John’s Horror Corner: Feast (2005), a sloppy gorefest “siege horror” comedy gushing with a great cast.

MY CALL: This creature feature is a fast-paced, exciting, disgusting and incredibly fun gorefest with cool monsters and a great cast. How could you go wrong here? MORE MOVIES LIKE Feast: For more wild “siege horror”, go for VFW (2019), Howl (2015), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) or Legion (2010).

Our story takes place in a little bar in the middle of nowhere somewhere in the southwest. Meeting our cast of victims is like an energized videogame trailer featuring a stat block complete with nickname, occupation and life expectancy described in snarky candor. Our introductions are rich with troped-up irony and feisty menace as we are shown this motley crew including an elderly prostitute, veteran, motivational speaker (Henry Rollins; He Never Died, Wrong Turn 2), teen troublemaker, rough biker (Diane Ayala Goldner; Halloween II, The Collector, Hatchet III), jerky criminal (Jason Mewes; Scream 3), old and wise (Clu Gulager; The Return of the Living Dead, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2, The Initiation, From a Whisper to a Scream, Piranha 3DD), young and dumb, tough single mom, and a beer delivery guy (Judah Friedlander; Sharknado 2, Cabin Fever 2).

The dialogue is funny and the characters’ presentation is very engaging. After a little happy hour with this bunch of charmers a rugged, bloody stranger bursts in warning of the Hell to come in the form of man-eating monsters. With the first death occurring at minute 13, you could say the pacing is as quick as the witty script. People are screaming, panicking and getting shredded in no time. So they barricade the bar, trapping themselves inside.

As if taking snaps from the Evil Dead playbook, the deaths are tremendously bloody with comical gouts of gore dousing frightened patrons. The on-screen depictions of gunshot wounds, flash lacerations, dismemberment and decapitation are solid work, with the monster even thrusting its claw straight through a midsection in chunky style. There is a baby monster skittering around like a skinned, tweaked out ewok; a projectile vomit scene fire-hosing a patron in green goop; the eyeball-yanking scene was just plain mean; a pinata-like head-splatter; and the monster penis scene… well… things get gross and weird. In fact, there are more than a few awkward monstrously sexual scenes.

And once we see the monsters unobscured, they’re pretty cool! They’ll remind you of the monsters from many movies. So they’re not exactly original-looking—just another generalized toothy-mawed demon thing—but very well done. I loved these fiends and their offspring.

This movie is REALLY a lot of fun! And no, I don’t mean that in some awesomely “bad movie” way. The dialogue and characters are worth it alone, but then there’s the gorehound-pleasing offal being cast about constantly. And unlike Wrong Turn 2 (2007), in which Henry Rollins was the only actor carrying his weight, everyone in Feast brings something tasty to the table. All the characters are good, and they all have good lines, good scenes, good moments, and worthy death scenes.

Director John Gulager (Feast II-III, Piranha 3DD) rocked this disgustingly awesome movie. It’s so slimy, sloppy, goopy, sticky and gross. This one’s a keeper!