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Bad Movie Tuesday: The Top Five Best Worst Horror Villains

September 24, 2013

Hello all. Mark here.

Much ado has been made of the classic horror villains. They’ve become celebrated heroes of a violent genre. However, these baddies have become boring due to prequels, sequels, spin-offs, remakes and uninteresting back stories. I’ve decided to put together a list of my favorite horror villains who are wonderfully bad. Did they excel in bad movies? Did they make me laugh? Did their accents confound me? Did they eat an airplane?

Disclaimer: This list is not comprehensive and I haven’t broken the surface of the genre called horror. However, I love bad movies and I have an odd fascination with the strange creatures/people/air that inhabit subpar horror films. The following five are picks that I find humorous and incredible in odd ways.

If you enjoy the post make sure to check out our podcast where we talk about the best worst movie monsters and villains.

1. The Shark who ate Sam Jackson in Deep Blue Sea (I’m guessing the sharks name is Steve)

Whoa!

Did you know that Sam Jackson was offered the LL Cool J role but his management thought it was a bad idea? It is a good thing Jackson took the role of Russel Franklin because his death instantly changed the film’s expectations. Anybody could die at any moment and that is why the film has such a massive fun factor. Also, the kill is so famous Entertainment Weekly gave it an A+ and praised it’s glory:

For its canny subversion of genre conventions, this shark shocker gets our vote for the best death scene in any Hollywood movie since, oh, Psycho.

It is rare that a movie about genetically engineered sharks gets brought up in the same sentence as Psycho. Here is how the kill came to fruition. In 1996 Deep Blue Sea director Renny Harlin worked with Jackson on The Long Kiss Good Night. In an early edit of the film Jackson’s character was killed off and the audience at the test screening  yelled “you can’t kill Sam Jackson.” Well, when Jackson took the DBS role Harlin came up with a brilliant idea. Here is what Jackson had to say about it:

I’m basically like Janet Leigh (Psycho) or Drew Barrymore (Scream). Director Renny Harlin came to me and said (Jackson doing his Harlin impression with a thick Finnish accent), “It’s going to be the most incredible death! It’s going to shock  everyone!” I said, “OK, Renny, I’m down with that.” I died a lot in movies in my early career and I’ve never been killed by any “thing” before.

Ebert also summed up Deep Blue Sea with this quote:

“There is a moment in this movie when something happens that is completely unexpected, and it’s over in a flash–a done deal–and the audience laughs in delight because it was so successfully surprised. In a genre where a lot of movies are retreads of the predictable, “Deep Blue Sea’‘ keeps you guessing.”

Sidenote: Jaws was 25 feet so the director made the Deep shark 26 feet.

2. Gerard Butler’s Hair in Dracula 2000

Before I discuss the hair I want you to watch Butler’s audition tape for Dracula 2000.

You have to admire it.

The mop on Butler’s head was an early prototype for what the hair would become.

Gerard Butler's hair

the Critics ravaged Butler’s performance by using words like “preening, peevish, Bee Gee, worst ever.” However, Butler and his sultry performance wooed many women who carry the D2000 torch. This is evident from the Amazon reviews:

If you’re a Butlerian Crushgirl–by all means, rent or buy this. The moments with Mr. Butler are worth the price. When he sniffs Mary, it’s the kind of fully-dressed erotic moment that puts all the nude scenes in cinema to shame, and it proves that when you have people with intensity and charisma and screen “itness”, an expression, a breathy phrase, these are more sensual than a million displays of nakedness and groaning.

The only reason to watch this film is if you love Gerard Butler. I would have only rated it 2 stars for mediocre, but Gerard’s memorizing, seductive performance saves this film. For that reason alone, I have given it 5 stars.

The main thing I like about this movie is that is caters to FEMALES; yes, there is T&A for the guys, but the writers also realized their female audiece, which has *thankfully* begun to be a trend in the last decade or so. Even after all of the sexy vampire characters I have watched in movies, Gerard Butler is definately one of the SEXIEST, and most convincing!

Dracula 2000 has proven to be a critic proof cult classic. The fans have spoken! They gotta have more Gerard Butler and his gravity defying hair!

3. Parker Posey/Blade: Trinity

Posey blade trinity

Parker Posey is transcendent (hair included) in Blade Trinity. She owns the role of a yuppy vampire who awakens a male model Dracula to battle Blade. Roger Ebert summed up her performance perfectly.

“Parker Posey is an actress I have always had affection for, and now it is mixed with increased admiration, for the way she soldiers through an impossible role, sneering like the good sport she is.”

Lake trout loving Posey soldiers on through a soul crushing script and copious amounts of slow motion walking. Without her we never would have seen this kick (10 second mark) or heard the insult “c*ck juggling thunder c**t.” While watching I felt she was on another level of performance. She realized the production had it’s troubles (read this article) and she went full vamp. Her committed performance is one of the reasons Blade: Trinity has become a watchable bad movie staple that won our Best Worst Sequel Tournament.

4. The Mega Shark

Mega crocodiles, sharktopi, bear sloths and huge piranhas wouldn’t be around if it wasn’t for the Mega Shark. The poorly CGI’d creature ate planes, battled a large octopus and created a massive buzz within the blogosphere. The reason for the success? The film (loosely called) is a serious take on animal apocalypse that hadn’t jumped the shark yet. It also features this scene that inspired a wonderful infographic.

megashark

Math!

5. John Voight/Anaconda

Voight holds the distinction of having the oddest accent in screen history. Watch this clip.

oof.

Take a look at this face too!

yuck.

I’m not sure what Voight was aiming for when he invited the Ruski-Creole concoction. He is a murderous river vermin who memorably winks after being regurgitated by an Anaconda.  The acting choice could either be incredibly shrewd or pompous. Either way, the role is memorable because of the bonkers all in performance by a veteran actor hamming it up to full effect.  I love that the accent had zero research behind it and sounded like an odd mixture of Creole, Russian and South American. The podcast How Did This Get Made tried to analyze the character and I think they become more confused. Thus, Mr. Voight succeeded by being memorable.

Honorable Mentions: The moon rock spiders from Apollo 18. The air from The Happening. The guy who yells the equivalent of “aarggg oooofff Labamba in Ghost of Mars. The Swimfan in Swimfan

Hope you enjoyed the list! Let me know who is your favorite of the bad horror villains.

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. johnleavengood permalink
    September 24, 2013 6:25 pm

    How long was MegaShark? I’m making a movie with a shark that is MegaShark’s length +1 foot! Take that, MegaShark!

    • September 24, 2013 6:37 pm

      Uber Shark vs. Sloth Kaiju.

      • johnleavengood permalink
        September 24, 2013 6:38 pm

        Bro!!!!! You had me at “sloth”! Someone needs to make this wonderful idea happen!

  2. johnleavengood permalink
    September 24, 2013 6:32 pm

    Use all of the asterisks you want. But “c*ck juggling thunder c**t” loses no power via symbol-substitution! Viva la “c*ck juggling thunder c**t”!

    • September 24, 2013 6:36 pm

      The comment was too good not to use. Those moments made the film.

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