Raging Phoenix (2009)
MY CALL: This movie was fantastic! At least, the first 50 minutes were. The next 50 minutes were like a root canal without anesthesia. Take that as you may. I give this an action rating of B+ and C- (for the first and second half of the movie, respectively). WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD: Anyone who thought this was too PG and not rough enough needs to turn to early Tony Jaa Tahi action flicks (Ong-Bak (2003) and The Protector (2005)), but maybe skip Ong-Bak 2 and 3 altogether. IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: Featuring the same female lead, Chocolate (2009) was more brutal, technically sound, and had a more serious feel. Also, look forward to seeing her in The Kick (new release).
This all starts with an attempted kidnapping of our star, Dew (Jeeja Yanin). She is saved by Sanim.
The fights in this kick flick have some silly components and impractical maneuvers. For example, the first fight of the movie involves bladed-pogo ninjas and a bit of break-dance fighting. However silly this may sound, the stunt wire use was minimal (if present at all) and the acrobatics were impressive, including some jump kicks performed mid-flip.
The second fight scene is even more senseless. We still have no explanation for why a three-man van-gang of kidnappers had a dozen pogo-ninja enforcers, yet Round 2 is already upon us. This bout is complete with drunk dance-club-meets-Capoeira choreography (FYI, they actually call it “drunken fighting technique” in the movie, a nice nod to Jackie Chan’s Drunken Master) executed with all the silliness of Jackie Chan and all the modern flare of Tony Jaa (but without his elbow-to-face brutality). There is also frequent marionette combat, using Dew as a weapon. The music follows suit, being dance-friendly and high energy paced. Sanim’s friends are in on this one and they are slapstickly named P!gsh!# and Dogsh!#. They play off each other like the regrettably goofy Skids and Mudflap (the Go-Bot twins from Transformers: Rise of the Fallen).
So P!gsh!# and Dogsh!# teach her drunk-fu. And now that Dew’s an expert, cue the dance music! Right? Well, not so fast…
Halfway through the movie the tone changes dramatically from fun to serious. However, the plot becomes way more stupidly ridiculous. Accordingly the stunts are yet less realistic and now over-wired-worked, and the sets get zany (e.g., a perfume storage room set is alien-space-ship ridiculous with an otherworldly gratuitous fog in an over-sized Temple of Doom mountain lair). Seems like folks got a little carried away. The plot starts to seriously drag (throughout the second half) and even the fights drop notably in quality, fun and flare.
This may lack the technical crispness and gruelingly brutal knee-fu of Tony Jaa’s film fare, but it more than makes up for it with fun and silly in the first half of the movie. And it’s shot well, has beautiful lighting, and some very tactfully chosen sets—again, for the first half of the movie. The second half was a travesty which seems like it was made by a completely different crew from direction and sets to fight choreography. I just don’t understand what happened.
My advice? See the first half of this movie. Then, after about 50 minutes, stop watching and never look back.
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The Countess (2009)
MY CALL: Sanguineous, sincere, and psychotic! Delpy has outdone herself. [B+] IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: Lovers of this dark, murderous period piece should very much delight in Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2007). Though less malevolent, I’d also suggest Anonymous (2011). Anyone new to Julie Delpy (or Ethan Hawke) should pick up these amazing date movies: Before Sunrise (1995) and Before Sunset (2004).
Julie Delpy wrote, produced, directed and starred in this perhaps somewhat-fictionalized historical account of the Countess Erzebet Bathory (1560-1614), an infamous, noble Hungarian widowed by her warlord Count. This historical figure has been known as the Blood Countess and Countess Dracula, has been compared to Vlad III (Vlad the Impaler), and was loosely associated with witchcraft.
From early childhood through marriage, and leading to the death of her husband, Erzebet (Julie Delpy) is painted with all the makings of a “typical” noblewoman with “typical” white-people-problems of the time. We see the potential for both compassion and cold sociopathy in the future of this powerful and highly intelligent woman.
In her late thirties Erzebet meets and fancies Istvan (Daniel Brühl), a young noble and the son of Count Gyorgy Thurzo (William Hurt) whose recent advances she denied. Young Istvan is quite sincerely taken with Erzebet, as is she with him. But she finds herself transfixed on his fine skin and, ill-comparably, her aging skin (as she is nearly twenty years his senior). Little did she know that Gyorgy would use her love for Istvan against her for years to come.
After promises to be together, Erzebet waits for Istvan. She becomes obsessed with “looking worn and old” and resigns herself to continuous fasting and prayer until Istvan answers her. Later, actions of self loathing, self mutilation, and bondage fuel her descent into madness. After some provocative suggestions from a vamp-like nobleman and a random household accident, she learns to find comfort in the rejuvenating properties of virgins’ blood. Her young handmaid plays the scapegoat of this psychosis as she is periodically drained. As time passes, Erzebet’s addiction to sanguineous cosmetics increases and so follows the body count with her state of mania.
[BELOW we find her waiting to receive a shower of blood produced by her “draining machine”]
The film is presented with a strong feministic tone in support of Erzebet’s integrity and actions despite her psychosis, as if told by Erzebet as an autobiography. Delpy was fantastic. Much as with Anonymous, an admirable job was done with a limited (i.e., non-Blockbuster) budget. The cinematography and wardrobe were fantastic. The set design should be noted for effort, but it takes a big budget to properly emulate the grandeur of nobility in period films.
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Paper Man
MY CALL: There was nothing to the plot, but everything to the characters. Fans of Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Daniels or Emma Stone should be pleased by this odd, moody, depressed-with-a-smile film. [B/B+] IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: Easy A, Crazy Stupid Love, Cyrus. None of these bring quite the dark tone of Paper Man, but each has a healthy complement of redeeming qualities.
A motley cast and an awkward tone set an unsure-footed pace for this film…but I think I like it.
Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Daniels have an interesting dynamic. Daniels plays a quirky, man-child writer that smacks of some of his previous roles, less mentally challenged than in Dumb and Dumber and a more insecure and jumpy than in Arachnophobia. He has writer’s block and problems with his wife, making him “every writer ever depicted in a movie.” The writers likewise cater to Reynolds’ stylish character roots. Of course, Reynolds often seems to play the same character whether he’s killing vampires in Blade Trinity, scamming on girls in Buying the Cow, or testing his quippy limits when he got started on Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place (sitcom). In this case, he’s a quippy, dashing superhero with crime-fighting muscles produced by Daniels’ character’s subconscious. The banter between the two makes for excellent synergy.
As I fail to find the point of this film, I enjoy some delightfully awkward scenes. For example, Daniels’ fumbling attempt to catch a fish for dinner, his personal bouts with a hideous couch, and some disturbing outdoor feng shui.
But really, what’s the meaning of all this? Perhaps, that friendships may form unexpectedly. Daniels and Emma Stone (Easy A, Crazy Stupid Love), playing his babysitter even though he doesn’t have a child, develop an endearing chemistry. Their characters seem to help each other mature past their irrational reservations. She makes him soup and he makes her feel better about her unhealthy, late-teen relationship.
There was ultimately nothing to the plot, but everything to the characters. The writing was impressive, clever, funny, and tamely off-the-wall. Fans of any of the featured actors should be pleased by this odd, moody, depressed-with-a-smile film.
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Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)
MY CALL: “B” for originality and good production quality. This is a weird, fantasy, genre film for fans of the strange. A+++ for the short films, which were AMAZING! WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD: If you have to skip this, then at least watch the two short films. Links are available at the end of the review. IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: More foreign movies. Reading movies may be annoying, Lord knows my Finnish is a bit rusty, but there are some excellent lesser-known flicks out there. Want another even more ultra-cool unique Norse flick? Try Troll Hunter! Great effects, neat story, unlike anything else. DRINKING MOVIE STATUS: Just say “no” when subtitles and a good story merit reading.
With Christmas right around the corner I felt the need to disseminate an important message: Santa doesn’t exist. At least, not in the capacity that we thought he did when we were small children swallowing heaving spoonfuls of nonsense from our good-intentioned parents.
Here’s the trailer…
This ultra-special film begins in Finland with a drilling team’s discovery of the resting place of who we endearingly call Santa Claus…over 1500 feet below the surface in a man-made mountain functioning as a tomb. The scene is beautifully shot. “A” for effort on cinematography. A child witnessing this discovery rushes home for the opening credits, during which he researches “The Truth About Santa.” That’s on the bookshelf of every Finnish household, right? This ancient folklore-rich tome has all of the charming imagery of some anti-Bible. Its pages depict various devil-horned Santas as decrepitly ghoulish or frighteningly muscled, beating a child’s rear with a stick as it bleeds like a scourge-riddled Jesus-back, preparing Christmas stew by adding a dash of naughty child to a boiling cauldron, and similar such macabre. The artwork, I wager, was from the storyboards and character concepts during the pre-production phase.
A group of Finnish locals planning on harvesting reindeer meat on Christmas Eve day finds the local herd slaughtered to such extremes that they question “what manner of wolf would do this?” The young boy finds a bare footprint, human, beside a reindeer carcass. “He was hungry,” the boy thought.
All the while the drilling team is being introduced to their precious “cargo”—which is still alive and, like a mogwai (Gremlins for our younger readers), comes with safety instructions whose consequences are significant:
[MINOR SPOILER ALERT]
After the quick demise of the drilling team the locals end up with Santa Claus on their hands and they have to deal with him. He’s a bit of a handful. But what happens when they realize that this isn’t Santa, but rather one of his “little helpers” in the image of how we traditionally consider Santa to appear? Are there more helpers? Oh yes. And they’re all naked? No, that was not a joke. They’re all naked, skinny, bearded old men. And we see them run…you heard me: RUNNING, naked, skinny, bearded old men. This is not as awkward as it sounds. I promise. The lighting on their nether-regions is just poor enough that you can’t make out the finer details necessary for identifying a perp in an SVU lineup, but just good enough that you can tell that the use of a silicon-prosthetics job by an F/X team was very unlikely. These venerable actors really are in the buff.
[SPOILER ALERT OVER]
After a slow and plotty beginning (and middle) this movie takes on a hint of zombie-horde-movie style. It’s hard to explain. The real Santa is addressed, but I won’t ruin how. Let’s just say that our protagonists both ruin this Christmas and save future Christmases at the same time.
Folks, see this movie. I swear, you’ve seen nothing like it before. And double down with Troll Hunter!
* * * * * * * * * *
Below is the video link to two short films about the movie, but not from the movie. They are advertised on Youtube as trailers, but trailers they are NOT. These should be watched AFTER watching the movie. They function as an extremely short, better-than-the-movie sequel. If you watch these BEFORE seeing the movie I assure you the movie will be less enjoyable. These award-winning short films created the cult fanfare that led to the creation of this eccentric movie.
“Rare Exports, Inc.” (2003); “Rare Exports: The Official Safety Instructions” (2005). You can find these two short films on Youtube in varying quality.
Folks, don’t miss these! Click and watch now.
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The Debt
Twists + turns + flashbacks + good acting = A decent time. This movie doesn’t reinvent the wheel but it won’t annoy you.
The movie revolves around Mossad secret agents hunting down an evil Nazi doctor. Things happen……flashbacks occur….I won’t spoil it…..The movie ends……You get up and say it was “decent”…
Decent is not bad. Decent is better than bad. There are many bad movies. This film has positives that make it worth watching.
1. Jessica Chastain (Tree of Life, The Help, Take Shelter). She is going to win the Oscar this year….for something.
2. Helen Mirren looking stylish. My girlfriend wanted her outfits.
3. Sam Worthington not yelling, running and battling monsters. The dude can act. I want to see him in more movies.
4. The villain is a horrible person. The scenes with him are tense.
5. The movie isn’t long.
Watch this movie. Don’t be annoyed by it.
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John’s Shamefully Bad Horror Corner: Bread Crumbs (2011)
MY CALL: I actually feel stupid for watching this. Be smarter than me…don’t! [F] WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD: If you wanna’ see people getting picked off with clever kills and some funny set-ups and lines then you shouldn’t turn too far from mainstream. I’d aim for Sorority Row, the Scream series (Scream 4), Tucker and Dale vs Evil or Final Destination 5. Or just drop the need for cheap laughs and go for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series, The Hills Have Eyes series and Wrong Turn (but part one only).
All right, full disclosure: I knew nothing about this flick before watching suffering through it. No preview, no good plot summary, just a random suggestion by Netflix for a lover of “Violent Slasher Movies.” The opening credits were thoughtfully and artistically executed in a Hansel and Gretel fairy tale storybook style. This is nice. It shows us that the filmmakers actually cared about this movie. The film quality smacks of mediocrity, which I’m willing to let slide for a bit, and the acting and dialogue are painfully subpar as I suppose you’d expect from a tolerable-quality straight-to-DVD slasher. But this was less than tolerable.
This flick follows a van of 20- or 30-somethings to an over-sized backwoods cabin for an adult film shoot. [Way to force the gratuitous nudity.] But hold on. Strippers vs Zombies pulled the same ploy, and that was funny! Sad how the present filmmakers failed to likewise capitalize. The crew includes a douche bag, a nerdy geek, an insecure chick, a catty bitch, a nice guy, a high strung chick…you know, a lot of personality types nuanced by minimal acting talent and some very, very poor attempts at humor. It’s all pretty tacky.
The odd placement of stuffed animals, some random singing in the forest by a redneck orphan, and a teen-hillbilly peeping-Tom serve as poorly-placed harbingers of the weird and murderous things to come. The hillbilly kids are meant to be off-putting—they’re not. The singing in the forest is meant to be spooky and unnerving—it’s not. The adult film angle allows for some very funny, creative, unique deaths—notta’ one!
The kills, the only reason anyone ever watches movies like this, were piss poor. A few arrows shot from the dark, a lame ankle snare, a pitfall trap; all tired ideas executed with zero innovation. After the clever opening credits, it seems that everything that could have possibly gone wrong, did. The two children are the villains in this filmmaking tragedy. Evil kids, possessed kids, brainwashed kids, they’re always super creepy…but not here. Not even a bit. They don’t look deformed, oddly short or pale or mature or fanatical, or dirty. They possess none of the keystone traits of malevolent backwoods kids. The writer tried to go for a clever play on Hansel and Gretel—EPIC FAIL! So much potential, so wasted.
I actually feel stupid for watching this. Please be smarter than me and avoid it!
John: OUT!
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Listen to How Did This Get Made?.
If you love bad movies and podcasts you will love How Did This Get Made. The podcast celebrates bad movies. Paul Scheer, Jason Mantzoukas and June Diane Raphael provide a fun commentary and the laughs are aplenty. Also, the shows can be informative or just insult Battlefield Earth interestingly.
The podcasts include Superman III, leprechaun in the Hood, The Room and Punisher: Warzone (director’s editions), Sucker Punch, All About Steve, Season of the Witch, Drive Angry and many others.
If you are a Nic Cage fan you will dig the lampooning of The Wicker Man.
If you need something to listen to download this podcast and the trip will fly by.
Download it on Itunes now and tell me what you think. Listen to The Punisher: Warzone podcast first.
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The Devil’s Double (2011)
MY CALL: A very cool movie driven by characters rather than the fictionalized story of the fall of Uday Hussein. Beautifully shot, and gripping. [B+] IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: Other decent movies where the same actor plays multiple roles include Face/Off, Double Impact, Austin Powers, The Social Network and Dead Ringers. TRAILER: click here.
So MoviesFilmsandFlix’s very own Mark gave me a call saying “it would be really cool to get a review of The Devil’s Double up this week.” I had just written this up the day before after I christened by Blu-Ray player with it. Good timing and good taste, Mark!
I’ve gotta’ be honest here. I liked this movie before it even started! The movie poster, alone, tells an amazing story beyond the often-misleading Hollywood blip we typically find in life-sized cardboard at the local multiplex. Following suit with strong impressions, the film opens with actual stock footage of Saddam’s grotesque war-mongering tyranny, and then transitions to a stunning Iraqi landscape with, arguably, the most beautifully crisp sunset I’ve seen in a movie. The lighting seems harsh; deliberately over-yellowed and blaring.
There is little more story than the hook of the movie itself, and I have to admit I didn’t find it great, but somehow I was captivated! Latif (Dominic Cooper; Captain America) is an Iraqi war hero with strong family values. Uday (also played by Dominic Cooper) is a sociopath whose indulgences and small, impish laugh leave only suffering in his wake. Seeing Latif beside Uday, learning to emulate Uday, and coming to hate him while becoming all the more like him…very cool.
The shots in this movie were crisp and made tactful motifing use of reflections in various manners. The lighting, harsh yet beautiful, often yields indicative rays or glows hovering about our main characters as if to come just shy of haloing God’s chosen of the House Saddam and their Godsend, Latif. Amidst smart wardrobing and solid cinematography, the filmmakers have more tricks yet, catching me off guard with occasional scenes of brusque brutality alternatingly mitigated by oddly endearing scenes such as when Latif watches Saddam and his double enjoy a cool drink in between the games of their tennis match (against each other).
The movie takes a telegraphed turn as Latif, forced and abused into his servitude all the while listening as it is called ‘love’ and ‘honor’, resists his ungrateful host. Then things get ugly in this fictionalized account of the fall of Uday Hussein.
[Does this remind anyone else of Scarface?]
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Take Shelter: The Best Film of 2011
Take Shelter is a beautiful film that will surely become a well-respected classic. Jeff Nichols (Shotgun Stories) is a director to watch and I can’t wait to see him handle more mainstream fare while still keeping his mid-western sensibilities. Michael Shannon and Jessica Chastain give two of the best performances of the year and I really hope they are remembered come awards time.
I don’t want to give away too much because the less you know the better. However, I will tell you Take Shelter is about a 35-year-old man who starts having dreams about the end of the world. This concerns him because he wants to protect his family, but in the back of his mind he realizes that his mom started to experience onset paranoid schizophrenia in her mid 30’s.
I was talking to my friend about this movie and he asked me if it was about “supernatural world ending shenanigans seemingly directed by M. Night Shyalaman.” It is not a physiological thriller or one of those movies that has false scares. Take Shelter should not be categorized. It is an intelligent character study, that is unpredictable, beautiful and warm
Director Jeff Nichols has an eye for creating vivid scenery and compelling narratives about blue-collar middle America. I think he is one of the best young American directors working today. His two collaborations with Michael Shannon have given the world subdued films that pack a huge punch.
Also, Nichols brother is Ben Nichols. Ben is the frontman for the band Lucero. Listen to them now. Or go on Itunes and download the song Shelter. It is on the Take Shelter soundtrack
Watch Take Shelter! It is amazing!
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John’s Horror Corner: Galaxy of Terror (1981), one of the stupidest and BEST bad 80s Sci-Horror has to offer!
MY CALL: Stupidest, most senseless, bad 80’s B-horror-turned-D-horror I may have ever seen. I very much enjoyed hating this schizophrenically architected flick. For the bad horror lovers out there, I give this a solid “B.” If you actually enjoy movies with plots, “F-.” WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD: If you love hilariously goofy horror, but demand solid special effects, then try Final Destination 5, Piranha 3D, Shark Night 3D. IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: If you like hilariously goofy horror, love 80’s horror, and don’t require solid effects, then turn to Contamination, Inseminoid, Of Unknown Origin. Want totally stupid, low budget, super gory, and modern? Then you should visit A beginner’s Guide to Tokyo Shock cinema. It’s life-changing. DRINKING MOVIE STATUS: Whether new or old, deliberately funny or not, these movies are meant to be enjoyed with your favorite adult beverage. Cheers!
This Roger Corman cult classic includes some other classics, namely Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elmstreet series) and Sid Haig (most Rob Zombie movies). Welcome to a universe in which some weird, energy-based life-form (about as plausible as the ones from December’s upcoming The Darkest Hour) is in charge of, as it seems anyway, everything. This odd “ruler” makes no sense anywhere in the movie. Moving on to the next senseless items…
In response to some sort of distress signal—sound familiar? (The Event Horizon, Alien)—a team of space soldiers travels to the edge of the universe to a dilapidated colony. Complete with Alien-esque painted backgrounds, it’s as if Corman was trying to produce a low budget Alien sequel. The team is jumpy, can’t handle the sight of a dead body, would sooner burn corpses than investigate their cause of death (which is why they’re there!!!), and show signs of space madness in the first fifteen minutes of the movie. Much as in Aliens, which actually was not yet released, their female captain has seen this before. Probably because she saw it when she played Ripley in the original!
So the team approaches some junk pile of a giant pyramid. Nobody panic, though. The team psychic detects no life within. The edifice looks organic, maybe like an exoskeleton, maybe like the ship-construct in Alien or the lair in Aliens. Lingering unnoticed in the shadows are odd insectoid monsters. One rather hungry such monster-denizen in a hole has fleshy assault tentacles like the antlion-beast from the later, more serious release Enemy Mine. Someone fire the psychic!
If the movie isn’t making sense yet, what follows will NOT help at all. Sid Haig has these strange, crystal bladed weapons. They animate and attack him. Then he cuts off his arm and it viciously proceeds to go all Evil Dead 2 on him. Wait, that didn’t clarify the plot for you? Well, next, a some carrion worm that was feeding on his severed arm like a maggot suddenly grows into a 30’ long slimy caterpillar-thing which tears the clothes off of a cute space cadet co-ed and, apparently, rapes her! Huh? Naturally, the first crew member to discover her burns her apparently uninjured body before even checking her vitals!
The movie continues to make, somehow, yet less sense as we’re introduced to magic portals, Robert Englund fighting himself, and someone getting ligated to death. This movie ends pointlessly with such a poor attempt at a twist that I imagine the writer was missing part of his brain from a massive motorcycle-accident-induced headwound. It includes an uber-awful zombie action sequence.
This is, nigh doubtlessly, the stupidest horror movie I’ve ever seen. The movie’s not dumb in the sense that it sucks. But stupid in the sense that…well, the writer must have been stupid. Either way, it was really fun to watch and mock, making it a fun bad horror flick. The only thing that made sense out of this movie was that James Cameron (Avatar) did some camera work and Bill Paxton (HBO’s Big Love) decorated the set. Then, they went on to make Aliens. And Grace Zabroski (this movie’s captain) later played Bill Paxton’s mother in Big Love. I guess this movie set turned out to be a breeding ground for networking and future talent. Go figure.
Movies, Films & Flix 