Kill Zone (2005) aka Sha Po Lang, squandering Donnie Yen’s skills one fight scene at a time.
MY CALL: So many people seem to love this movie and I just can’t see why. It’s not a very good Donnie Yen movie, and it’s a barely serviceable kung fu movie. There, I said it.
Whether golf finds its way into vehicular assault culminating in a golf club samurai standoff or even a crime boss performing a summary execution with his favorite driver, director Wilson Yip (Ip Man 1-4, Flash Point, Dragon Tiger Gate) keeps this film’s tone drop dead serious… to a fault! There’s a healthy mix mainstream grittiness (minus the excessive hard-R swearing and gunfight slaughter/blood) and “not quite so over-the-top” scenes that keep this just outside the realm of ridiculous 90s American cop movies. Instead of bullet-ravaged bodies in firefights, we have guns disarmed in close-quarters, leading into modernized Asian action: kung fu while wearing suits (because they offer great mobility) and blade-wielding assassins who dress entirely in white (as if blood didn’t stain)! I know it sounds awesome—just trust me that Donnie Yen has done much better.
A cop hellbent on arresting crime lord Wong Po (Sammo Kam-Bo Hung; God of War, Ip Man 2, Project A), Chan Kwok Chung (Simon Yam; Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, Ip Man 1-2) teams up with local police legend Ma Kwan (Donnie Yen; Ip Man 1-4, Rogue One: A Story Wars Story, Blade II, Iron Monkey). Chan has a taste for vengeance and will do whatever it takes, and Ma has a reputation for giving men brain damage with one punch—cue the crime-fighting montage! Yes, a montage down to a slow-motion Donnie Yen assault on a bad guy. And yes, later in the movie we find very silly proof (delivered with an endearingly intended straight face) that with one punch he mentally handicapped a man. This has all the flavors from the mainstream 90s-2000s spice rack—the wealthy crime lord who loves golf, police out for revenge, and that “one tough cop” notion—but it keeps its foot hovering over the brakes so as never to swerve into “deliberate” bad movie cliché territory (at least, not overly so, as with most Schwarzenegger, Statham, Stallone and Van Damme movies of the era would). Note, it’s not “deliberately” bad… but it’s bad.
Like its atmosphere, the fight scenes mix the style of chaotic street brawls and classic kung fu cinema; even the action photography and editing fit this notion. In the opening fight sequence, we witness some great single-shot wide-angle waves of techniques followed up by close-shot grapples with numerous 1-to-2-second cuts. The action and technique execution is FAST! So fast that I wondered if Sammo was actually doing all this. I mean, yes, he’s a martial arts icon, but this is really fast… like Tony Jaa (Ong-Bak) or Iko Uwais (The Raid: Redemption) fast! In fact, Sammo is listed as an uncredited action choreographer (with Donnie Yen as the action director—what a great team). Too bad Sammo isn’t in more of the fights, though.
On the topic of action and stunts, the fanfare of this film may be divided by between those who love the stunt-tricking of Tony Jaa (The Protector, Furious 7) and Scott Adkins (Boyka: Undisputed IV), and those who prefer more classic martial arts executed with elegant precision (e.g., Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). I happen to enjoy both, but prefer those focused on stunts (even though they also tend to be less story-driven). In the present case, I’m disheartened to report this film had nothing to offer I hadn’t already seen in numerous other films (and doing so much better). Not only that, but the story was laughably bad. And to that effect, I was able to enjoy this as a “bad movie.”
The fights were uneven to say the least. I enjoyed the opening Sammo Hung fight, but the next two (one with Donnie Yen, the other the parking lot assassination) were really just “meh.” When Donnie faces the skunk-haired assassin—and for some reason neither the cop nor crime lord’s top assassin carry a gun—the quality rebounds in a very fast and exciting fight. But still, no one fight has been wowing. Perhaps (barely) worth the price of admission, but then cheapened by all the sluggishly-paced “hey, we swear, this movie has a plot” exposition. I feel like I should just turn people towards Kung Fu Hustle (2004) or Rumble in the Bronx (1995), both of which do a better job of delivering high-impact martial arts while truly embracing their more deliberate silliness.
With all the hokey build-up of a videogame character walking down a shimmering gold hallway to face the final boss, the final fight is little more interesting than the others. Sigh. While by no means “terrible” quality, this film clearly squanders any opportunity presented in pitting the legendary Donnie Yen against the classic master Sammo Hung. In the kindest way possible, I’ll point out that the best part of this movie is the ending. No, not because it’s over, but for it’s poetic “bad movie” justice.
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The MFF Podcast #110: The Last Jedi and Green Milk
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back and we are talking about a tiny movie called The last Jedi. The film has dominated the box office, garnered strong critical ratings and is quite possibly the most controversial Star Wars ever. In this podcast you will hear us wax poetic about green milk, sea beasts and a cheeky General Hux. There was almost too much to talk about so we brought in Megan (my awesome wife) to aid us in our discussion. I loved the film and appreciated that director Rian Johnson changed the formula and told a Star Wars film the way he wanted.
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As always, we answer random listener questions and discuss the best cinematic explosions (Spectre!). If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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John’s Horror Corner: Remnants (2016), Independent Short Film Review.
MY CALL: This brutal police/exorcism film is an excellent teaser for what should probably become its own movie. MORE MOVIES LIKE Remnants: Brutal feature length indies like Last Shift (2015), Baskin (2015) or The Void (2016) come to mind.
MORE Indie Reviews: Here at MFF we occasionally do horror short film and pre-release indie film reviews on request. Among recent solicited promotions are Love in the Time of Monsters (2014; feature length), Interior (2014; feature length), Smothered (2014; feature length), In the Dark (2015; feature length), Brother (2016; short), Other Halves (2016; feature length), Scythe (2016; short). The Belko Experiment (2016; feature film, mainstream theatrical release), The Barn (2016; feature length), Shallow Waters (2017; short), Burn (2017; short), Tethered (2017; short), We Love Selfies (2017; short), Cool (2017; short) and Girls Night (2017; short).
Disclaimer: This review was solicited by the filmmakers and/or producers who provided privileged access, directed us to a viewing medium, and/or offered permission to use image stills of the film. However, my opinion remains unbiased as I was neither hired nor paid to produce this critical review, nor do I have an investment stake in the film.
You can watch this film NOW for FREE on AMAZON, by the way!
Hope you enjoy…
After attending the 2017 Shriekfest film festival, some social media clamor earned me an invitation to watch and a review a film that gathered quite a bit of attention. Whereas most short films showcase a basic notion, concept, or even a scene in the mind of the filmmaker, Remnants felt like a proper taster for a potential feature length film. This is especially unusual because of how hard it is to fit character introductions, themes, and a memorable scene or two in a short film—let alone a scene that realizes its way into a subsequent, yet greater, scene. Cultivating urgency is hard, but often opportunistically won by short films with their cold opens. Remnants foregoes this luxury and risks actually introducing us to its protagonists with what little time it has… and it pays off!
IMDB summary: “Two homicide detectives and a medical examiner must investigate the worst crime scene in a suburban neighborhood’s history. Among the remains of a butchered family, the detectives find evidence of a crime so horrific that remnants of an unspeakable evil still lurk in the home.” Here’s the IMDB page.
A young rookie paired with a seasoned detective, we meet our protagonists driving to a crime scene. The dialogue is a tad formulaic, but delivered with personable candor by actors who make their characters feel familiar (even if somewhat over-explained). I liked these partners…in fact, I’d like to see them for 90 minutes in pursuit of an exorcised evil in suburbia.
Director David Ugarte (The Crate) and writers Corey Schubert (The Crate) and Eric Joel La Fuente bring weight to the screen as a crime scene investigation reveals one gory chunky prosthetic after another, illustrating a most unusual array of deaths. Dislodged bloody fingernails, macabre imagery, and flaps of latex flesh paint the walls with infernal renovation.
I enjoyed first seeing this at Shriekfest and likewise enjoyed my second (and third) viewings with equal enthusiasm. Much as I could watch these characters in a full movie, this short film could just as well be the opening scene setting the stage for a brutal feature length possession and exorcism film. Whatever the case, I look forward to whatever these filmmakers do next.
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John’s Horror Corner: Girls Night (2017), Independent Short Film Review.
MORE Indie Reviews: Here at MFF we occasionally do horror short film and pre-release indie film reviews on request. Among recent solicited promotions are Love in the Time of Monsters (2014; feature length), Interior (2014; feature length), Smothered (2014; feature length), In the Dark (2015; feature length), Brother (2016; film), Other Halves (2016; feature length), Scythe (2016; film), The Belko Experiment (2016; feature film, mainstream theatrical release), The Barn (2016; feature length), Shallow Waters (2017; short), Burn (2017; short), Tethered (2017; short), We Love Selfies (2017; short) and Cool (2017; film).
Disclaimer: This review was solicited by the filmmakers and/or producers (to my cinephilic cohort @MoviesFilmsFlix) who provided privileged access, directed us to a viewing medium, and/or offered permission to use image stills of the film. However, my opinion remains unbiased as I was neither hired nor paid to produce this critical review, nor do I have an investment stake in the film. Here’s the Facebook page for the film, the IMDB page, and the person to follow for updates regarding the upcoming sequel: by David Teixeira via Twitter (@davidemmanuelt).
Utilizing first-time actresses and both written and directed by David Teixeira (O ruído contínuo, Sweet Madness), Girls Night is a French film about an oddly masked lunatic who stumbles upon someone’s home as she prepares for a girls’ night on Halloween.
IMDB summary: “Girls Night” is a short horror film that takes place on Halloween. Three girlfriends stay home for a slumber party that goes bloody wrong. Literally.”
The shots (perhaps all handheld) are relatively basic and the premiering exposition is far from interesting—such is often the case in short films that need to rush to the point, but a valid criticism nonetheless. Honestly, I wasn’t very impressed with most aspects of this film—but I can tell it’s trying. So, rather than further pick on early-career filmmakers, I’ll remand myself to commenting a some positive. Whereas many events in the film feel unnaturally staged, I find much refreshingly candid behavior when the girls do their playful photoshoot. That “glimmer” would interest me in seeing subsequent films (by this team) focusing on sympathetic friends-to-be-victimized. However, I’d advise the zombie subgenre over this stalker-slasher premise as that would further dehumanize the threat and focus on the star characters’ sociology.
Quite to the contrary, our killer’s mannerisms seem hammed up—almost cartoonishly sinister with wispy flowing finger motions and one-too-many-a-headtilt—and the film plays on familiar notions from The Strangers (2008), urban legends and The Blair Witch Project (1999).
Filmmakers and their short films are like scientists in laboratories. Sometimes what we see on the screen is just an experiment, or a test to see that someone can “create” using their knowledge of how to use a camera and decide on a shot and edit it, or a submission made to showcase their ability to assemble and produce a film. I’m a pretty critical viewer, but I try to remind myself of this when I judge.
In summary, no, I wasn’t wowed. But I’d entertain subsequent submissions focusing more on interpersonal factors.
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The 2017 Random Awards: Honoring Mike Myers, Henchmen and Mary Poppins
The Random Awards are back and they are celebrating the best of 2017! I love randomness (just listen to the 2016 random awards pod) and because of this I put deep thought into dumb awards. The films of 2017 have given me ample random material and I hope you enjoy the inane and cheeky awards.
Sit back, relax and enjoy the 2017 Mid-Year Random Awards!
Best Pie Eating Award
A Ghost Story is an amazing movie that features Rooney Mara eating a whole lot of pie in one shot. What I love most about A Ghost Story is how it feels like true cinema and builds to an ending that will floor you.
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Best Finger Eating Award
Raw is one of the best horror films of 2017 and easily features the best college campus cannibalism.
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Giving Up the High Ground Award
I love Wonder Woman but I don’t understand why an ancient warrior race gave up the high ground so quickly when battling Germans.
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Best Mike Myers Reference
The Michael Myers/Mike Myers bit was perfection in Baby Driver.
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Vince Vaughn Destroys a Car Award
Vince Vaughn is a straight up badass in Brawl in Cell Block 99. You need to watch it and listen to our podcast about it (shameless plug).
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Why Did You Stick Your Face in an Alien Pod Award?
Billy Crudup made a big time “dumb dumb” move in Alien: Covenant. Never trust insane robots.
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Best WWII Hair
Kenneth Branagh’s hair in Dunkirk is legit. Dude was a great leader and he still had time to style his hair.
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Daniel Craig Looks Happy Award
Daniel Craig seemed to really enjoy himself in Logan Lucky. If you haven’t watched it yet I totally recommend it. It’s a blast.
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Best Carharrt Jacket Award
Jeremy Renner’s Carharrt jacket in Wind River were practical and fashionable. I’d say it is the best Carharrt jacket featured in a film since Manchester by the Sea.
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Best Alien Decapitation Award
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets features the best and most surprising alien decapitation of 2017.
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Best Rock Creature Who is Afraid of Paper Award
Thor: Ragnarok’s true MVP is Korg the cheeky gladiator. I love that director Taika Waititi played the role and was able to say such crazy things (don’t want to spoil the ending).
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Why am I a Henchman Award?
The henchmen in the John Wick world need to quit because many of them get murdered in John Wick: Chapter 2.
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Can Sam Rockwell Win Every Acting Award for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri Award?
Sam Rockwell has a legit chance of winning an Academy Award this year. I really hope it happens because he is amazing in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.
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Best Head Scratching Award
Collasal is a weird movie that I really enjoyed because I never knew what to expect. I think my favorite bit revolves around a giant monster scratching its head.
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Roger Deakins Needs an Oscar Award
Come on people! Roger Deakins made Blade Runner: 2049 look amazing!
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Best Blue Man Looking Like Mary Poppins Award
Yondu yelling “I’m Mary Poppins Ya’ll” is one of my favorite moments of the year. It’s so incredibly happy and endearing
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Best War Horror “Warror” Movie Featuring John Cena Laying on the Ground
The Wall is an effective thriller and John Cena does a great job laying face first on the ground.
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When Zip-lining Goes Wrong Award
Girls Trip features a zipline scene that goes terribly wrong. I didn’t see it coming and now I can never forget it.
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Best Texting Award
Personal Shopper is so much more than a “Kristen Stewart” texts to her dead brother film. However, she does a shitload of texting.
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I Like Everyone Being Shot Award
Free Fire is one of my favorite 2017 films and I loved everyone who got shot in it. You need to watch it on Amazon Prime.
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Best Jumping Out of a Car Award
Saoirse Ronan is finally going to win an Oscar for Lady Bird. I think her dive out of her mom’s car will seal the deal.
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Best Coat Worn by a Vampire Award
The latest Underworld is not good but it features Kate Beckinsale doing some great coat work.
What random awards would you hand out? Let me know in the comments!
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The MFF Podcast #109: Justice league, The Joker and BBQ Ribs
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back and we are talking about Justice League, The Joker’s weapon circle in Suicide Squad, and BBQ ribs. We’ve loaded up on all things DC and the result is a conversation that breaks down the DC vs. Marvel debate and how long The Joker needed to set up all those weapons in Suicide Squad. Also, instead of simply nitpicking Justice League we decided to discuss what we like about the film and ponder what the future will be for Wonder Woman, Batman and Superman.
The Joker needed at least 65 minutes to set this all up.
As always we answer random listener questions and discuss what cinematic hairstyle we’d love to have. If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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The MFF Podcast #108: The Best Horror Films of 2017
Download the pod on iTunes, PodBean, Stitcher or
LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
Please SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE.
Summary: This week we discuss our favorite horror films of the year! Among them are The Blackcoat’s Daughter (2015), Raw (2016), It (2017; Stephen King), The Devil’s Candy (2015), Annabelle: Creation (2017), Life (2017), Gerald’s Game (2017; Stephen King) and Happy Death Day (2017); and some of these are summarized (with trailers ) in this article on the 6 best horror films of 2017.
We answer the some questions in this podcast! For example…
“Can Toxie withstand The Stuff (1985)?”
“Is a Gremlin Farm a bad idea?”
“Are sewer pipes too dirty for Pennywise?”
“Would Freddy be a better dinner date than Hannibal Lector?”
LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO, PodBean, Stitcher or
iTunes, and please SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod!
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The Six Best Horror Films of 2017
2017 was a massive year for horror that featured critically beloved films like It, Get Out and Split bringing in huge box office numbers and changing the way the mainstream looks at mainstream horror (they can be good movies!). We were also lucky enough to have beautiful jump scare bonanzas like Annabelle: Creation, contemplative cannibalism films like Raw, and really good Stephen King adaptations like 1922 and Gerald’s Game. It was a deep year for horror and we here at MFF did our best to watch pretty much everything horror related. Since, I’m only human and couldn’t get to everything (Happy Death Day, mother!, The Killing of a Sacred Deer, Mayhem, Berlin Syndrome) this list represents the best of what I saw.
You should watch The Blackcoat’s Daughter.
Here are the top 6 horror films of 2017. Let me know your top 6 in the comments below. I’d love to know.
6. The Devil’s Candy
The Devil’s Candy is a gnarly film that features some true nastiness but also has lots of heart. Anchored by Ethan Embry’s committed performance as a blue collar artist you are able to deal with the death via focusing on the core family. What I love most is how Embry’s character truly loves his daughter and wife and did nothing to earn the devilish plight that is driving him to some really dark places. By creating a likable family who behave in believable ways director Sean Byrne (The Loved Ones – very good) has made the film tougher to watch. When you like the people involved it makes the tension worse because you are invested in their oncoming torture via very evil things.
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5. Get Out
Get Out is what happens when a director loves 1970s horror and is able to create his vision unencumbered. Jordan Peele crushed his debut film and you can feel his love of Rosemary’s Baby and Stepford Wives all over it. The building paranoia, A-list talent and awesome ending combine to create a film that has totally earned its 99% Tomatometer average and plethora of awards. Get Out is a crowd-pleasing movie that pulls no punches and has something to say about race relations without resorting to simple preaching. You will laugh, cheer and jump throughout and that is a testament to Jordan Peele. I can’t wait to see what he does next.
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4. Creep 2
Director Patrick Brice and actor/writer Mark Duplass excel at making people uncomfortable. They have something very special going on with the titular creep Aaron and I love how the character keeps evolving while still making people very uneasy. He preys on people in very peculiar ways and finds ways to keep logical people in his presence when they should be running for the hills (there is a cool spin here though). If you are into layered performances and slinking into your couch due to brilliantly devilish moments you will love Creep 2.
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3. Gerald’s Game
Director Mike Flanagan (Hush, Oculus) is an emerging talent who has wanted to make this film for a long time. Many considered the Stephen King’s novel to be unfilmable to its single location, inner monologues and all around weirdness. Flanagan never gave up on his dream project and now we have one of the best 2017 horror films. One of the reasons why Gerald’s Game works so well is because of Carla Gugino’s game changing performance as a woman named Jessie who is having a very bad day. She is hand-cuffed to a bed, her husband died of a heart attack, a hungry stray dog is roaming around the house, and there might be a demonic presence in the home. Throughout the insanity Gugino expertly owns every second of her screen time and she creates a very likable character that you want to survive. Flanagan’s direction and Gugino’s star power make this a must watch horror film.
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2. Raw
Raw is what happens when a badass director who loves David Cronenberg makes a movie about cannibalism at a French veterinary school. This will sound overly obvious but director Julia Ducournau has created a very raw film that humanizes its characters and doesn’t glamorize anything. The violence, blood and disembowelment feel grounded in reality and feel organic and natural to the story (this is rare). Raw centers around a first year veterinary student named Justine (a very brave Garance Marillier) dealing with college hazing, sexual encounters and cannibalism. I never knew where Raw was going and that is a attributed to Ducournau who has made a movie that is honest, brutal and in no way soft.
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1. The Blackcoat’s Daughter
Slight Spoilers
The reason The Blackcoat’s Daughter is #1 on my list is because of a single line (and very good filmmaking). There is a moment when young Kat (Kiernan Shipka) just had a very mellow exorcism performed upon her, and she sees the evil demon/spirit/devil leaving her body. Instead of being happy about the evil leaving her she says, “Don’t go,” to the evil as it floats away. This is somebody who is alienated at her boarding school and is so lonely she doesn’t want something that paid her attention to leave. The “Don’t go” line and the final shot do something really cool because the two tiny moments make us feel for a murderer who decapitates her victims and offers them up to a demon in the school furnace. Director Oz Perkins does a beautiful dread establishing dread via a patient approach that depends on a melancholic tone and all-in performances from the actors. You should watch The Blackcoat’s Daughter.
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What 2017 horror films did you love?
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MY CALL: A terrible superhero movie that makes me want to watch my least favorite Marvel/DC movie five times in a row. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Guardians: If you need a better Russian action movie, maybe try just Night Watch (2004) or Day Watch (2006). They’re the only ones I’ve really seen. Sorry, guys. I could use better suggestions myself.
Okay, so full disclosure… I don’t watch a lot of Russian (or eastern European) movies—but I was soooooo excited about this trailer for months. My attention to cinema from this region has been limited to the few genre films to cross my Amazon/Netflix suggestions over the years—so far, just Night Watch (2004), Day Watch (2006), and Viy: Forbidden Empire (2014). So, if this region’s cinema boasts gems to be mined, please tell me about them in the comments. Thusfar, this film directed (and co-written) by Sarik Andreasyan is the worst I’ve seen (among Russian language films).
In preparation for future foreign threats in the wake of the Cold War, the Soviet Union experimented with genetically-engineered super soldiers—the Patriot project. The secret laboratories and headquarters responsible for their creation are architected much like Hellboy’s (2004) Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense or Stryker’s Weapon-X facilities in X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), and their geek squad tracks down the location of their sleeper cell superheroes with greater technological savvy than Dennis Rodman’s techno-monks in Simon Sez (1999). Our heroes are recruited from their secret lives in Siberia, Kazakhstan, Armenia and Moscow… and these scenes depicting their recruitment are just awful.
Zany concepts and “bad movie” staples abound. To start, these Russian mad scientists “engineered” a werebear! Every bit of dialogue is raw exposition… like, really… throughout the ENTIRE movie. The top security clearance superhero handler (Valeriya Shkirando) looks like a runway model too young to have completed the military training required for her rank.
The huge unevenness of the production value shocked me. The opening scenes were so gorgeously crisp. Yet, the moment the special effects polluted the screen, I was bombarded by cheap CGI SyFy channel robots. I’d liken the special effects to a really awesome videogame or a laughable direct-to-video movie from 10-15 years ago.
So… our heroes! Ler (Sebastien Sisak) has Magneto-like telekinesis…that only works on small rocks. So, he’s like a geomancer (or something) manifesting rock shields, pelting minions with pebbles, and even making himself into a little Gorignak (Galaxy Quest).
Kseniya (Alina Lanina) controls her body temperature and can become invisible—perhaps a play on Sue Storm (Fantastic Four). Then we have our Incredible Hulk-Bruce Banner analogue Arsus (Anton Pampushnyy), who is a werebear that loses all control in bear form and fears that the bear may eventually take over the man… sound familiar (i.e., Thor: Ragnarok)? Arsus looks like some early 2000s videogame fighter—like newer Mortal Kombat quality. At one point he actually uses the phrase “full bear mode” and, against all good taste, the term is repeated by someone else. Armed with huge sickle-swords, the only cool hero is Khan (Sanjar Madi). With the speed of The Flash and the black “poof” ectoplasm of Nightcrawler, the only enjoyable special effects in this film are derived from watching him slice through military vehicles and goon platoons as he teleports about.
Behold the videogame effects of Full Bear Mode!
And then behold the guy in the Batman suit that should have had his own movie!
The big bad guy is Kuritov (Stanislav Shirin). Once part of the team that created the Patriot heroes, he was mutated in an accident and became a hulkingly muscled Resident Evil (2002) monster bent on world domination. Covered in shamefully fake veins, his latex muscle suit looks horrible. The clichés are rich here… Kuritov needs the Patriots for his plan, he’s building an army of clones (eyeroll), and at one point Arsus actually says “you know that you need our superpowers, but you’re not going to get them.” Barf! None of these concepts ever come to be in the movie either—it’s all just talk. Oh, but it gets worse… the team gets supersuits (that never seem to matter) and, since Ler was once defeated because he “ran out of rocks” they have “modified” the suit—i.e., there are rocks affixed to it like a bandolier.
Did they think no one would notice the resemblance or affinity for electricity?
The martial arts are terrible, the term “superpowers” is used like everyday vocabulary, and the bear transformation makes me miss the dated CGI of An American Werewolf in Paris (1997) and Underworld (2003). You can tell this movie is trying (I think), but it’s failing miserably at every possible turn. Except for Valeriya Shkirando’s make-up. With her ever-damp hair and bright lipstick, she always looks like she’s attending New York’s Fashion Week as she tries to save the world.
Speaking of bad special effects, anyone else notice the suit wrinkling at his wrists?
Dare I say it, but this film only worsens as it progresses. The action becomes so boring I find myself thinking “I should watch Ultraviolet (2006) again, it deserves another shot.” Even the training scene sucked—and training scenes have the potential to MAKE the movie memorable! I’m sure the martial arts fight choreography would have impressed American eyes (unexposed to Asian cinema) back in the 80s and 90s, but compared to today’s martial arts stars (e.g., Tony Jaa, Michael Jai White, Iko Uwais, Scott Adkins) the Guardians’ fights look like a Frank’s South Philly Tae Kwon Do demo team in a high school gymnasium.
Things end flat when the Guardians basically combine their Captain Planet power rings a mile away from their big bad guy. Stupid…smh…just stupid. I almost tightened up and recoiled to the sequel-harbinger closing line: “we found more Guardians.” Ouch! Please don’t let this sequel happen.
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I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore: I Can’t Wait to See What Macon Blair Does Next
I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore is a fantastic film that showcases director/writer/actor Macon Blair’s (Blue Ruin, Green Room) many talents. His performances in Blue Ruin and Green Room are perfection and it seems like he used his time on set with director Jeremy Saulnier to learn the directing ropes. I really liked how he let this film bounce between genres while keeping it reigned in enough for it to remain cohesive. I’ve been a big fan of actress Melanie Lynskey (Heavenly Creatures, Win Win) for a long time and I love that this film put her front and center in a “hero” role.
The story revolves around a woman named Ruth (Melanie Lynskey) hunting down items that were stolen from her home. Before her house was robbed she was the type of person who let people push her around as she silently watched the world unfold. The robbery pushes her over the edge and she becomes embroiled in a world way out of her league. Her journey to reclaim her stolen items finds her teaming up with her squirrely neighbor Tony (a very fun Elijah Wood) and becoming enemies with some dangerous criminals. Her misadventures see her dealing with ninja stars, throat strikes, crushed windpipes, poisonous snakes and some grisly death.
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The stakes are relatively low and that is why I love it. It’s refreshing to watch a small stakes crime story unfold in ways you didn’t expect. I dig that the villains are suitably violent but they are still out of their league when amongst proper criminals. I’m a big fan of Jane Levy (Don’t Breathe, Evil Dead) and it was fun watching her play the villain instead of being terrorized. The final showdown is a thing of gnarly violence and I found myself laughing at all the chaos and blood. Blair was able to create a classic Tarantino-esque showdown that incorporates humor with violent carnage. You will never look at ninja stars the same way again or trust all the guests at your holiday party.
This film earned its Grand Jury Prize from Sundance and hopefully it is able to build an audience so Macon Blair is able to showcase his skills again. The guy has made a very good film and I can’t wait to see what he does next.
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