Hello all. Mark here.
John (The Horror Leviathan) recently wrote a post about 15 photos for 15 years of horror films. His post inspired me to look back at the last 15 years and find my favorite horror moments. I’ve picked out 15 scenes that have rocked my world, made me laugh or forced me to have this face (You gotta watch Jaws).
I started with the year 2000 and worked my way up through 2014. Basically, I looked at the horror films that were released and picked the moments that I love.
Without further ado here are the photos!
The year is 2000. The movie is Dracula: 2000. The scene is when Dracula in the year 2000 steps out in full curly-haired glory. I remembered thinking “Should Dracula have a hair helmet? Shouldn’t he look like Gary Oldman in Bram Stoker’s Dracula?” The movie has been forgotten but I will never be able to quit the hair helmet.
Jason X is pure space hooey. However, there is an amazing moment involving two co-eds, sleeping bags, a tree and this dialogue “Do you want a beer? Do you want to smoke some pot? Do you want to have premarital sex?” The two women hunker down in their sleeping bags in hopes of some Jason X. However, they end up being used for serial killer batting practice. The scene is funny, random and cheeky. It does not belong in such a bad movie.
So…….Michael Myers didn’t get decapitated in H20. He escaped certain death, kills Jamie Lee Curtis several years later and hikes back to his childhood home and battles Busta Rhymes. Did I mention Busta throws a killer spin kick and loves Bruce Lee? How the mighty have fallen.
Dreamcatcher was a star-studded horror hybrid that should have been amazing. However, all I can remember are Morgan Freeman’s eyebrows. What did you say? I can’t hear you over those eye dwelling creatures? When eyebrows overshadow a lot of farting and an alien that looks like poop you know you’ve done something wrong (or terribly right).
Parker Posey is my favorite vampire in the history of vampire history. She is a yuppie blood sucker who kicks her assistants in the face and sets herself up to be called a “c*ck juggling thunder c*nt.” She discusses the merits of lake trouts, has wonderful hair and has no problem kneeing her old assistants in the nuts. Her interrogation scene with Ryan Reynolds in Blade: Trinity has stood the test of time and proved she was on another level of awesome.
Keanu Reeves is an underrated actor (Yeah. I said it) and I love the moment when he traps a spider in a jar, exhales cigarette smoke into it and says “welcome to my life.” The moment is weird, self-aware and very Keanu. I love the visuals of Constantine and this moment was authentic and slightly abusive to spiders.
Imagine you are lost, hurt and stuck inside an unknown cave system. You probably think things cannot get much worse. However, you hear a noise and it turns out to be hungry mole creatures who attack with lightning quickness. These subterranean bringers of nightmares are the perfect villains and their introduction scared the crap out of me. They have no back story, motive or father issues. They are hungry creatures who simply want to eat you. I love The Descent because it is urgent, inventive and full of interesting characters (AKA lunch).
I just can’t quit 30 Days of Night. It is bleak, cold, bloody and for some reason the vampires are really well dressed. David Slade and cinematographer Jo Willems captured a beautiful/bloody moment when the camera is looking down on the street and blood is everywhere. It is visually arresting and says everything we need to know about these vampires (they are jerks).
The Happening is a marvel of insanity. I love that it exists and that M. Night Shyamalan was able to make an R-rated film about killer air. The best moment revolves around an old lady and science teacher Mark Wahlberg.
Mrs. Jones: Planning on stealing something?
Elliot Moore: No, ma’am, we’re not.
Mrs. Jones: Plan on murdering me in my sleep?
Elliot Moore: What? No!
The House of the Devil builds to a moment so whacked it hurt my soul. This gross person scared the crap out of me and put director Ti West on my radar. I love how he patiently built to this insane moment and was able to nail the landing. I had a hard time sleeping after I watched this dang film.
I love the opening of Devil. It is atmospheric, visually inventive and sets a wonderful tone. The shot has lingered in my memory and I will champion this film forever. For all you haters out there who complain about the toast scene I want you to know that it makes sense. It is a wonderful example! I would hate to drop my toast after preparing it! Also, it is a cheap Devil detector.
The red demon in Insidious is a jerk. He pops up at the worst times and is a straight up menace to pleasant family society. This scene in Insidious shocked the world and propelled James Wan to legendary status. I hate you red demon. Patrick Wilson is cool though.
I love Grabbers. It is about Irish villagers getting drunk so they can survive an alien attack. This picture below features a drunk man being flicked a quarter-mile by an angry alien. The alien knew it couldn’t suck his blood so it improvised and added more footage to its NFL field goal kicking reel.
Byzantium is chock full of dysfunctional families, Gemma Arterton chewing scenery and a waterfall that pours blood. The visual is spectacular and gives the vampire world something new (No hair helmets here!).
The only thing I took away from Deliver Us From Evil is that cops and priests wear tailored shirts and leather jackets. It was very distracting. Also, Joel McHale (Community, The Soup) knife fights a demon guy. The scene below is the best part of the film. It features a creepy dude, a zoo and form-fitting shirts.
What moments did I miss? What would you add?
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15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 1 (2000-2014): some of the greatest, goriest, most shocking and most memorably defining moments in horror since 2000
Greetings, horrorounds! We spend so much of our time complaining about re-used, recycled, unoriginal, tired out horror tropes and stories and stale archetypal horror character roles presented by actors that can’t act, directors who can rarely direct, and budgets that don’t get us anywhere. So I thought it was time for us to take a moment to remember that even today in the modern horror era we find the occasional delight in our modern horror in the form of worthy remakes or original approaches to old ideas…maybe even some new ideas.
So I give you 15 photos for 15 years of horror. These don’t necessarily represent the 15 best horror movies since 2000, but rather 15 of the most memorable moments. I really wanted to include movies like Session 9 and The Skeleton Key, but such films are more about tone that single iconic images.
The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)
There is little more shocking than watching a rapidly-senescing, possessed elderly woman swallowing a child’s head whole like one of those egg-swallowing snakes! Even more surprising is that nothing in this film was ridiculous, but rather largely rational and the characters were likable and not completely inept. Very good, unexpected film.
Oculus (2014)
No. No. No. No. NO!!!! I don’t care if it’s your lovely, long-dead mother who looks so happy to see you with her caring arms outreached to embrace you. Those outreached arms are breaking the reflective barrier of a mirror and that’s ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS evil!!! DO…NOT…HUG!
The Conjuring (2013)
Were the noises loud? Yes. But The Conjuring accompanied those loud noises with startling imagery and even more startling sideburns while combining a haunted house movie with a possession story…not an easy task, and James Wan did a stellar job creating an instant classic-feeling film.
The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
Most people like referencing the Merman as the most memorable aspect of this brilliantly funny, gory and clever film. However, I refer you to the board and the premise behind it. Was it genius? No. Was it 100% what we horror fans never knew we wanted? ABSOLUTELY!!! With such entries as “angry molesting tree” honoring Evil Dead, sexy witches and the much discussed “Kevin”….this film managed to give nods to a broad sweep of the horror genre’s better moments.
Final Destination 5 (2011)
Boasting one of the best, shocking, misleadingly elaborate deaths in the franchise and the horror genre, I give you this! I love the finger twitch.
Grave Encounters (2011)
Such a perfectly simple tagline for this great flick we never saw coming: “They were looking for proof…they found it.” This film blew away my expectations, did found footage WELL, told a good story, had good acting and clever dialogue.
Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010)
No scene in 2010 had me laughing more than when this teen accidently threw himself into a woodchipper…and when our innocent would-be hillbilly tried to “save him” while he was being “chipped.”
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
From being gummed by a toothless gypsy and drinking her embalming fluids to vomiting dead kittens, Sam Raimi was in full form with this gastrointestinal cinematic experience.
Martyrs (2008)
I used to think that Hellbound: Hellaraiser II was creepy as Hell with that skinless lady making her way from one victim to another. But you know what’s worse? Seeing someone get skinned! This film is hailed as the most thoughtful torture-porn made today…and I should add that for this particular film, I don’t like the term “torture-porn” as it seems to detract from the very deep tone set in this film.
Hatchet (2006)
Hatchet was such a deliciously gross farce. Every effort was made to maximize the laughs and the gore.
Saw (2004)
Remember that moment when you realized what would happen when the timer hit zero? Terror and chest tingles! Her eyes tell the story of what my mind felt when we were introduced to the mania of the Saw franchise.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
The cameraman was definitely doing his job here behind the behind of the lovely Jessica Biel. This same type of shot can be enjoyed in Texas Chainsaw 3D with Tania Raymonde’s butt-cam and the 1974 original version, when this type of horror-centric shot seemed to really premiere in popularity. A good rule to live by is that if you see a rundown house in the middle of nowhere with a really nice butt in the foreground, don’t go in! The inhabitants will almost certainly want to eat you and wear your skin.
The Ring (2002)
Remember when Samara got really, really close to the TV screen while they were watching the video? Wasn’t it freaky as HELL when she put her hands through it and started crawling on the floor with her evil Japanese-girl-hair-in-the-face thing going on? So creepy!
28 Days Later (2002)
You wake up in the hospital and don’t know how you got there or what’s wrong with you, the city seems deserted as if The Rapture took everyone to Heaven except for you, and…oh right, the dead are walking–slash that–RUNNING after you ravenously while on FIRE! Yeah, I’d say 28 Days Later it was a pretty bad day.
Ginger Snaps (2000)
A coming of age scene in a coming of age horror story. This came out when I was 19 years old. I remember thinking she was both weird looking and yet strangely sexy in her pre-wolf lycanthropic state.
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Hope you enjoyed some of my favorite mania-feeding moments.
Please read on to 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror: Part 2: The Good, the Bad and the Hilarious.
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Joe: David Gordon Green Goes Back to His Roots
Joe is the type of film where you can smell the booze and feel every punch. It is atmospheric, grimy and knows exactly what it is. David Gordon Green has proven to be a master of small town eclecticism and after The Sitter and Your Highness it is good to see him go back to character pieces. Joe makes you remember that this is the same guy who directed All the Real Girls, Prince Avalanche, George Washington and Snow Angels. The biggest difference between Joe and Green’s other films is that you feel the dirt, sweat and blood in this book adaptation and it leaves feeling as if you did a day of work on Joe’s crew.
The film revolves around a complicated man named Joe (Nicolas Cage). He is an ex-con with a big temper and ambitions of not letting it wreck his life. Joe runs a crew that poisons trees so that a company can legally cut them down and plant other trees. He is fair to his workers and they have a respect for the complicated man. His temper puts him in some dangerous cross hairs as he is constantly hounded by police and strategically shoulder shot by a maniac wanting revenge. Joe’s biggest problem is that he has ambition in a lost world. He doesn’t belong among the hopeless inhabitants of the small Texas town yet has only himself to blame. He wants to do the right thing but he continually gets caught up in violent situations. For instance, he gets himself shot because of a single slap he through in a bar. The slap was most likely justified but his bad habits will catch up to him.
One day he meets Gary (Tye Sheridan) a homeless teenager who wants some work. Joe employs him and is quickly impressed by his willingness and work ethic. The problem is that Gary’s father Wade (Gary Poulter) is a monster of a man whose antics force his family to remain drifters. He is vile, drunk and the human embodiment of a poisonous snake. Poulter was discovered on the streets of Austin, Texas and died shortly after filming completed. Much like his character Gary had a history of arrests and alcoholism that made him perfect for the role. His non-acting adds an authenticity to the character that is frighteningly real. Poulter adds a uniqueness to the role because he imbues Wade with dancing chops, sly humor and legit menace.
Watching Joe makes you realize that Nicolas Cage is capable of great work. If you’ve watched Raising Arizona, Matchstick Men, Adaptation, Kick-Ass, Bad Lieutenant, The Rock and Bringing Out the Dead you know that he can be magnetic on-screen. Cage brings a restrained seen it all personality to Joe. He bulked up and creates a believable tough guy who wants to do the right thing.. You do not want to square off against Joe and that is a testament to Cage’s performance. There have been articles wishing he would have been nominated for an Oscar and I hope he will use this role as springboard to bigger and better things.
Joe is a bleak story of redemption. It ain’t pretty and the violence, sex and mayhem will turn off many viewers. However, Joe is a welcome back to form for David Gordon Green and Nicolas Cage and I can’t wait to see what they do next.
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The Town That Dreaded Sundown: Re-imagining More of the Same
The Town That Dreaded Sundown could have been a contender. However, it falls into the stock slasher tropes and falls apart at the end. The director Alfonso Gomez-Rejon stated that there is a 15 minute longer cut and many of the meta-textual flourishes were dropped in honor of keeping the status quo (kill, kill, nudity, kill). Thus, we get an oft entertaining film that feels supremely weird and more of the same.
What I appreciate about the meta-sequel is that it stands above the recent horror remakes by attempting something different. The remakes went the boring prequel route (The Thing, Halloween) or simply rehashed the violent proceedings (Black Christmas, House of Wax). They offered nothing to the genre aside from a cute scream queen or impressive decapitation. The Town That Dreaded Sundown strives for meta uniqueness and goes down swinging in an attempt.
I like how the plot is about a town that experienced horrific murders and is constantly reminded of it because of the creation of a cult classic film. They can’t seem to shake the killings and the town is stuck in a 1970’s stasis. As the masked killer starts recreating the famous deaths it forces old memories to be dredged up. Through these murders we are introduced to characters who give the film some personality. Anthony Anderson, Gary Cole, Denis O’Hare, Ed Lauter and Edward Hermann elevate the material as various police chiefs, pastors and museum owners who feel like they totally belong in a horror film.
The lead heroine Jami (Addison Timlin) is a resourceful and nice person who has been dealt an amazingly bad hand. We first meet her at the drive-in where she and her date are watching the 1976 film The Town That Dreaded Sundown. She isn’t a fan so her surprisingly nice date agrees to leave so they can drive down a dark road and engage in some impromptu smooching. As things start heating up a masked killer shows up and kills her date and leaves her alive to warn the town. However, Jami’s parents died when she was little and this left her in troubled sedated state which means her warning are not heeded.
Jami starts looking for a pattern into the killings and the film falls into familiar territory from there. She correctly pegs the “phantom” but that can’t stop characters from engaging in behavior only seen in horror films. I will say that the characters who meet their end at least die while making logical steps to escape. It is a breath of fresh horror air watching people being unluckily dead instead of dumb dead.
The Town That Dreaded Sundown attempted something new and that is why I watched it. Addison Timlin continues to impress and if you get a chance check out Odd Thomas on Netflix. In a day age of crap horror remakes it is nice when something stands out.
Watch the film. Dread sundown. Don’t make decisions only found in horror movies.
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The Lesser Chronicled Non-Death Brilliance of Sean Bean
Everybody knows that Sean Bean has died spectacularly in copious films and television shows. There have been many posts and videos chronicling the deaths and it has become something of a joke (#dontkillseanbean).
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Bean has been crushed, hung, stabbed and blown up in the name of bad guy comeuppance, revenge or just plain bad luck. However, there haven’t been any posts about him wrecking shop. The guy has battled Harrison Ford, Robert DeNiro, Nicolas Cage, Pierce Brosnan, Chris Hemsworth, Cave Trolls and Ewan McGregor. He has played Zeus, Odysseus and Ned Stark with aplomb. Sean Bean has kicked a lot of ass in his illustrious career and it has been overshadowed by his many deaths. So, I’ve compiled some butt-kicking moments from his career in hope of reminding people that he can take a life as well as he can die.
Goldeneye
006 is my favorite Bond villain. He waxes poetic, has a sweet scar and battles Bond to a stalemate. Everybody always talks about his amazing two part death (falls 200 yards then gets crushed by a satellite) but nobody talks about his amazing finale fight with the super spy.
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Fellowship of the Ring
Boromir may have been insulted in The Interview but that doesn’t mean he can’t kick ass (Is that a Boromir thing to say?). Before he was sacrificing himself for the betterment of the quest he was battling Cave Trolls in the mines of Moria. He has a gangster moment when two arrows whiz by his head and he looks at the shooters with annoyance. From there he is all business as he kills dozens of foul creatures and mutters the classic line “They have a cave troll.”
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Troy
The dude builds the Trojan horse and survived an Odyssey. He is recruited to fight the Trojans and then recruits Achilles. He is the ultimate survivor and after all is said and done he delivers great speeches.
“If they ever tell my story, let them say I walked with giants. Men rise and fall like the winter wheat, but these names will never die. Let them say I lived in the time of Hector, tamer of horses. Let them say, I lived, in the time of Achilles.”
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The Hitcher
Sean Bean dies via close range shotgun blast in The Hitcher. However, there is a fantastic moment where he takes out four cop cars and a helicopter while the Nine Inch Nails song Closer plays. The movie is crap but I had to rewind this scene several times.
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Jupiter Ascending
There is a moment in Jupiter when Channing Tatum has to rescue Mila Kunis from a swarthy immortal. So, he recruits Sean and they fly through thousands of “war hammers.” in order to save the day. Some say it was impossible. Sean Bean calls it Tuesday.
The brief clip is featured in the trailer. You gotta watch this movie folks.
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Equilibrium
He reads Yeats (backwards) and was the ultimate mentor. I love the opening scene where intelligently lets the younger guy jump into the middle of a room and kill people. That is a true veteran move and proves he works smart and not hard.
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Jupiter Ascending: Immortal Nut Shots, Intergalactic Roller Skating and Wonderful Universe Building
Jupiter Ascending is a visual cornucopia full of gobbledygook, hooey, intergalactic roller skating and immortal nut shots. It features elaborate set design, lavish costumes and bypasses world building by creating a universe. It is ambitious and I sorta loved it. The Wachowskis swing for the fences and I love that about them. Their films The Matrix 1-3, Bound, Speed Racer and Cloud Atlas are stylized wonders that have proven to be polarizing and Jupiter Ascending fits nicely alongside them.
What makes Jupiter Ascending interesting is that people were ready to hate it before it came out. The buzz has been full of vitriol and I think that will keep people from enjoying this bonkers space saga. It is true that it suffered from many delays and the $175 million budget seems incredibly bloated. However, every cent of the budget is seen on-screen. They stuff so many things into two hours it makes your brain explode (they reportedly started with a 600 page script).
Jupiter Ascending revolves an immortal race who harvest planets in order to stay immortal. They hoard glass bottles of goo (think a large Smart Water bottle) that act like the greatest face cream ever. It takes 100 bodies to fill these bottles and it turns out that earth is ready for a harvest. However, before immortal Balem Abrasax (Eddie Redmayne) can harvest the planet they find out that a reincarnated immortal named Jupiter (Mila Kunis) has a claim on earth. So, Titus Abrasax (Douglas Booth) recruits Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) to save her from being killed by squirrelly aliens sent by Balem. Caine saves Jupiter with the aid of Stinger Apini (Sean Bean) and his many bees. However, Kalique Abrasax (Tuppence Middleton) kidnaps Jupiter which sets in motion a lot of drama. From there Jupiter pinballs around the universe while Caine saves her multiple times.
Basically, the plot is an excuse to blow up Chicago, engage in huge space wars and dress people up in fancy clothes.
In the two-hour film we get eight air battles, one wedding, three rescues, 80 outfit changes, egg selling, Lizard henchmen, TV purchases, three dinners, bureaucracy, bounty hunters, double crosses, imprisonment, space orgies (10 seconds of footage, It took eight hours to film), bee attacks, toilet cleaning, almost space death, roller skating, expository dialogue (X8), wing growth and a whole lot more.
Normally, The Wachowskis excel at creating badass heroines. Their female characters in The Matrix series and Bound set the standard for tough women. However, Jupiter is such a naive person that you are constantly slapping your head. She never makes decisions for herself and the pulpy script doesn’t help. She is bounced around the immortals like a pinball and she is almost convinced to sell her eggs so her cousin can buy a television. I get that she has been dealt a bum hand (father was killed) but you wish she could have been infused with the self-confidence that Kunis brought to the screen in Forgetting Sarah Marshall or Black Swan.
The most memorable character of the universe is Eddie Redmayne’s Balem. He feels like he is in another movie as he speaks in a monotone voice that is occasionally interrupted by screaming fits that sound like a petulant child wanting to get his way. His tough allure is wrecked when he is easily dropped by a Jupiter nut shot. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an immortal get kicked in the nuts. I would love to know the direction he got from the Wachowskis.
Jupiter Ascending is bonkers cinema at its best and worst. It is eye candy that seems way too ambitious. I love that the Wachowskis created a new world but they packed in so much you can never go all in. The movie is one ambitious set up after the next and there are at least 100 speaking roles.
In a day and age of remakes, sequels, reboots and prequels I’m glad we got Jupiter Ascending. I will gladly pay money to watch new worlds be created. The worlds may be incredibly odd but at least the Wachowskis bring something new. The biggest problem with Jupiter Ascending failing at the box-office is that studios might shy away from original products in the future. Thus, we will be stuck with more lame Spiderman reboots and X-Men prequels.
Watch Jupiter Ascending. Appreciate the insanity. Buy some intergalactic roller skates. Support something original.
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Frank: Papier-Mache Zeppelin
Frank tells the story of an eccentric band and their papier-mache loving front man. It is a relaxed movie that takes its time and relishes in the weird little moments of a bands life. What I love most about this under appreciated gem is Michael Fassbender’s performance. Unhindered by the large mask Fassbender lets loose a physical and charismatic performance that proves to be very memorable. Something is obviously wrong with Frank but he manages to be so charming, personable and capable of very odd lyrics that people overlook his odd habits.
Stale beer. Fat f*cked, smoked out. Cowpoked. Sequined mountain ladies. I love your wall. Put your arms around me. Fiddly digits, itchy britches. I love you all.
The film revolves an idealistic young man named Jon (Domhnall Gleeson) joining a band called Soronprfbs. The band just lost their keyboardist/manger in an attempted suicide and as fate would have it Jon was standing around. He is a middling musician who couldn’t write a song to save his life (Ladies have babies. That’s how it works) but plays enough keyboard to impress Frank. So, they pack into a van and drive to Ireland to record their album.
Little recording is done as they record nature sounds, engage in calisthenics and chain smoke. The band rallies around Frank and some of the band members either love or hate the process. Frank has an incredibly non-mainstream style of music and it becomes obvious a record will never be recorded. Jon becomes consumed with becoming as great as Frank but instead grows a beard and spends his nest egg paying for their time in Ireland.
Jon also continually pisses of fellow musician Clara (Maggie Gyllenhaal). Clara has her own problems but she brushes them aside to be Frank’s protector. She hates Jon’s mediocrity and understands that Frank’s style and mindset will never appeal to the mainstream. You are never quite sure why Clara is in the band but as the movie progresses she becomes much more likable and you understand why she stays with Frank. I find it random that they would allow Jon to drain all his money on an album that will never happen. It makes you wonder if they’ve used and abused other ambitious and misguided musicians.
Eventually, the crew head to Texas for the South by Southwest music festival. It all goes spectacularly wrong and ends with stabbings, hurt feelings and a soul crushing performance. You learn more about the characters and it all turns sad quickly. I love that the movie never goes for the easy answers and has something to say about the quest for fame. It could have all culminated in a sold out show that turns Frank into a star but instead ends with some very avant-garde pop music in a tiny pool hall.
Frank is nothing like you would expect. It accomplishes poignancy out of papier-mache masks and has something to say about fame and all its trappings. Watch Frank. Appreciate the Fassbender. Don’t write bad lyrics.
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Two rather related horror franchises have recently been gaining traction in the movie rumor mills: Poltergeist and Paranormal Activity. Now, Poltergeist (1982) and Poltergeist II (1986) stand as excellent proof that the best horror came from the 80s. But Poltergeist III (1988), while watchable, suffered a noticeable drop in quality. Similarly, I loved Paranormal Activity (2007) and Paranormal Activity 2 (2010). But sadly, just as with the Poltergeist franchise, things started to fall apart with PA 3 (2011), and PA 4 (2012) really just upset me. Today I want to focus on Poltergeist.
Let’s be clear here, though. I’m going to see every movie that they will ever make in these horror franchises, despite my skepticism of future installments, spin-offs, reboots or remakes. And I hope they turn out well. But cinematic history harbingers a disappointing future. Back in 2013 I wrote John’s Horror Corner presents Strong Opinions: on the Poltergeist remake when the first announcements of the new Poltergeist project were being made there was obviously no trailer…nor a set or a completed script for that matter. I was quite skeptical and presented some of my rantings on the issue of the Poltergeist remake. But now we have a trailer and a July 24, 2015 release date….and it has perked my interest. Sure, lots of trailers may look great and promise the moon and then deliver crap (e.g., Annabelle), so I won’t get my hopes too high just yet.
Here are some of my concerns…
1. Before I simply didn’t think this movie was ready for a remake/reboot. In fact, perhaps it would never be. Why? In 2013 I had originally thought this because, despite the complete lack of CGI, the effects remain effective and creepy even to today’s audiences. Just look at The Thing (1982); another EPIC horror movie with dated yet amazingly creepy effects that hold up to this day. They prequeled/remade/rebooted The Thing (2011) and focused all of their attention to filling the film with CGI monsters while paying no attention to the ever-tooth-grinding tension of the original. They screwed up iconic scenes (e.g., the blood test), presented allegedly “different” characters who looked and acted just like the characters from the original (except for one female character), and gave me no reason to care when any of them were slaughtered. I actually give a play by play of how they screwed up that remake, and back in 2013 I was horrified that this may happen to Poltergeist. But in 2013, when I was praising the scary quality of Tobe Hooper’s original film, I had not seen it in a looong time. Having seen it this year, I agree that it is still a great film but I no longer consider it an effective “scary” movie to an adult audience. To kids, yes, very scary. To adults…? Nope. Not horror fans anyway. The upcoming remake was criticized on Cinema Blend and other horror forums as being a horror movie for kids. But that’s actually what the original would serve to be today! I still love the original, but it is no longer scary, I no longer feel tension or urgency, and no–it’s not because I’ve seen it before and know what’s going to happen. It’s just more youth-centric in its effectiveness and execution. So maybe, just maybe a contemporary approach is exactly what we need. Yes. A contemporary approach directed by someone who was scared of Poltergeist as a child, but now finds it to be more of a “great horror story” than a “scary movie” (for a general audience).
Poltergeist certainly had some influence on other films. Hmmm…seems evil dolls have become a thing since 1982. Not that Poltergeist was the only evil doll movie of its time.
Here’s a scene with uber-limited special effects–basically none. Yet, this scene is waaaaay creepy back in the day. You wouldn’t think it by the image, but when you watch you see it–that clown doll is effing EVIL!
This was done with some sort of greenscreening and it took me off guard. It also looks really cool and weird. When it moves those stilty legs, it looks creepy and scary to kids. To today’s adults, however, it may fail to impress.
Okay, I’ll admit this looks fake. But the clay-faced fakeness of this actually made it seem more surreal and off-putting. This was really hard to watch as he tore his own face apart! This scene may have stood the test of time…and the test of gross-outs. But in all fairness, this scene would have never been MPAA-approved for a PG movie today. Really hard to watch!
Below is another scene that just wouldn’t scare adults today. In 1982 the effects were not worn out yet and this trick had not been played so much before.
2. Back in 2013 I feared that Director Gil Kenan doesn’t have much experience. Sure, he directed Monster House (2006) which is a children’s family-friendly horror comedy, and he did City of Ember (2008) which is a family fantasy-adventure movie. Note the theme here, though…happy smiley family stuff. Poltergeist may have been rated PG, but it was scary (back in 1982) and would easily give even today’s PG-aged children nightmares. There’s just not enough evidence to suggest that Kenan can handle this project. HOWEVER, that’s not to say that fledgling directors don’t occasionally accomplish great things. I love being surprised by young directors and I hope to be surprised this summer!
3. Speaking of proven track records, James Wan was originally slated to helm this project. His work with Saw (2004), Dead silence (2007) and The Conjuring (2013) demonstrates the considerable attention he pays to building painful suspense, chilling moods, cold calculating evil characters and strong family unity when faced with supernatural adversity. He has also shown us (in The Conjuring) that he will not tolerate his characters making idiotic mistakes, nor does he allow them to become impractically strong, smart, etcetera. He plays his cards just right and I love him for it. But, even without Wan things may be working out in horror fans’ favor. After all, Sam Raimi produced our upcoming remake! And that actually brings me a lot of comfort. I’d like to think Kenan listened when Raimi offered his advice.
Wan would have been perfect to remake this classic in which restless spirits from the other side reach out to a vulnerable little girl, Carol Ann.
4. AICN had long ago released casting announcements for the Poltergeist remake, which now includes Saxon Sharbino as the older teenage daughter, Kyle Catlett and Kennedi Clements as their youngest. But I’m most comforted by the casting of Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt as the parents. These strike me as smart choices–talented, grounded actors who don’t do horror. Ron Livingston and Lili Taylor fit this mold well in The Conjuring. Likewise Jared Harris (The Quiet Ones) and Jane Adams should serve as a good paranormal team akin to, but less attractive than, Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga. This wise casting could save this movie if the director can keep up with the actors.
The original casting in Poltergeist felt perfect. But this portrait of an American family is, in fact, reproducible.
She was perfectly weird. She is NOT reproducible! I hope they don’t even try. Any medium can be a weird character, but if they go super short then they’re just trying too hard.
Some unawkward paranormal investigators for a change in The Conjuring, which has some Poltergeist-y elements. I trust Jared Harris and Jane Adams are sculpted into their own unique characters, even though Adams seems a LOT like the big-haired spectacled academic lady from Poltergeist.
JoBeth Williams was a regular, good mom. Vulnerable to the thought of losing her daughter, but appropriately strong to get her back. Lili Taylor felt exactly like that in The Conjuring. I hope Rosemarie DeWitt can hold the role as well.
5. But even with good casting another question comes to mind…hasn’t Poltergeist sort of already been remade–even if only in pieces of recent movies? I mean, there was no solid Cain-analogous character (Cain was in part II), but between the Insidious series and The Conjuring, not to mention the strange domestic occurrences in Dark Skies (2013) or the PA series, I can’t help but to feel that we’ve covered most of the integral scenes. I’m afraid people will compare the Poltergeist remake to these aforementioned movies which are, at least in part, Poltergeist remakes already. You know what? I don’t care. I enjoyed all of those movies, borrowed or not. BRING ON THE REMAKE!
Hmmmm….this does feel familiar, though.
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Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead: Return of the Nazi Zombie
Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead is gloriously violent and all kinds of fun. Director Tommy Wirkola (Dead Snow, Hansel and Gretel) is a maestro of mayhem who turns the violence and humor up to 11. He has found a way to make head smooshes, decapitation and blood eruptions palatable via his offbeat humor. The antics never seem mean-spirited because Wirkola infuses his films with a glee filled imagination that incorporates blood-letting very well.
Dead Snow 2 focuses on recently armless Martin (Vegar Hoel) fleeing from a Nazi zombie horde led by the nasty Colonel Herzog. The Nazi zombies killed his friends (you gotta watch Dead Snow) and after a day of hell he narrowly escapes the undead jerks. While in the process of driving away he rips off the arm of Colonel Herzog and crashes his car in a snowdrift. He is rescued and by pure B-movie happenstance his arm is replaced by the Colonels. This leads to innocents being murdered, terrible attempts at CPR and a police manhunt.
Eventually, Martin is joined by three Americans who call themselves the Zombie Squad. The three twenty-somethings heard reports about a zombie presence and flew to Norway to assist in Martin’s battle. The trio led by Daniel (Martin Starr) quickly prove to be in over their heads as they marvel at the craziness before them. They’ve only watched Zombie films so they are surprised that these Nazi zombies do not resemble the Dawn of the Dead creatures. Nevertheless, they provide a plucky presence and give us a very funny Evil Dead nod.
Dead Snow 2 plays like a combination of early Sam Raimi and Peter Jackson gore flicks. The film is splatteriffic and features moments that should not be entertaining. For instance, while the Nazi zombies are wrecking havoc they see a women in a wheelchair trying to escape. The poor women falls backward in the chair and her head is promptly crunched into oblivion. The humor is so far out there you don’t take offense.
Dead Snow 2 is so full of life and ludicrous characters that you can’t help but enjoy the ride. We are blessed with likable characters, cheeky one-liners and a zombie sidekick who routinely gets killed and brought back to life (Martin’s hand revives dead zombies). Just when you think the gore can’t get any crazier we get a massive Russian zombie vs. Nazi zombie battle. It is excessive (miles of intestines are pulled), inventive and ends on a tank fist fight.
Dead Snow 2 is most certainly not for everybody. It follows the sequel rules of bigger is better and never attempts to stay on the rails. It is a genre film that is told well and with its tongue in cheek. The movie worked for me because Tommy Wirkola speaks my cinematic language. He has a genuine love of horror and his films walk a tight rope of violence and humor. Dead Snow 2 is a celebration of randomness that plays like a roller coaster. The film throws you all over the place but the tracks and foundation are safe.
Watch Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead. Appreciate the mayhem. Hope that you never have to battle Nazi zombies.
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A while back I was working on a post about explosions and movie posters and one person kept popping up. As I scoured through 266 action movie posters from 2000-2013, I noticed that Jason Statham has had quite the poster personality evolution. Jason Statham has been kicking butt for well over a decade and his posters tell a story. For instance, he started off looking blue-collar and transformed into a suave man who wears a suit and shoots two guns whilst jumping in the air.
There is a pattern afoot and I’ve figured out how to gauge whether a Stath film is going to be good or not. I’ve compiled 34 of his posters (the main theatrical posters) and put them through the data wringer. I broke down the posters to various Stath coats/outfits and found a world-changing discovery (not really).
Sidenote: The following research was done out of a love of randomness. The causation and correlation cannot be proved but I found the results to be intriguing, cheeky and fun.
The Average Rotten Tomatoes score for all Stath films is 41.35% and the Audience Score is 56.38%
Overcoat posters = 70.25% RT Score/78% Audience Score. When Stath wears an overcoat on a poster the results are 28.9% and 21.62% higher than the average. The totals are understandable because three out of the four overcoat films are really good (Mechanic is garbage). It also shows that critics and audiences enjoy Statham as an everyday bloke who speaks more than monosyllabic sentences. Lock Stock, Snatch, Mechanic, Bank Job.
Suit/Cardigan/Jacket posters = 41.275% RT Score/52% Audience Score. Crank and Transporter buoyed this score because they were solid films that weren’t wrecked by the Statham suit persona. The rest of these films are a hodge podge of random action films. Crank, Safe, Redemption, Revolver, Chaos, Transporter 1-3, 13, Parker, Homefront, Cellular, Blitz, Italian Job, Crank 2, London, Killer Elite, Wilcard
Military Garb = 40% RT Score/51% Audience Score The one thing I find interesting about this list is that Expendables 2 was certified fresh on RT (65%). Nowadays people love to hate on the sequel. Expendables 1-3, Ghost of Mars.
Not on Poster = 32.5% RT Score. Pink Panther, The One, Collateral, Turn it Up
Medieval Garb = 4% RT Score. Do not watch In the Name of the King. Listen to this podcast though.
One piece jumpsuits = 38.5% RT Score Death Race, Mean Machine
Keep your eye out for overcoats because good things happen when he wears the long coats! When Statham has a new movie coming out look at the posters and let me know on twitter (@MoviesFilmsFlix), Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/moviesfilmsandflix) or on this post. Will the upcoming movies Fast 7 or Spy lift his suit poster score?
Movies, Films & Flix 