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“Vs.” Movies That Need to Happen: Part 3: Random Fights Galore

May 2, 2016

I love putting these fights together. They don’t make a lick of sense and I’m not sure why these people would be fighting. However, we can all agree that these “vs.” films would be awesome and really surprising. Sometimes in life you need to just sit back, relax and think about hypothetical fights and share them with the world.

If you can think of any other awesome brawls let me know in the comments! Make sure to check out parts one, two and the “vs.” podcast!

1. The Watchmen (Watchmen) vs. The Mystery Men (Mystery Men)

Zach Snyder’s superhero films always need more levity. I would love to see the super serious Watchmen take on the Mystery Men before they ultimately team up and battle The Waffler. Turns out the The Waffler became a super villain shortly after he wasn’t chosen to be a Mystery Man.

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2. The Bride (Kill Bill) vs. Blofeld (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service)

Movie Title: Kill Blofeld

Imagine if Blofeld  and Irma Bunt missed Tracy Bond, and instead killed The Bride’s husband while they were on vacation. The Bride hunting down Blofeld would be amazing! I want a ski chase where she slices and dices her way down a mountain. The blood trail would be crazy!

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3. Carl Casper & Martin (Chef) vs. Insane Truck Driver (Duel)

Movie Title: Death Truck

During the movie Chef I wondered what would happen if the truck driver from Duel attacked Carl and Martin’s food truck. On their cross country trip I’m sure they encountered some back roads and possibly pissed off a few homicidal truckers. The movie would take a very interesting turn, and I’d love to see how our favorite culinary artists did against a faceless truck driver. Can you make a panini while being chased?

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4. King Kong (King Kong) vs. Alonzo Harris (Training Day)

Movie Title: Training Day 2: Don’t Talk Shit About King Kong

King Kong ain’t got shit on me!

I want to see Alonzo backing up his words.

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5. Edward Malus (Wicker Man) vs. Hugh Glass (The Revenant)

I have a feeling Hugh Glass couldn’t survive a Edward Malus attack. The punching barrage would be deadly and I guarantee Glass would never expect a man in a bear suit to attack him.

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6. Julian Noble (The Matador)  vs. Ray (In Bruges)

Movie Title: In Spain

The world needs a movie where two conflicted assassins attempt to kill each other in a picturesque town. The neurosis would be turned to 11 and the one-liners would be aplenty. Pierce Brosnan and Colin Farrell have never been better and I would love to see them revisit the characters.

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7. Paul Serone (Anaconda) vs. Snake Plissken (Escape From New York)

Movie Title: Escape From Anaconda Island

I just want more Paul Serone action. Jon Voight was so insane in Anaconda I want him in every B-action movie ever. I would love to see him battling Snake Plissken whilst surfing

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8. Following Creature (It Follows) vs. Ryan Bingham (Up in the Air)

Movie Title: It tries to Follow

How do you defeat the It Follows creature? You never stop moving. The creature would be hating life if it had to follow Bingham around the country.

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9. Ren (Footloose) vs. Ronan the Accuser (Guardian’s of the Galaxy)

Movie Title: Dance Like There is No Tomorrow

Ronan the Accuser famously lost the upper hand when he succumbed to Star Lord’s dance moves. I want to see a movie where the only thing that can stop Ronan from destroying earth is Ren’s punch dancing. Ren would need to unite the town so they can dance like there is no tomorrow.

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10. Scaramanga (The Man with the Golden Gun) & Count Zaroff (The Most Dangerous Game)  vs. Bullet Tooth Tony & Boris the Bullet-Dodger (Snatch.)

Movie Title: The Men With the Golden Guns

Bullet Tooth Tony and Boris the Bullet-Dodger would be Scaramanga’s and Count Zaroff’s worst nightmare. Their game would be thrown for a loop, and I’d love to see them attempt to kill the two killers on a desert island.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. John Leavengood permalink
    May 3, 2016 10:26 am

    All of these (especially 5 and 8) would be excellent candidates for Epic Rap Battles! I think you seriously need to send this series of articles to that guy!

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