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My Favorite Performances of 2013 and The Hobbit

January 30, 2014

As Oscar season approaches the nominated few will be getting tons of praise and press. However, many fantastic movies and performances will be forgotten or ignored.

I wanted to write a post about underappreciated performances but there are hundreds of those. So, I decided to do something fun and in the same vein as Desert Island Movies or Best Worst Villains in Horror Films. In true MFF style I’ve compiled a list of my favorite performances of 2013 and transported them into the land of The Hobbit. It is a random idea that started with the visual of Alien from Springbreakers traversing middle earth with surly dwarves.

Here are the 15 characters who will take the place of the 13 dwarves, Bilbo and Gandalf. Imagine this crew traversing Middle Earth to fight Smaug.

Niki Lauda – Rush 

Bruhl Rush

Tactical, Austrian and driven. While members of the crew are drinking ale he will be studying the Lonely Mountain map looking for a better path. His brusqueness will play well with the other characters and he will undoubtedly critique the eagles flying techniques. Also, he will be unbeatable in the barrels.

Llewyn Davis – Inside Llewyn Davis

Oscar Issac Inside llewyn Davis

Grumpy, underachieving and moviegoers won’t complain as much when he sings. He will be a perfect substitute for Bilbo and will most likely call Smaug a sell out for claiming all the gold.

Alien – Springbreakers

Franco alien springbreakers

Alien just wants to collect a lot of sh$t. So, he will have no problem traveling middle earth for literally billions of pieces of sh$t. Also, I’d like to see him interact with the rest of the crew. Imagine him playing a game of riddles with Gollum!

Owen The Way, Way Back

The Way Way Back Sam Rockwell

He will be the most chill, relaxed and friendly person to ever lead a quest. He knows all about not letting people pass (Steve Carrell) and will be a fantastic mentor, leader and dance instructor. He will fill the Gandalf shoes and throw great parties.

Muse – Captain Phillips

Muse

Every crew needs a pirate who can do a lot with little. Muse was a three-dimensional character who could hold his own, stay positive and lead a small crew. While the team is stuck in trees surrounded by Wargs I guarantee he will say “everything will be alright.”

SegenWorld War Z

world war z

She gets her hand cut off, escapes multiple zombie riots and survives a plane crash. Also, she is loyal, all business and helps find a cure to a zombie apocalypse. World War Z was a total surprise and her character was one of the many cool aspects of the film.

Roman and Brian – Fast Six

fast six

In Fast Six they take out a tank with classic cars and strategic jumping. The duo have a well-worn relationship and are basically brothers who always manage to land on their feet. Their ingenuity in tight spots will help the crew and I’m certain they will pickup equestrian skills quickly.  The only downfall is Roman’s love of vending machine food.

Gary – The World’s End

simon pegg

He is a fireball of manic energy who will undoubtedly annoy everyone. However, he fights bravely and isn’t afraid of large mystical voices. I’d love to see him argue with Sauron. The Eye may see all, but, it won’t expect the verbal lambasting from Gary.

Gretel – Hansel and Gretel

Hansel and Gretel Gemma Arterton shot

Hansel and Gretel was an odd film that I was able to roll with. It was bloody, cheeky and didn’t take itself seriously. Gretel proved herself to be a tough warrior who doesn’t shy away from swearing, decapitating and pleather pants. She can do all of Tauriel’s killing and won’t be afraid of the various necromancers and trolls running amok in Middle Earth.

Julian – Only God Forgives

Only God Forgives poster

Every crew needs a quiet/well quaffed person who wants to get away from his family. He is down to fight and doesn’t shy away from mythical killers who beat the snot out of him. I want to see him walk up to Azog and say “Wanna fight.” It will end badly. However, it will motivate everyone else during the battle of five armies.

Loki – Prisoners

Jake Loki Prisoners

My favorite character of 2013. Loki is a driven detective who will have no problem finding the Arkenstone. He has dealt with the dredges of humanity and will keep his patience while trying to find secret entrances along huge mountains. This character needs more credit. Let him take out Smaug!

Sutter Keely- Spectacular Now

miles teller

Everybody likes Sutter Keely. There is a moment in Spectacular Now when a man much larger than Keely threatens violence and the two eventually leave friends. You need a guy like this on long journeys because he will keep the mood light and be a friend to the dour Llewyn Davis. Also, he could easily sway the spiders to join the good side via liqour, music and charm.

M – Warm Bodies

Warm Bodies Nicholas Hoult and Rob Cordry

He may not be the hero but M is the ultimate wing man. He protects his buddy, doesn’t talk much and is able to rally an army of the undead to battle things that are more undead. He will be perfect to have on the quest because he blends into the background and throws down when needed.

Erin Harson – You’re Next

Sharni

Erin is a badass in You’re Next. She is resourceful, tough and extreme when it comes to killing the bad guys. She does well when outnumbered, which is a good trait when surrounded by gross little goblins.

There it is! Hopefully, you enjoyed and want to watch some of these underrated gems. Comment! Repost! Enjoy!

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 30, 2014 3:19 pm

    This is a rare thing but I can not pick any thoughts with any picks, they are all creditable and would be on my list too! Only god forgives and Llewyn Davis most definitely.

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