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Animated Football list: Drawing Up the Best Plays

April 8, 2011

Animated Football list 2011

Amazing list! My cousin Jonny Moore played D1 football for UTEP and regularly comments on the blog. I’m glad I let him make this list.

The 2011 Animated Football Team is a blend of size, strength, speed, attitude and work ethic to form the most elite fantasy football team ever assembled.

Head Coach:
Charles Francis Xavier (X-Men)
Strengths: Two words….. Mind Control
Weaknesses: Does not know a thing about football

Defense: 3-4

CB: The seagulls from Finding Nemo
Strengths: Pick City! With their speed and attitude of “mine mine mine”, makes them uncanny in their ability to go up and contest jump balls.
Weaknesses: Weak bone structure and lack strength; well…..they are seagulls.

CB: Mighty Mouse
Strengths: Super hero speed and strength. Plays with a chip on his shoulder using lack of size as motivation.
Weaknesses: Disease carrier.

SS: Goku (Dragon Ball Z)
Strengths: He’ll go Super Saiyan 13 on your ass. His combination of hard hitting and no shit lightning fast speed are the perfect combination to counter any challenger.
Weaknesses: Despite popular believe Goku doesn’t speak English. This creates a language barrier between him and his teammates. He stated in an interview “chang chong pang chang paaaaaaai”. Translation, “The voice over in the American version was horribly done”.

FS: Pepe Le Pew
Strengths: Surprisingly, Pepe has a nose for the football. Has great passion for the game.
Weaknesses: He is French and is known to hang out with and be a huge inspiration to Ben Roethlisberger.

OLB: The Genie (Aladdin)
Strengths: You get 3 wishes!
Weaknesses: Everyone on the team is exhausted trying to keep up with Robin Williams’ “comedy”.

OLB: Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)
Strengths: Great athlete . Brother of Brian Bosworth giving him access to all the steroids one could want.
Weaknesses: A total douche bag. Everyone hates this jack ass.

MLB: The Thing (Fantastic Four)
Strengths: NO ONE is running between the tackles, PERIOD.
Weakness: No flexibility in hips due to being made of stone.

MLB: Megatron (Transformers)
Strengths: Decepticons are perfect to put on this side of the ball, especially Megatron. Strong and hits hard.
Weaknesses: Needs more heart. Bent on world domination….not football domination.

DT: Shrek
Strengths: Defensive tackles are the meanest position in all of sports. This is especially the case in a 3-4 defense where the battling of double teams on every team requires the right combination of size, strength and attitude. Shrek possesses every one of these.
Weaknesses: Horrible hygiene and refuses to move out of his home in the swamp. Teammates often complain about the smell.

DE: Kronk (The Emperors New Groove)
Strengths: Great at getting up field to disrupt passing lanes. Most people don’t know this but Kronk played D-end for UCLA earning all conference honors his sophomore and junior year. Ruled ineligible his senior year due to grades.
Weaknesses: Not smart at all. Fortunately, not a lot of thinking is needed to play D-end.

DE: Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)
Strengths: You think Dwight Freeney has a good spin move?
Weaknesses: Tasmanian Devil’s are endangered leaving a gapping hole in the depth chart.

Pro Offense:

QB: Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)
Strengths: Natural born leader. Arm strength is questioned but makes up for this with his decision making. Great at deceiving the Blitz by convincing them that it’s not football season.
Weaknesses: Needs to put on weight and add strength but Bugs will only eat carrots.

RB: The Road Runner (Looney Tunes)
Strengths: Speed kills. Due to avoiding Wile E. Coyote’s traps the Road Runner has developed great skills which translate into running great routes out of the back field, running in open space, great ball carrier vision and outrunning Acme rockets.
Weaknesses: Whenever asked if he understands, the roadrunner always replies with “beep beep”. No one knows what this means.

FB: Manny (Ice Age)
Strengths: A tank! Natural run blocker who is comfortable in his roll.
Weaknesses: Has trouble with ball control due to no hands and a trunk severely limiting his productivity.

TE: The purple Monstar (Space Jam)
Strengths: Antonio Gates type player. Didn’t play football in college but supreme athletic ability makes up for lack of experience. Also, surprisingly good at making opponents miss in the open field.
Weaknesses: Not football smart or smart at all. Focus is also questioned. Often caught starring in the stands and skipping while picking flowers during time outs.

WR: Dashiell ‘Dash’ Parr (The Incredibles)
Strengths: Speed to stretch the field.
Weaknesses: Immature. Often plays pranks on Goku risking his and everyone else’s life on the team.

WR: Jack (A Nightmare Before Christmas)
Strengths: Great athletic ability. Tall frame leaves room for growth. Ran a 4.41 at the combine and shined in the interview by breaking out in song and dance to win the scouts over.
Weaknesses: Doesn’t have soft hands due to being a skeleton. As a result, tends to catch the ball with his body instead of his hands.

T: Po (Kung Fu Panda)
Strengths: Great balance and footwork. Pass protection is an art of manipulating and moving your opponent’s body making Po great at protecting Bugs’ blind side.
Weaknesses: Only motivated by food often leaving Po overweight.

G: Man Bear Pig (South Park: Imagination Land)
Strengths: Half man, half bear, half pig. Great combination. You need three yards? Run behind MBP.
Weaknesses: Too many unnecessary roughness penalties after eating opponent’s DTs and LBs.

C: Fred Flintstone
Strengths: Strong hands and great footwork. Just watch his Tippy-toe bowling approach.

G: Barney Rubble
Strengths: What makes Barney so great is his chemistry with Fred. They are on the same page every play.
Weaknesses: Lacks height.

T: Popeye
Strengths: All he needs is spinach
Weaknesses: Reaching the tail end of his career with only a few years of productivity left.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. John Leavengood permalink
    April 8, 2011 11:01 am

    Kronk may have bad grades in general, but clearly aced Squirrel-squeak-ese.

    I wonder if Patrick Warburton’s attitude could beat Kronk in arm-wrestling.

  2. The Beast permalink
    April 12, 2011 10:02 pm

    (Singing) No one hits like Gaston, no one runs like Gaston, no one covers like Gaston…


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