April Anticipation: Lockout
Hello all. Mark here
Lockout (April 20)
Lockout is totally free of pretension (I’m guessing). What you see is what you get (another guess). This will be a ludicrous action film that ups the ante to ridiculous heights (AKA Space Prison).
A bulked up Guy Pearce has to infiltrate a maximum security space prison to rescue the president’s daughter played by Maggie Grace.
What could be better? In a world of overcomplicated plots and realistic good guys it is nice to have a movie featuring total insanity. Lockout looks like an old school B movie with an A-list actor. The movie is guaranteed fun destruction due to its producer Luc Besson (Professional, Taken, Fifth Element).
I love any film involving a badass loose cannon who has to battle incredibly evil guys. The preview sets up Pearce as a man named Snow who lives life on the edge because the view is great. He has to go to space because of a pesky false espionage conviction looming over him. The movie boasts an extravagantly long zero gravity fight and wisecracks aplenty.
Audiences should always appreciate action films that only want to entertain. Lockout looks like a film that will make good on every promise the preview makes (I hope).
Watch this movie. Enjoy this movie. Don’t be pretentious and analyze this movie.
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I’m going out on a limb when I say that Scorpion King 3 is better than Scorpion King 2. It should be noted that I haven’t watched SK2 but I am normally accurate on my bad movie assumptions. Also, I think this is the first sequel to a prequel of a spin-off off a sequel.
Picking this film for a Bad Movie Tuesday is a bit unfair because the movie never had a chance of being good. I expected three things to happen.
1. Billy Zane would overact while sitting in a chair.
2. The dialogue would be written by a blindfolded camel walking on a large keyboard.
3. The plot would revolve around one guy trying to kill another guy.
All three of my assumptions were correct. Zane ripped off a guy’s ear, the script reeked of camel hoof and a guy tried to kill another guy. The only time the film caught my attention was when I heard lines like “where in Odin’s codpiece have you been?” The camel writing this film must have had a sense of humor because you cannot say “Odin’s codpiece” and be serious. There are many lines like this in SK3.
While watching this cinematic treat I started to notice a strange trend. There are many insulting references to animals.
Did you bathe in camel dung this morning?
Are you courting me with those love taps you great lover of sheep?
Your breath smells like rotten yak carcus.
Great gods! What do they feed you cats over here?
One gorilla is better than fifty chimps.
I will take out your eyes and feed them to the ravens.
It interests me as much as camel dung in the desert
What in the name of the demon serpent is going on?
Aside from all the animal insults the movie speeds along at a brisk pace and features a sassy performance from Billy Zane. In Billy’s last two bad movies he stayed stationary in chairs. He NEVER got up from his seat. So, it was nice to see that he can still walk and pulls ears. I would love to see a flow chart of Billy Zane’s career because with movies like Titanic, The Phantom and Journey to Promethea the flow would be funky.
The only reason you should watch this film is if you are writing a paper on the usage of animal insults in direct to DVD movies.
In the direct to DVD world this movie is comparable to the big screen classic Hard Rain. Both of these films were unnecessary. However, I watched them both.
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April Anticipation: Cabin in the Woods
Cabin in the Woods (April 13) has been sitting on the MGM shelf for three years. This delay might have helped the film. Chris Hemsworth is a star and Joss Whedon is on The Avengers Express headed straight towards Money Land.
I know nothing about this film. I watched the trailer a while back and decided to turn it off due to spoilers. The buzz surrounding this film is incredibly positive (95% Rotten Tomatoes) and the word on the street is that is spins the horror genre upside down. The R rating is proof that the movie won’t back and intends to deliver the thrills. I don’t want to spoil it by reading a review or watching a three-minute trailer.
There is nothing better in the cinema world than watching a great film you know nothing about. I watched movies like Bubba Ho-Tep, Elephant, Take Shelter, Murderball and District 9 without any spoilers or pesky previews. What followed were fresh experiences that were not spoiled by too much information.
I do love these posters that were released. They give away nothing and show this movie won’t stick to the horror blueprint. Also, check out the original release dates.
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A Dangerous Method
These two posters suggest two totally different films. The first is a character study/historical drama…The Second is a sexy/sassy period romp.
A Dangerous Method is historical fiction that could only be done by David Cronenberg. The editing, pacing, directing and acting are all top-notch. This movie could have fallen face first into the dirt in the hands of a less capable director.
The thing I loved most about this film was the shot selection. The movie is essentially about four people talking. However, the shots are incredibly unique in that they never settle for a flat shot whilst people talk intelligently.
To keep from the shots from being flat Cronenberg mixed it up by framing half of the shot around windows, doors and strategic art. The shots look excellent and manage to make drab rooms look interesting. It must have been a mighty struggle to create vivid scenery amidst a psychoanalysts office.
Watching this movie felt like a semester in film school. It is an education on how to make a movie about intellectual giants and their trials and sexual/philosophical tribulations. The intertwining stories between Sabina Spielrein, Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud and Otto Gross all feel natural when they should be boring.
The actors are all top-notch and deliver the rapid fire intellectual speak naturally. It never feels like an actor acting. When I first heard Kiera Knightley’s Russian accent it reminded me of the REM song “it’s the end of the world as we know it.” However, after getting into the character I felt fine about her portrayal of Sabina.
The movie feels immersive because of the tone and performances. This movie could have reeked of pretentiousness but instead exudes confidence in the source material. It is a wonderful treat to see a director in such great form. I was hoping that during the credits David would run out and do the Aaron Rodgers double-check.
This movie reminded me of a scene in the film Major League 2. There is a moment when the coach is in the hospital due to a heart attack. He cannot get too excited so he listens to the baseball game via hidden headphones. The nurse thinks he is watching a stuffy British show. The manager gets excited about the game and starts jumping up and down and screams “I love this British sh**!”
A Dangerous Method is not British. However, it is an expertly crafted film that manages to be a thrilling work of a beloved director. What is thrilling do you ask? He made a movie about four genius humans who analyze each other in a non thriller fashion. That is an accomplishment in itself.
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Wes Anderson Madness: Super 16
The 16 become eight! Who will it be. Who will move forward in the four brackets? The competition will be insane and the artwork aplenty. The greatest thing about this tournament is that I’ve gotten to watch the movies again and find cool Wes Anderson art. Life is good!
Mr. Fox Vs. Patricia Whitman
Mr. Fox takes on the elusive Patricia Whitman. Patricia got lucky against the Badger but there is no way she can talk her way out of imminent defeat. Mr. Fox knows every trick in the book and even the tricks not in the book. Patricia decides there is no way to run away from the Fox so she gives up peacefully and the two of them talk escape tactics and punk children.
Francis Whitman Vs. Richie Tenenbaum
Francis and Richie have several things in common. wonderful hair, family issues and suicidal tendencies. It is commendable that they both recovered and got their lives straight. However, Francis never played tennis against a guy named Gandhi so I give the win to The Baumer. His tennis scene is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.
Anthony Adams Vs. Jack Whitman
Jack has a wonderful moustache but could never woo a spanish maid or have an intense dislike of discussing watersports. Anthony Adams is one of the first great Wes creations and his personality is mirrored in almost every other Anderson creation. Adams wins.
Ash Vs. Max Fischer
Ash can cuss and spit all he wants but it will not deter Max Fischer from becoming the best. However, Max decides to take young Ash under his wing and teach him everything he knows to survive the next Wes Anderson tournament.
The Fischer is spelled wrong but I like the art. So, I will forgive the misspelling.
Eli Cash Vs. Royal Tenenbaum
This might be the biggest upset of the tournament. Royal had all the makings of champion but Eli was able to sneak past him. Eli’s scenes in The Royal Tenenbaums may be few and far between but they are hilarious. Eli whispering the word “Wildcat” or having incredible artwork on his walls make him a person worthy of his own film. This pick comes from my supporting character bias.
Dignan Vs. Pagoda
Pagoda is a wonderful character. He is loyal and will take you to the hospital after stabbing you. However, Dignan is a bull in a china shop. A unstopable force of dumb nature. After dealing with Royal Tenenbaum for years Pagoda decides he doesn’t want to play second fiddle to a man who puts tape on his nose. Pagoda graciously pulls out of the tournament and gets a job as the CFO of Netflix.
Herman Blume Vs. Klaus Daimler
Wow, this was a tough one. Klaus is random even in a random world. However, Herman is Bill Murray at his finest. His duel with Fischer and his basketball blocking moves cannot be topped. Klaus and Herman Blume become fast friends and Klaus bows out graciously because he does not want to face his best friend Steve Zissou later on in the tournament.
Steve Zissou Vs. Rosemary Cross
Cross is a heartbreaker who never tries to break hearts. Max Fischer was young and Herman Blume was depressed so they were perfect candidates to fall into her non-trap. Zissou is so into Zissou that after a brief flirtation he choses to head back to sea to capitalize on the Jaguar shark momentum. Zissou wins due to his promise to fund an aquarium at the school.
The tournament has come down to the elite eight. These eight characters will meet soon to decided the fantastic four. Make sure to comment on the bracket and let me know who you think should win.
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Wes Anderson Madness: Divisional Round Two
Hello all. Mark here.
The Wes Anderson character tournament is gaining some steam and making its way to the exciting finale. There is has been a lot of speculation as to who will win.
A pre-tournament poll and Vegas odds makers have put Max Fischer as the favorite to win. He will need to stretch this week because he has a big match up against Ash in a couple of days.
As promised I am going to break down the Portuguese Bowie and Wildcat divisions. The competition will be fierce and the one liners will be plenty.
The first match up in the Portuguese Bowie division is between Eli Cash and Mr. Henry. Henry’s boxing chops are legit but he cannot withstand getting hit by a runaway car driven by a face painted Cash. The Wildcat wins!
The next match up is between Raleigh St. Clair and Royal Tenenbaum. St. Clair is no match for the twice stabbed Royal. The winner comes when Mr. Tenenbaum promises to fund St. Clair’s research for another two years….and pay for his divorce to Margot.
The next battle is between Dignan and Inez. A just released from prison Dignan is already annoyed that Inez stole Anthony from him. So, he puts some tape on his nose and promises he will clean her house for two months if she lets him move forward. She agrees to the terms and Dignan puts another piece of tape on his nose.
To finish out the bracket is a face off between Pagoda and Margot Tenenbaum. Margot knows that Pagoda carries a tiny knife and has used it twice. She looks at her missing finger and decides that it isn’t worth the trouble of advancing. So, she smokes a cigarette and books a trip to Fiji.
The Wildcat Division
Herman Blume takes on the kindest character in the Wes Anderson world. Blume used his mail interception tricks to make sure Bert Fischer never got the notification that he was in the tournament. Don’t worry folks….Blume gets his hair cut by Bert and he tips well.
Ned Plimpton may have gotten the final slap on Klaus but Klaus got all the great lines. Daimler is a quip dynamo who proved to be too quotable for Kentucky Ned.
Jane Winslet Richardson proved herself to be an intelligent and mature force not to be messed with. However, when she met Rosemary Cross she started acting in incredibly immature ways which gets her disqualified from the tournament.
Steve Zissou is Pele dos Santos captain. So, Pele graciously backs down and starts playing acoustic Portuguese versions of Hall & Oates songs.
The tournament is down to 16 characters. Each of them has a chance to win and the fighting will become epic. Stayed tuned to the next post when I break down the brackets to the elite 8. Who will move on?
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Big Budget Bonanza: Total Recall
Total Recall is a total Len Wiseman film. Here is a perfect synopsis of Wiseman from Grantland:
“This is the guy responsible for vomiting the Underworld films onto moviegoers, and was the director who thought it was a good idea to have John McClane jump off the tail of a fighter jet onto a decrepit freeway and slide away from a fireball in Live Free or Die Hard.”
This remake looks to be loaded with loud noises, visual splendor and Kate Beckinsale kicking people in the face.
I feel like people have forgotten that Colin Farrell is a really good actor. In the recent years he has done solid work in In Bruges and Fright Night. Hollywood has finally stopped lumping him in bad action films and let him do his own thing.
If anything this will be a whiz-bang remake that boasts a stellar cast and a visual flair reminiscent of Blade Runner. Do not get mad! I said “it looks like Blade Runner.” I’m quoting Grantland again about their hilarious Jessica Biel comments. They wrote that her performance will involve “squinting and pointing guns….she’ll be fine.”
This movie will not reinvent the wheel but it will reintroduce the lady with three boobs that captivated millions of generation Xers. Don’t expect a brave new world. Expect a Biel vs. Beckinsale brawl and Colin Farrell kicking, shooting and flashing (Chuck reference) his way through hundreds of bad guys.
The best part is that there will be a super long monologue by Ethan Hawke (Mr. Generation X).
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Wrath of the Titans
There is a scene in this film where the grand daddy of all Titans Kronos is unleashed on the earth. He is a gigantic lava monster that can spew molted rock and wipe out cities with one punch. In front of him is an army of men that are understandably worried. However, their generals are saying “hold the line.” Hold what line? There is nothing they could do to harm a mile high immortal creature of darkness. Couldn’t they run away and live instead of being destroyed swiftly by a lava titan? Their generals are inadvertently making them feel the wrath.
Wrath of the Titans is as pointless as a diminutive soldier attempting to stab a lava titan. Writing a detailed analysis is as necessary as flying a Pegasus through a monster with a magical trident. All I can say is that the plot moves forward at such a fast pace it leaves little time for characters to develop. This is not a bad thing because sometimes you need dumb in your life. If every movie was great then you couldn’t make funny jokes about how “in a world full of Minotaurs and krakens it is nice to know that a well executed headlock still reigns supreme.”
Sam Worthington promised that Wrath would be better than Clash. He was angry about the criticism aimed towards him for being bald in the first film. In this film he does the same exact thing except he has a perm. I’m pretty certain that Worthington is a good actor. However, in this film he never gets the chance because everything that comes out of his mouth is loud and poorly written.
Examples of the bad dialogue are:
“What are you waiting for?”
“I promised my son would never hold a sword.”
“aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!”
The reason this film takes place is because Hades and Aires were being brats and wanted to unleash a horrible titan that they originally imprisoned. If I put Hannibal Lecter in jail and my brother angered me I wouldn’t be tempted to help Hannibal escape from prison. In the end, Zeus and Hades fight Kronos. The problem is that all three of them stand stationary and takes turns throwing CGI stuff at each other. I’m surprised they didn’t give Kronos a CGI beard.
If gods are immortal do they shave? Wouldn’t their beards be perfect? I watched The Immortals and the gods in that film were all Abercrombie models who wore matching shiny armor.
Wrath is charmingly dumb. I dug it because Mystery Science Theater 3000 would need 17 episodes to relinquish all their quips. This is a true audience film because it unites the world in pithy comments.
The movie does have several positive upgrades. Rosamund Pike is solid as Andromeda. However, her role consists of her charging at monsters and getting knocked back twenty feet.
The best part of the movie is Toby Kebbell as Agenor. Kebbell plays a demigod who hasn’t lived up to his father Poseidon’s expectations. Agenor is a thief who quips aplenty and helps Perseus save the world.
Watch Wrath of the Titans. Love the dumb. Discover your inner quip monster.
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The Good Movie That People Think is a Bad Movie (Tuesday): The Curious Case of John Carter
While working on my graduate degree at FSU I invented a term called Cascading Infodemic Trends. The term refers to “false information spread by reliable sources can spread online and quickly cause an infodemic.” I feel like the media, marketers and the uninformed buried John Carter before it reached the cinema.
In a day and age where Entertainment Weekly boasts that theater attendance is up they still kick a film when it is down. The magazine gave John Carter a D-. Which is absolutely insane. Carter may not be great but it did try to swing for the fences. What annoys me is that critics and the press cannot get over the budget and constantly attacked the director Andrew Stanton (Wall-E, Finding Nemo).
Disney recently released a statement saying they will take a $200 million dollar loss on the film. The estimated budget was $250 million and the marketing budget was $100 million. Carter has made $234 million worldwide so the movie’s budget must have exceeded $300 million. This is justifiably worrying but it was a surprise to no one. It is easy to see why it bombed with audiences. There are two reasons. The free reign of a succesful director and shoddy marketing.
I worked with a carpenter who told me stories about his time on the film Evan Almighty. The director Tom Shadyac was given a blank check to make whatever he wanted. What he created was a $150 million colossal dud in which an entire ark was built. Sometimes there needs to be checks and balances when dealing on such expensive gambles. Stanton himself said that he shot everything knowing that there would be massive re-shoots. This is never wise on the budgetary side. Also, it doesn’t help that other sci-fi cowboy films Jonah Hex and Cowboys and Aliens were critically hated and audience ignored.
The marketing for the film was incredibly vague. Nobody knew the basic plot of the film. People thought it only featured a shirtless dude jumping around on Mars while four armed aliens chased him around.
The movie seemingly was just another rip off of Avatar. Not until a couple of weeks before release did Disney wise up and start promoting the influence of John Carter. However, it was too little too late. The populace’s mind’s had been made up. Carter was doomed to a $30 million opening weekend.
What I love is that is was a huge gamble. If you’ve read the source material you’d know it is a pulpy old-fashioned story. However, strange things are happening. Carter fans harp that the marketing should have stressed the source material. The problem is that none of them have read the source material. The whole situation around John Carter has been vague and uninformed. When something is vague it leaves room for interpretation. More often than not interpretation is wrong.
If you don’t know about John Carter it was written by Edgar Rice Burroughs in 1917. It is an old property that influenced Star Trek, Star Wars, Inception, Avatar and Cowboys and Aliens. However, this movie is classified as B material. How can a story that influenced dozens of movies be called B material?
The media has created a negative buzz surrounding a film that could have become a successful series. They’ve complained about the marketing, lack of a big celebrity and $250 million dollar budget. Taylor Kitsch has proven himself to be a charismatic star yet critics peg him as bland. The 250 million is not that crazy considering a movie about four people talking How Do You Know cost $130 million. That film lost more money percentage wise than Carter yet nobody talked about it.
A perfect storm occurred that caused this film to not succeed. I just wish people would have watched and made up their minds instead of dismissing it before it had a chance.
I understand that John Carter is easy to make fun of. It is a pulpy, expensive and clunky film. However, it is fun and worthy of further exploration.
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Goon
Goon
By Sweet Sugar
Rating: A
Overall: Loved it and didn’t want it to end. Plus there’s a reference to Dolph Lundgren.
Starring: Seann William Scott, Jay Baruchel, Liev Schreiber, Eugene Levy, and other awesome up-and-comers
Seriously, watch Goon. It’s not just about fighting.
It’s a lower budget movie that came out under-the-radar. The only reason I discovered it was through an interesting Q&A on Grantland with the real Doug Smith, who wrote the book “Goon: The True Story of an Unlikely Journey into Minor League Hockey.” The book was about his decade of experience as an enforcer, or goon, playing minor league hockey, which was adapted into this movie.
The movie is a serious career-saver for Seann William Scott, who is amazing as Doug Glatt. It’s fun because, yeah, it’s about the role of enforcers in hockey, but the best part is it’s a “something from nothing” story.
In the movie, a local minor league hockey coach sees local bouncer Sean William Scott easily beat up a guy, and then invites him to try out for the team because they needed an enforcer. He makes the team and ends up making the next level with a Canadian league a step below the NHL. In one of the funnier lines in the movie, Doug’s best friend Pat, played by Jay Baruchel, admiringly calls Doug, who is Jewish, “the Hebrew Dolph Lundgren.”
It’s interesting because Doug is just a nice, loyal guy who just fights to protect his misfit teammates, who were absolutely hilarious. Watch the movie just to see the two Russians incessantly making fun of the team’s goalie.
Doug patiently woos a really cool love interest, deals with a non-approving family, and wins the hearts of his teammates and fans. The movie culminates in a brutal on ice fight between Doug and his once hero, now adversary, Ross Rhea, played by Live Schreiber. The background is that Ross completely wrecked Doug’s star teammate in the NHL a couple of years prior and sent him on a downward personal and professional spiral into the minor leagues.
This movie is truly a lesson in likeable characters. Seann William Scott nails the role as a modest, tender guy opposite his roles in the American Pie series. The Movies Films & Flix crew loves to harangue about the importance of likeable characters, and this is the real deal.
Watch Goon. Be happy. Admire bad mustaches. Find something to be good at.
Movies, Films & Flix 