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Horror Movie Remake Tournament of Doom-Part 3

October 26, 2011

Mark: Is is just me or is Dark Water the lamest title ever? I’m hoping this was the tagline

Dark Water: Don’t drink it, don’t water your plants with it, don’t do cannonballs into it.

John:  Oh, that was a horror movie?  I thought Dark Water was a kidney stone documentary by the Super Size Me guy.

Mark: Don’t give that guy any ideas. Morgan Spurlock passing a kidney stone would be much scarier than Jennifer Connelly being hunted by angry water.

Mark: This was probably the easiest bracket to find a winner. The Thing (1982) is an unstoppable juggernaut of awesomeness that does not age.

John:  It’s a good thing we went classic with The Thing remake.  The Thing (2011) would have gotten owned by Cape Fear OR QuarantineThe Fly had a good thing going with the Brundel-fly medicine cabinet museum of gross transformation history and perhaps the best arm-wrestling scene on the market, but my hat is always off to The Thing–it’s one of my all time favorites of any genre.

Mark: Quarantine made it pretty far…It was on a gravy train with biscuit wheels….It had meatball competition though.

Sidenote: I must be hungry with all this talk of food.

Mark: The toughest part for me was conceding to the defeat of The Wolfman. The Wolfman survived an early scare against I am Legend only to be defeated by The Fly. I know The Wolfman is not in The Fly’s league. However,  I dug the atmosphere, look and effects the film created. Also, there is a scene where Anthony Hopkins randomly throws a chair and it makes me laugh.

John:  I’m a little less shocked by the Fly‘s victory.  It has Jeff Goldblum in it (who was also in our tournaments 1978 Invasion of the Body Snatchers which won Monday’s bracket), he eats a donut by chundering all over it and slurping it up (YIKES), he diddles Geena Davis, and he spew-melts off Geena’s ex-beau’s hand before getting his head turned into cerebral confetti.  What did The Wolfman have?  A daddy-issued Benicio who had to get water-tortured to forget that he wasn’t hugged enough?  Out with that.  It’s called tough love, Benicio.  Deal with it!

Mark: Benicio has 99 problems but a fly ain’t one. However, that arm wrestling scene was epic.

Mark: In the end The Thing prevailed. I feel bad for Cape Fear though. Remember when DeNiro used to be the best?

If you missed anything, check out Monday’s Bracket and the initial tournament breakdown.

Stay tuned for the next bracket!

7 Comments leave one →
  1. October 26, 2011 9:50 am

    Dear John,
    1. Ew.
    2. Seriously? That is the only dark water joke you could think of? You work in science….just, ew.
    3. How about this…Dark Water- AKA not the sequel to that movie with Kevin Bacon…or that other movie with Kevin Bacon.
    4. The Thing (2011)…so not a remake, duh.
    5. Go eat a sandwich
    6. When are you coming to visit? I miss our debating about movies while you and Mark drink beer and I make dinner

  2. VJ Long permalink
    October 26, 2011 10:21 am

    Just watched The Thing (1982) last night. New favorite. Kurt is the man. Actually I’m not sure if it’s Kurt or his beard that made him so good, but either way he knew his way around a flame thrower!

  3. VJ Long permalink
    October 26, 2011 10:21 am

    Wonderful job with the bracket guys!

  4. October 26, 2011 10:34 am

    I think it was both the beard and Kurt Russell. No other man could grow a beard like that. Thanks for the comments!

  5. Erik permalink
    October 26, 2011 7:35 pm

    A combination between Dark Water and Deep Blue Sea would have knocked all of these movies, well, out of the water.


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