Bad Movie Tuesday: Underworld Awakening (Revisited)
What the what?
If you are a Bad Movie Tuesday fan and have read Mark’s recent review of What’s Your Number, you will recognize this. I have to say that after seeing this movie, I can now identify with this facial expression.
To give you a little insider knowledge (feel honored!)- the Movies, Films & Flix crew prefers to highlight the awesome badness of movies rather than outright hang a cloud of gloom over your head. We are a nice bunch 🙂 I felt that the best way to highlight said badness of Underworld #4 would be to present you with a list of questions. Never have I ever had so many questions, only 10 minutes into a movie.
Consider this my earnest plea to understand what happened to such a fun franchise. I’ll admit it, I love the first three Underwold movies. I spent many a late night in college, flipping channels (while studying?) only to come across one of these movies and be glued to the screen until the credits appeared. If you know the answers to my questions, please feel free to answer them in the comments section.
Okay, let’s play Twenty Questions…
- Whats with the video recap of the series? I’ve seen these movies. These are your fans in the audience.
- Part 1:Why did she kill all of those cops in the very beginning?
- Part 2:When did she become so mean (read: bi-otch)? She was never this mean before, I really liked Selene in the previous movies, now she is just murdering cops
- Part 3:Couldn’t she have just dressed up as one of the cops and escaped, sans bloodshed and endangering Michael?
- Why was this movie in 3D? They barely utilized it, I know, I checked by taking off my glasses multiple times
- Was the character Michael actually in this movie? Methinks no.
- Why have her boots and corset been held in a refrigerated cabinet with bottles of chemicals, conveniently next to her ice tomb for 12 years?
- Did they WANT her to wake up and get dressed one day?
- Also, where did she find the stretchy black catsuit? I didn’t see it in the fridge….
- Why isn’t Michael Ealy in more movies? Seriously. He is by far the best part of Underworld Awakening. Mr. Ealy’s agent, do you hear me???
- Can we create a drinking game for this? Drink every time Kate Beckinsale ‘walks slowly’ across or towards the screen.
- Why does Mr. Extra Large Lycan keep throwing her 50 yards away? What does this accomplish?
- Why was Mr. Extra Large Lycan punching the wall with the too small doorway in frustration? Why waste that time?
- SPOILER: Why did Selene break open Michael’s ice tomb before the battle? Why not do it after and then come back and wait for him to defrost with her little family?
- SPOILER: Why didn’t Michael help them out after defrosting? He had to see all the dead bodies in the building? No? And he didn’t hear the ruckus down stairs?
- SPOILER: Who will play Michael in Underworld 5??????? If Scott Speedman didn’t want to make this movie, can they keep using archive footage, unnamed stand-ins and CGI?? Can they?!?!
- Was the movie of the doppleganger/stand-in actors? Examples of actors and their possible look-alikes from this movie: Charles Dance (Bill Nighy), Khris Holden-Ried (Chris Marten), India Eisley (Hailee Steinfeld), Random Stand In (Scott Speedman)
- I found this on IMDB: This is the first Underworld movie to not feature Bill Nighy. Don’t they know that EVERY movie could benefit from some Bill Nighy?
- Where does Selene keep all of those grenades, bombs, other weapon thingys? I don’t see any pockets on that skin-tight outfit, do you?
- Did you hear that? Was that a squish? Probably the squishy-est (spelling?) sound effects I have ever heard…and I love them. They make all of the kills way more fun 🙂
To be fair, we did like some aspects of the movie. Mainly that it made us laugh, we had a great laugh as we talked about the badness and walked to the parking lot. A fun night together is never a waste of money 🙂
If you need a supernatural, vampire or 3D fix, watch Underworld 1-3, the entire Resident Evil collection or wait for Resident Evil: Retribution 3D. Thank me later.
Movies, Films & Flix 
I believe I can be of service here…
12. Why does Mr. Extra Large Lycan keep throwing her 50 yards away? What does this accomplish?
Answer: He is a recreational lycanoids abuser. Lycanoids can cause uncontrollable anger–known as “noid rage”–resulting in both poor judgment in combat situations and musclebound inflexibility. So, limited facility of technically sounds combat skills.
13. Why was Mr. Extra Large Lycan punching the wall with the too small doorway in frustration? Why waste that time?
Answer. ‘Noid abusers suffer some physical side affects as well, including decreased testicular size. This makes them sad, angry, aggravated, yet more ‘noid rage-y…so yeah, they randomly hit stuff to no end.
Remember kids: just say no to drugs and stay in school!
I see your 20 questions, and I raise you 20 answers in a five-minute lightning round …
1. So people don’t get it confused with Twilight
2. Evil cop convention
3. She was upset that Charlie Sheen was fired from Two-and-a-Half Men
4. Because only cross-dressers do that
5. It was really in 4D and you didn’t realize it
6. Who’s Michael?
7. There’s always hope
8. There’s always hope
9. A very big cat
10. He didn’t “awake” in time
11. No. You don’t want to miss that!
12. He’s training for the Olympic shot-put team
13. Because big guys never fit in anything!
14. She needed ice for margaritas
15. All he could think about was a Jacuzzi
16. Dolph Lundgren: Vampires in Sweden
17. You wrote this question just to use the word “doppelganger”
18. Bill Nighy don’t care.
19. She wears a black fanny pack that blends into her suit
20. Squish sounds better than “OMG, NO, PLEASE DON’T, AHHHH!”
I’ve studied leather clad vampires for years. I’ve even watched all the underworld movies backwards (this was a painful process involving VHS tapes, camcorders and lots of tears).
I understand the questions raised and silly answers involving werewolves on steroids (impossible), Dolph Lundgren (too Swedish) and margaritas (more like bloodaritas).
What you don’t understand is that werewolves throwing their prey is common. The throwing originated in1276 when Salamander the wolf began throwing cows into vampires castles. Thus, inadvertently allowing vamps to clothe and feed themselves.
I found that this movie was scarily truthful. Vampires like to look like other people. If you see a leather clad/pale Al Pacino look a like….you should run.
I’ve said too much.
I find roid-raging lycans frightfully possible. Every notice how all those wolves look jacked even if their human forms are not? Something’s going on there and it’s not L-Glutamine. The Rock can rave all he wants about it, but I know THAT is not how he got 23″ biceps!
If Scott doesn’t come back to be in the fifth movie, not only myself, but others will be highly disappointed. I mean, he’s been in both of the underworld series that dealt with Selene and him, then he doesn’t come back? If he chose to not return or they didn’t want to rehire him, I’m mad at whichever. When I realized they replace him, I already thought this is one of my least favorite underworld movies. Yes, it was good. Kate Beckinsale looked very sexy as she always does in every film. I also think they picked the wrong girl to play their daughter. Though, after they had sex in the second movie, I already predicted it. Actors shouldn’t find replacements to movies series. Like in transformers; not bring back Megan fox made the movie suck to me. I hear she wanted more money, but so what? That’s Megan fox! I am excited to find out id their will be an underworld 5. I’ve always been a fan of these series since the first one came out and Scott better be back, just as Kate.