John’s Horror Corner: Shadow People (2012), a finely and tactfully crafted indie film that came out of nowhere!
MY CALL: Creepy and tense, this film was finely crafted, acted and filmed from start to finish such that I am excited to see whatever writer/director Matthew Arnold does next. MOVIES LIKE Shadow People: The Mothman Prophecies (2002), Pulse (2006) and White Noise (2005) all follow the same effective formula and fear factor. Also try The Day (2011), The Shrine (2010) and The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh (2012), three other movies that came out of nowhere and pleasantly surprised me. ALTERNATE TITLE: The Door.
This movie opens with a disclaimer: The following motion picture is based on an actual case of mysterious deaths and the viral video known as “Sleep Study GR16 1971.” We have used footage and interviews with real people whenever possible.
Late night radio host Charlie (Dallas Roberts; The Grey, Tell Tale) is more than a little displeased with his job. His divorced life is equally dissatisfying as he is serially disrespected by his ex and their son (Mattie Liptak; Quarantine 2: The Terminal). At an all-time low in his career he gets a call from a frightened teenager who claims to see ghostly shadows at night. After readily dismissing the teenagers story, he receives a package from the disturbed caller containing documents pertinent to a strange sleep study in which the subjects all reported seeing shadowy creatures as well. The teen calls again to talk about the study and his fears. He concludes that “when you think of them, they come for you.” During the call the teen describes his fears, reveals he has a gun, fires, and well, things seem to have escalated along with Charlie’s ratings.
His producer Tom Dimartino (himself and Christopher Berry; Django Unchained, Killing Them Softly) suggests that he visit the caller, who is now in the hospital after shooting the wall, to follow up on the story for the sake of ratings. Charlie goes to the hospital to meet the boy only to learn that he died in his sleep during that first night of his stay. Now a bit perturbed, Charlie goes to Camden College (where the sleep study was conducted). He does some library research and a student librarian assistant (Mariah Bonner; Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, Freerunner) who takes an interest in his show happens to find out what Charlie’s researching when she fixes a paper jam in the copier he was using. She was found dead by her roommate that night.
With this second death, Charlie becomes a believer and makes his radio show all about it. His radio show is now abuzz with talk of drugs, mental illness and schizophrenia as callers flooded the airways with likely causes of how two healthy young people died in their sleep. “Real footage” of locals’ and witnesses’ testimonials add flavor. Over time, the calls shift from attempts to explain the sleeping deaths to callers’ accounts of experiencing sleep paralysis and sightings of shadowy figures. Charlie questions, with so many telling the same story “Could it all be real?”
Sophie (Alison Eastwood), a CDC researcher rep, meets with Charlie to discuss the recent sleep-related deaths. Autopsies revealed no pathogens, heavy metals or health history to explain the deaths. Sudden Unexplained Nocturnal Death Syndrome is the suggested cause. But Charlie believes in something of a more primordial, sentient cause. His mission to reveal the truth leads to a national media blitz…will it work? Can he stop these deaths?
As we stare at the screen waiting to sleuth out the next rogue shadow we are left with a haunting notion: The shadow people know when we think of them and then they come for us…so how do you stop thinking about something?
Whereas some of the shadow effects were perfectly executed in my eyes, others were not ideal. For example, running shadowy figures may make me jump, but that’s not the same as eliciting fear. The shadows that are still and suddenly noticed in the background, or slowly moving, or out of sync with the caster of the shadow…THOSE are the scary effects. THOSE are chilling.
Overall I was pleased with the jump scares. Watch this in the dark. This film is good at building tension as you anticipate seeing something weird in the shadows, much like the intensity of Paranormal Activity (2007). It’s creepy. You know it’s probably about to happen, then it happens, and you’re still shaken by it! The ending, while not some super clever twist, was elegant and simple and I appreciated it. From start to finish, I was very surprised and pleased with this. I find none of the typical, in fact expected, flaws of horror: over-exposition, poor character development, stale writing, effects demonstrative of a forced and over-extended budget, frightlessly empty scares, inconsistency in pacing or story and, perhaps worst of all, lame endings indicative of a lack of vision.
This solid film was written and directed by Matthew Arnold, who has done basically nothing else in terms of feature length films or horror. Like The Day (2011), The Shrine (2010) and The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh (2012), this film really shocked me. While not as original as the other three in story or style, Shadow People was without a doubt finely crafted, acted and filmed such that I am excited to see whatever Matthew Arnold does next.
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Horror Art: The make-up and photography of San Gato Photography, Part 3
The make-up and photography of San Gato Photography, Part 1
Today I continue to promote a friend and talented up-and-coming horror make-up/photographer. Her work will be presented in this series of posts. But if you can’t wait to see all of her work now, then you can find her on San Gato Photography (@SanGatoPhoto on Twitter) or her website http://www.sangatophoto.com/. You can read more about her in this article: http://folioweekly.com/Sick-Pics,7849.
Today I wanted to feature some of her photos. I thought I’d also give a made-up title along with my 100% UNsolicited opinion of each photo and hope that my jokes or comments don’t annoy the artist. I should add that the lovely lady in the photos is, in fact, the artist and that I have been given permission to use these images.
Hiss
Remember back when vampires were repelled by crucifixes? Somewhere between True Blood and Blade they seem to have become immune to a lot of the classic weaknesses. Now, don’t get me wrong. Vampires are like Superman–just loaded with fancy abilities! Still I think that vampires sort of got the shaft when horrorsmiths were doling out weaknesses. I wouldn’t call a stake to the heart, drowning, fire or decapitation a “weakness” per se–that would kill anything except for most undead. But silver, garlic, holy symbols/water, running water and the whole invitation thing? Well there goes sensibly priced jewelry, Italian food, giving your bride that church wedding she dreamed about, skinny dipping and party-crashing. That’s like saying “there goes fun.” And whereas Blade and the Daybreakers can go where they want, when they want sans invitation, our artist has gone classic Vampire chic with this image and I appreciate it!
Retro-Vampyre
Speaking of Blade, here our artist looks like she was auditioning for Traci Lords’ part in the opening scene of the movie. This smacks of the first contemporary vampire movies of the 80s when the vamps were actually cool and sexy like Fright Night (1985), Vamp (1986) and The Lost Boys (1987)–unlike the overdressed, pale-faced, thickly accented European lords of the manner of prior decades. This vamp needs no invitation and left the “classics” dead in the past along with their lame weaknesses.
Nurse
We all like to think that we’d get the hot nurse if we ever had a hospital stay, right? Maybe one that goes for the smoky eyes look?
You may feel a little pinch
This make-up is just plain fun and, for my money, feels worthy of ScyFy’s FaceOff competition. Nurses are fun horror mechanisms. I’m reminded of the Twilight Zone episode The Eye of the Beholder and the Silent Hill movies. Both attractive in some respects, very much NOT in others.
The make-up and photography of San Gato Photography, Part 1
The make-up and photography of San Gato Photography, Part 2
The make-up and photography of San Gato Photography, Part 4 [TBA]
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John’s Horror Corner: The Manitou (1978), perhaps the most preposterously awesome thing ever made.
MY CALL: This was utterly preposterous awesomeness! A woman births an evil 400-year old Native American dwarf medicine man from a giant tumor and this movie is taken (somewhat) 100% seriously. My diagnosis: 100% AWESOME! MOVIES LIKE Manitou: Some would say The Exorcist (1973), but I beg to differ. There’s really nothing like this. Not even close.
[BRACES YOURSELVES, FOLKS. YOU’RE IN FOR A BIG RANT…]
This movie isn’t puling any punches from this ludicrous boxing match between Manitou and refined cinematic taste. In the very first scene doctors are discussing a patient’s tumor, which is growing at the absolutely impossible rate of 7.3mm per hour.
Yeah! Scary fast!
This brings me to my first over-thought geek rant… Just to be clear, assuming a linear growth rate, that means it’s the size of a golf ball in 6 hours, the size of a baseball in 10 hours, and the size of a basketball in about 34 hours. Where is this tissue coming from? What is this patient eating!?! To add to this nonsense, when we meet our patient Karen (Susan Strasberg; Mazes and Monsters), the tumor is the size of a golf ball and she says she’s had it for 3 days. Now, I’m no mathematician. But I think these doctors forgot to “carry the 1” or something when they came up with this frightening tumor growth rate. By their calculations this tumor would be over 500mm in diameter after 3 days. That’s half a meter! Her entire body could fit into a tumor of 0.5m diameter. STEP ONE: fire these doctors, take away their medical licenses and if they fall back on teaching let’s keep them away from the math curriculum. Despite this academic shortcoming, when one doctor refers to checking “the books on tumors” the other doctor says (and I shit you not) “I wrote them.”
Seeking comfort Karen calls her ex-boyfriend Harry, a psychic hack played by Academy Award nominee Tony Curtis. How Tony Curtis got here, I have no clue. I’m guessing he just wandered on set and went with it. To get a second opinion about her tumor, Harry uses his Tarot cards–but it may as well have been a Magic 8-ball. “Outlook not good.”
Here’s Tony Curtis dancing…just because.
When Karen goes under the knife to have the tumor removed, the “tumor” possesses Karen who then utters some incomprehensible sorcerous hisses which in turn compel the surgeon to try to cut off his own hand with a scalpel. Oh, but that’s not all. Next the tumor possesses one of Harry’s psychic-swallowing lonely old lady clients, makes her do a rain dance in his living room, then levitates her and drops her down some stairs. Why? No clue. I guess the tumor just found her to be a threat. In my opinion old ladies are really only a threat in terms of receiving lousy service tips in restaurants, uncomfortably long stories about the line at the bank, photographs of their grandchildren (or cats, if they don’t have grandchildren), and ugly homemade Christmas sweaters as gifts.
Yes. That is the Manitou’s spirit head at the center of the table.
Oh, but the plot thickens. The doctor who “wrote the books on tumors” now says the tumor is a fetus. In an attempt to link the tumor-fetus to the recent possessed mutterings of Karen and the old lady, Harry turns to Amelia, his psychic mentor. They perform a séance to find answers and it turns out that the tumor-fetus represents a Manitou, the immortal spirit of a 400-year old Native American medicine man. To learn more they seek the man “who wrote the book” on Manitous, anthropologist Dr. Snow (Burgess Meredith; Rocky I-III, Twilight Zone: The Movie).
So far this movie includes characters who “wrote the books on tumors” and “wrote the book on Manitous” and they are within reasonable driving distance. Go figure. Even weirder is that both Tony Curtis and Burgess Meredith are in this zany movie, and not for virtue of a sound script! Between the two of them I’d guess that a few big favors were cashed in to make this movie happen.
Oh, yeah. Check out this dude’s hair–and the braids! Yup…he seems LEGIT!
Anyway, our resident Manitou expert can’t offer much help, just a lot of trivia. So after trying medicine, psychics and anthropologists, they now turn to a Native American medicine man. This is one hell of a supportive story arc. Normally you just briefly go from some initially doubtful source (e.g., the police, an expert in the field, or video surveillance equipment a la Paranormal Activity) to some sort of paranormal/supernatural expert (e.g., Poltergeist, Insidious, The Conjuring) who carries the remainder of the story. Here, the story is more about finding someone to help than it is about the problem itself. I just hope that whatever Native American they find “wrote the book” on all things medicine man!
Harry finds John Singing Rock on a reservation. From Singing Rock we learn that being a Manitou is a lot like being in Dragonball Z. This medicine man is in his 4th or 5th reincarnation, becoming more powerful with each incarnation. By number 8 he’d become so powerful he’d join Gitche Manitou, a God that sounds a lot like the Dragonball Dragon God. So, evidently, a medicine man lives, dies, becomes a Manitou and gets tougher, then returns to life stronger, dies again, gets tougher again, then returns to life yet stronger yet again… Yup, a lot like Dragonball. I wonder what kind of power score he maxes out at.
“Yeah, bro. Like I said. 4th or 5th incarnation!”
Well this Manitou has been around the block a few times because Singing Rock says this is the toughest medicine man of all time…which doesn’t make total sense. Clearly there were tougher ones, otherwise how would you know about the 8th incarnation melding with Gitche Manitou? I’d assume that folklore was based on at least one dude who did it. Maybe our Manitou is the toughest who hasn’t hit 8 yet…like the 8th incarnation gang has retired and this one is the toughest one going after the title right now. Or maybe none have yet. In either case, this is basically the Dragonball Turtle Hermit of Manitou medicine men. And no one wants to mess with that!
Now THAT is a Manitou!
Anyway, our Manitou tumor fetus gets big…like hunchback big! It pulsates as Karen writhes in agony until it pulls itself free like a slimy newborn foal. Man, does this thing look ugly. It’s a naked, slimy, bloody dwarf. It must weigh 80-100 pounds. And here’s my second “biology lesson” rant… This thing that just crawled out of this woman is big. It takes about 285-300 calories a day for nine months (that’s 77,000+ calories) to fully develop a human fetus—[That’s right. Only about 300 calories a day. So YES, your wife IS taking advantage of her pregnancy and NO an extra 1000 calories a day isn’t necessary to ensure a healthy baby. Eating for two? Yes. But one of them starts out smaller than a pin head and rarely exceeds 10% the size of mom.]. But to make a 100 pound Manitou, Karen had to feed it with something! It wasn’t 800,000 calories of body fat (i.e., adipose tissue). Anyway, those triglycerides have only carbon, oxygen and hydrogen—nothing else. She’d also look a lot more wiry after losing about 200 pounds (~800,000 calories)! Maybe the director just cut the scenes of Karen eating the entirety of a Chinese Buffet for $6.99. Now you might say “shut up, John, it’s just magic!” But why then does it develop as a fetus inside of a woman!?!
That Manitou is like…REALLY NAKED!
For all the big talk, this Manitou doesn’t seem too terribly tough once he’s “hatched.” He animates a dead guy into a zombie that is easily dispatched and he summons a lizard demon that does nothing more than knock a doctor unconscious. The Manitou seemed tougher before he was born. He was making people cut themselves, possessing people and throwing them down stairs and controlling dangerous surgical lasers. But then, all of the sudden, the Manitou is quaking the entire building! Why not just start with that. Wait…what’s that, Singing Rock? Well, now it’s summoning the Devil! Not sure why. But it is!
So how do they defeat the Manitou? Well, evidently every machine also has its own Manitou. Don’t look at me! That’s what Singing Rock said! So they decide to use the entirety of the hospital’s machinery. So Singing Rock asks the machines for help, the machines run hot and get all smoky, they infuse Karen (who is now topless for no reason at all) with Mantiou Dragonball power, and Karen laser blasts that naughty Manitou to Native American Hell–which I imagine is a failing casino on a reservation somewhere in South Dakota. This long finale feels like an acid trip fueled by deep-seeded mania.
A snowstorm indoors…just because.
Regarding this finale, let me just say… You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a buck naked Susan Strassberg on a floating bed shooting colorful cartoon laser beams from her Jazz Hands at a demonic afterbirth-entrenched midget in an extradimensional outer space setting. It’s as if the filmmakers wanted to combine the space sequences from Flash Gordon with the demonic possession scenes from The Exorcist and then add a dash of Saturday Night Fever.
Is it just me? Or does this Manitou look like he’d talk like Rocky?
Look, despite all my rants I know this is just a horror movie. And we could find a lot of other flaws to dissect and pick at. I’m just having my fun. And this movie was just that; LOADS Of FUN!
So watch and enjoy the evil Mini-Me medicine man tumor baby’s transcendence and defeat.
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John’s Horror Corner: Netherworld (1991), Full Moon’s attempt at a serious horror film
MY CALL: Full Moon really goes for a non-campy horror movie with this Cajun voodoo death magic story. MOVIES LIKE Netherworld: Another quality Full Moon releases is Dark Angel: The Ascent (1994). Angel Heart (1987), Lord of Illusions (1995) and Nightbreed (1990) also approach the occult and “the other side” in interesting ways.
This film opens with a completely normal bar scene. You know, a snake slithering on the dance floor (and no one seems to mind or notice), chickens wandering about, a bar fight resulting in someone being thrown in the bayou, and a young man meets a Madame and wanders downstairs into the bayou bar’s basement sex den where he meets a Marilyn Monroe (Alex Datcher; Body Bags, Passenger 57) lookalike prostitute. If that wasn’t enough, we have a soul-bartering voodoo witch hooker (Delores) that summons a flying disembodied stone hand. Our flying hand brings the gore right away with cheap, but totally enjoyable effects as it dispatches some random John looking for a good time.
Yup, David Schmoeller (Director/writer; Puppet Master, Catacombs) and Charles Band (writer/producer; the Puppet Master, Subspecies, Ghoulies and Trancers franchises) have set us up with a ridiculously over elaborate scene to set a standard of reasonable expectations from this film. The standard being that nothing reasonable will happen. This may seem normal for the deliberate B-movie fare of Full Moon, but this is already a bit more out there than some animated homicidal puppets, diminutive disfigured demons from Hell or a love affair between a rebellious demoness and a human.
A young man (Corey) arrives at his estranged father’s mansion in Louisiana to discover that his deceased father was a student of necromancy, hoping that Corey would resurrect him from the dead after claiming his inheritance. His father’s journals reveal his sexual and sorcerous obsession with the witch Delores and a young lady who helps manage the estate warns that black magic is commonly employed by the locals. This introduction is swift, blunt, and met with surprisingly little disbelief on Corey’s part. He just buys it like it’s totally plausible.
Corey follows in his father’s footsteps, readily succumbing to his lustful intrigue of Delores and her black magic. The only problem is that his father’s resurrection comes at an unexpected price.
The acting leaves a lot to be desired, but it’s okay for Full Moon and it gets the job done just fine. The effects aren’t exactly amazing either. I mean, when the hand flies you can sometimes see the strings suspending it and its fingerpuppet snakeheads are not so finely crafted. However, they really go for it with the occasional gore and storytelling, and that more than makes up for the obvious budget constraints.
Sure, Full Moon makes campy B-movies and they know it. But with this one they aimed higher and I can comfortably call this a B+ movie, somewhere between a campy B-movie and a subpar studio release.
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John’s Horror Corner: Creepozoids (1987), yet another low budget 80s Alien rip-off
MY CALL: Another totally bonkers low budget 80s Alien rip-off. But is it worth your time? Ummmm…an evil fetal alien action finale says Hell yes! MOVIES LIKE Creepozoids: The Terror Within (1989), Inseminoid (1982) and Contamination (1980) come close. But stylistically more pleasing are Galaxy of Terror (1981), Forbidden World (1982), Leviathan (1989), The Thing (2011, yes the remake), The Thing (1981) and Prometheus (2012).
It’s the year 1998 (over ten years in the future at the time of production) and six years of WW III have created a world filled with dangerous mutants and flesh-melting acid rain. Trying to escape the latest deadly rainfall, survivors Bianca (Scream Queen Linnea Quigley; The Return of the Living Dead, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4), Kate (Kim McKamy/Ashlyn Gere; Dreamaniac and many adult films later in her career), Butch (Ken Abraham; The Forgotten, Hobgoblins), Jesse (Michael Aranda; El Chupacabra) and Jake seek refuge in an apparently abandoned underground lab. Now that the filmmakers have justified shooting the entire film inside of a beaten up warehouse and we’ve established the willingness of our actresses to disrobe, director David DeCoteau (Curse of the Puppet Master, Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge, Retro Puppet Master) has spun 72 minutes of grindhouse sci-fi/horror for us.
Yup. With Linnea Quigley on board there’s always room for a shower scene. Even in the post-apocalyptic mutant-infested future Linnea WILL find a functioning shower and a man who still manscapes!
Some investigation reveals that essential amino acids research of some kind was being conducted down there. While this is merely suggestive of the development of a new bodybuilding protein supplement, in grindhouse films it’s actually indicative of creating monstrous mutants–and our survivors are now trapped underground with one of them!
An interactive computer terminal, random goo in the ventilation ducts, a quasi-insectoid-humanoid monster, and a general boycott on wearing bras under women’s white tank tops are all suggestive of an Alien/Aliens rip-off.
Further substantiating this notion is that one crew member mutates, vomits and dies (a la John Hurt) during their first meal in the underground compound. Oh, there’s more.
Giant mutant rats create facehugger-like scenes (including when Newt and Ripley were locked in a room with one) and the mutant isn’t exactly concerned with killing humans. Instead, it infects them (by urinating on them, perhaps? Hard to tell what happened) with its black goo. So that’s where Prometheus got the black goo idea!
Reminds me of Gnaw: Food of the Gods 2.
But have no fear. This rubber-suited menace (clearly designed to resemble H. R. Giger’s xenomorph) is injected with some sort of protein antidote. But does that save the day? Not quite. It posthumously gives birth to something hybridizing a chestburster and an evil human fetus! It looks like one of the failed experiments from Alien Resurrection (1997).
This movie really covered its crazy bases. 1) It was made by an experienced schlockmaster and stars both a future prolific porn star and a prominent scream queen. 2) It rips off a classic and actually manages to do an entertaining job of it. 3) It goes so into the deep end of bonkers that it took ideas from Prometheus (2012) and Alien Resurrection (1997), and then traveled back in time to 1987 to pawn these ideas off as original. They should probably sue those other movies’ filmmakers for taking their ideas. 4) This mutant monster movie was so infectiously bad that it mutated actress Kim McKamy into porn star Ashlyn Gere. 5) Oh, and there’s an evil fetal baby alien action finale!
Enough said!
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John’s Horror Corner: Manhattan Baby (1982), an incomprehensible failure
MY CALL: There isn’t anything to spoil, there’s nothing to the plot, and the movie is basically boring. This movie almost made me angry. For real–actually angry. BETTER LUCIO FULCI MOVIES: The Beyond (1981), Zombie (1979) and City of the Living Dead (1980).
Also released as Eye of the Evil Dead and The Possessed, this is yet another example of how Lucio Fulci (Aenigma, Conquest, The Beyond) is great as getting our attention and awful at storytelling. He’s also bad at titles. Why oh why is this called “Manhattan Baby”? Yes, the girl lives in New York. But “baby”? What was this guy smoking when he came up with this?
So, this archaeologist goes spelunking in an Egyptian tomb where he encounters a glowing gemstone that shoots lasers into his eyes, blinding him. This may sound inexplicably random, but it’s exactly the sort of senselessness I’ve come to expect from Fulci.
His young daughter Susie becomes possessed by some evil spirit inside of an amulet that dad gave her from the expedition. Because that’s what archaeologists do with ancient Egyptian artifacts recovered during professional expeditions. They dole them out as gifts to children! Seems legit.
This movie was awful and its badness really wasn’t even fun at all. Fulci steered away from his iconic gory shock tactics and tries to strike fear into us with such horrifying images as a cobra on your kitchen floor, being stuck in an elevator, a paranormal investigator’s stupid babble or finding a scorpion in your desk drawer. If you’re wondering how that would be scary, let me spare you the effort. It’s not scary. Not a bit. It’s just dumb. I can comfortably say that nothing about this movie was done well. Not even the X-ray that showed a cobra comfortably residing in Susie’s chest, which by the way, was SUPER DUMB.
One scene made me laugh. We’ll call it “taxidermy’s revenge.” A bunch of stuffed birds suspended by strings (which we can clearly see) kill a guy in the one gory scene of the movie. This was poorly executed, but funny. Why did the stuffed birds attack? No clue. What made them do it? No clue. This shitstorm just happened before my eyes as I stared with a stupefied grin.
Bro!?! A dead bird just LEGIT attacked my face!
I really can’t think of much to write about here. There isn’t anything to spoil, there’s nothing to the plot, and the movie is basically boring. This movie almost made me angry. For real–actually angry.
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Thor and The Dark Inconsequential World
Thor: The Dark World is fun but inconsequential. It is shiny, loud and competent. It has already cleared $500 million worldwide but I see it as a step back for Marvel. It is too safe and too similar to the original. There is nothing new and Marvel’s daredevil spirit is non-existent. Thor 2 feels like a something meant to appease Loki fans and keep the Marvel franchise churning.
There are no revelations, no memorable villains and Natalie Portmans character backslides into simply wanting a boyfriend. I prefer the much maligned Iron Man 2 over The Dark World. Iron Man 2 has developed a bad reputation but it swung for the fences. It went off the rails but still allowed Sam Rockwell to talk about missiles that could blow up bunkers beneath bunkers. IM2 is an interesting case study of running off the rails. Thor 2 stays on track but is simply the same train going faster.
Thor 2 is more of the same. Hemsworth is shirtless longer, Kat Dennings gets more comedic moments, and Loki is now a full-blown rock star (he earned it). Thor gives people what they want but in the end feels worn. The tiredness is evident in the plot focusing on angry Elves wanting to bring the world back into darkness via dark matter, worm holes, property destruction and yada yada yada.
Villains in Marvel’s films have never been a strong suit. Dating back from Jeff Bridges and Tim Roth in Iron Man and Hulk they always been inconsequential. They are mere fodder for us to enjoy Robert Downey Jr. and crew. The frost giants, Mickey Rourke and Red Skull have never been engaging. However, Marvel has avoided the bad guy criticism by excelling at off the wall casting, unique directing choices and likable characters.
Thor 2 plays it safe. Marvel hired Game of Thrones director Alan Taylor, cast Christopher Eccleston as the villain and attempted to expand the universe. The finished product is a good film that never excites. Loki is wonderful, Anthony Hopkins slightly overacts and property is destroyed.
Thor 2 is the first time a Marvel film has felt like filler. The stand alone story means nothing, the villains will not reappear and Thor has little character progression. They simply turned up character traits to 11 and gave viewers what they wanted. I’m surprised there wasn’t a guitar solo every time Loki appeared on-screen.
Thor: The Dark World has gotten me excited for Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant Man. They are two little known (to me) properties helmed by unique directors (James Gunn, Edgar Wright) and featuring wonderfully daring casting choices (Paul Rudd, Chris Pratt). They are reasons why I love Marvel’s gamble. They’ve never played it safe and managed to execute a perfect game plan.
Thor 2 is not a bad film but it is a bland film. It will do nothing to wreck Marvel’s name but I hope the safe/committee trend doesn’t continue as Marvel moves onto phase three. Bring on Guardians and Ant Man!
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Bad Movie Tuesday: The Weirdness of I Give It A Year
I Give It A Year is a weird film. It wants to be a reverse romantic comedy (break up romantic comedy?) yet still features stock rom-com characters, readily available love interests and touching moments. It wants to be something different and features a whole lot of the same. So, you are left scratching your head as adultery, botched threesomes, and an airport ending unfolds in front of you.
The director/writer Dan Mazer worked with Sasha Baron Cohen on Bruno, Borat and Ali G. The Borat influence is clear in this film. Borat added naked fights with xenophobic cynicism to uncover American prejudice. It pushed buttons with guerrilla film making and it had a naturalism that hit the mainstream sweet spot.
Mazer has created a film that looks like a romantic comedy, features good-looking actors and follows all the familiar clichés. However, he spikes it with a couple who despise each other. Nothing about them is likable and the film works hard to give them nothing redeeming. This decision hurts the film because instead of supporting them they grate on your nerves. When the break up happens and they move on to their American soul mates you wonder how in the world they could ever be happy? I understand that 50% of marriages end in divorce and romantic comedies set a too high a bar (See Don Jon) but you need to have redeeming characters who don’t just blame the other person for the divorce.
The movie wants to be a cynical sidestep to the romantic comedy genre. However, it features every trope of the genre (They end up at an airport). Roger Ebert summed up the movie when he said:
“I Give It a Year” wants to be silly, and the performances are often extremely silly, but it also wants to be touching, and that is its fatal flaw. Sentiment has no business intruding in such a brutal comedy of manners.”
There is a lot of sentiment in this film. It makes for a very odd concoction of angry, gross and sweet. When the film gets sentimental you don’t care because the characters are so unlikable.
The cast is amazing but the writing make them all “movie characters” and plot devices. Rose Byrne, Rafe Spall, Anna Faris, Stephen Merchant, Minnie Driver, Simon Baker, Jason Flemying and Olivia Colman could all be leads in film. However, in this they are movie clichés in a movie that wanted to avoid clichés.
Writing this review was tough. I get what the director was going for but it came out wonky. He wanted to fight the romantic comedy juggernaut by making something different. However, what he made was a bad romantic comedy about a break-up.
Don’t watch I Give It A Year. If they make a sequel called “I Give It Two Years” watch that because Mazer will have the kinks worked out.
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The Escape Plan: Arnold Is Back
The Escape Plan belongs in the 1980s. It is a throwback action film that works because of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s relaxed performance. Gone are the meta jokes of The Expendables and in their place we get a blue collar escape film full of quirks, strategic facial hair and several big laughs.
The movie revolves around Stallone’s prison break extraordinaire stuck in a state of the art installation of glass, steel and a sneering Vinnie Jones. Eventually, he teams up with Arnie and they hatch a plan of awesomeness and convenience. Together they have to defeat the overacting Jim Caviezel who channels every quirky villain ever.
The Escape Plan is worth the watch because of Arnie’s character Rottmayer. He is a friendly yet deadly man who always seems relaxed. For instance, when Sly needs a prisoners eye glasses Arnie makes it happen. The next scene Sly gets the glasses and the prior owner has a massive black eye. My favorite scene is when Arnie starts preaching like an evangelist in order for Sly to climb out of solitary without being heard. You can see the joy in Arnie’s eyes as he lets his sermon fly. It is at that moment when you buy into the film and enjoy the ride.
The movie is fun, non-pretentious stuff of cable television glory. The characters all have weird quirks (Hand lotion, clean clothes, bad cooking) and some plot lines go nowhere (Amy Ryan and 50 Cent are good but wasted). However, it was made solely to entertain, tells a refreshingly linear story and features a revitalized Arnie performance.
Watch the Escape Plan. Appreciate the wonderful Arnie performance. Be entertained.
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MY CALL: Looking for something in the horror genre that you haven’t seen yet? Sounds impossible, right? Wrong! This is it! Lovers of all franchises and solos will thank me for this recommendation. This gets a general movie “A” and a horror movie “A+.” IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: Sam Raimi’s horror exploits (Evil Dead 2, Drag Me to Hell) and the Scream series, at least the first one if not through Scream 4. And we mustn’t forget the equally unorthodox stylings of Tucker and Dale vs Evil, which is loaded with laughs and gore galore and a unique, yet somehow all too familiar, approach to the horror genre.
“What was that noise?” –some chick
“Not sure. But I’m totally gonna’ go investigate…alone…in the dark…without a flashlight.” –some bro
In recent decades guaranteed-grossing remakes, prequels and franchising sequels have flooded theaters in lieu of new ideas. The Cabin in the Woods offers an imaginative never-told story, cleverly acknowledges almost every horror icon and franchise on the market, and ultimately alleviates a genre that has desperately thirsted for originality. This Frankensteinian stitch-work horror transcends the genre and will perhaps never be successfully copied. Don’t be fooled by the simplicity of the title. Instead, be warned at how comfortingly familiar it feels.
“Whoa. This basement is filled with old, creepy relic-looking things.” –some bro
“Oooooh–then I’m gonna’ touch something!” –some chick
Our story follows a typical cadre of horror victems: a studly jock (Chris Hemsworth; Thor, The Avengers), his naughty cheerleader-type girlfriend (Anna Hutchison; Power Rangers Jungle Fury), another jock (Jesse Williams; Grey’s Anatomy), the comic-relief slacker/stoner (Fran Kranz; Dollhouse), and a mild-mannered but cute friend (Kristen Connolly; As the World Turns). They go to ‘a cabin in the woods’ for a weekend retreat and find themselves struggling to survive supernatural (and murderous) forces. As if mocking our expectations (i.e., our horror-goers’ common sense), some play by the stereotype of their archetypal roles, others flat out defy them. Most notable is the paranoid, but shockingly sensible pot-smoker. What’s not typical is that you want to root for these kids…all of them. These actors all did fine jobs; full of verve and likability. Normally I just sit and wait patiently for “talentless actor X” to die in some clever way.
So who’s the hero? Thor, on the left, right? Certainly not the geek on the right.
I know what you’re thinking and the answer is “yes.” That IS a telescopic bong, disguised as a chrome travel mug, modified into a weapon.
Making this movie especially interesting is that it is told consistently from two entirely different perspectives. Bradley Whitford (The West Wing) and Richard Jenkins (Six Feet Under, Burn After Reading) form a spectacularly funny bantering duo steering this “other perspective.” No spoiler here. They lead office culture lives in an unnamed agency that is working behind the scenes of our vacationers’ terrible calamity. While there’s really no way to explain their involvement or motive more without spoiling the surprise, I will say that the third act of this flick will leave you feeling very conflicted about who to root for and who the “real” protagonists are. You see, you’ll think you found the twist early in the movie, but more awaits.
Even horror movies require tech support.
This must have been difficult to advertise since an honest tagline would easily spoil the movie, the mood and the fun. That said, don’t expect to see the movie you saw in the trailer—rather, expect to be impressed! Much as Scream-Scream 4 was a horror meta-movie series, so is The Cabin in the Woods, however it does so in a completely different manner. Some classic concepts are blatantly copied. You find yourself thinking “Oh, come on…” until witnessing the completely unexpected actions and lines of our protagonists handling the situation.
As if the quick-witted Sam Raimi (Evil Dead 2, Drag Me to Hell) and macabre Jason Voorhees had a lovechild, humorously spewed blood fills the air like a pyrotechnic display and, like 4th of July fireworks, the finale will leave you gasping. [Or laughing, hopefully if you’re sick about gore like that.] This movie offers an explanation for all the stupid actions and characters you’ve screamed at during your horror movie-going career. Why would you have sex NOW? Who would have sex THERE? Don’t go out there alone? Split up?—are you insane? No, don’t investigate and don’t ‘be right back.’ The script keeps us ever-off balance, lulling us into a sense of familiarity before serially and cleverly pulling the rug out from under our better judgment and expectations—much to my delight!
Don’t wait, folks. See this today!
SIDEBAR: This game-changing movie was actually completed and ready for market in 2009. However a writers’ strike and a movie company bankruptcy delayed its release. As such, writer Joss Whedon, director Drew Goddard and The Cabin in the Woods have been greasing rumormills for some time now. There was a lot of hype…and it all turned out to be right!
Things get a little weird. For example, the merman. Need I say more?
Okay, things get REALLY weird!
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