Jupiter Ascending: Immortal Nut Shots, Intergalactic Roller Skating and Wonderful Universe Building
Jupiter Ascending is a visual cornucopia full of gobbledygook, hooey, intergalactic roller skating and immortal nut shots. It features elaborate set design, lavish costumes and bypasses world building by creating a universe. It is ambitious and I sorta loved it. The Wachowskis swing for the fences and I love that about them. Their films The Matrix 1-3, Bound, Speed Racer and Cloud Atlas are stylized wonders that have proven to be polarizing and Jupiter Ascending fits nicely alongside them.
What makes Jupiter Ascending interesting is that people were ready to hate it before it came out. The buzz has been full of vitriol and I think that will keep people from enjoying this bonkers space saga. It is true that it suffered from many delays and the $175 million budget seems incredibly bloated. However, every cent of the budget is seen on-screen. They stuff so many things into two hours it makes your brain explode (they reportedly started with a 600 page script).
Jupiter Ascending revolves an immortal race who harvest planets in order to stay immortal. They hoard glass bottles of goo (think a large Smart Water bottle) that act like the greatest face cream ever. It takes 100 bodies to fill these bottles and it turns out that earth is ready for a harvest. However, before immortal Balem Abrasax (Eddie Redmayne) can harvest the planet they find out that a reincarnated immortal named Jupiter (Mila Kunis) has a claim on earth. So, Titus Abrasax (Douglas Booth) recruits Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) to save her from being killed by squirrelly aliens sent by Balem. Caine saves Jupiter with the aid of Stinger Apini (Sean Bean) and his many bees. However, Kalique Abrasax (Tuppence Middleton) kidnaps Jupiter which sets in motion a lot of drama. From there Jupiter pinballs around the universe while Caine saves her multiple times.
Basically, the plot is an excuse to blow up Chicago, engage in huge space wars and dress people up in fancy clothes.
In the two-hour film we get eight air battles, one wedding, three rescues, 80 outfit changes, egg selling, Lizard henchmen, TV purchases, three dinners, bureaucracy, bounty hunters, double crosses, imprisonment, space orgies (10 seconds of footage, It took eight hours to film), bee attacks, toilet cleaning, almost space death, roller skating, expository dialogue (X8), wing growth and a whole lot more.
Normally, The Wachowskis excel at creating badass heroines. Their female characters in The Matrix series and Bound set the standard for tough women. However, Jupiter is such a naive person that you are constantly slapping your head. She never makes decisions for herself and the pulpy script doesn’t help. She is bounced around the immortals like a pinball and she is almost convinced to sell her eggs so her cousin can buy a television. I get that she has been dealt a bum hand (father was killed) but you wish she could have been infused with the self-confidence that Kunis brought to the screen in Forgetting Sarah Marshall or Black Swan.
The most memorable character of the universe is Eddie Redmayne’s Balem. He feels like he is in another movie as he speaks in a monotone voice that is occasionally interrupted by screaming fits that sound like a petulant child wanting to get his way. His tough allure is wrecked when he is easily dropped by a Jupiter nut shot. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an immortal get kicked in the nuts. I would love to know the direction he got from the Wachowskis.
Jupiter Ascending is bonkers cinema at its best and worst. It is eye candy that seems way too ambitious. I love that the Wachowskis created a new world but they packed in so much you can never go all in. The movie is one ambitious set up after the next and there are at least 100 speaking roles.
In a day and age of remakes, sequels, reboots and prequels I’m glad we got Jupiter Ascending. I will gladly pay money to watch new worlds be created. The worlds may be incredibly odd but at least the Wachowskis bring something new. The biggest problem with Jupiter Ascending failing at the box-office is that studios might shy away from original products in the future. Thus, we will be stuck with more lame Spiderman reboots and X-Men prequels.
Watch Jupiter Ascending. Appreciate the insanity. Buy some intergalactic roller skates. Support something original.
Share this post:
Frank: Papier-Mache Zeppelin
Frank tells the story of an eccentric band and their papier-mache loving front man. It is a relaxed movie that takes its time and relishes in the weird little moments of a bands life. What I love most about this under appreciated gem is Michael Fassbender’s performance. Unhindered by the large mask Fassbender lets loose a physical and charismatic performance that proves to be very memorable. Something is obviously wrong with Frank but he manages to be so charming, personable and capable of very odd lyrics that people overlook his odd habits.
Stale beer. Fat f*cked, smoked out. Cowpoked. Sequined mountain ladies. I love your wall. Put your arms around me. Fiddly digits, itchy britches. I love you all.
The film revolves an idealistic young man named Jon (Domhnall Gleeson) joining a band called Soronprfbs. The band just lost their keyboardist/manger in an attempted suicide and as fate would have it Jon was standing around. He is a middling musician who couldn’t write a song to save his life (Ladies have babies. That’s how it works) but plays enough keyboard to impress Frank. So, they pack into a van and drive to Ireland to record their album.
Little recording is done as they record nature sounds, engage in calisthenics and chain smoke. The band rallies around Frank and some of the band members either love or hate the process. Frank has an incredibly non-mainstream style of music and it becomes obvious a record will never be recorded. Jon becomes consumed with becoming as great as Frank but instead grows a beard and spends his nest egg paying for their time in Ireland.
Jon also continually pisses of fellow musician Clara (Maggie Gyllenhaal). Clara has her own problems but she brushes them aside to be Frank’s protector. She hates Jon’s mediocrity and understands that Frank’s style and mindset will never appeal to the mainstream. You are never quite sure why Clara is in the band but as the movie progresses she becomes much more likable and you understand why she stays with Frank. I find it random that they would allow Jon to drain all his money on an album that will never happen. It makes you wonder if they’ve used and abused other ambitious and misguided musicians.
Eventually, the crew head to Texas for the South by Southwest music festival. It all goes spectacularly wrong and ends with stabbings, hurt feelings and a soul crushing performance. You learn more about the characters and it all turns sad quickly. I love that the movie never goes for the easy answers and has something to say about the quest for fame. It could have all culminated in a sold out show that turns Frank into a star but instead ends with some very avant-garde pop music in a tiny pool hall.
Frank is nothing like you would expect. It accomplishes poignancy out of papier-mache masks and has something to say about fame and all its trappings. Watch Frank. Appreciate the Fassbender. Don’t write bad lyrics.
Share this post:
Two rather related horror franchises have recently been gaining traction in the movie rumor mills: Poltergeist and Paranormal Activity. Now, Poltergeist (1982) and Poltergeist II (1986) stand as excellent proof that the best horror came from the 80s. But Poltergeist III (1988), while watchable, suffered a noticeable drop in quality. Similarly, I loved Paranormal Activity (2007) and Paranormal Activity 2 (2010). But sadly, just as with the Poltergeist franchise, things started to fall apart with PA 3 (2011), and PA 4 (2012) really just upset me. Today I want to focus on Poltergeist.
Let’s be clear here, though. I’m going to see every movie that they will ever make in these horror franchises, despite my skepticism of future installments, spin-offs, reboots or remakes. And I hope they turn out well. But cinematic history harbingers a disappointing future. Back in 2013 I wrote John’s Horror Corner presents Strong Opinions: on the Poltergeist remake when the first announcements of the new Poltergeist project were being made there was obviously no trailer…nor a set or a completed script for that matter. I was quite skeptical and presented some of my rantings on the issue of the Poltergeist remake. But now we have a trailer and a July 24, 2015 release date….and it has perked my interest. Sure, lots of trailers may look great and promise the moon and then deliver crap (e.g., Annabelle), so I won’t get my hopes too high just yet.
Here are some of my concerns…
1. Before I simply didn’t think this movie was ready for a remake/reboot. In fact, perhaps it would never be. Why? In 2013 I had originally thought this because, despite the complete lack of CGI, the effects remain effective and creepy even to today’s audiences. Just look at The Thing (1982); another EPIC horror movie with dated yet amazingly creepy effects that hold up to this day. They prequeled/remade/rebooted The Thing (2011) and focused all of their attention to filling the film with CGI monsters while paying no attention to the ever-tooth-grinding tension of the original. They screwed up iconic scenes (e.g., the blood test), presented allegedly “different” characters who looked and acted just like the characters from the original (except for one female character), and gave me no reason to care when any of them were slaughtered. I actually give a play by play of how they screwed up that remake, and back in 2013 I was horrified that this may happen to Poltergeist. But in 2013, when I was praising the scary quality of Tobe Hooper’s original film, I had not seen it in a looong time. Having seen it this year, I agree that it is still a great film but I no longer consider it an effective “scary” movie to an adult audience. To kids, yes, very scary. To adults…? Nope. Not horror fans anyway. The upcoming remake was criticized on Cinema Blend and other horror forums as being a horror movie for kids. But that’s actually what the original would serve to be today! I still love the original, but it is no longer scary, I no longer feel tension or urgency, and no–it’s not because I’ve seen it before and know what’s going to happen. It’s just more youth-centric in its effectiveness and execution. So maybe, just maybe a contemporary approach is exactly what we need. Yes. A contemporary approach directed by someone who was scared of Poltergeist as a child, but now finds it to be more of a “great horror story” than a “scary movie” (for a general audience).
Poltergeist certainly had some influence on other films. Hmmm…seems evil dolls have become a thing since 1982. Not that Poltergeist was the only evil doll movie of its time.
Here’s a scene with uber-limited special effects–basically none. Yet, this scene is waaaaay creepy back in the day. You wouldn’t think it by the image, but when you watch you see it–that clown doll is effing EVIL!
This was done with some sort of greenscreening and it took me off guard. It also looks really cool and weird. When it moves those stilty legs, it looks creepy and scary to kids. To today’s adults, however, it may fail to impress.
Okay, I’ll admit this looks fake. But the clay-faced fakeness of this actually made it seem more surreal and off-putting. This was really hard to watch as he tore his own face apart! This scene may have stood the test of time…and the test of gross-outs. But in all fairness, this scene would have never been MPAA-approved for a PG movie today. Really hard to watch!
Below is another scene that just wouldn’t scare adults today. In 1982 the effects were not worn out yet and this trick had not been played so much before.
2. Back in 2013 I feared that Director Gil Kenan doesn’t have much experience. Sure, he directed Monster House (2006) which is a children’s family-friendly horror comedy, and he did City of Ember (2008) which is a family fantasy-adventure movie. Note the theme here, though…happy smiley family stuff. Poltergeist may have been rated PG, but it was scary (back in 1982) and would easily give even today’s PG-aged children nightmares. There’s just not enough evidence to suggest that Kenan can handle this project. HOWEVER, that’s not to say that fledgling directors don’t occasionally accomplish great things. I love being surprised by young directors and I hope to be surprised this summer!
3. Speaking of proven track records, James Wan was originally slated to helm this project. His work with Saw (2004), Dead silence (2007) and The Conjuring (2013) demonstrates the considerable attention he pays to building painful suspense, chilling moods, cold calculating evil characters and strong family unity when faced with supernatural adversity. He has also shown us (in The Conjuring) that he will not tolerate his characters making idiotic mistakes, nor does he allow them to become impractically strong, smart, etcetera. He plays his cards just right and I love him for it. But, even without Wan things may be working out in horror fans’ favor. After all, Sam Raimi produced our upcoming remake! And that actually brings me a lot of comfort. I’d like to think Kenan listened when Raimi offered his advice.
Wan would have been perfect to remake this classic in which restless spirits from the other side reach out to a vulnerable little girl, Carol Ann.
4. AICN had long ago released casting announcements for the Poltergeist remake, which now includes Saxon Sharbino as the older teenage daughter, Kyle Catlett and Kennedi Clements as their youngest. But I’m most comforted by the casting of Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt as the parents. These strike me as smart choices–talented, grounded actors who don’t do horror. Ron Livingston and Lili Taylor fit this mold well in The Conjuring. Likewise Jared Harris (The Quiet Ones) and Jane Adams should serve as a good paranormal team akin to, but less attractive than, Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga. This wise casting could save this movie if the director can keep up with the actors.
The original casting in Poltergeist felt perfect. But this portrait of an American family is, in fact, reproducible.
She was perfectly weird. She is NOT reproducible! I hope they don’t even try. Any medium can be a weird character, but if they go super short then they’re just trying too hard.
Some unawkward paranormal investigators for a change in The Conjuring, which has some Poltergeist-y elements. I trust Jared Harris and Jane Adams are sculpted into their own unique characters, even though Adams seems a LOT like the big-haired spectacled academic lady from Poltergeist.
JoBeth Williams was a regular, good mom. Vulnerable to the thought of losing her daughter, but appropriately strong to get her back. Lili Taylor felt exactly like that in The Conjuring. I hope Rosemarie DeWitt can hold the role as well.
5. But even with good casting another question comes to mind…hasn’t Poltergeist sort of already been remade–even if only in pieces of recent movies? I mean, there was no solid Cain-analogous character (Cain was in part II), but between the Insidious series and The Conjuring, not to mention the strange domestic occurrences in Dark Skies (2013) or the PA series, I can’t help but to feel that we’ve covered most of the integral scenes. I’m afraid people will compare the Poltergeist remake to these aforementioned movies which are, at least in part, Poltergeist remakes already. You know what? I don’t care. I enjoyed all of those movies, borrowed or not. BRING ON THE REMAKE!
Hmmmm….this does feel familiar, though.
Share this post:
Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead: Return of the Nazi Zombie
Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead is gloriously violent and all kinds of fun. Director Tommy Wirkola (Dead Snow, Hansel and Gretel) is a maestro of mayhem who turns the violence and humor up to 11. He has found a way to make head smooshes, decapitation and blood eruptions palatable via his offbeat humor. The antics never seem mean-spirited because Wirkola infuses his films with a glee filled imagination that incorporates blood-letting very well.
Dead Snow 2 focuses on recently armless Martin (Vegar Hoel) fleeing from a Nazi zombie horde led by the nasty Colonel Herzog. The Nazi zombies killed his friends (you gotta watch Dead Snow) and after a day of hell he narrowly escapes the undead jerks. While in the process of driving away he rips off the arm of Colonel Herzog and crashes his car in a snowdrift. He is rescued and by pure B-movie happenstance his arm is replaced by the Colonels. This leads to innocents being murdered, terrible attempts at CPR and a police manhunt.
Eventually, Martin is joined by three Americans who call themselves the Zombie Squad. The three twenty-somethings heard reports about a zombie presence and flew to Norway to assist in Martin’s battle. The trio led by Daniel (Martin Starr) quickly prove to be in over their heads as they marvel at the craziness before them. They’ve only watched Zombie films so they are surprised that these Nazi zombies do not resemble the Dawn of the Dead creatures. Nevertheless, they provide a plucky presence and give us a very funny Evil Dead nod.
Dead Snow 2 plays like a combination of early Sam Raimi and Peter Jackson gore flicks. The film is splatteriffic and features moments that should not be entertaining. For instance, while the Nazi zombies are wrecking havoc they see a women in a wheelchair trying to escape. The poor women falls backward in the chair and her head is promptly crunched into oblivion. The humor is so far out there you don’t take offense.
Dead Snow 2 is so full of life and ludicrous characters that you can’t help but enjoy the ride. We are blessed with likable characters, cheeky one-liners and a zombie sidekick who routinely gets killed and brought back to life (Martin’s hand revives dead zombies). Just when you think the gore can’t get any crazier we get a massive Russian zombie vs. Nazi zombie battle. It is excessive (miles of intestines are pulled), inventive and ends on a tank fist fight.
Dead Snow 2 is most certainly not for everybody. It follows the sequel rules of bigger is better and never attempts to stay on the rails. It is a genre film that is told well and with its tongue in cheek. The movie worked for me because Tommy Wirkola speaks my cinematic language. He has a genuine love of horror and his films walk a tight rope of violence and humor. Dead Snow 2 is a celebration of randomness that plays like a roller coaster. The film throws you all over the place but the tracks and foundation are safe.
Watch Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead. Appreciate the mayhem. Hope that you never have to battle Nazi zombies.
Share this post:
A while back I was working on a post about explosions and movie posters and one person kept popping up. As I scoured through 266 action movie posters from 2000-2013, I noticed that Jason Statham has had quite the poster personality evolution. Jason Statham has been kicking butt for well over a decade and his posters tell a story. For instance, he started off looking blue-collar and transformed into a suave man who wears a suit and shoots two guns whilst jumping in the air.
There is a pattern afoot and I’ve figured out how to gauge whether a Stath film is going to be good or not. I’ve compiled 34 of his posters (the main theatrical posters) and put them through the data wringer. I broke down the posters to various Stath coats/outfits and found a world-changing discovery (not really).
Sidenote: The following research was done out of a love of randomness. The causation and correlation cannot be proved but I found the results to be intriguing, cheeky and fun.
The Average Rotten Tomatoes score for all Stath films is 41.35% and the Audience Score is 56.38%
Overcoat posters = 70.25% RT Score/78% Audience Score. When Stath wears an overcoat on a poster the results are 28.9% and 21.62% higher than the average. The totals are understandable because three out of the four overcoat films are really good (Mechanic is garbage). It also shows that critics and audiences enjoy Statham as an everyday bloke who speaks more than monosyllabic sentences. Lock Stock, Snatch, Mechanic, Bank Job.
Suit/Cardigan/Jacket posters = 41.275% RT Score/52% Audience Score. Crank and Transporter buoyed this score because they were solid films that weren’t wrecked by the Statham suit persona. The rest of these films are a hodge podge of random action films. Crank, Safe, Redemption, Revolver, Chaos, Transporter 1-3, 13, Parker, Homefront, Cellular, Blitz, Italian Job, Crank 2, London, Killer Elite, Wilcard
Military Garb = 40% RT Score/51% Audience Score The one thing I find interesting about this list is that Expendables 2 was certified fresh on RT (65%). Nowadays people love to hate on the sequel. Expendables 1-3, Ghost of Mars.
Not on Poster = 32.5% RT Score. Pink Panther, The One, Collateral, Turn it Up
Medieval Garb = 4% RT Score. Do not watch In the Name of the King. Listen to this podcast though.
One piece jumpsuits = 38.5% RT Score Death Race, Mean Machine
Keep your eye out for overcoats because good things happen when he wears the long coats! When Statham has a new movie coming out look at the posters and let me know on twitter (@MoviesFilmsFlix), Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/moviesfilmsandflix) or on this post. Will the upcoming movies Fast 7 or Spy lift his suit poster score?
Share this post:
Whiplash: Become Buddy Rich or Die Trying
Whiplash tells the story of a 19-year-old named Andrew Neiman (Miles Teller) pursuing greatness. He lives, breathes and bleeds jazz and won’t stop until he is the best. He is enrolled at the prestigious Shaffer Conservatory music school and strives to be part of Terrence Fletcher’s (J.K. Simmons) studio band. The problem is Fletcher is a tyrannical madman whose teaching methods are abusive and reminiscent of R. Lee Ermey’s style from Full Metal Jacket. The opening scene tells us everything we need to know about the two men. Neiman is practicing alone (he is driven) when Fletcher storms in (he is a maniac) and listens to him play. It is a tense moment that shows us who the characters are instead of telling us.
Director and writer Damien Chazelle drew from his musical experiences to give us a look into greatness. It is alienating, destructive and bloody. Many people fail on their voyage to perfection and in Whiplash we see somebody well on their way to remembrance. At a family dinner Neiman says he would “rather die drunk and broke at 34 and have people around a dinner table talk about me than live to be rich and sober at 90 and have no one remember who I was.” It is the sentiment of a 19-year-old who is accruing the necessary hubris to reach the top.
This may sound random but Fletcher reminded me a lot of Mr. Glass from Unbreakable. Mr. Glass (Sam Jackson) was born with “glass bones” that would break on a moments notice. So, he set about crashing planes, trains and automobiles in an attempt to find somebody who was the polar opposite. Mr. Glass wrecked many lives in order to find one perfect man. Fletcher in Whiplash is a tyrannical teacher whose outbursts and insults have driven his students into paranoid wrecks. He pushes his students to the breaking point to force greatness out of them.
Whiplash is full of dedicated performances and confident style. However, it spells too many things out for you. The movie is explained away and you are hit on the head by cymbals and symbolism. For instance, we are given the constant comparison between great and subpar. Andrew’s father is a high school teacher who is a failed novelist but still happy in life. He represents mediocrity while Fletcher represents greatness. We also get a family dinner scene where a division three college quarterback is lauded while a world-class jazz drummer is ignored. In these moments I was taken out of the world because I felt they weren’t necessary. I knew what was going on and could have gotten by on the visual cues.
The film builds to an amazingly acted finale that is both psychological and physical. Blood will be lost, sweat will pour and the world will be blessed with an amazing performance. The six-minute drum solo left me wanting to buy the soundtrack and had me walking on air. Chazelle wanted to make an amazing film and he succeeded in certain aspects. It is a stunning second feature yet the trappings of inexperience are still evident. Hopefully, in his next movie he will trust his instincts and allow it to flow organically and not shoehorn in scenes that stick out via over explaining.
Whiplash is a wonderful movie that asks important questions and gives us something new. The dueling teacher/student relationship was thrilling to watch and I can’t wait to see what Chazelle does next.
What did you think?
Share this post:
The Influential and Extremely Fun Horror/Monster Films of 1999
1999 was loaded with fantastic horror/monster films that have stood the test of time, proved to be influential and feature some of the best cinematic deaths via shark attack ever. I worked at a movie theater in 1999 and remember how swamped we were all year. The movies were selling out left and right and it boggles my mind how packed the The Sixth Sense and Blair Witch Project were. Some of the films were phenomenons (Blair Witch, Mummy , Sixth Sense) that pulled in a combined $1.3 billion internationally and were rented over 200 million times in 2000.
The 1999 horror/monster films featured surprises and innovations that lifted them above the shlock slasher tropes. Several of them have become cult classics (Ravenous, ExistenZ, Audition, Idle Hands) while a couple were legit blockbusters (Sixth Sense, Blair Witch). What I love is that they took risks, went all out and were mostly original.
Without further ado here are my 10 favorite horror/monster films of 1999.
Deep Blue Sea – Deepest Bluest my hat is like a shark fin! Deep Blue Sea is a miracle of awesomeness. We here at MFF love it and our readers are fans as well (It was voted Best Worst Movie Monster). Deep Blue has one of the best surprise deaths of all time and is endlessly fun. Director Renny Harlin intentionally made the shark one foot bigger than Jaws and apparently doesn’t care about CGI. While working at the movie theater I would sneak in for the finale and listen to the audience yell with delight. They formed a cohesive voice as they screamed for LL Cool J and Thomas Jane to kill the dastardly sharks. I love Deep Blue Sea and it has most certainly gained a massive following. Here are 17 cool facts about the film.
The Sixth Sense – “I see dead people and a whole lot of money.” The Sixth Sense was a wunderkind sensation that freaked out millions. It was a neat little story of restraint and twist endings not wrecked by social media. It is one of four horror films (Silence of the Lambs, Jaws, The Exorcist) to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar and is on AFI’s top 100 film list. The film made M. Night Shyamalan a superstar and led to my favorite superhero film ever Unbreakable.
Idle Hands – Cheeky, bloody and kinda awesome. Idle Hands has slowly become recognized as a fun and insular horror film. There are many gleeful set pieces and I loved the combo of Seth Green and Elden Henson. It has a laid back charm that turned gore to 11 and didn’t take the lame sequel route.
eXistenZ – David Cronenberg (The Fly, Videodrone, Scanners) is the king of thought-provoking horror. eXistenZ has become a cult classic and is adored for its interweaving plot that boggles the mind and doesn’t take it easy on you. The grotesque gore is suitably gross and the existentialism gives the horror buff something different. Cronenberg kinda rules.
The Mummy – This creature feature was pure popcorn fun that blew away expectations. Whenever my shift ended at the movie theater I would watch The Mummy and love every second of it. Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz had fantastic chemistry and the cast was very likable. The sandstorm scene blew my mind and I love how the humor/action/special effects were juggled. The film played fast and loose while creating memorable moments and characters (I am so happy Stallone turned down the lead role). I also love that The Mummy had two sequels and a prequel which spawned a prequel and two sequels.
The Blair Witch Project – The Blair Witch Project was a game changer in 1999. The found footage movie was a $20,000 experiment that ended up grossing $248 million worldwide. It was shot in eight days and the directors returned one of the cameras they used back to circuit city when the movie was over. The result was a haunting final shot that shocked moviegoers who thought the movie was a documentary. The influence of Blair Witch is easy to see today and the marketing campaign was pure genius that occasionally went too far.
Sidenote: The movie was a pain for movie theater employees because of the walk outs, complaints and occasional puke that had to be cleaned up.
Ravenous – Ravenous is an odd little film. Dismissed upon initial release in 1999 it has picked up a cult following that is very vocal today. The film is characterized by a quirky soundtrack, bonkers performances and the famous line “he was licking me!” It is clear to see why this film is so adored. Like most cult classics it has an off-kilter vibe that features performances with personality. Ravenous has a personality all its own and can stand alongside films like Evil Dead, The Warriors andDonnie Darko. Roger Ebert was one of the few critics to appreciate the film and he understood the vibe it was going for.
Ravenous” is clever in the way it avoids most of the clichés of the vampire movie by using cannibalism, and most of the clichés of the cannibal movie by using vampirism. It serves both dishes with new sauces.
Lake Placid – Lake Placid is a weird hybrid that boasts an A-list cast, B-movie humor and a 30 foot crocodile. David Kelly’s (Ally McBeal) screenplay was a fun little thing that played like an R-rated screwball comedy met a creature feature and spawned something really weird. Steve Miner fresh of Halloween H20 (a guilty pleasure of mine) captured the tone really well and managed to give us a hammy creature feature full of cheeky moments and Betty White profanity. Lake Placid was never meant to be Jaws with a crocodile. It knew what it was and managed to be fun, plucky and fully aware of itself.
Audition – Audition is considered to be one of the scariest movies ever made. It has one of the biggest shocks of all time and is a nasty delight. Rolling Stone called it “one of the best movies you’ve never seen” and The Guardian ranked it at 21 on its best horror films ever list. You kinda have to watch Audition.
Sleepy Hollow – Tim Burton’s tale of the headless horseman is a sumptuous and beautifully designed horror film. Roger Ebert said it was “the best looking horror film since Coppola’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula” and he is 100% correct. Sleepy Hollow’s visuals have been burnt into my memory and I remember being blown away by what I was watching.
What 1999 horror films did you like?
Share this post:
John’s Horror Corner: The ABCs of Death 2 (2014), and a guide to its short films and directors.
MY CALL: Only die hard gore and horror anthology fans should even consider this schizophrenic mix of wildly inane short films. Overall this is nothing special. But I’ll bet you could make one Hell of a drinking game out of it! MOVIES LIKE ABCs of Death 2: Some other fun, decent and/or clever anthologies include (in order of release date): Black Sabbath (1963), Tales from the Crypt (1972), The Vault of Horror (1973), Creepshow (1982), Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983), Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye (1985), Creepshow 2 (1987), Tales from the Dark Side: The Movie (1990), Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (1993), Campfire Tales (1997), 3 Extremes (2004), Trick ‘r Treat (2007), Chillerama (2011), Little Deaths (2011), V/H/S (2012), The Theater Bizarre (2012), The ABCs of Death (2013), The Profane Exhibit (2013) and V/H/S 2 (2014).
This movie features a wide range of filming styles, varied and (sometimes) creative special effects, some nice use of stop-motion, standard animation and all manner of gore delivered in both serious and humorous context. Are you looking for a film that features dismemberment, murderous grandmothers that won’t die, mass murder, bath salt-induced mania, tentacles, zombie court and weird transformations? Well, depending my interpretation of what I saw in the melee of clips from this film you may be in for all that…all be it in small doses and of questionable quality. As a fan of gross-out gobs of gobbledy-gook horror and creative and/or funny and/or just plain awful twisted death scenes, I thought that this movie would NO MATTER WHAT be a big pleaser for the darker side of my soul. I was largely wrong. I had thought the same of The ABCs of Death (2013), which was in fact better than this “sequel” but also similarly not so great.
Like a child’s ABC book, the film is comprised of 26 individual chapters, each helmed by a different director assigned a letter. Each director had total freedom to choose a word to create a story involving death; 26 directors from around the world have contributed all manner of random death clips.
I’m a huge fan of horror anthology movies. They get a little flack because they come from a range of writers, directors and production quality–but that’s what I like. It also makes horror shorts available to those of us who do not attend film school or genre-geared film fests (e.g., Fantastic Fest). We get to taste a lot of stories and ideas and, if we don’t like one of the shorts after a few minutes just wait for the next one to start. If you don’t like a film in Creepshow (3 stories) you’d wait 20-30 minutes for the next story. With V/H/S (5 stories) one need wait only 15-20 minutes. However this has 26 stories, so you’d only have to wait what? Maybe 5 minutes? Sadly, because of generally low quality and uninspired shorts, you’ll find yourself waiting a lot.
Below is an ABC guide to the shorts, their directors and their past work, a few components of the short and an occasional comment…
“A is for Amateur” by E. L. Katz (Cheap Thrills)
Nudity; drug use. This humorously shifts from an edgy, sleek first-time hitman’s fantasy to a fumbling cruel reality. Beautifully shot! Good blood work. Funny.
“B is for Badger” by Julian Barratt
Humorous gore; dismemberment. Tongue-in-cheek nature documentary gone wrong.
“C is for Capital Punishment” by Julian Gilbey (A Lonely Place to Die)
Decapitation. A wrongful execution.
“D is for Deloused” by Robert Morgan (various short films)
Claymation; decapitation. Very creepy and a little trancy. I didn’t really get it, but I liked it. 
Anyone else reminded of a Tool music video right about now?
“E is for Equilibrium” by Alejandro Brugués (Juan of the Dead)
Comedy. Two island castaways discover a woman washed ashore. Very goofy. Really liked it. 
This short tells a truly cute story in a very cute way and it ends in a cute murder and a cute kind of happiness.
“F is for Falling” by Aharon Keshales (Kalevet, Big Bad Wolves) and Navot Papushado
Arabic (?) language; broken bone. This film didn’t seem to fit in well. Not that it was bad.
“G is for Grandad” by Jim Hosking
Full frontal elderly male nudity. Ungrateful punk visits his grandfather. Weird.
“H is for Head Games” by Bill Plympton (Mutant Aliens)
Animated slapstick gore. Lots of weird imagery and weaponized body parts and bodily functions.
“I is for Invincible” by Erik Matti
Patricide; immolation; decapitation; foreign language. Trying to kill grandma for her inheritance but she just won’t die.
“J is for Jesus” by Dennison Ramalho
Portuguese; full frontal nudity; genital torture; dismemberment; stigmata. Gay exorcism.
“K is for Knell” by Bruno Samper and Kristina Buozyte
Mass murder ensues a lunar event. Then things get weird.
“L is for Legacy” by Lancelot Oduwa Imasuen
Horrible CGI, lousy middle school quality make-up. Beyond stupid! “M is for Masticate” by Robert Boocheck (Horrific) Bath salts. Slow motion filmed crazy fat guy neck-biting some poor shlub. 
Evidently bath salts also cause instant body hair growth. Lord, look at those shoulders. It’s like he’s wearing a sweater!
“N is for Nexus” by Larry Fessenden (Beneath, Wendigo)
Nudity. Extremely stupid, not in a good way.
“O is for Ochlocracy” by Hajime Ohata (Metamorphosis)
Foreign language; zombies. Zombies try and prosecute their still-human assailants in court. Fun idea. Dumb film. 
“P is for P-P-P-P Scary!” by Todd Rohal (Nature Calls)
So stupid that it’s annoying.
“Q is for Questionnaire” by Rodney Ascher (Visions of Terror)
Surgery. Brutally gory surgery scene.
“R is for Roulette” by Marvin Kren (Blood Glacier)
Russian Roulette, foreign language.
“S is for Split” by Juan Martínez Moreno (Game of Werewolves)
Gory. Home invasion. This one was really quite good.
“T is for Torture Porn” by the Soska twins (American Mary)
Very, very, very weird. Basically a porn job interview turns into a live-action Hentai with men as the victims of tentacle porn rape.
“U is for Utopia” by Vincenzo Natali (Haunter, Splice, Cube)
Immolation. An unbeautiful person in an otherwise beautiful world is “solved.”
“V is for vacation” by Jerome Sable (Stage Fright, The Legend of Beaver Dam)
Nudity. Morally reprehensible, but one of the better shorts.
“W is for Wish” by Steven Kostanski (Manborg)
Organ removal; stop-motion. Zany, campy, gory fantasy fun. Very funny.
“X is for Xylophone” by Julien Maury (Inside, Livid) and Alexandre Bustillo
This short film boils down to one goretastic punchline.
“Y is for Youth” by Sôichi Umezawa
Japanese; transformation; Tokyo Shock; phallic stuff; evil sperm. This is bonkers. A woman turns into a dog that spits sharpened pencils, that turn into worms, which combine into a worm hand…and that’s not even a fraction of the really weird shit.
“Z is for Zygote” by Chris Nash
Birth scene. A very long-term pregnancy gets very weird and VERY gory. Gross…but a very cool film. 
Share this post:
As Above, So Below is not a good film but it tries to rise above the rest. It features an Indiana Jones type heroine and an unexpected ending that left me satisfied and not thinking about the nausea inducing camera work. In a day and age of horror remakes, sequels, remakes, reboots and spin-offs I liked the new direction of As Above.
The story revolves around an intrepid alchemy scholar named Scarlet (Perdita Weeks) hunting down the Sorcerer’s Stone. Scarlet is intelligent, selfish, driven and the child of a lost adventurer. Her globe-trotting quest leads her to the catacombs of Paris where things will eventually go wrong. While in Paris she reunites with her ex-boyfriend George (Ben Feldman) and the reunion is far from pleasant. The last time she saw George she was leaving him to be arrested in a Turkish prison. He isn’t happy about the ordeal but Scarlet armed with new evidence convinces him to take the journey into the catacombs.
I like that the characters push themselves into dangerous situations because of their obsession with history. It is refreshing to see a kamikaze female character that has a black belt in Krav Maga (which she doesn’t get a chance to use in hell) and doesn’t think twice about putting herself in danger. She is a driven individual who you do not want to hang out with (you will probably end up dead or stuck in a Turkish prison).
They gather a crew of Parisians who know the tunnels and they embark on a quest that will not end well for most of them. There are several moments when your hand will slap your head due to incredibly poor choices. For instance, if you see a cult singing music underground maybe you shouldn’t go deeper and deeper into the weirdness. Eventually, pianos pop up out of nowhere and they will enter a tiny tunnel that has “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here” written above it. However, Scarlet lives by the motto “you have to break an egg to make an omelette” and her crew suffers many cracks in her omelette making.
The fact that they shot most of the film in the actual Paris catacombs is impressive. However, due to the shaky camera work the locations become moot. This is a shame because it is no easy feat to fit a production down there. They had amazing access to a great location and tried to waste it via pinballing camera work. The directors John Erik and Drew Dowdle (Devil..which I think is underrated) had this to say about it.
They’re 200 miles of tunnels, five stories underground, that hold the remains of six million bodies. So there’s bones and skulls. It was cold, it was dark, there was no bathroom down there. Water up to your waist some days. You’d sometimes have to crawl around on all fours for an hour at a time. It was gnarly. We’re the first feature to get permission to shoot in the off-limits areas. We were like, “We’re not bringing lights, we’ll just do it docu-style.” In a lot of scenes the actors light the scene themselves with their head lamps.
Here is what I love about As Above (SPOILERS!!!!!!!). They eventually find themselves in hell and many of the team start to die. As things get bleak Scarlet makes a mad dash through the catacombs in order to replace the sorcerers stone and turn the world around. Just as you think bleak will prevail (Think Blair Witch), Scarlet saves the day and three people survive. I realize that several young people died but it is kinda nice that we don’t get the stock everybody dies ending (Think Grave Encounters). It seems like another day in the life of Scarlet and you are convinced she and George will find themselves in more shenanigans in which a couple of red shirts will die.
Many horror films annoy me due to inevitable borrowing, repeating and blood-letting. As Above combined horror with adventure and I left the experience feeling satisfied. It won’t become a cult classic and the 27% Rotten Tomatoes score is understandable. However, I had fun with the film and I really liked the idea of it.
Watch As Above, So Below. Appreciate what you see of the catacombs and let me know what you think about the ending!
Share this post:
Only Lovers Left Alive: The Vampires of Detroit
Jim Jarmusch sure is cool. Only Lovers left Alive is a laid back treasure that takes its time and builds super cool characters. The story of two vampires exploring the Detroit landscape is wonderful, literate and always entertaining.
Tom Hiddleston plays a melancholy vampire named Adam who is increasingly annoyed by the zombies (humans) and spends his days in isolation. He is a popular underground musician whose music is known world wide. He has one human friend named Ian (Anton Yelchin) who is the only “rock and roll kid” he likes. Ian runs his errands, buys all his musical equipment and is given a final task. Adam wants him to find somebody who can make a solid wooden bullet.
Sensing that her husband is in a funk Eve (Tilda Swinton) makes plans to visit. When we first meet her she is chatting about olden days with Christopher Marlowe (which finally put my lit degree to use!). I love how Marlowe (John Hurt) wishes he would have met Adam before he wrote Hamlet. I also love when Eve explains why Adam might be sullen:
“I mainly blame Shelley and Byron and some of those French assholes he used to hang around with.”
Eve leaves Tangier and heads to Detroit in order to cheer up her morose lover and partake in conversations about Shakespeare, quantum theory and Jack White. Eventually, her kid sister shows up and much to Adam’s annoyance drinks his friends, blares his music and forces them to music clubs.
Swinton and Hiddleston are wonderfully cool and they immediately build a lived in chemistry. The two love each other deeply yet have different personalities. Basically, she married a tortured musician and has to deal with him for hundreds of years.
After Snowpiercer, We Need to Talk About Kevin, The Grand Budapest Hotel and Moonrise Kingdom Tilda Swinton is proving herself to be the best actress around. She is a chameleon who disappears into her roles and I still can’t believe she was Mason from Snowpiercer. She worked with Jarmusch before in Broken Flowers and her performance gives in to his style of cool detachment. Tom Hiddleston is perfect as the sulky vampire who is simply getting older. The new generation bores him and he misses the days of playing chess with the world’s best writers. Hiddleston carries effortless cool on his shoulders and he makes the role look easy.
Only Lovers Left Alive is a cool experiment that will live on as one of the best vampires films ever made. It flips the genre on its head and I love how it shows the evolution of the creatures. They may be getting wiser and more mature but they still are vampires who need blood. There is a danger to them even as they lay around listening to pretentious music.
Watch Only Lovers left Alive. Then, check out Jarmusch’s Coffee and Cigarettes. I guarantee it is the only movie where Bill Murray drinking out of a coffee pot chats with RZA and GZA.
Movies, Films & Flix 