The 2015 Random Awards: Honoring the Fake Mustaches, Groovy Dancing and Subplots About Buying a Television
Hello all. Mark here.
2015 was loaded with many glorious and random cinematic moments. Whether it be Oscar Issac busting a move in Ex-Machina or Julie Walters crushing the dinner table talk in Brooklyn there were many surprises. We here at MFF love randomness and I’ve been trying to bring the world something different with these awards. The random awards celebrate all the things that you might not remember (Kurt Russell drinking Belgian beer in Furious 7). They stem from observations, little moments and things I think are weird (all things Jupiter Ascending). The post was fun putting together and hopefully you enjoy the randomness!
The following post awards all that is random in 2015.
Kylo Ren has defeated helmet hair award
Kylo Ren’s hair is unfazed by that pesky helmet. How does he do it?
.
Funniest Drama Award
Bridge of Spies is a very good film. I love how it blends humor with drama and you can tell the Coen brothers were involved.
.
Best fur coat award
Ben Mendelsohn is my hero. I feel like the fur coat he wore in Slow West just formed around him one day.
.
Domhnall Gleeson is crushing it right now award
Between Brooklyn, Ex-Machina, Star Wars and The Revenant Gleeson is on a tear!
.
Best erotic dance performed by a vampire award
What We Do in the Shadows is the best vampire mockumentary ever made. You will love this movie.
.
Did Charlize Theron really cut her arm off in Mad Max: Fury Road award
The CGI is incredible in Mad Max. I love how it aided the practical effects.
Sidenote: I know she didn’t cut off her arm…..or did she?
.
Thank you for not wasting the Dalmore 62 award
I applaud you Sam Jackson for not wasting the tasty beverage in Kingsman.
.
Least safe sea beast enclosure ever award
Why would anybody sit in the front rows at Jurassic World? How much does this thing eat? Why feed it great whites? Can it swim right up to the that beach? Jurassic World is really bad.
.
In 120 minutes you fit in eight air battles, one wedding, three rescues, 80 outfit changes, egg selling, Lizard henchmen, TV purchases, three dinners, bureaucracy, bounty hunters, double crosses, imprisonment, space orgies (10 seconds of footage, It took eight hours to film), bee attacks, toilet cleaning, almost space death, roller skating, expository dialogue (X8), wing growth and a whole lot more award.
I love Jupiter Ascending. It may be total gobbledygook but I love it.
.
Most uncomfortable moment involving a bath tub award
Creep is a very good movie. The bathtub scene with Mark Duplass with hurt your soul.
.
Best usage of fake films in a really good film award
Me and Earl and the Dying Girl is a very good film. I loved the 42 fake films and the posters are pretty great.
.
Best dancing by a brilliant author award
The End of the Tour is a beautiful film. You need to watch it. Jason Segel is incredible as David Foster Wallace.
.
The best bear attack that doesn’t happen in The Revenant award
Backcountry will punch you in the gut because you like the bear fodder.
.
Best usage of Belgian beer
Kurt Russell is my hero. Furious 7 is #4 on the all-time worldwide box-office list. It is because of Kurt Russell (I have no proof to backup this claim). The guy is so good he knew Dominic would want Corona so he had a six pack waiting on ice.
.
My favorite movie of the year award
I have nothing pithy to say about Love & Mercy. It is a fantastic film that is loaded with solid performances and great music. Viva la Pet Sounds!
.
Best single line that describes an entire movie award
David Koechner calls his dog a “useless turd” in Krampus. Those words sum up the movie for me.
.
I tried to explain your plot the other day and it ended up with two very confused people award
Predestination is a very good film. Just don’t try to break down the plot for your friends.
.
Best usage of a possessed teenager kicking off her leg casts (Think Kickboxer) and then walking on broken legs while crunching noises abound with each step.
Insidious 3 and Lin Shaye were very good. I normally dislike horror prequels and was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be glorious (check out the pod for it here). You will love the crunchy leg scene.
.
Best standing around in a barren landscape award
If you are going to stand around in the middle of nowhere you better look ridiculously good like the people in Spectre.
.
Best reaction to being drugged award
What does Napoleon Solo do when he is drugged in The Man From U.N.C.L.E.? He gets comfy on a couch and awaits unconsciousness.
.
Best real mustache award
Kurt Russell is my spirit animal. Hateful Eight uses his mustache skills perfectly.
.
Best fake mustache and wig award
Jason Statham was pure gold in Spy. You need to see it.
.
Best usage of sassy Irish women award
What I like about Brooklyn is that everybody feels three-dimensional. I would pay to watch the dinner scenes again.
.
You do you, James Spader…..award
Even when Spader plays an evil robot in Avengers: Age of Ultron he still tilts his head. Spader keeps it real.
.
John Leguizamo is the best and needs to be in more movies award
He has minimal screen time in American Ultra but Leguizamo still manages to steal the show. Put him in more movies!
.
Best usage of potatoes award
I’ve never cheered for potatoes more. Their nourishment saved our favorite martian. The Martian is the crowd pleaser of 2015.
Best dancing by a megalomanic billionaire award
Oscar Issac dancing in Ex-Machina is a perfect example of a beautifully random moment.
Movie that I thought would never work, but did award
The Last Witch Hunter built a new world and was incredibly geeky. I love that Vin is trying to bring the world something new. The movie may not totally work but you gotta appreciate something original.
.
If you love the Before trilogy and squishy noises you will love this movie award
Spring is like Before Sunrise met Species and spawned a sweet and romantic horror film.
Share this post:
The Best Villains of 2015: A Collection of Stepmothers, Following Creatures and Paul Giamatti
2015 was a solid year for villainy. I love villains who can take the stock role of “villain” and transform it into something fun and exciting. The modern villain doesn’t need to twist his mustache or laugh maniacally. They need to feel real and most importantly dangerous. The following bad guys made the list because of their ability to be likable while being totally unlikable. Their backstories weren’t explained away via expository dialogue and I love the different types of menace they exhibited.
Here is the list!
Valentine – Kingsman: The Secret Service
The guy wants to destroy the world but he hates the sight of blood. I love it when Sam Jackson plays something other than Sam Jackson because his villains are always great. He adds a realistic menace and humor and I appreciate the idea of a dork turned evil. I loved his explanation of the villainous lisp he used in the film.
Having watched all those Bond films and other genre films of that nature, all the bad guys have something that’s very specific that separates them from other people. Or that makes people dismiss them as a villain as opposed to going, ‘he’s an evil guy’.’ So speech impediments are something that I understand because I stuttered when I was a kid, so people kind of dismiss you and go, ‘You can’t be interesting because you sound funny. So I’m sure Valentine had used that as a motivational tool in a certain kind of way because people had dismissed him.
.
The Jerky Creature from It Follows
The reason the It Follows creature made the list is because it is absolutely terrifying. It never stops and has a one-track mind to kill and hunt. It will keep following you until you are dead and even if you pass along the curse it will always be coming for you. The thing is always walking and changing its rules. I have no clue where it came from or where it went. I just know that you never want this thing following you.
.
Josef – Creep
What I love about Josef is that he is a modern, unsettling and wily villain. He knows how to key in on insecurities and his normal looking demeanor will undoubtedly be responsible for many deaths. Creep is a fantastic horror film that creates a believable bad guy that will terrorize people for many years. Kudos to Mark Duplass for creating such a three-dimensional bad guy.
.
Immortan Joe – Mad Max: Fury Road
I want to know how Immortan Joe came to power. The dude has built quite the world for himself and I love how when things go down he has no problem riding into danger. The guy leads the war party and I love how he calls people “mediocre.” This is a guy who wants to leave a legacy and has genuine love for his children. He may have started his rule with earnest intent but his descent into madness is pretty great.
.
Rayna Boyanov – Spy
Rayna might be the biggest jerk on the planet. She is profane, deadly and has more hair than any woman should. Rose Byrne is hilarious and I love her reactions to Melissa McCarthy. I love how a woman who is planning on selling a nuclear bomb can come across as likable. If you haven’t watched Spy do it now. You will love this loud kissing bad guy.
.
John Fitzgerald – The Revenant
He is ruthless, deadly and almost impossible to kill. He has seen everything and will do anything to survive. He is the perfect villain because he is so dangerous and smarter than he appears. You take him serious as a threat and Tom Hardy is never not good.
.
Stepmother – Cinderella
Cate Blanchett is fabulous in Cinderella. She takes a stock jerky role and somehow makes her human and evil. Anytime Cate Blanchet shows up on screen she oozes menace and insecurity. You know what is going to happen to her but you can’t wait until she gets her comeuppance.
.
Laugher – American Ultra
Walton Goggins is my homeboy because he excels at creating likable villains. His character starts off a little rough but I love how he evolves throughout the film. You start feeling bad for the cold-hearted killer because he was basically a pawn in the governments game. They made him insane and you can still see some flashes of humanity in him.
.
Dr. Eugene Landy and Jerry Heller – Love & Mercy and Straight Outta Compton.
Paul Giamatti can play a dirtbag like none other. I love that he played two musical villains and is perfect in the roles. He appears nice enough on the surface and I’m pretty certain he can connive his way into any contract. The guy can screw you over without the benefit of physicality and does so with a gusto.
.
The Man Who Can’t Breathe – Insidious: Chapter 3
I love the Insidious villains. They are pure evil and have no problem wrecking havoc on nice families. The Man Who Can’t Breathe carries on the villain tradition and you will cover your eyes every time he is on screen. He creeps, peeps and makes a poor girl destroy her leg casts via kicking a bed post. The dude is the worst and he is the stuff of nightmares.
Share this post:
The Best Horror Films of 2015: A Collection of Creeps, Jerky Demons and Rampaging Bears
If you’ve been reading MFF for sometime you know how much I’ve been praising the horror of 2014-2015. We’ve been lucky to have fantastic horror films that appeal to every type of person. They’ve been a proactive bunch that create new worlds and have adapted old tropes and made them modern. I love how they’ve taken familiar themes (slasher, found footage) and made them unpredictable. The five horror films I’ve picked stand out because they feature something new and exciting. They were critcally beloved and they’ve been building a bigtime following. It is a fun time to be a fan of horror because these films are actually good.
Here are my five favorite horror films of 2015!
- Creep
Creep takes the found footage world into unexpected territory by focusing on believable characters. It creates a modern, unsettling and believable bad guy who is totally refreshing. Mark Duplass is perfect in the role and I love how he manipulates and takes advantage of insecurities. He is the rare bad guy that I want to see more of and I hope a world is built around him. If you are looking for inspiration and want to create something in the film world I totally recommend you watch Creep. It is simple, smart and builds to a brutal conclusion. Let me know what you think when you watch it!
If you are interested check out the podcast we did for Creep and Spring
.
2. Spring
Spring plays like Before Sunrise met An American Werewolf in London and spawned something like Species but totally different. It is an earthy film that plays with romance, love, loss and lots of squishy things. The critics have rallied around it (89% RT) and it is part of a recent low-budget horror revival. Spring has proven itself to be a genre lifter that take old ideas and makes them original.
A neat example of where Spring veers from the horror path is in the meet cute. The two characters lock eyes, she is obviously out of his league and when he approaches she immediately invites him back to her apartment (think Species). He is caught off guard and begins to wonder whether she is trying to rob, kill or trick him. He declines the offer and instead tries to set up a coffee date. It is a neat moment that plays against type and sets up a really neat romance.
.
3. It Follows
It Follows has a unique style that blends a lurking sense of dread with absolute urgency. It isn’t afraid to mess with the genre while sticking to well-worn tropes. If you combined All the Real Girls with Nightmare on Elm Street and threw in All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, Elephant and The Sixth Sense you would have something sorta resembling the film.
Director David Robert Mitchell (The Myth of the American Sleepover) takes my favorite aspects of horror (urgency, dread, patience) and combines them with a beautifully simple story about the dangers of sex. Mitchell lets the film breath and this allows the rabbit and hare story to unfold organically. The teens sleepless state creates a dreamy atmosphere that is captured nicely by the lingering camera and patient editing. The film moves at a methodically slow pace yet you have a hard time catching your breath. Check out the It Follows podcast!
I love how Mitchell breaks down the opening scene in The New York Time’s Anatomy of a Scene video.
.
4. Backcountry
When you watch as many horror movies and thrillers as I do you learn to appreciate when a good one comes around. Backcountry is a fantastic thriller that is crazy tense and actually creates likable characters. It is beautiful to look at and the story revolves around two hikers having a terrible trip. The young couple Jenn (Missy Peregrym) and Alex (Jeff Roop) are likable people and it breaks your heart because you know something will inevitably go wrong. You want this couple to make their way back to safety and not have a Grizzly Man experience. Backcountry is a crazy effective film that fills you with dread and unease. That is the highest compliment you can pay a thriller.
.
5. Insidious: Chapter 3
I love the Insidious films and I think they excel at creating truly memorable bad guys. The Man Who Can’t Breathe is a great villain and I guarantee he will make you uneasy. Insidious 3 features my favorite horror moment of the year. A teenage girl (who is actually nice) is in bed because she broke both of her legs. Her legs are wrapped in casts and she is unable to move which makes her perfect prey. The jerky demon takes over her body and she stands up and breaks her leg casts on her wooden bed frame. Then, she walks on her crunchy broken legs and attempts to attack her father and friends. It is a crazy moment and gives the audience a truly memorable moment (listen to me wax poetic about it on the podcast). Also, Elise is awesome and I want more movies featuring her, Tucker and Specs. They are my current dream team of horror.
Share this post:
John’s Horror Corner: In the Mouth of Madness (1994), not a Lovecraft story, but clearly made for fans of Cthulhu mythos.
MY CALL: One of the finer horror movies of the 90s, this film is an under-recognized masterpiece. I’d recommend this to fans of Stephen King, H. P. Lovecraft, and any movies that feature strong ancient evil-rooted stories and tentacled demons. MOVIES LIKE In the Mouth of Madness: Hard to say. Just in concept, I’d suggest Dagon (2001), The Resurrected (1991), The Shrine (2010) and Bleeders (1997). They all feature isolated locales and deliver us from rational thinking to an unraveled mystery.
If enough people believe in something, does it become a reality? Such is the question John Carpenter (Halloween, They Live, The Thing) horrifically personified with In the Mouth of Madness, which perhaps strikingly alludes to H. P. Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness. The script wasn’t adapted from any specific piece of Lovecraft’s work, yet you’ll find his influence throughout the movie in the form of perversions of reality and time distortion brought about by an abyssal darkness-touched madness.
Noirish detective scenes introduce us to the savvy insurance investigator John Trent (Sam Neill; Event Horizon), hired to locate the mysteriously missing author (Sutter Cane) of a Stephen King-style book series that has cultivated a cult-like following. Cane’s readers suffer from delusions, memory loss, and riot like zealots during book releases. Trent casually diagnoses this as mass hysteria, yet suffers weird dreams of evil mayhem and murderous mutant people shortly after accepting the case.
Some elaborate puzzle-solving uncovers a hidden message in Cane’s work revealing his location. So, following the clues, Trent travels to the mysterious town of Hobb’s End which has no business existing anywhere except within the pages of Cane’s novels. Almost certain this is an elaborate hoax, Trent becomes increasingly obsessed.
Now well-introduced to the notion of madness, we encounter various symbols of wayward travelers as enigmatic bicyclists, Cerberus-alluding trios of dogs protect the town’s church, and a slimy malleable giant wooden doors leading to another world. Among the townspeople we witness a contorted Exorcist crawler, mutant mongoloid children, people in a painting go from normal to disfigured mutants to tentacle monsters, and an old lady with “tentacle boobs” hacks up her husband…just all sorts of tentacle monsters.
This story begins rooted in a rational reality and gradually unravels into complete madness and small roles by David Warner (Waxwork, The Omen, My Best Friend is a Vampire), John Mahoney (Smallville, Gremlins 2) and Charlton Heston. On the way, we enjoy a fine diversity of great Cthulhu creature effects, loads of strong Cthulhu concepts (even if only loosely applied), and a fine nod to Stephen King.
I was pleased with the acting, special effects, story, sets and character development. This film is an under-recognized masterpiece. I’d recommend this to fans of Stephen King, H. P. Lovecraft, and any movies that feature strong ancient evil-rooted stories and tentacled demons. Enjoy, minions!
Share this post:
Backcountry: A Fantastic Survival Thriller That is Loaded with Dread, Unease and Wild Action
.
When you watch as many horror movies and thrillers as I do you learn to appreciate when a good one comes around. Backcountry is a fantastic thriller that is crazy tense and actually creates likable characters. It is beautiful to look at and the story revolves around two hikers having a terrible trip. The young couple Jenn (Missy Peregrym) and Alex (Jeff Roop) are likable people and it breaks your heart because you know something will inevitably go wrong. You want this couple to make their way back to safety and not have a Grizzly Man experience. Backcountry is a crazy effective film that fills you with dread and unease. That is the highest compliment you can pay a thriller.
.
In films like this it is imperative to create likable characters. You need to care about the bear fodder and something needs to be at stake. The premise is terrifying (think Open Water) and it is made even worse because Jenn and Alex feel like real people. I love the build up to the action and the couple actually experience problems that happen to everybody. There is insecurity, cell phone usage and a man that is trying too hard to give his girlfriend a good time. You understand why Alex wants to impress Jenn and his dumb mistakes come from his insecurity and not that he is actually dumb.
When the action breaks out it punches you in the face with its intensity and urgency. It is like The Descent (no monsters here) met Open Water and spawned a crazy bear attack. Director Adam MacDonald had three years to prep and you can tell he was able to whittle it down to a lean 90 minutes that uses its scares well. MacDonald wanted it to appear real and he gets an A+ in carnage. MacDonald was aided greatly by Peregrym because her physicality is believable and you buy it when she climbs, runs and falls.
I love what Mark Harris had to say about Backcountry in his article about the indie horror boom:
Backcountry takes its time, which is always good for a horror movie. It also, for the most part, manages not to succumb to the “Don’t go into the basement, dumb-ass!” syndrome of horror movies whose characters are so stupid they deserve their fates, because Alex’s proclivity for doing the wrong thing emerges gently, as a product of his insecurity, his stubbornness, and his desire to show his girlfriend his idea of a good time. To the extent that he’s a trope, he’s a charmingly self-aware trope.
The last couple years have been loaded with fantastic horror films that feel proactive and not reactive. Between The Guest, Backcountry, It Follows,Spring, The Conjuring, Creep, What We Do in the Shadows, The Babadook, Honeymoon, Housebound, Cheap Thrills and Under the Skin horror fans have been really lucky. What makes them work is they are original ideas that are effective in inflicting scares, thrills and laughs. The themes are familiar yet they’ve found a way to make them their own and embrace the familiar tropes. Backcountry is proof that a familiar idea can be made fresh and exciting.
Backcountry is a fantastic calling card for MacDonald because it proves he has a firm grasp of character, tension and dread. I totally recommend you watch this film and enjoy the carnage.
Share this post:
American Ultra: The Stoner Who Loved Me
.
My initial reaction to American Ultra was disappointment. The film has a weird and occasionally lazy vibe that never gells. It felt like a mashup of cool ideas were thrown at a wall and only a few stuck. However, a few days later I started appreciating the film and the weird journey it took me on. I began to admire the core romance and the idea that nobody (good or bad) wanted to be on this particular mission to kill a deadly spy. It is a stoner spy flick that is full of likable characters, surprising depth and John Leguizamo in some crazy outfits.
.
American Ultra tells the story of a stoner couple in West Virginia having a very bad night. Mike (Jesse Eisenberg) works in a convenience shop and smokes away his days until there is a permanent fog in his brain. His girlfriend Phoebe (Kristen Stewart) is equally as stoned but still has to be the responsible one because Mike is a total mess. One fateful night soldiers show up at the store and Mike dispatches them quickly and violently. From there the military comes in and it becomes like a Jason Bourne movie that smoked a lot of weed. I love that the town they live in is called Liman (named after Bourne director Doug Liman) and idea of Jessie Eisenberg as a killing machine battling a smug Topher Grace is very inspired.
What makes American Ultra work are the small moments that add to the uniqueness of the film. Stewart and Eisenberg had solid chemistry in Adventureland and they are even more comfortable here. The two compliment each other well and Phoebe’s reaction to her boyfriends particular set of skills are priceless. There is a particular scene where Mike and Phoebe are fleeing a jail and one of the mercenaries yells “stop.” Mike stops and the mercenary throws a grenade at them. The guy is so stoned he falls for the trick much to the amazement of Phoebe. Mike is a master class killer but the dude is pretty slow.
American Ultra is loaded with actors I like and I enjoyed watching Connie Britton, John Leguizamo, Walton Goggins and Topher Grace trade gun shots and one-liners. At first I thought they were wasting Walton Goggins in his thankless role as “Laugher.” However as the movie unfolds you actually feel for the guy and Goggins is allowed to do what he does best. Goggins excels at making bad guys likable. His bad guys are deadly and terrible but they have a soul and you sorta know where they are coming from.
What I found interesting was writer Max Landis’s twitter response to the box office failing of American Ultra. He was dismayed that it didn’t make much money ($5.5 million opening weekend) while critical duds like Hitman: Agent 47 and Sinister 2 made decent money. It was an earnest outburst but I understand why audiences didn’t flock to watch a violent R-rated stoner spy comedy. American Ultra is bound to be a cult classic and it won’t appeal to the mainstream. It is too laid back and at the same time incredibly violent. It is not what anybody will expect and it took me a while to warm up to it.
If you are into laid back yet crazy violent films you will love American Ultra. Check it out and let me know what you think!
Share this post:
MFF Special: In Defense of Home Alone’s Marv and Harry
With Christmas approaching I guarantee that Home Alone 1 & 2 will be playing on a constant loop. On a recent MFF podcast we pondered what would happen if Home Alone’s Marv and Harry were swapped for Pulp Fiction’s Jules and Vincent. This random conversation made me realize that Marv and Harry were actually very successful criminals whose kyptonite was a precocious child who might be a sociopath. Their thievery was on point but when they made it personal everything fell apart. Revenge was their downfall and if you think about other revenge films (Oldboy, Gladiator, I Saw the Devil) their quest to get even leads to nothing good. Marv and Harry took their eye off the original prize and allowed themselves to be foiled by a bird lady and an old man with a large shovel.
They got so focused on Kevin they weren’t even looking for the old man with a shovel. Classic revenge trope.
If you are looking for a quick Home Alone refresher this honest trailer is perfect.
.
The following post examines the moments when Harry and Marv weren’t around Kevin. When they weren’t foolishly running headlong into pain they actually proved themselves to be solid criminals. I’m not saying they were good people because they were obviously troubled human beings. They try to murder a child, maliciously flood people’s homes and they have no problem stealing from toy stores. However, if it weren’t for a pesky kid they would’ve been living the high life on a beautiful island.
- They successfully robbed and terrorized the suburbs in Home Alone.
Harry showed up at homes dressed as a police officer in order to check out security systems and occupancy. In one foul swoop he learned about the locks and automatic timers on the lights. He made sure to know the whereabouts of the families before he stole from them. This is an experienced move and proves that the Wet Bandits knew what they were doing.
The Wet Bandits capitalized on Christmas vacations.
.
2. They escaped from prison in Home Alone 2
It is very difficult to escape from prison (Think Shawshank Redemption) let alone actually escaping from the ensuing manhunt (think The Fugitive). If you think about cinematic prison breakers they are intelligent people who played the long game and succeeded. I love that Marv and Harry took advantage of a riot (did they start it?) and somehow made their way past gates, locks and bard wire fences. How did they get in that fish truck? I find it impressive that they were able to go from Chicago to New York undetected.
3. Their planning, execution and robbery of the toy store was inspired.
They knew the store would have unmarked cash on hand so they hid and waited to rob the place when no one was around. They fooled everybody except for a pesky kid. I love how Harry broke down the robbery.
The only stores that will have cash on hand are ones that deal in moderately priced goods. Ergo, what stores are gonna make the most cash on Christmas Eve that no one is gonna think to rob?
Harry’s question shows self-awareness and an ability to think in depth about easy targets. I think it is a pretty great plan that involves zero death or hostages.
.
4. Marv is such a good thief that nobody notices him stealing from them
It takes a pro to rob from unsuspecting skaters. Marv ingeniously fashions a sticky hand and he clothes himself with extra layers (scarf, mittens, ear muffs) via stealing from unsuspecting skaters. It takes a lot of skill if you think about it. He steals artices of clothing and nobody notices! It is so blatant (like their daytime robberies) it works perfectly!
Marv stole the scarf and mittens. Soon he will steal some ear warmers. The guy is a pro.
.
5. They have a laid back repertoire and prove they can come up with some pretty great Christmas songs about stealing things.
If you watch the Home Alone deleted scenes you get a look into Marv and Harry’s relationship. They don’t come across as dumb or bumbling. They come across as two thieves that know each other pretty well and have an easy charm. Also, they have a pretty firm grasp on how great they are at stealing things.
.
6. Marv speaks French and understands coffee cup etiquette.
This might be a stretch but his Marv ends up speaking French before a woman slaps him in the face in Home Alone 2. It shows he has unexpected depth and an elementary knowledge of various languages.
.
If you watch this deleted scene he has pretty great coffee cup manners. He holds his pinky out like a boss.
.
I know it is all their fault but I find it amazing that they never die.
7. They are virtually indestructible.
Nothing can kill them. These guys should have been dead multiple times and it proves they have an inhuman pain threshold. I love what Roger Ebert had to say about the traps in Home Alone:
When the burglars invade Kevin’s home, they find themselves running a gamut of booby traps so elaborate they could have been concocted by Rube Goldberg – or by the berserk father in “Last House on the Left.”
.
Marv and Harry totally deserved their jail time and beatings. However, these two men could have been special thieves if they hadn’t made it personal with a tiny child.
Share this post:
My 10 Favorite Non-Human Characters of 2015: A Collection of Dinosaurs, Jerky Creatures and Bing Bong
In a cinematic world of superheroes, dinosaurs, robots and animated characters I’ve found myself liking non-human characters more than human characters. 2015 was loaded with unique creatures that proved themselves to be three-dimensional, full of surprises and terrifying. These creations are rarely remembered come awards time so I figured I would give them some props and spread the love.
The following post examines my favorite non-human characters.
- Blue – Jurassic World
Blue was hands down the best part of Jurassic World. I don’t remember any of the humans names but Blue and her crew have stuck around in my memory. Blue has an actual character arc that feels relatable. She seems trustworthy but betrays the humans when she meets the pesky new dominant animal that is loose in the park. However, she totally redeems herself when she fights the Indominus Rex to save her humans. That is awesome!
.
2. Ava – Ex-Machina
Alicia Vikander needs an Oscar nomination (the Golden Globe nomination is pretty awesome!) for her sly work in Ex-Machina. Ava is artificial intelligence perfected and I love that she plays everybody while seemingly playing nobody. The performance is so layered and Ava might be one of the best written and performed characters of 2015.
.
3. Bing Bong – Inside Out
Poor Bing Bong. I won’t say more. However, this imaginary friend will break your heart and have you singing a pretty great song. It is hard to recommend Inside Out because I know whoever watches it will need a box of tissues.
.
4. The Jerky following Creature – It Follows
Where did it come from? Where does it go? You know nothing about the creature from It Follows. In fact, when you think you know the rules it changes everything! This thing leaves more questions than answers and I love that. I also love that you can never relax with it hanging around because it is always walking towards you.
.
5. Louise – Spring
Louise is like the creature from Species if it was sensible, romantic and not a total jerk. Louise is an original creature that enjoys long talks and turning into a squishy thing who kills frat boys. I really like the movie Spring and appreciate that it gave the world a new character. I like what directors Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead say to say about Louise to the AV Club:
It felt like there was something sort of rebellious in the act of creating a new monster. Because for some reason it was something that so few people attempt to do now. Usually, when people want to tell a monster story, it’s a vampire, it’s a werewolf, or it’s an alien. It’s always got to be one of those things. That’s pretty much it, conceptually.
.
6. The Man Who Can’t Breathe – Insidious 3
I love the Insidious villains. They are pure evil and have no problem wrecking havoc on nice families. The Man Who Can’t Breathe carries on the villain tradition and you will cover your eyes every time he is on screen. He creeps, peeps and makes a poor girl destory her leg casts via kicking a bed post. The dude is the worst and he is the stuff of nightmares.
.
7. Vision – The Avengers: Age of Ultron
It is about time Paul Bettany got some screen time after voicing Jarvis for years. The guy is a intelligent badass who can lift Thor’s hammer while droping some philosophical musings. The Avenger’s will need him around when it comes time to battle Thanos.
.
8. The Werewolves not swearwolves – What We Do in the Shadows
One of the best parts of What We Do in the Shadows are the interactions between the Werewolves and Vampires. Rhys Darby is my hero and I hope they get a spin off.
.
9. Jason Statham and Rose Byrne’s hair in Spy.
What I love about Spy is that everybody is funny. It is unselfish comedy that allows a character’s hair to be its own character. I 100% believe that Byrne’s hair in Spy weighs at least 20 pounds and I actually think Statham could rock a pretty sweet mustache.
You need to watch Spy.
.
10. The Potatoes from The Martian
I know that The Martian potatoes are only vegetables but they played an important part in keeping Matt Damon alive. The Martian is a fantastic crowd pleaser and without those potatoes it would’be ended in a very depressing manner. Thank you potatoes.
Share this post:
The MFF Podcast #39: The Great Cinematic Character Trade
Great news! Blog Talk Radio, Sharkdropper and MFF have teamed up to form the perfect movie podcast. Now, you can stream the pods on the BTR website or download from Itunes.
Have you ever wondered what would happen if Marv and Harry from Home Alone were traded for Pulp Fiction’s Jules and Vincent? We here at MFF have pondered this swap and we’ve also wondered about many other characters journeying into other films. In this pod you will be transported to a world where Gail and John from Pitch Perfect narrate the fights from Bloodsport.
I would love to hear their commentary.
As always we answer random questions and that cover It Follows, turning into a yeti and that furry monster from Big Trouble in Little China. You will love the answers.
Sit back, relax and listen to what w0uld happen if John Cusack from Grosse PointeBlank inhabited the Tim Burton Batman land. Check out the MFF pod on Blog Talk Radio or head over to Itunes and listen to the randomness!
If you get a chance please REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod!
Share this post:
John’s Horror Corner: The Church (1989), yet another haphazard Italian horror featuring creepy atmosphere, a diversity of effects, a shaky story and horny demons.
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW
MY CALL: I wouldn’t call this film a conquest for the genre, but instead just a stop on the tour of ludicrous 80s horror films to be enjoyed. Impotent acting and incontinent story synthesis are somewhat redeemed by creepy atmosphere and a diversity of moderate effects. MOVIES LIKE The Church: Looking for more bonkers 80s horror that fails to keep a straight face? Try The Gate (1987), Society (1989), or any of the Italian horror mentioned in this review.
Let’s get something straight, people. This movie is weird.
Like…demon copping a feel weird!
The 80s blessed horror fans with numerous bonkers Italian movies with randomly fragmented stories—especially when considering Fulci’s (Conquest, Aenigma, Manhattan Baby) contributions. These films are seldom “good” but often enjoyed at the very least, if not celebrated. Today’s surreal film is such a movie…
Watch for a young Asia Argento.
We begin with a group of knights following some weird dude into a cave to meet an accused witch with a cross-shaped stigmata on her foot. Upon visual (and laughably momentary) confirmation of her damnation, they naturally kill her and everyone in her obviously Satanic village. Seems practical that a single purported witch results in citywide extermination, right? Among the montaged savagery we find scores of bloody corpses, some of them naked, piled in a mass grave. The site is blessed, they drop a giant cross on the pile of bodies and they build a church atop the macabre mass to “trap the demon” forever. This sets the tone for a brutal Italian gorefest—and there are several somewhat gory efforts—but that’s not exactly what we’re in for…this is more eerie than gory.
Skip to present day and we find our gigantic gothic cathedral led by an inordinately venerable (and weird) priest. Not sure if this is normal, but the church recently hired a new librarian, a young woman (Barbara Cupisti; Opera, Cemetery Man) to restore its art, and contractors jackhammering away in the catacombs below. Pretty active for a European church, isn’t it? Anyway, there seem to be some hidden cavities and caverns below the church and an old parchment scroll discovered in its walls begins to unravel mystery and subsequent mayhem.
Our intrigued librarian Evan (Tomas Arana; Gladiator, Frankenfish) believes that artefacts and secrets are hidden away buried beneath cathedrals, and this ignites his sense of adventure and discovery. Do they grant supernatural power or other-worldly knowledge? Who knows…let’s find out! He solves the encrypted scroll, searches for “a stone with seven eyes” found atop the mass grave’s cross and resembling a mixture of Lovecraftian tentacles and the demon Baphomet. It seals an abyss below and, as in The Gate (1987), some accidently drawn blood opens this infernal doorway.
Perhaps now partially possessed, Evan starts acting super weird…in fact, the whole movie starts getting super weird. He pulls out his own beating heart for no reason at all, there is a demon goat home invasion, Evan turns into a sex-hungry creeper and he aims some of his unwanted affections toward a very young Asia Argento (Mother of Tears, Demons 2), Asia’s dad kills someone with a spiked fence and then suicidally jackhammers himself through the stomach to “finish” opening the infernal gate, an elaborate Indiana Jones mechanism is triggered to lock down the church and trap its occupants, more people get briefly possessed, a monstrous amphibian leaps out of the holy water and attacks someone…
…trapped people get feverish and delusional, an old lady uses her husband’s severed head to ring the church bells, a demon cops a feel of a girls bare butt, the old priest goes mad and gets impaled, there’s a mirror who’s reflection shouldn’t be trusted, and a sex scene with a goat demon and a woman on an altar. Some of these things seem to be hallucinations whereas others are really happening but, as the movie viewer, I’m questioning my own sanity while watching this hilariously eerie nonsense transpire. No clue why any of it is happening…but it’s happening! So many bonkers things happen in this movie and it culminates in a giant mass of conjoined bodies emerging from the depths. It reminded me of Society (1989) for just a moment, but not nearly as perverted.
The acting is completely stale and it feels like every scene was shot in a single, unrehearsed take. And while the pace of this film could certainly be quicker, I enjoyed the creepy atmosphere. The first act played out much more like an eerie mystery than a horror story and this set a solidly uneasy tone—one of the best aspects of this movie, by the way. I may have wanted a more blatant gorefest, but the healthy diversity of moderate effects complemented the tone well.
Although not directed by Dario Argento (Phenomena), this film (originally released as La Chiesa) certainly wears his mark. Rather Italian director Michele Soavi (Cemetery Man) is responsible for this zany Italian horror film. I wouldn’t call this film a conquest for the genre, but instead just a stop on the tour of ludicrous 80s horror films to be enjoyed. Aside from the impotent acting and incontinent story synthesis, a lot was left to be desired in terms of special effects, make-up and gore…none of which offered what I’d expect for a lower budget 80s flick. Although the effort was readily apparent especially when the woman’s face is smashed (like a birthday cake; no really, it looked like a birthday cake!) onto a subway car and the mirror’s reflection scenes. The macabre mass of bodies at the end was satisfactorily messy, yet should have been more harrowing. But it just shows up briefly, then is dispatched; it doesn’t “do” anything but appear and shake a few limbs. Similar can be said for the entertaining goat demon, which doesn’t really do anything other than look pretty neat…and have sex with someone. LOL.
The movie ends typically, implying that the cycle of evil will continue but presenting it in a way that will draw no grins of satisfaction. This was surely entertaining to this campy horror fan, but also surely not so great.
Movies, Films & Flix 