John’s Horror Corner: The Theater Bizarre (2011), a fun horror anthology

MY CALL:  Looking for a film that has witches, murder, Lovecraftian vaginas, eyeball injections, the Necromonicon, and naked toad monsters?  Well, depending my interpretation of what I saw in the melee of short films here you may be in for all that and more…all be it in small doses.  These short films vary substantially in film, acting, gore, direction and writing quality.  We get to taste a lot of stories and ideas and, if we don’t like one of the shorts after ten minutes, just wait ten more minutes for the next one to start.  If you like anthologies then don’t miss this.  IF YOU LIKE THIS WATCH:  Some other fun, decent and/or clever anthologies include (in order of release date):  Black Sabbath (1963), Tales from the Crypt (1972), The Vault of Horror (1973), Creepshow (1982), Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983), Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye (1985), Creepshow 2 (1987), Tales from the Dark Side: The Movie (1990), Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (1993), Campfire Tales (1997), 3 Extremes (2004), Trick ‘r Treat (2007), Chillerama (2011), Little Deaths (2011), V/H/S (2012), and the upcoming The ABC’s of Death (2012) and The Profane Exhibit (2012 or 2013).

A macabre-marionetted Udo Kier (Mother of Tears, Iron Sky) introduces the six unrelated stories of this anthology.  I have provided an brief overview of each short film along with some opinions.

The Mother of Toads–directed by Richard Stanley (Hardware, The Profane Exhibit)

Wait a sec.  I don’t remember my high school biology so well any more.  How many “breasts” do toads have?

Vacationing in France, an American couple encounter an old lady (Catriona MacCall; The Beyond, City of the Living Dead) selling Lovecraftian earrings who claims to possess the Necronomicon.  This clichéd creepy old lady invites the boyfriend to her uber-occult home in the woods, transforms into a slimy yet hot naked witch (played by a porn star), date rapes him, and turns into a six-breasted toad monster that looks like The Creature from the Black Lagoon.  MY CALL:  I may have spoiled the story, but the wooden acting and blatantly random premise spoil the short film even more.  Though, I must admit I found it entertaining.  You find yourself asking questions like “why would he go to her house?”, “why would he stay in that creepy house when she CLEARLY fancies herself a witch?”, “who would ever accept a drink from someone who owns a Necronomicon!?!”, and finally “the Necronomicon is French!?!”  It’s a TERRIBLE film but a REALLY good laugh.

Of course I’ll have a drink.  You don’t strike me as suspicious at all!

I Love You–directed by Buddy Giovinazzo

Axle’s life is falling apart.  He wakes up on the bathroom floor, has bruises and wounds he can’t explain, he looks awful and his wife is leaving him for another man.  MY CALL:  Pretty much a couple Germans who sort of speak English fluently trying to act in English…just get American or British actors!!!  Making matters worse, this never felt like horror film until the very end, which features some handsome gore.

Wet Dreams–directed by Tom Savini (who did the make-up for loads of stuff)

Donnie has been having some troublingly graphic dreams of castration.  His wife, Carla (Debbie Rochon; Tromaville Scream Queen), is getting tired of it.  MY CALL: We get a few grins from lines like “Lovecraftian vagina” as well as some fine gore which allow us to forgive Tom Savini for forcing us to watch his stillborn attempts to act.  This was really just a shock piece.  But I enjoyed it for the mindless fun that it offered.

The Accident–directed by Douglas Buck (Sisters)

A mother and daughter come upon a fatal accident which provokes questions about death from the young girl.  MY CALL:  This is the only short in this anthology which attempts to send a real message.  Death is addressed gracefully, the acting was decent and the filming and music were done very well.  I have one complaint though:  zero horror.

Vision Stains–directed by Karim Hussain (Ascension)

A woman murders vagrants and “extracts” their final visions as their lives flash before their eyes…literally, with a syringe.  Then she injects the fluid into her own eyes so that she may experience them.  MY CALL: This was clearly the coolest of the short films.  The premise, while loaded with in your face nonsense/non-science, was interesting and the extraction and injection scenes were uniquely hard to watch–not for the feint.  No joke!

Watching this was seriously hard!

Sweets–directed by David Gregory (Plague Town)

Estelle breaks up with her boyfriend Greg in this colorful binge of a film.  MY CALL:  Stylistic, weird and obsessively indulgent, with an art house theater appeal, alternating disgusting and sensual imagery, and a powerful duality.  All in all, a little too strange and sociopathic even for my taste.  Watching this felt like being trapped in the mind of a psychopath; a never ending WTF moment that was equal parts insane and genius.

This was a REALLY interesting mix and should interest horror fans and indie film fans alike.  Some risky production was practiced in some and shockingly good writing emerges here and there.  We get to taste a lot of stories and ideas and, if we don’t like one of the shorts after ten minutes, we just wait ten more minutes for the next one to start.  If you like anthologies then don’t miss this.

Not a good alternate poster.  I swear this anthology is worth it–despite this lousy-ass poster.