action occurs off-screen. So the death scenes are nothing special, nor are they intense.
Leading a generally inexperienced cast, writer and director Don Gronquist (The Devil’s Keep) didn’t get much work after this film. But I’ll give him some credit. He tried… emulating the peeping Tom’s eye through the light of the door slit from Black Christmas (1974), the Leatherface-esque mouth-breathing, and the Psycho-inspired (1960) genderplay. The acting, however, is devastatingly wooden despite clear attempts to keep the dialogue thoughtful.
This film was banned in the United Kingdom, but one may struggle to discern the logic behind that—unless it was to spare us from the acting. Perhaps because this classy flick opens with a very revealing (and long) shower scene, and yet another equally long and graphic shower scene later. There’s almost never a “good” reason to include a shower scene. But these don’t even stage any stalking, peeping, suspenseful shots or death scenes. They’re just… there.
I often enjoy watching older and less popular horror. But this entry simply had nothing to offer. The kills weren’t fun or shocking, the twist was weakly delivered (although interesting in concept), and the movie never really had its own style or feel to it. Shame.
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The MFF podcast is back, and this episode we’re talking about the 1994 cult classic Street Fighter. If you are looking for one of the weirdest (and awesome) action films ever made, you’ve come to the right place. Directed by prolific writer Steven de Souza (Die Hard, Commando, Predator), Street Fighter is underrated film that features inspired production design, memorable monologues and stealth boats that are in no way stealthy. In this episode, we discuss street fights, self portraits and calling out the kicks you’re about to throw.
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the episode!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean,or Spreaker.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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John’s Horror Corner: Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988), in-your-face goofy shenanigans veiled in murderous menace with fantastic creature effects!
MY CALL: What a joyously fun dose of 80s horror nostalgia with fantastic monster make-up. If you enjoy 80s horror, just go buy this already. MORE MOVIES LIKE Killer Klowns from Outer Space: For more evil clown movies, try All Hallows’ Eve (2013), Terrifier (2016), Stephen King’s It (1990, 2017), and maaaybe even Stitches (2012), Scary or Die (2012) and Clown (2014).
The premise is all too familiar. Much as we enjoyed in Night of the Creeps (1986), The Blob (1988) and Critters (1986), aliens from outer space land on Earth and terrorize the citizens of a small town. Only these aliens look like twisted monstrous clowns and their spaceship resembles a circus tent. So now you know what kind of movie this is gonna’ be.
Among this movie’s strengths is its pacing. It wastes no time introducing our protagonists to the alien clowns and their elaborate spaceship. Glowing like a meteor entering our atmosphere, Mike (Grant Cramer; New Year’s Evil, Father’s Day) and Debbie (Suzanne Snyder; Night of the Creeps, Return of the Living Dead Part II) see the flash of light across the night sky and, of course, go investigate to see whatever it was up close.
Among the cast, the crotchety Officer Mooney (John Vernon; Curtains, Blue Monkey, The Uncanny) acts as a secondary antagonist, balanced by the more proactive Officer Dave (John Allen Nelson; Deathstalker III, Feast III).
Director Stephen Chiodo had decent experience in special effects (Critters 1-4), and I thought Killer Klowns was an absolute blast that holds up well. But somehow he only ever directed this one feature film. Which shocks me, as this movie is visually ambitious and loads of fun. The spaceship boasts grand, colorful and creative sets thematically meshing Sci-Fi and circus motifs.
And much in the way Gremlins (1984), Critters (1986) or Hellraiser (1987) gave each of their monsters a slightly different look and personality, so does Killer Klowns. But being that these are larger creature effects than rubber monsters or hand-puppets, I find the artistic endeavor much more ambitious here. Even if the action is hokey (and often deliberately so), the special effects are great! These clowns are grinningly silly demonic fiends with pretty impressive latex work. Much nuance went into the Klowns’ faces and hair to make them unique, and their eyes and mouths are awesomely realistic—the teeth especially.
The clown themes are thorough. They shoot popcorn rifles, throw acidic pies (in the now-melting face) and craft balloon animal tracking dogs. They encase victims’ bodies in cotton candy cocoons and drink their sweetened blood with super curly straws. They perform shadow puppets and eat people with them (yes, with the actual shadow puppet).
And their popcorn turns into little monstrous clown worms (like Deadly Spawn). Following trends set by Ghoulies II (1988) and The Gate (1987), there’s even a particularly large “boss” clown that’s meaner and more beastly than the others.
The tone of the entire movie is on the verge of slapstick. So much of the clowns’ victim-foraging antics come off as just in-your-face goofy shenanigans veiled in murderous menace. And you know what? It’s great!
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John’s Horror Corner: The Grudge 3 (2009), watchable but easily worst of the franchise (so far).
MY CALL: It’s not awful, but the overall quality has dropped notably from parts 1-2. I’d still call this an entertaining one-watch horror flick. It just lacks the impact of Takashi Shimizu’s hand. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Grudge 3: Well, The Grudge (2004), The Grudge 2 (2006), Ju-on: The Grudge (2002) and Ju-on: The Grudge 2 (2003) would be the best place to start; followed by The Ring (2002) and Ringu (1998), then Ju-on (2000) and Ju-on 2 (2000). There is also the second remake of The Grudge (2020) and Lights Out (2016).
FRANCHISE SIDEBAR: Her neck broken by her infuriated husband, an unfaithful woman’s spirit came to haunt the house of her death where the angry enraged spirit (Kayako) infected the subsequent occupants of the home and even the caretakers of their elderly mother. After yet more deaths, an international high school student Allison (Arielle Kebbel; The Uninvited) comes in contact with the spirit and brings it home to the United States in The Grudge 2 (2006). Then Kayako killed young Jake’s entire family in Chicago.
This third Grudge movie continues in the Chicago apartment building where The Grudge 2 (2006) ended. After the death of the occupants of apartment 305 (i.e., Jake’s family), the building superintendent hopes to rent the unit to Japanese visitor Naoko, who is secretly investigating the deaths (that occurred in Japan) for herself.
Traumatized and institutionalized after the events of The Grudge 2 (2006), young Jake (Matthew Knight; Skinwalkers, The Grudge 2) is overseen by Dr. Sullivan (Shawnee Smith; The Blob, Saw I-III/VI). Sullivan doesn’t believe his ghost story and poor Jake doesn’t last long with Kayako ever on the loose. The boy is utterly brutalized by Kayako, who slams him across his holding cell (like Shia LaBeouf in Constantine) to the tune of countless compound bone fractures. The scene is just plain mean, and even though the CGI is weak, the intensity sticks with you.
THE RULES: In The Grudge (2004) the haunting was limited to the house of origin. But in The Grudge 2 (2006) Kayako’s ghostly reach extended beyond her old haunt into the rest of Tokyo and even to Chicago… much as Freddy’s Revenge (1985) and The Ring 2 (2005). At that point, the Kayako and her cat-groaning son apparently became able to appear anywhere they wish whenever they wish. There don’t seem to be any rules governing their abilities or behavior. They can go where ever they please as long as it is in pursuit of those victims who have come into contact with them.
Our croaking ghost is back, staggering down hallways and scurrying across the floor like a sprayed roach, she’s behaving more like Samara (The Ring) than ever as she emerges through bleeding paintings and crawls toward scrambling victims. Meanwhile her cat-groaning little boy ghost is up to his old shenanigans as well… and that meowing kid gag is really getting old. Attempts at horror feel noticeably less inspired, and there isn’t much gore (just blood). The first director to take on Kayako since Takashi Shimizu (Ju-on 1-2, The Grudge 1-2, Flight 7500), Toby Wilkins (Splinter) fails pretty hard to deliver what franchise fans want.
Some of the visuals are shocking, but overall this strikes me as less scary or creepy than its two predecessors. And not that it’s awful, but the writing, acting/casting and direction have all dropped notably from parts 1-2. I’d still call this an entertaining one-watch horror flick. It just lacks the impact of Takashi Shimizu’s hand.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #250: The Thing, Kurt Russell’s Beard and Squishy Noises
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250 episodes! We’ve hit a major milestone, so naturally we had to talk about the absolute classic that is John Carpenter’s The Thing. We love The Thing, and think it’s a perfect film that features timeless special effects, great hats, beautiful beards and loads of suspense. In this episode, John Leavengood and I discuss blood tests, jerky aliens, and spaceship construction. Thank you for all the support! We hope you enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the episode!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean,or Spreaker.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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John’s Horror Corner: Jennifer’s Body (2009), the shockingly well-written, well-directed and well-acted movie where Megan Fox is a man-eating demon.
MY CALL: I can understand how this may sound like a cheesy raunchy flick about a sexy succubus. But you’d be wrong. This film is more layered and thoughtful than what occurred to me upon first viewing. It’s not sexist or misogynistic. This is an awesome horror film that loves its characters. MORE MOVIES LIKE Jennifer’s Body: For more supernaturally powerful women behaving badly, check out The Craft (1996), Carrie (2013), The Babysitter (2017).
What happens when a down-on-their luck indie band doesn’t follow all the instructions during their virgin sacrifice to win fame and fortune from Satan…? A demon-fueled high school cheerleader with a newfound appetite for boys’ souls to sustain herself and her glowing complexion. And sure, I can totally understand how this may sound to most like a cheesy raunchy trope-tired skin flick about a sexy succubus. But you’d be wrong.
Smartly written and boasting a great dry sense of humor, our story is recounted by Needy (Amanda Seyfried; Lovelace, Red Riding Hood). Friends since their sandbox youth, Needy and Jennifer (Megan Fox; Transformers, Jonah Hex, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) live an interesting symbiosis seesawing Needy’s sincerity and Jennifer’s desperate yet controlling codependence. And despite both being beautiful, Needy’s humility serves prey to Jennifer’s arrogant frailty.
Just a few scenes deep, it’s evident that the editing, storytelling and script are top notch with a style that seems to meld American Beauty (1999) and Mean Girls (2004)… but notably lower brow. Truly, this isn’t just a good horror movie—this is exemplary filmmaking. It saddens me that being a “horror film”, or worse a “horror comedy” about a man-eating succubus, likely cheapens its status among perfunctory movie raters. The “sex” scenes are not exploitative and don’t offer any nudity—at all. The sexuality is all in the social interpersonal dynamics of the characters. In fact, the sexuality reminds me very much of a contemporized Interview with a Vampire (1994), with Needy and Jennifer mirroring Louis and Lestat.
Actually, other aspects of this soul-devouring demon movie follow the tenets of vampirism. Jennifer has a frightful ghoul-like transformation phase (after emerging from her natural death) during which she projectile vomits evil ichor after trying to eat regular food; she uses sexuality to lure male victims to their demise (much as many monsters of folklore and mythology); she becomes invigorated and indestructible (i.e., regeneration) and looks vibrant after feeding, but looks anemic and weak when hungry; and she possesses a sensual love for her best friend.
Director Karyn Kusama (Aeon Flux, XX, The Invitation) impresses with every aspect of her filmmaking. Great photography and shots; the gore effects are sloppy and gross and awesome; and steering far from cheap jumpscare fare, there are many abruptly shocking moments. Jennifer’s demonic roar followed by projectile vomitous bile was an exquisitely shocking highlight.
And wow, the cast! Watch out for a deliciously sociopathic Adam Brody (Ready or Not, Yoga Hosers, Scream 4), a likably douche-y Chris Pratt (Jurassic World, Passengers, Guardians of the Galaxy), the hilariously deadpan J.K. Simmons (The Snowman, Dark Skies), and solid performances by Amy Sedaris (Stay, Strangers with Candy) and Kyle Gallner (A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Haunting in Connecticut, Red State, The Cleanse).
I find this film to be much more layered and thoughtful than what occurred to most (including myself) upon first viewing. It’s not sexist or misogynistic, it’s not basic, it’s not just some flick. This is an awesome horror film that loves its characters.
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The Lodge: An Excellent Horror Film That is Haunting and Memorable
The Lodge is an atmospheric horror film that explores grief, loneliness and what happens when you’re stuck with your significant other’s kids inside a snowed in lodge for several days. It’s a dread-filled experience that features a beautiful looking descent into insanity, and it proves directors Veronkia Franz and Severin Fiala (Goodnight Mommy) have become experts of creating psychological horror films that revolve around isolation, paranoia and static camera shots that create oppressive worlds (I wish I had the money for the Panasonic Primo and Ultra Speed MK II lenses used throughout the film).
To dive into spoilers would be doing you a disservice. Just know that The Lodge is about an irresponsible dad named Richard (Richard Armitage) leaving his two children Aidan (Jaeden Martell) and Mia (Lia McHigh) alone in a remote lodge with his soon-to-be-fiance Grace (Riley Keough). The kids dislike Grace, and blame her for their mother’s suicide (it’s a dark movie), so, naturally their time alone with her is not ideal (in a neat bit of foreshadowing, they watch John Carpenter’s The Thing together). Throw in the fact that Grace was the only survivor of a mass-suicide that was spearheaded by her cult leader father when she was 12, and you have a recipe for some cold weather mayhem.
What makes The Lodge so effective is the cinematography by Thimios Bakatakis (Dogtooth, The Lobster, The Killing of a Sacred Deer) He makes the best of the tight corridors and long halls in the lodge by using a 1.85:1 aspect ratio (as opposed to the widescreen 2.39:1 aspect ratio) to make the cabin hallways and rooms seem tall, ominous and empty. I love how the camera stays mostly static, and alternates between wide shots and closeups that successfully create anxiety and dread.
The production design by Sylvain Lemaitre (Small Crimes, Turbo Kid) is also excellent, as the red Christmas decorations stand out amongst the grey clouds and brown walls. Also, the warm colors emitted by the lamps, and slivers of light that shine through the frosted windows create a homey-yet-cold vibe that works well within the scarcely decorated lodge. I never thought I’d say this, but, the purposefully drab colors made me miss the clean, open, and sunlight-drenched interior design of the modernist home in Goodnight Mommy. Both movies are terrifying, but, at least you’d get a tan while going through the terrible ordeal in Goodnight Mommy.
The Lodge is an oppressively bleak film (in a good way) that doesn’t pull punches or look for easy ways out. Despite it’s bleak tone, I found it to be more accessible and human than Goodnight Mommy, and I found myself dreading the outcome because I liked the people involved. If you are looking for an excellent horror film, I totally recommend The Lodge.
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John’s Horror Corner: The Devil’s Rain (1975), a slow-paced classic with melty-goopy grossness, William Shatner and… a young John Travolta?
MY CALL: Of all the 70s classics worthy of study, respect and revisiting—this is not among them. I’d only recommend this for the fun of seeing young Shatner and Skerritt, and a few deliciously gross melting people covered in fleshy pancake batter. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Devil’s Rain: For more goopy gross factor flicks, I’d suggest Slime City (1988), Street Trash (1987) and The Blob (1988).
IMDB—“A Satanist cult leader is burnt alive by the local church. He vows to come back to hunt down and enslave every descendant of his congregation, by the power of the book of blood contracts, in which they sold their souls to the devil.”
When I generally think of 1970s horror, I don’t expect much in the way of special effects. But this movie, God bless it, opens with a melty-faced man in the first scene! And for a 70s PG movie, his face is a gooey gross melting mess!
This movie starts so fast it feels like a sequel. Before being reduced to a pile of bubbling gobbledy-gook (a la Gremlins) on Mark Preston’s (William Shatner; A Christmas Horror Story, American Psycho II, Incubus) front porch, he warns that some guy named Corbis (Ernest Borgnine; Escape from New York, Willard, Deadly Blessing) demands what is his: a powerful book! After Mark is captured by Corbis, Tom Preston (Tom Skerritt; Alien, Poltergeist III, Contact) comes seeking his disappeared family and finds himself facing Corbis’ cult alone in a ghost town.
Shatner (above) and a young John Travolta (below; The Fanatic, Carrie).
Those proselytized to Satan have their eyes melted away (a weak special effect) making them look more sinister while carrying out Corbis’ orders. But after the opening scenes of the film, the pacing becomes quite sluggish and the action is exceptionally boring. Such pacing was typical of the 70s, though.
Whereas we started out strong with a gross gory scene, the majority of the film is pretty boring and, honestly, not even effective as a Satanic Panic era flick. The story isn’t interesting either. The movie’s only saving grace is that which essentially lulled me into buying it: a great cast and a single great gore gag (at the beginning and end of the movie). At least the end scene is loaded with slimy melting Satanists with green goop draining from their eyes and their pulsating life-drained corpses. It’s really gross.
And maybe that’s the virtue of director Robert Fuest’s (The Abominable Dr. Phibes, And Soon the Darkness) pink pancake batter movie. This may just be the grossest movie of the 70s.
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The MFF podcast is back, and this week we’re predicting the 2010 Academy Awards. We figured too many people were predicting the 2020 winners, so we went back in time to pick our favorite 2009 films that were up for Academy Awards. In this episode, we come up with terrible nicknames for actors, ponder if Avatar is better than Hurt Locker, and make 100% correct predictions. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the episode!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean,or Spreaker.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
Movies, Films & Flix 