My Jason Statham movie poster theory has been given added credibiliy with Homefront. Here is my theory.
Overcoat posters = 70.25% on Rotten Tomatoes. This total is understandable because three out of the four overcoat films (Snatch, Lock Stock, Bank Job) are really good. It also shows that critics enjoy Statham as an everyday bloke whom speaks more than monosyllabic sentences.
Suit/Cardigan/shirt posters = 40% Rotten Tomatoes score. Crank and Transporter buoyed this score because they were solid films that weren’t wrecked by the Statham suit persona.
The Rotten Tomatoes average for Homefront was 42%. The lack of overcoat doesn’t lie.
The reasons to watch this film are many and that is why I ignored my theory. Stallone wrote the script, Statham wears an odd wig and James Franco plays a boat mechanic/meth cook named Gator Bodine. However, much like Stallone’s Bullett to the Head the film is a massive bore with lots of “f” bombs sprinkled in. It is a murky little thing that plays equal parts shlocky and confounding. Homefront pulled off the impossible by making Jason Statham battling James Franco boring.
Here is the plot. Statham moves to a small town because his cover an as undercover biker was blown. Statham’s kid beats up a bully. Kate Bosworth is annoyed that her bully son was hurt. Statham then beats up her husband. Bosworth gets Gator Bodine into the fray. Then, Gator convinces former meth addict Wynonna Ryder to get a motorcycle gang involved. Frank Grillo shows up and tries to kill Statham. Statham kills everybody and beats the snot out of Gator Bodine.
The biggest problem with the film is the script. It was written ten years ago and was meant to be a starring vehicle for Stallone. However, the Rocky and Rambo sequels hit big and it was put on the back burner until Sly gave the script to Statham. Homefront plays like an 80s film that is missing the extreme violence, muscles and gratuitous nudity of its forebearers. It piles on the melodrama and plays like a diet cola revenge film. Instead of going full bonkers it plays everything painfully straight. The script asks for you to ignore copious coincidences (the coincidences in The Family are much better) and wants you to believe that Franco is a worthy adversary for a guy who beat up 30 people whilst covered in motor oil.
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The people wanted Statham spin kicking James Franco into oblivion and they got something else. Homefront could have been a beautiful oddity that gets by on personality and not logic. However, it is so devoid of life it makes you want to watch something else. The casting was inspired but was let down by a sleepwalking cast and drab direction.
Don’t watch Homefront. Check out Redemption on Netflix. Stath actually tries to emote and the whole thing is odd in a good way. Also, if you haven’t watched Snatch, Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels or Bank Job check them out now.
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Over the past four years I’ve reviewed hundreds of movies (good, bad and anything Dolph lundgren). However, I’ve never written about my favorite films.
Why am I writing about them now? Maybe, it is because I’ve been watching the Steve Coogan classic show “Knowing Me, Knowing You.” Or, the fact that some of them have been criminally under watched. Either way, I figured it was about time.
I originally had a massive post written up with all 20 of my favorites. In order to save you from one massive block I’ve broken up the post into two parts. Today is 20-11. Are they the best films ever made? Nope. Are they pretentious stock picks? Nope. Are they movies that left a lasting impact on somebody who has watched way too many movies? Yep. Are they an eclectic gathering of fantastic cinema? Yep.
20. Goon – Goon may seem like an odd pick to include on any favorite movie list. However, I love the character of Doug Glatt. He is an earnest wrecking ball who realizes his limitations and enjoys being the muscle for his team. Sean William Scott’s underrated performance blends kindness, intelligence, naivety, and badass into a three-dimensional ball of muscle. He is a nice dude who has no delusions of grandeur. His relationship with Allison Pill is handled really well and I loved how her character was written (like a real person). Also, Leiv Schreiber is equal parts menacing and sympathetic as the older goon whom Doug will eventually battle. The friendships, fights and humor are rarely done this well and I’m glad critics took notice (82% RT). Characters trump all and Goon is full of them.
In its unforced, whimsical, quirky, obsessive way, “High Fidelity” is a comedy about real people in real lives. The movie looks like it was easy to make–but it must not have been because movies this wry and likable hardly ever get made. Usually a clunky plot gets in the way, or the filmmakers are afraid to let their characters seem too smart. Watching “High Fidelity,” I had the feeling I could walk out of the theater and meet the same people on the street–and want to, which is an even higher compliment.
Topper: Great Expectations.
Rabinowitz: Is it any good?
Topper: It’s not what I’d hoped for.
The quotes are endless. Wow, I love this movie.
One morning, over at Elizabeth’s beach house, she asked me if I’d rather go water-skiing or lay out. And I realized that not only did I not want to answer THAT question, but I never wanted to answer another water-sports question, or see any of these people again for the rest of my life.
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The Last Days On Mars: In space no one can hear you snore
The Last Days On Mars is a well-acted bore fest that features decent set design, wonky villains and zero joy. The survival-horror film doesn’t push for Apollo 18 oddness, Europa Report’s intelligence or the all-out insanity of Prometheus. It is a 90-minute bland hybrid that doesn’t allow the fine cast to differentiate themselves from the barrenness of the red planet. People die, people argue and you twiddle your thumbs.
John Carter, Ghost of Mars, Red Planet, Doom, Mission to Mars, and Mars Needs Moms have proven that Mars cannot be conquered. Sure, we might get the occasional fun visitor (Mars Attacks), Criterion classic (Robinson Crusoe on Mars) or Paul Verhoeven action fest (Total Recall). However, the majority of Mars films have failed (26% Average score on RT) despite big directors (DePalma, Stanton, Carpenter) and big stars (The Rock, Don Cheadle, Tim Robbins).
The biggest problem with The Last Days on Mars is that it would be boring if it took place anywhere. The planet Mars is not the culprit. The film wouldn’t be exciting if it took place on Hoth, Pandora or in From Dusk Till Dawn’s Titty Twister. There is zero reason for the zombies, and zero reason for the people to turn on each other. You begin to wonder if these people ever watched a horror film. They leave dead people laying around and ignore obvious injuries that will certainly come into play later. Also, one man makes the mistake of trying to bear hug an angry zombie who knows how to operate drills. If there is one thing I’ve learned from horror movies is that you should never bear hug a zombie with a power drill
I kept hoping that the snarling zombie king from Ghost of Mars would pop up and start screaming his gibberish whilst his minions attack the compound. Then, Val Kilmer, Ice Cube, Natasha Henstridge, Pam Grier and Jason Statham ride up on the John Carter beasts and everything starts to resemble a Lord of the Rings battle.
My hopes were dashed as the film moved slowly towards the inevitable. Basically, the crew have 19 hours left on Mars, they find something and it all goes awry. There are no shocks, frills, bombast or moon rock spiders. The film is so straight-forward you can tick off what happens next. I think the director was going for Alien tension but ditched it for space critter mayhem. You don’t have time to care for the characters because the violence happens so fast. The perpetrators are ashen faced jerks whom have no agenda other than stabbing people with power drills. How do martian zombies know how to use drills? Why are they so angry?
I wonder why the actors took the job. Were they in between roles? Did they owe somebody a favor? Did they think the young talented director could pull a Duncan Jones (Moon, Source Code) and make a great science fiction film? Was the short story (The Animators) it was based on good? Liev Schreiber (Goon), Olivia Williams (Rushmore), Elias Koteas (Let Me In, Zodiac, TMNT) are all fantastic actors who are given nothing to do.
The Last Days On Mars is not good or bad. It is forgettable fluff that features nothing new and manages to be a boring space zombie movie. Don’t watch it. Watch something great (Sunshine, Moon, 2001, Alien) or watch something beautifully dumb (Apollo 18, Ghost of Mars, Prometheus).
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John’s Horror Corner: Oculus (2014), a clever, hypnotic, psychologically-driven ghost story about an evil mirror
MY CALL: Both creepy and engaging, this time-distorting, psychologically driven ghost story weaves our protagonists’ tortured past into their present with a shockingly smart script. Definitely the best killer mirror movie on the market, and a superior horror film overall as well! MOVIES LIKE Oculus: Although really quite different and of much lower quality, Mirrors (2008) and Mirrors 2 (2010) provide more creepy mirror horror in which evil reflections dare not match the movements of their victims.
POLARIZED REVIEWS: Other reviews’ opinions seem to vary wildly, ranging from calling it poorly acted and carelessly written to praising it as fantastic across the board. I fell on the “pro” side of the argument and feel that those who were disappointed don’t like to think about their horror (during the movie) as much as I do. After all, it is no rollercoaster nor is it really “exciting,” so I see how some may bore of this.
Horror is a genre characterized by one-dimensional characters typified by hardly serviceably acting their way through flat writing to occupy the time until they drink, vandalize, have premarital sex, or do whatever it is that justifies their upcoming death. Despite this, filmmakers press on and we find the occasional pleasant surprise in The Cabin in the Woods (2012), The Conjuring (2013), or other films in which people actually cared about more than simply turning a profit and brought us new spins on classic tropes and even some entirely original ideas. I feel that Oculus is one of those refreshing films. Its scares number low and it’s gore is nothing special, but the acting is phenomenal and the story execution is captivating, although tough to follow at times. More a product of deep and undeniable intrigue than dread, the tension mounts and really never loosens its grip until the closing credits are cast down the screen.
Young Tim and Kaylie.
Tim (Brenton Thwaites; The Signal, Maleficent) and Kaylie (Karen Gillan; Doctor Who) had a seriously messed up childhood. As tweens, they endured a disturbing experience involving their parents’ murder and a demonic mirror which resulted in young Tim being held responsible and placed in a psychiatric care facility until his 21st birthday (ten years later).
Mom and dad are having a tough time.
As a standard rule I never hug reflections. They’re almost ALWAYS evil.
Not a day after his release to begin his “recovery,” Kaylie makes it readily apparent that everything he has been conditioned to understand as psychosis and repression has remained, much to his surprise, very real to her. Kaylie, in fact, remains absolutely convinced that her parents’ deaths were caused by The Lasser Glass, a centuries old antique mirror housing a malevolent force. Obsessed with proving to the world the evil nature of this supernatural mirror, Kaylie reconstructs the item’s history and creates an evidence-documenting scenario festooned with failsafes to circumvent the antique’s hallucinatory mind-bending wiles. After obtaining this proof, they would destroy it…a task which has proven strangely difficult. Kaylie’s elaborate documentarian approach smacks of Poltergeist 2 (1986), and she leaves little room for error.
Writer/director Mike Flanagan (Absentia) makes frequent and careful use of flashbacks. Kaylie insists that she recalls their terrifying past correctly and Tim resists, contrastingly rationalizing her claims with psychological babble. As Tim and Kaylie’s tortured past unravels before our eyes, that same past seems to slowly take hold of their present as they fight this evil reflective entity.
“Present” Kaylie and Tim.
Any good horror movie pays close attention to lighting as much for mood as for execution. Smart cinematography, deliberately distracting lighting and scene-cut transitions mislead our own sense of time along with our protagonists’. Our notion of the present becomes ever distorted and with every step that Tim comes closer to believing his sister’s claims, their horrific past seems to eerily converge with their perhaps inevitable future as hallucinations distort the present. It’s easy to get lost in it, but I found that to be intentional and engaging.
Everyone did a solid job with their roles. Rory Cochrane and Katee Sackhoff (Riddick, White Noise 2, Battlestar Galactica) play the parents and they really own their mania. I was particularly shocked by the committed performances by Garrett Ryan (Insidious Chapter 2) and Annalise Basso as the younger Tim and Kaylie, who get ample screen time in the flashbacks. If anyone left something to be desired, it would be Brenton Thwaites’ portrayal of the most complicated character Tim.
Oculus is a movie you can’t trust. As the story persists and the timeline is distorted we are as readily confused as the protagonists…and this is a good thing! It’s clever, it keeps us guessing, and there’s nothing like it. You may be left with more questions than answers. But this is a quality of deliberately disorienting mystery rather than plot-holed writing.
This is a must see!
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Five Came Back tells the fantastic story of five directors who offered their services to the United States during World War II. The tremendous amount of research done by Mark Harris and his engaging writing delivers a page turner that is a must read for fans of film history and WWII. Harris navigates a linear timeline from the late 30s till the end of the war and details the evolution of five men and the world they live in. The men chronicled are Frank Capra (It’s a Wonderful Life), William Wyler (Roman Holiday) John Huston (The Maltese Falcon), George Stevens (Shane) and John Ford (The Searchers).
These men put their lives at risk and careers aside as they traveled the globe chronicling the World War. Their egos combined with their sense of duty provided the United States with countless hours of fantastic footage, training videos and evidence of atrocities. It is thrilling stuff that educates and enlightens us on the pysche of the directors and the issues arising from filming war.
Each man had a unique journey that evolved them as directors and humans. Their lengthy missions brought about post-traumatic stress, alcoholism, moral debates and loss of senses. They all came back to a different Hollywood and had to readjust to life at home. After reading about John Ford’s WWII exploits they give new meaning to his iconic final shot from The Searchers.
Five Came Back gave me a much needed history of cinema. I’m ashamed to say I knew nothing about the directors contributions and the book has given me a deep respect for them. They weren’t perfect and their exploits were legendary. However, they risked their lives and helped the war effort.
Here are some of their many contributions.
John Ford filming the battle of Midway.
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William Wyler and the Memphis Belle
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Frank Capra and Mel Blanc gave the troops the bawdy Private Snafu
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Five Came Back is a must read for film fans and history buffs. Read it. Love it. Let me know what you think.
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Antichrist (2009), brutal sexuality meets visual splendor in this provocative, disturbing film
MY CALL: A brutally dark, intensely and weirdly and unnervingly erotic, AMAZING art house film brimming with an admixture of visual splendor and vile imagery. This is easily among the most provocatively messed up movies I’ve ever seen. MOVIES LIKE Antichrist: For relentless sexuality go for Nymphomaniac (2013). 127 Hours (2010) for a sensory adventure focusing on a single actor. For general intensity and random “holy shit” factor try A Serbian Film (2010) or Martyrs (2008). SIDEBAR: There are various edits out there. The truly unedited version has a running time of 108 minutes. The unedited 108 minute version is reviewed here.
Lars von Trier (Nymphomaniac, Melancholia) sets a powerful mood in this visually stunning film straight from the opera-scored opening slow-motion sequence of a sex scene complete with pornographic penetration in the first 60 seconds. I know, I just mentioned penetration. But just trust me right out of the gates that this shot, however controversial or shocking, fits the scene perfectly like an artistic puzzle piece that has a significant story to tell. Whereas there is something ominous to be feared for sure, the scene is more a splendor to the eyes than a 1990s French noir perfume commercial–you know, the commercials that are so “out there” that you never knew what they were advertizing until they told you at the end. Some call this high art, others pornographic and provocative.
This film strikes me as a challenge. We only ever see three actors, one of which is the child who dies in the opening sequence. As husband (“He”) and wife (“She”), Willem Dafoe (Nymphomaniac) and Charlotte Gainsbourg (Nymphomaniac, Melancholia, 21 Grams) carry every scene as nameless characters enduring the loss of their child, who died while they were having sex. He is an over-involved psychoanalyst (playing more the role of therapist than husband) attempting to guide her through her grief, which she serially transmutes into sexual fixation. In an effort to force her to properly grieve and face her mounting irrational fears he takes her to a secluded cabin in the woods, where the sexuality, tension and violence escalate…often, in fact, TOGETHER!
Great acting, great film! As past tragedy begets the tragedy of their present, the Biblical symbolism rains down hard on these actors’ positively fearless journey venturing to dark places most actors wouldn’t dare.
“Chaos reigns!”
Strikingly sublime imagery stimulates us as we endure often unsettling profound emotions. The raw visceral nature of their surroundings parallels her ravaged, desperate psyche. The more he tries to deconstruct her mental torment, the more she in turn tries to disarticulate their sexuality.
Gorgeous cinematography.
This is easily among the most provocatively messed up movies I’ve ever seen. Full frontal nudity, masturbation, sexual penetration, animal birth, violent sex scenes, violence against animals, violence against women, torture and genital mutilation are sprinkled about in this controversial (but far from conventionally exploitative) artistic endeavor. So, while I encourage adventurous cinephiles to accept the challenge of seeing this film to its end, let’s just not make a family night of it and DEFINITELY don’t watch it on a first date.
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John’s Horror Corner: Blood Gnome (2004), a failed movie about BDSM-loving flesh-eating fairy monsters
MY CALL: This movie teaches us to Just say “gno” to drugs…and movies with Blood Gnome in the title! MOVIES LIKE Blood Gnome: I think Ghoulies (1985) is what you really wanted when you thought to yourself “how bad could this Blood Gnome movie be?”
Writer/director/editor John Lechago (Bio Slime, Killjoy 3, Killjoy Goes to Hell) has put together a real stinker! This movie has low film quality akin to a WikiLeaked sex video, lousy writing and even worse acting. This comes off as a poor student-made film. Given the present filmmaker’s skills, it should come as no surprise that nudity abounds (including a Julie Strain cameo) to cover up its shortcomings with juvenile entertainment. Lloyd Kaufman’s raunchy, exploitative Tromaville films are more attentively crafted than this crap.
From the start we learn that a drug distributor has some little monsters in a crate. As horrible as this movie clearly is, this actually raised a brow in interest for me at first.
A naked couple engaged in BDSM activities are killed by an invisible force. Spoiler alert! Blood gnomes did it! A crime scene photographer (Vinnie Bilancio; Witchcraft XI, Bio Slime) is on to something strange when he sees a tiny bloody hand print and starts seeing invisible monstrous gnomes eating victims with his infrared camera setting.
What’s preposterously stupid here is that he sees the gnomes eating the victims right in front of the CSI team! As if they’re being invisible meant that no one would see the masticated flesh or hear the slopping sounds of flesh-eating two feet away from them.
As if it was his job to solve the case, our photographer becomes involved with a dominatrix and his “research” takes the form of BDSM sessions. How this will help a photographer solve a string of evil gnome homicides, I have no idea! As a result, far more than telling a story about carnivorous fairies this movie succeeds at teaching the ABCs of BDSM to anyone completely ignorant to the subject. In fact, that may be the only thing this movie does successfully.
The budget is bare bones low. It’s as if the special effects were paid for with whatever they had in their pockets at the time, which wasn’t much. The blood work is weak and the blood gnomes are less impressive than Muppets. In one scene we see a blood gnome birth and find out the source behind the drug…blood gnome afterbirth from some tentacled abomination. It’s never made clear what these monsters are or where they came from before some drug-dealing dominatrix got a hold of them. But I guess I’m glad I was spared having to endure any more screen time fumbling through a poorly rendered explanation.
The effects are weak, but later in the movie the blood gnome attacks become marginally entertaining and much more frequent.
I’d have to recommend that you skip this one.
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MY CALL: All the gore and dumb plot but not of the Divoff’s canny evil cheeky charm of the previous release. A noticeable drop in quality for the franchise, but at least the effects are still fun and cheesy. MOVIES LIKE Wishmaster 3: Wishmaster (1997) and Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999) are both much better, largely for Andrew Divoff’s ability to appear credibly pleased with his Djinn’s evil. OTHER TITLES: This movie has two other subtitles. Most commonly listed as Beyond the Gates of Hell, this movie was also released as Sword of Justice and Devil Stone.
First off, bad news guys. Andrew Divoff (Wishmaster, Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies) will not be returning to play the Monkey paw, wish-twisting Djinn. If you loved his performance in parts one and two, then maybe this movie isn’t for you.
After an opening montage of museum relics including something akin to Pinhead’s Hellraiser puzzlebox, the camera settles on a nightmare-plagued, semi-attractive college girl (A.J. Cook; Final Destination 2, Wer, Mother’s Day). Diana, having agreed to help her classics/mythology professor with some Iranian exhibit at a museum, snoops around and discovers the foreboding puzzlebox-looking artifact. I’ll give you all one guess at what’s inside? BINGO! A giant blood ruby! As if it made perfect sense to do this, she immediately rubs this ruby (which was already clean and sparkling) with a rag. Aaaaaaaaand GENIE! But just like the previous two movies, the genie never seems to arrive until after the ruby-rubber departs, leaving the genie with the need to find them.
Instead the genie first encounters Diana’s professor, who wishes for a co-ed threesome, sees some boobs, and is killed for some reason.
Then, with no Andrew Divoff lookalike to be found, the Djinn settles for him and takes his face.
So now the Djinn looks like this…
Instead of this.
This box and ruby was shipped to her mythology professor who says the Iranian trinket is inscribed in Aramaic. So he teaches classic mythology, studies Iranian relics and reads Aramaic? Smart guy. I get that some academics have weird combinations of interests, but this is up there with Christopher Lloyd in Piranha 3D (2010) being a fish store owner who is an expert in piranha biology (so he’s into ichthyology), extinct piranhas and their fossils (a dash of paleontology; not too farfetched yet though), and the local subterranean bodies of water (yup, cave lakes) in a region with no piranha species (and now it’s ridiculous that he has a fish store there). Oh, and he owns a piranha fossil. Doesn’t that thing belong in a museum, bro?
Anyway, the genie arrives and two things are very different about this movie compared to its predecessors. One, there is no highly memorable, uber-gory opening in which the genie must eat a soul to become fully constituted into the tentacle-headed monster we’ve come to love. And two, Andrew Divoff’s iconic evil voice has been replaced with some synthesizer-enhanced voice. It’s not good. Worse yet, the franchise’s budget clearly took yet another hit, leaving the Djinn’s skin looking as rubbery as ever. And what’s with the goofy over-sized ears?
Amazon’s editorial review claims this is “the goriest installment of the hit franchise yet.” That’s a blatant lie to sell DVDs, people! You’ll find more truth in the Djinn’s granted wishes! This is no more gory than previous installments…which is sufficiently, playfully gory. I’d say it’s the least gory, but not by a lot. The gore seems to drop with each subsequent sequel (and budget cut).
It’s far beyond the stabs and blood in a typical slasher movie. Gross, gory scenes include “forced” magical liposuction-to-death and gutsy limb regeneration. Overall, the gore is a little less than part 2 (and way less than part 1) but the effects team made a decent effort with what they had. The classic Wishmaster “face peel” looks a bit lame in this movie and his genie magic is still depicted as cheaply-CGI’d blue electricity.
The real downfall in this third installment–other than an actor who couldn’t fill Divoff’s shoes–was the Djinn’s appearance. If you think I’m being critical take another look at the Djinn’s make-up and prosthetics paint job. Like so many other lower budget horror movies, this sequel relies on nudity to fill the void…not that it needed it to be entertaining. I guess starving actress’ breasts are cheaper than rubber guts these days.
The most totally random thing that happens is when, by Diana’s wish, her boyfriend Greg (Tobias Mehler; Disturbing Behavior, Carrie [2002]) gets transformed into an archangel (i.e., Greg now has blue eyes and a sword) for a painfully bad fight complete with Djinn-flipping, pew-throwing nonsense. This fight is about as bad as the story (which was admittedly about as bad in part 2) and the genie’s attempt at evil humor (which was actually loads of fun in part 2–did I mention how much I miss Andrew Divoff?).
The twisted wishes are as lame as ever, there gore well doesn’t flow as abundantly, and Andrew Divoff’s replacement offers none of the fun personality that fueled the success of the first two installments. So, why watch this one? Honestly, despite the stupid story it’s not bad for a “fun” 2001 horror and it’s rather decent considering its budgetary constraints. The effects are largely biased towards the second half, but once you arrive there they make for an entertaining ride.
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John’s Horror Corner: Byzantium (2012), bringing a fresh, intelligent perspective to the secret lives of vampires
MY CALL: An intelligent, superbly acted vampire story, serenely-scored and with a more realistic, fresh perspective. MOVIES LIKE Byzantium: Interview with a Vampire (1994) provides a more classical, romantic approach whereas We Are the Night (2010) keeps things totally modern and Euro-sleek. For gorgeously lethal movies, the beauty of Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2006) and Hanna (2011) actually by far eclipse this film and are both highly recommended for the unique sensory-driven style.
This finely shot film opens with an elegantly underspoken narration by Eleanor (Saoirse Ronan; Hanna, The Host), a young woman who reveals that her fate is bound to Clara (Gemma Arterton; Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Clash of the Titans). As we are cautiously introduced to these strong characters our eyes traverse one scene to the next, and with each we swiftly approach an understanding of their desperate lifestyle spent drifting and suppressing secrets.
The acting is superb. Like Anne Rice’s Lestat, Clara portrays the ruthless, manipulative, survivalist parent whereas Eleanor (much as the resistant Louis) resents her mother’s actions. Director Neil Jordan (The Borgias, In Dreams, The Crying Game, Interview with a Vampire , The Company of Wolves) has an impressive résumé including period piece drama, sexual thriller, classical vampirism and gory non-mainstream fairy tale horror, so we I read he was directing this film let’s just say “you have my attention.” This film moves at a generally slow pace, punctuated with occasionally eventful blood flow. It is far from exciting; more “interesting” really. For even the slow seasons curry my curiosity of what fate will befall Eleanor, Clara, their relationship, their lives.
Through a series of flashbacks we discover a more mysterious vampire origin; one that neither matches folklore nor is completely explained .
Blood waterfalls on mysterious islands.
These vampires walk in daylight, cast reflections and have no fangs, but live forever, crave blood and require invitation. The vampirism is not exactly presented subtly, but the focus is placed on Clara and Eleanor’s struggle to survive and the growing strain on their relationship. To protect this secret Clara would do anything. But it seems Eleanor yearns to share her secret. When she meets a brooding love interest (Caleb Landry Jones; The Last Exorcism, Antiviral) her willingness to suppress her secret wanes.
The score is serene, able to lull a beast to calm before putting it down. It complements the thought-provoking, moody atmosphere so well as we estimate the dubious future of these vampires. The gore is abundant in brevity, but not distasteful, and occasional scenes are brutal, but appropriate. One shot of bloodletting was actually quite beautiful.
I was never swept away by an Anne Rice-esque violent vampiric passion. But I remained engrossed in this story, beautifully told by characters with depth.
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Same story different setting. The Marked Ones tells the story of several friends who have to battle that dang Paranormal Activity coven. The jerky witches are at it again and their never ending quest of standing around looking menacing has become boring. The world of white bread witches blending with Mexican mysticism could have added a new wrinkle to the battle of good vs. evil vs. static camera. However, it can’t avoid all of the same traps and returns to the well once again.
The best parts of the film are the naturalistic performances, change of scenery and usage of GoPros. Gone are the big houses and we are welcome into the world of apartment living in Oxnard, California. Our three heroes are recent high school grads who get entangled in witches, blood eggs, obligatory basements and mysticism.
The kids have potential and are likable but the script fails them as the stock scares add up to laughable heights. You know the creators have stopped trying when there is a ten minute segment involving a scantily clad woman and a predictable scare. The scene does nothing to further the film and instead plays off every horror cliché in the history of the planet.
You hope naively that the freshness of the first film will return and a new menace will appear. Will the two forces battle? Will Toby the pesky demon meet his match? Nope. You get the same stuff with a different cast. People are marked, the camera goes everywhere and it ends exactly like the third and fourth film. Cut, paste and make millions in box office off of a tiny budget.
The insult to horror lovers is the director/writer had a chance to bring back the innovation and make tons of money. However, unlike Final Destination 5 which felt fresh you get dumb villains and recycled plots points. The original Paranormal Activty featured a bad guy who was mysterious, dangerous and brutal. I remember the simple shot of footprints put me on edge because it was so minimal. Less is more in horror.
The static camera and aura of evil scared the crap out of audiences and the movie made tons of money. However, nothing gold can stay and the series has been strip mined of everything that made it good (Read horror czars review of the series here). The evil has been explained and good villains have been replaced by stereotypical witches whom offer nothing in the way of excitement. The finale of Marked Ones is a groan fest that becomes unintentionally funny. I never thought I’d see a screaming witch get blown away by a shotgun toting gang member. The way in which the women sneak around in the beginning is betrayed in the finale as they scream and run while holding knives over their heads. All their mysterious work culminates in twenty feet of running and yelling? The whole thing felt lazy and it made me think of this scene from Austin Powers.
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You get to a point in your life when you tire of jerky witches and the evil things they do to people. You also grow tired of the same stock ending of creepy women surrounding a house whilst our heroes questionably lock themselves inside it. What brought me back to the dying series was the change of scenery and hope for something new. New = Money. The same = diminishing returns. The creators have ignored the newness and the box office has dropped. The films are profitable but imagine how much money they’d make if they were better.
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones is a simple cash grab that could have expanded upon its world via Mexican mysticism. However, it brings back those dang witches and the pesky Toby. Don’t watch it. Rent the original. Or check out Troll Hunter. It has nothing to do with witches but it is original and fun.
Movies, Films & Flix 