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John’s Horror Corner: Chillerama (2011), a raunchy horror-comedy anthology.

May 18, 2012

MY CALL:  This aptly named episodic doesn’t take itself too seriously—or seriously at all, really.  Its highly inappropriate gross-out humor smacks of Kaufman’s Troma films.  So don’t go watching this with your mother.  The dialogue is littered with poorly executed horror clichés-gone-wrong, blatant sexual innuendo and raunchy harbingers of T’n’A to come.  You know this is going to be awful, but you also know that the filmmakers were intentionally making something awful.  The question is whether or not they succeeded at making something so bad it’s good.  Not really.  I laughed here and there, but mostly felt guilty for watching this smut.  I’ll say it again just so that you truly understand what this is: filthy SMUT!  IF YOU LIKE THIS, THEN WATCH:  Troma films or Tokyo Shock flicks (e.g., Helldriver).  WHAT TO WATCH INSTEADTrick ‘r Treat (2007), the Creepshow series (1982, 1987, 2006), and HBO’s Tales from the Crypt (1989-96) all deliver episodic horror with decent writing and a good sense of humor—oh, and they don’t rely on smut.

This is pure, trashy nonsense.  In the intro scene a man digs up his dead wife to get some “dead head,” but he gets more than he bargained for when she zombie-chomps his junk off.  This guy, now penisless, goes to work at a drive-in theater where they’ll be showing the other featurettes comprising this movie.  This side-story, Zom-B Movie, continues between and after the featurettes.

Wadzilla is our first featurette and it copies the “giant monster” fad of the old days.  It’s about an average Joe with abnormally few, large, and sluggish sperm.  After a consult with a doctor at a sperm bank, he agrees to take Spermopropene, a drug which may increase his sperm load.  They make this every bit as idiotic as you’d think they could.  The drug makes his sperm into giant sperm (i.e., two inches of disgustingly inappropriate sperm wriggling across the floor like a slapstick nightcrawler).  The short film continues and his sperm size grows to a foot long.  He literally battles one in a bathroom prior to a blind date.  This rogue sperm grows rapidly, tries to rape a woman, eats a chihuahua and beheads some chick in a sock-hop skirt.  This gamete-gone-wrong gets so big that they use claymation to present it to the tune of Beetlejuice’s sandworms.  It continues to kill and grow.  Just as this Wadzilla is humping the sultry Statue of Liberty, which gives us a striptease by the way, General Bukake (Eric Roberts) initiates “operation money shot” to save the day.

Hey, let’s tell this story with a few pictures…Sperm monster is born and man tries to flush it down the toilet.  Evidently he never heard of the Alligator in the Sewer movies.

Sperm monster, in true Roger Corman spirit, succumbs to the biological imperative.

Sperm monster grows and finds new, larger mates.

Sperm monster gets nuked.

I Was a Teenage Werebear borrows from the beach movie craze of the 50s and 60s and even has a few painful musical numbers.  This homoerotic tale is initiated after a bite to the ass from a blond, Elvis-ish greaser.  Once aroused, such men transform into plus-sized, unmanscaped beasts.  The make-up for this is utterly terrible.  This is much less entertaining than Wadzilla.  In the end, the recently-turned star of the story slays his maker with a big, chrome…well, you know what…to the…well, you know where.  Just tasteless.  Next to this, Zombie Strippers starts looking like a solid film.

I had no idea that Wilmer Valerrama was twins.

The Diary of Anne Frankenstein is in black and white, and German!  These short films just seem to get worse and worse.  So Adolf Hitler kills the Frank family, shortened from Frankenstein, and steals the journal of Dr. Frankenstein.  Now armed with the secrets of creation, Hitler goes all mad scientist and creates a Jewish Frankenstein played by Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees in Friday the 13th parts VII-X).  This was funny and the least inappropriate of the shorts.  If you make it this far into the movie, listen for all of the non-German nonsense dialogue.  It’s loaded with random movie references—in fact, the whole movie is filled with seriously out of place movie quotables.

After all this, Zom-B Movie comes to its horrendous conclusion with something of an exploitative nymphomaniac zombie orgy complete with necrophilia, sexualized gore and member dismemberment.

This movie, for its style and quality, has a disturbing number of recognizable actors.  It’s filmed and scored as if mocking 50s-60s era horror and sci-fi and was clearly made to give exploitation film fans a satirical period piece.

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  12. John’s Horror Corner: You’re Next (2013), featuring one of the best credibly tough horror heroines I’ve seen in a decade! | Movies, Films & Flix
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  15. John’s Horror Corner: The Killer Eye (1999), an erotic horror gone horribly wrong | Movies, Films & Flix
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  17. John’s Horror Corner: Smothered (2014), an honest, campy, bad, fun horror comedy featuring murder by breast smothering. | Movies, Films & Flix
  18. John’s Horror Corner: Killer Mermaid (2014), a promising micro-budget movie about a man-eating sea nymph. | Movies, Films & Flix
  19. John’s Horror Corner: ABCs of Death 2 (2014), and a guide to its short films and directors. | Movies, Films & Flix
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  21. Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990), a great horror anthology featuring mummies, killer black cats and amorous gargoyles. | Movies, Films & Flix
  22. John’s Horror Corner: Tales from the Crypt (1972), a truly classic horror anthology. | Movies, Films & Flix
  23. John’s Horror Corner: The Vault of Horrors (1973), not quite living up to its Tales from the Crypt prequel, but fun nonetheless. | Movies, Films & Flix
  24. V/H/S Viral (2014), another found footage horror anthology with a couple of cool short stories | Movies, Films & Flix
  25. Love in the Time of Monsters (2014), a horror comedy filled with chest-bursting zombie squirrels, mutant rage zombies dressed as bigfoot, and delightfully deliberate stupidity. | Movies, Films & Flix
  26. John’s Horror Corner: Love in the Time of Monsters (2014), a horror comedy filled with chest-bursting zombie squirrels, mutant rage zombies dressed as bigfoot, and delightfully deliberate stupidity. | Movies, Films & Flix
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  28. John’s Horror Corner: Creepshow (1982), a classic, campy, nostalgic horror anthology from Stephen King and George Romero! | Movies, Films & Flix
  29. 3 Days until Halloween! October Pick #5: Trick ‘r Treat (2007) | Movies, Films & Flix
  30. John’s Horror Corner: A Christmas Horror Story (2015), a holiday anthology complete with zombie elves, evil spirits and Santa fighting Krampus! | Movies, Films & Flix
  31. John’s Horror Corner: Deadtime Stories (1986), a wonderfully campy horror anthology with diverse effects and dark fairy tales. | Movies, Films & Flix
  32. John’s Horror Corner: Southbound (2015), five linked tales form this decent horror anthology with angels of death and the worst broken leg ever. | Movies, Films & Flix
  33. John’s Horror Corner: Holidays (2016), an excellent horror anthology with some shockingly good horror shorts. | Movies, Films & Flix
  34. John’s Horror Corner: Zoombies (2016), a low budget zombedy using the Jurassic World playbook. | Movies, Films & Flix
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  36. John’s Horror Corner: Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007), an over-the-top gorefest that was made for Henry Rollins. | Movies, Films & Flix
  37. John’s Horror Corner: The ABCs of Death 2.5 (2016), really not the best horror anthology, with a variety of perverted themes. | Movies, Films & Flix
  38. John’s Horror Corner: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), where psychotherapy meets telekinesis and Kane Hodder’s zombie Jason. | Movies, Films & Flix
  39. John’s Horror Corner: Mayhem (2017), 28 Days Later (2002) meets The Purge (2013) in this corporate Belko-esque rampage. | Movies, Films & Flix
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  41. John’s Horror Corner: The Babysitter (2017), a visually striking horror-comedy populated by Raimi-esque blood-spewing, pop culture references galore and truly lovable characters. | Movies, Films & Flix
  42. John’s Horror Corner: Bloodsucking Bastards (2015), a rather generic horror comedy about a vampire takeover in the office. | Movies, Films & Flix
  43. John’s Horror Corner: After Midnight (1989), a decent horror anthology. | Movies, Films & Flix
  44. John’s Horror Corner: The Willies (1990), a hokey kid-friendly-ish horror anthology starring Sean Astin. | Movies, Films & Flix
  45. John’s Horror Corner: Critters 2: The Main Course (1988), the gorier sci-horror comedy creature feature sequel that is somehow NOT rated R. | Movies, Films & Flix
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  47. John’s Horror Corner: Ghost Stories (2017), a horror anthology for beginners. | Movies, Films & Flix
  48. John’s Horror Corner: The Hills Have Eyes (2006), the shockingly brutal remake reflects Wes Craven’s and Tobe Hooper’s cannibal cult classics. | Movies, Films & Flix
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  51. John’s Horror Corner: Dark Tales of Japan (2004; aka Suiyô puremia: sekai saikyô J horâ SP Nihon no kowai yoru), passable for a Japanese TV movie horror anthology. | Movies, Films & Flix
  52. John’s Horror Corner: Tales from the Crypt Season 1 (1989), a wonderful horror anthology series that keeps it light. | Movies, Films & Flix
  53. John’s Horror Corner: Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (1993), a Lovecraftian horror anthology loaded with disgusting gore and slimy tentacle monsters. | Movies, Films & Flix
  54. John’s Horror Corner: All Hallow’s Eve (2013), the brutal gory horror anthology that spawned Art the Clown. | Movies, Films & Flix
  55. John’s Horror Corner: Black Sheep (2006), a goretastic New Zealand horror-comedy about killer sheep. | Movies, Films & Flix
  56. John’s Horror Corner: XX (2017), the horror anthology led by women in horror. | Movies, Films & Flix
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  58. John’s Horror Corner: From a Whisper to a Scream (1987; aka The Offspring), a lower budget horror anthology with some zany-gory special effects. | Movies, Films & Flix
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