John’s Horror Corner: Bio Slime (2010), a budgetless, sleazy, slimy tentacle monster movie that makes a valiant effort with its creature effects.

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This article is rich with images you do not want your boss to see when he’s looking over your shoulder at work. View at your own risk.
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MY CALL: This would probably be more fun if watched as a drinking game. But for a smutty, shoestring budgeted, semi-exploitation film, it tried really hard with the creature effects. Good for them. I was entertained. MOVIES LIKE Bio Slime: Tentacle and goo monster movies come in all forms. The good include The Thing (1982, 2011), The Blob (1988), Grabbers (2012), The Raft (segment from Creepshow 2; 1987), Slither (2006) and The Kindred (1987). The “good bad” include The Boogens (1981) and The Stuff (1985). The really bad include Night of the Tentacles (2013) and Street Trash (1987).

This is one of those movies that I had never heard of until Amazon randomly recommended it based on some of my purchases of more questionable taste. I’m guessing Night of the Tentacles (2013) triggered this. LOL. I went in hoping for an indie Splice (2009) meets The Thing (1982, 2011). Instead I got something originating from deeper in the Abyss. It turns out this movie stars and was made by people involved in loads of other horror films of the kind I specifically try to avoid; the kind with so much nudity and/or sex that they feel like softcore porn. Oh well, here we go…

Within 30 seconds of starting this film I fear I’ve made a mistake. The acting is bad and the editing is even worse. Immediately I shift gears and consider this more of a student film that may have some merits hidden deep within. Right now that hidden merit seems to be the opening credits. But wait, perhaps this isn’t actually so awful. Yes. The acting is bad…and much of the camerawork…and the writing. But this “bad” was packaged like this deliberately. Among deliberately bad horror movies this is surely not of the caliber of Zombeavers (2014) or Love in the Time of Monsters (2014)–or anything else that I’d actually recommend to anyone. But should you accidently wander into viewing this with an open mind and a good sense of humor you’ll survive the encounter with at least a smirk on your face.

A criminal (Tai Chan Ngo; Killjoy Goes to Hell) meets another man of questionable moral fiber in a dark alley to exchange a brief case. Its contents? Apparently some kind of tentacle monster the result of secret government experimentation. The case ends up in an apartment building inhabited by friendly but shady people and, in no time at all, a drunk (Vinnie Bilancio; Blood Gnome) comes across it and “activates” something by turning a key that compromises the integrity of the container and something that looks like a block of spoiled tofu from Andrew Zimmern’s Bizarre Foods bites his hand.

Then someone else comes in contact with this now pulsating blob of goo in the case, and they become infected. Infection by this parasitic slime seems nonspecific, happening by the goo injecting itself into one’s blood stream, engulfing them like the blob (but in a boring way) or jamming itself down one’s throat. Although sometimes it’s just trying to kill you rather than infect you. There’s really no rhyme or reason to it.

The classlessness of this film is readily apparent and deliberate as various characters are in the porn industry (and played by adult film stars) for no other reason than to have our protagonists walk in on scenes being filmed and to have otherwise mundane conversations with totally naked women suddenly being “normal.” It also means the victims may be naked (and several of them are).

The kills and the effects were all pretty poor…or are they pretty entertaining?!?!? It all comes down to your frame of mind and expectations when viewing a film like this. After all, what would you expect from a $50,000 budget and loads of gratuitous nudity? Perhaps the highlight of the special effects was a fleshy trilobite of a monster that looks like a slimy, warty STD. But this turns out to be an ectoparasitic organism that lives on the “main monster.” Our first glimps of the monster looks a lot like a squid-sludge monster or a Grabber with a toothy maw. Other effects include a couple naked porn stars transforming into a naked slimy succubus with tentacles…and one gets cut in half…and then she attacks. LOL.

We eventually meet the central hivemind of this creature, a quasi-humanoid sludge beast that speaks and has some understanding of its identity. It captures a woman, apparently strips her of her clothes, and entraps her in slimy ivy like an incubating host in Aliens. It knows it’s very old and comprised of all victims that are absorbed into its sensual communion. After something of a tentacle sex scene between them (nothing terribly graphic other than the nudity itself), it smacks of a live-action Hentai Cthulhu. But even more striking is how similar the creature is to Phantoms (1998).

This film starts out horrible, but finds its way to something tolerable…as far as sleazy, low budget horror goes. The first 30 minutes were honestly quite painful, but the action becomes much more frequent as the film proceeds, along with more on-screen (rather than off) activity and we begin to see quite a lot of creature effects considering the budget. I think I might actually be impressed. Our hero may be an alcoholic, out-of-work painter with a samurai sword who can make an EMP device out of a biohazard containment unit, but I ultimately found myself not caring.

This film is horrible and yet the second half is also a pleasant surprise of abundant creature effects. Watch at your own risk and be mindful of the sleaziness if you have company.