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Bad Movie Tuesday: The Best of the Worst Round 5

October 1, 2012

The 32 have become two. Blade: Trinity and X-Men: The Last Stand will squaring off in a huge battle that makes the Alcatraz battle in X-Men still seem like a terrible Alcatraz battle. If you haven’t been following the tournament you’ve missed multiple rants about Trinity’s death, Wolverine kicking a regenerating mutant in the balls and sharks getting stabbed by boats. I put together a list of sequels that are so bad they are enjoyably awesome. The best of the these highly enjoyable films have been decided by a weekly vote and is finally coming to a conclusion. Check out rounds 1, 2, 3 and 4.

The point of this tournament is to celebrate badness that created something wonderful. These are hilarious films that can be watched over and over because you always see or hear something new. I discovered something new today as I watched the preview Rifftrax for X-Men.

When you leave a bad movie you are annoyed. However, walking out of both of these films I had a huge smile on my face due to the cheekiness and hilarious ineptitude. For instance, Blade: Trinity made this guy Dracula. The worst part is that they didn’t keep the mustache.

X-Men had a scene where Magneto moves the entire Golden Gate Bridge so they can get to Alcatraz. Why didn’t he just pick up sections of the bridge and throw them at the prison and smoosh it? From my experience the best bad movies are the ones that create lots of questions. I asked many questions during X-Men. Why is that dude a porcupine? Why is James Marsden yelling? Why does Halle Berry always have a different haircut?

These two films deserve to be battling it out in the final. They are both incredibly ill-conceived and feature moments so absurd they become kinda awesome. For instance, Blade and crew have just turned dozens of vampires into dust and found themselves cornered by hundreds of cops. However, a car pulls out of nowhere and picks up the good guys and drives away without ever being chased. Sitting in the theater I scratched my head, shrugged and rolled with the dumbness.

I’ve never said “huh?” more in my life. Every moment of these films destroy the good will of the previous and prove that likable Reynolds should never star in a comic book movie ever again (Wolverine, Blade, Green Lantern). I’d wager they spent more time on Ryan’s facial hair than they did writing the script. The result was silly dialogue, Patton Oswalt playing basketball and fantastic facial hair.

This movie was an excuse to have two muscular good-looking thespians beat people up while they battle Parker Posey. Yep, Posey is the villain along with wrestler HHH and a mustache-less Dracula.

What does the winner of the tournament receive? It gets it’s very own Bad Movie Tuesday in which I lovingly lampoon it.

Vote. Comment. Like. Comment. Share. Enjoy the badness. Share.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. johnleavengood permalink
    April 12, 2013 5:45 pm

    Blade Trinity for the win! Now where’s my Hannibal King spin-off? And if we’re gonna’ do a Blade 4 before Snipes is on a Hover-round, we better get crackin’!


  1. Bad Movie Tuesday: The Best Worst Sequel « Movies, Films & Flix

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