John’s Horror Corner: Plank Face (2016), a truly bizarre, depraved, semi-erotic “hillbilly horror.”
MY CALL: What did I just watch…? No really. WTF? Whatever this is, this is only for the most adventurous of film connoisseur who are comfortable having their moral limits tested. So much depravity, nudity, and unsexy sex. MORE MOVIES LIKE Plank Face: I have no suggestions that match this particular flavor of depravity. However, Antichrist (2009) springs to mind even though it is a much more mature, refined, and competently produced film.
I’d like to preface this review with a disclaimer. This movie always looked cheap and lame to me when it first came out. The trailer, the promo images, the premise; it all felt like something I knew I didn’t care to endure. But only recently I saw this movie featured on a list of “horror movies that were way better than we expected.” So, I figured “why not?” After all, when I finally gave The Hills Run Red (2009) a chance, it really impressed me! So, let’s see what Plank Face has to offer…
When the opening lines of a movie involve a man lobbying his girlfriend for a special request sex act, you can probably bet you’re in for something classy. And not just a little classy… the graphic sex scene makes this feel like a softcore adult film. I’m reminded of Wrong Turn 3 (2009)… but without the fun death scenes. Thankfully, this raunchy tone does not represent the movie overall… sort of. Well, kind of… but not exactly.
Trying to enjoy a camping outing in the woods, Max (Nathan Barrett; iZombie) and Stacey (Ellie Church; Space Babes from Outer Space, Brides of Satan) stumble across some very unsavory types. Subsequently, Max is “rescued” by some primitive woodswomen. Although, this rescue quickly becomes an abduction.
This movie is bizarre. Three generations of Wrong Turn hillbilly women eat scraps of meat from their recently deceased patriarch, hammer nails through Max’s feet (nailing him literally to the floor) while they train and condition him to their ways, force-feed him testicles (YES, testicles… of the now dead previous patriarch), and permanently and painfully affix the namesake plank mask on his face (after goo-ily and forcefully removing the mask that was ATTACHED to the dead patriarch’s face!).
At about this point, I’m expecting something more like Pitchfork (2016). But no… weirder. Just a lot of sex (a lot), and all communication has been reduced to grunts and body language like they were afflicted by that virus from the Planet of the Apes anthology that atrophies vocal cords. These woodswomen truly seem simple-minded… sort of… but not without some shrewdness to them.
Watching these strange woodswomen live their lives, I feel like this film is trying to make a strong statement about finding pleasure in simple life, perhaps submitting to sacrifice worldly desires. Likewise, it seems the point is being made that forcibly stripping someone of their freedom, dignity, and identity (i.e., the disfigurement of the permanently affixed plank mask to one’s presumably now mutilated face), may very well create an animal or monster, forgetting one’s humane past. Whatever the message, it’s muddied in the weak writing, torture and hyper-sexualization. Subsequent sex scenes are a strange mix of animal husbandry and rape. Even if you’re someone who enjoys the occasional sex scene, these are probably not those kinds of sex scenes.
You’re in for a lot of full-frontal nudity, folks. Male and female alike. For real, what am I even watching!?! Everyone spends most of the entire movie naked. Like, completely naked. The wardrobe budget on this project was clearly low. Moreover, this movie is conceptually graphic on all fronts. Graphic sex scenes, graphic murder, sexual assault… there’s even an off-camera buckwheat stabbing. Just plain mean. But more shock comes from the movie’s depravity—nipple biting, crotch punching, breast feeding, tickle torture, and sexual coercion at gun point.
Is this a horror movie…? I guess so. As in, I suppose it’s the closest genre. There is some obvious hack and slash, and some grimy gory cannibalism. Still, the whole thing feels like a primally carnal, sociological fever dream or some twisted non-supernatural fairy tale.
This was such a weird thing to watch. I was more interested in why it was made and what the message is behind it than I was with the content of the actual movie. So this is tough to recommend, and only for the most adventurous of film connoisseur who are comfortable having their moral limits tested. At that very task, I suppose director and co-writer Scott Schirmer (Harvest Lake, Found) was successful.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast – Episode 553 – Barbie, Greta Gerwig, and Beach Fights
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Mark and Niall discuss the 2023 comedy blockbuster Barbie. Directed by Greta Gerwig, and starring Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, America Ferrera and a lot of pink, the movie focuses on what happens when Barbie and Ken travel to the real world and learn about horses (there’s a lot more to it…). In this episode, they also talk about bespoke songs, beach fights, and the excellence of Greta Gerwig. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast, make sure to send in some random listener questions (we love random questions). We thank you for listening, and hope you enjoy the episode!
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John’s Horror Corner: WitchTrap (1989), a haunted house movie that isn’t really a “witch movie” you could probably skip.
MY CALL: Another passable yet forgettable installment in 80s horror. MORE MOVIES LIKE WitchTrap: I’d stick with Night of the Demons (1988) and Witchboard (1986).
We open with some extra hokey haunting shenanigans with wild camera work. I’m not saying that means this movie can’t be good. But we’re off to a questionable start…
Hired by an heir to the valuable but haunted “Lauter house” estate of his uncle Avery Lauter (J.P. Luebsen; Witchboard)—which is now nicknamed the Slaughterhouse after a recent and unexplainable death—parapsychologist Dr. Agnes Goldberg (Judy Tatum; Witchboard) recruits physical medium Whitney (Kathleen Bailey; Night Visitor), mental medium Felix, and video technician Ginger (Linnea Quigley; Silent Night Deadly Night part 2, The Return of the Living Dead, Night of the Demons, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4, Creepozoids) to investigate and exorcise the Slaughterhouse ghost.
Evidently, Avery Lauter was an alleged warlock of great power, who just may have removed his own heart, which was never found after his death. This movie has loads of long-winded exposition to make sure all viewers understand every little thing ad nauseum. It’s a bit of a struggle and unnecessary—but perhaps superior to the alternative of an ill-explained plot and then having a bunch of unrelated things seemingly happen for no reason (e.g., Ghosthouse). Still, much of this dialogue is just plain painful. There are some excruciating line readings… almost like the actor just had one take and read as if they thought the sentence was going to continue. Enhancing the cheapness, there’s a creepy, horndog, homicidal groundskeeper (Hal Havins; Night of the Demons, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama) who serves no real purpose in the movie.
So our paranormal team arrive at the house, set up recording equipment, get comfortable, and start dying. Let’s assess the death scenes. The showerhead death scene is super brief, but remains oddly satisfying. The “ghost bullet” and ax to the head death scenes were likewise quick but passable. There’s also a lame but gooey wax-melting death. But there’s nothing special about the death scenes of effects. Each medium has bouts of spasms as Avery’s ghost attempts to manifest through them. And when Avery speaks through the physical medium Felix, we never feel much urgency.
In the end, our hero captures Avery’s spirit essence in a Ghostbusters-ripped off containment unit while they reunited his cursed heart with his remains in the sacrilegious chapel in the attic of the house. Then, just like in Witchboard 1-2, our ghost possesses Whitney, finishes his ritual of immortality, manifests his physical form, and dies with the destruction of the remains of his heart.
This movie is not Kevin Tenney’s (The Cellar, Night of the Demons, Witchboard, Witchboard 2) best work. Not horrible. But also not good. Pretty forgettable, though.
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Mark and Erik discuss the 1988 bartending drama Cocktail. Directed by Roger Donaldson, and starring Tom Cruise, Elisabeth Shue, Bryan Brown and lots of flair bartending, the movie focuses on a guy named Brian who makes cocktails and has big dreams. In this episode, they also talk about flipping bottles, sad endings, and Tom Cruise’s filmography. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast, make sure to send in some random listener questions (we love random questions). We thank you for listening, and hope you enjoy the episode!
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Late Night With the Devil (2023) – Review
Quick Thoughts – Grade – B+ – Directed and edited by Cameron and Colin Cairnes, this low-budget horror film packs a fun punch and features a wonderful lead performance from David Dastmalchian. If you’re a fan of single location horror films that feature a fun spin on possession horror, I totally recommend this movie.
I love IFC horror films. Between Skinamarink, Hatching, Come True, The Vigil, Relic, The Devil’s Candy, The Autopsy of Jane Doe, The Babadook, Berberian Sound Studio, Antichrist, The Human Centipede and Kill List, IFC has found a way to unleash interesting and innovative horror films on the masses. One of the best things about Late Night With the Devil is how it gives horror hound David Mastmalchian a chance to headline a film in a genre he loves. Dastmalchian describes himself as “a monster kid, a horror nerd deep in my dark and twisted little heart,” and it’s an article he wrote for Fangoria about horror hosts that got him the Late Night With the Devil gig. He’s been great in Prisoners, The Last Voyage of the Demeter, The Boogeyman, The Belko Experiment and Bird Box, but seeing him play a struggling late night host looking to boost his ratings with supernatural hijinks is a delight.
What’s great about Late Night With the Devil is how straight-forward the story is. There are some twists and turns that take place over the fateful night, but by keeping things simple inside the television studio set, the Cairnes brothers allow the actors to shine in their roles. Without spoiling anything, the movie revolves around a desperate late-night talk show host named Jack Delroy (Dastmalchian), who hosts Night Owls with Jack Delroy – a popular show that lives in the shadow of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Jack has been recently widowed, and after a short hiatus, he returns for his sixth season with more controversial topics in an attempt to gain some viewers. Jack is obviously broken and shattered from the loss of his wife, and in his attempt to regain his lost magic he makes several bad decisions that lead to a night of supernatural mayhem. The movie focuses on the taping of a Halloween-themed episode that involves a parapsychologist named Dr. June Ross-Mitchell (Laura Gordon) and her patient Lilly (Ingrid Torrelli), who survived the mass suicide of a religious cult and is most certainly possessed by some form of evil entity. Joining them are a magic skeptic named Carmichael the Conjurer (Ian Bliss) who questions Dr. June’s tactics, and is hell bent on proving that Lilly’s possession is a hoax. What follows is a trip towards inevitable destruction that is equal parts fun, scary and inventive.
With a current box office haul of $6.5 million (which is huge for IFC), and a bit of AI controversy, the movie has gotten a lot of press and it’s nice seeing the tiny-budgeted horror movie make waves internationally. You can tell that Cameron and Colin love horror movies (and their interviews prove this) and this low-budget homage to the cinema of the 1970s is absolutely worth a watch and the 7.5 IMDb and 97% Tomatometer scores reflect the quality of the movie.
Final thoughts – Watch it now!
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John’s Horror Corner: The Cellar (1988), the classic story of young boy versus the monster in the basement.
MY CALL: For 75 minutes this movie tries to cultivate a rich story and meaningful characters while slogging you through an occasional monster claw and general boredom. The last 10 minutes, however, is a blast of creature effects and silly nonsense. So this is probably a recommendation more for the “bad movie” fans than it is to the general 80s horror crew. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Cellar: I’d actually recommend Under the Bed (2012). It’s more what you hoped for when imagining a kid versus the monster in the basement or closet, etc, but with solid horror effects and no cutesy crap. For more cellar horror, consider Cellar Dweller (1988) and The Cellar (2022). For more horror with Native American themes, try Wolfen (1981), Scalps (1983), Poltergeist II (1986), Creepshow 2 (1987) or The Manitou (1978).
A solemn narration about Indian curses and consequences of the white man’s broken promises warns of a cursed tunnel in director Kevin Tenney’s (Arrival II, Night of the Demons, Witchboard, Witchboard 2) tale of a boy versus the monster in his basement–a Native American monster created to eat all the promise-breaking white men.
Mance (Patrick Kilpatrick; The Toxic Avenger, Class of 1999, Scanner Cop II, The Granny) and Emily (Suzanne Savoy; I Come in Peace) move out to a rural Texas desert town for work. The local drunk TC (Ford Rainey; Halloween II) sells his old, cursed house to them—and, given the dialogue, we are to assume it is where the aforementioned “cursed tunnel” lies. The Comanche chief disapproves of the couple occupying the home. Yet TC naively believes the chief can keep them safe. But we didn’t sit down to watch a movie about a couple safely living in a cursed house, did we?
Several scenes feature Native Americans in the background performing rituals, likely to keep the evil spirit at bay. This usually seems linked to thick green goop bubbling up from the ground (liquid evil?), which may be further linked to the cursed tunnel and a sign of how the cursed evil presence has defiled some of the local land.
Investigating the basement for animals going bump in the night and waking up his boy Willy (Chris Miller), Mance finds a slimy, flooded, sewer-like tunnel. Once he learns from the chief about the monster living beneath them that was created by a medicine man to kill all the white men… well, he’s naturally a bit skeptical. But not Willy!
Willy sets a bear trap and catches the giant rat creature. Later he confronts the beast with fire. These horror kids are brave! Both times we see just enough of the monster to not feel cheated. But still too little to be truly satisfying. Maybe if the camera lingered juuust a bit longer we’d notice too many flaws.
The creature effects start slow, with a rubber monster arm grabbing at a boy from a muddy sinkhole, dragging him to his death and it’s so laughably boring it’s. A “crow attack” leads to an incredibly dull car crash death. The coolest visual might be a chewed-off monster claw in a bear trap or seeing the muppet-headed monster rat’s jaw “fall” open. But I promise, it gets better, even if very late. Finally in the last 10 minutes we really get a good look at this monster and it looks pretty cool. So where was this for the first 75 minutes of the movie? The monster is a guy in a rubber suit, it slowly crawls toward its victims, and it is gnarly! The monster attacks and action are incredibly clumsy. But seeing the kid stab a clearly hollow and collapsing rubber monster head with a spear made up for some of the otherwise crappy monster attack with a good giggle.
Rather boring until the passably entertaining final 10 minutes, this movie is not good. It’s not really ‘so bad it’s good’ either—but opinions may differ on that. But I didn’t mind it. Having entered this with very low expectations, I found it a bit enjoyable. I’m definitely not recommending it to anyone. Still, this movie tries so hard to give us a substantial story with somewhat meaningful characters. The budget, however, rather unforgivingly did not permit enough actual horror or entertainment. Or so, that’s my take on it.
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Buried Alive (1989), loosely adapted from an Edgar Allan Poe story, this is a “higher quality” bad movie.
MY CALL: Very, very loosely based on Poe’s “The Premature Burial,” this is among the finer curated Bad Movie Tuesday selections. It’s not slapstick nor deliberately stupid, there are no cheap rubber guts to be found, it’s only moderately campy, and some of the acting is proficient enough. But the writing and ridiculous story points concoct a most engaging lunacy that I particularly enjoyed much more than expected. MORE MOVIES LIKE Buried Alive: If you’re looking for more movies adapted from Edgar Allan Poe’s work, consider The Fall of the House of Usher (2023), Two Evil Eyes (1990), The Black Cat (1989; aka, Il gatto nero, Demons 6), The Black Cat (1981; Gatto nero), Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990), The Pit and the Pendulum (1991) and The Haunting of Morella (1990).
This movie is pretty ludicrous from the start. A teenage girl runs away from the Ravenscroft juvenile delinquent boarding school only to be intercepted by a masked man, who apparently somehow expected exactly when AND exactly where this girl would be (and on exactly which night she’d run away), who drops her down a trap door near the interstate that leads to his lair. So, the route she chose to run away just happened to be right where this trap-doored underground lair was? What if she ran literally any different direction, or even ran at a slightly different angle from the facility? Oh, well… our masked assailant then beats the girl, sedates her, puts her in a straight jacket, and lays brick to wall her off in the dark chamber of her death.
Presumably crediting (or falsely crediting) Edgar Allan Poe as a ploy to attract interest in his movie, adult film director Gérard Kikoïne introduces us to the girls of Ravenscroft like it was a women’s penitentiary movie. The girls are all hard delinquents who spit swears and threats to one another with every available breath. Among the students are Debbie (Ginger Lynn; Murdercise, New York Ninja, 31, The Devil’s Rejects) and Fingers (Nia Long; 47 Meters Down: Uncaged, Stigmata), and even a boyfriend (William Butler; Ghoulies II, Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood, Spellcaster, Texas Chainsaw Massacre III).
Starting her first day as a science teacher, Janet (Playboy Playmate Karen Witter/Lorre; Popcorn, The Vineyard) is introduced to the school by the headmaster Gary (Robert Vaughn; CHUD II, Zombie 5), who is clearly attracted to Janet in a weirdly obvious and inappropriate way. The weirdly eccentric Dr. Schaeffer (Donald Pleasence; Death Line, Prince of Darkness, Phenomena, Halloween 1-2/4-6) is also among the faculty, and this character feels like he’s from a completely different, much more zany movie. At times I half expect him to become wildly inappropriate with Janet, but that perverted flower never comes to blossom. Even the local Sheriff (Arnold Vosloo; The Mummy Returns, Odd Thomas) is sweet on Janet.
The recurring ominous presence of a black cat and the brick wall interment of victims harken Poe’s thematic influence. Janet’s visions of a pulsating brick wall provide a Telltale Heart-like sentiment. As girls disappear, Janet develops suspicions as well as more psychic visions prophetic of the girls’ fate. These visions include grabby hands from holes (and toilets), a lot of ants (for some reason), brick walls and a desperate old man (John Carradine; Evils of the Night, The Nesting, The Howling, The Sentinel).
A wonderfully gory mishap with a kitchen appliance fully de-scalps one of our delinquent co-eds. This was the scene that coaxed me to watch this movie! The scene is short, but sweet—and deliciously graphic as it yanks her flesh in one big slimy chonk from her skull! There’s also a trough head impalement and some gruesome ant-eaten corpses. But overall, this is not exactly a bloody gorefest.
While not especially eventful, this movie was surprisingly engaging. I was immersed in the bad dialogue, the weird quirky characters, the catty teen drama and shenanigans, and this weird delinquent boarding school built atop a labyrinthine subterranean mental asylum, which we learn once contained one of the main characters. The story is told with a straight face, yet it is all conceptually bonkers. At one point, Gary proposes to Janet with a ring without ever having a kiss or a date or anything. And no, you wouldn’t think some scenes got it. It just force marches its insanity right at you at a steady pace.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast – Episode 551: Red Scorpion, Dolph Lundgren and 1980’s Action Movies
You can download or stream the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean, or Spreaker (or wherever you listen to podcasts…..we’re almost everywhere).
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome.
Mark and John discuss 1988 action film Red Scorpion. Directed by Joseph Zito, and starring Dolph Lundgren, Al White, M. Emmet Walsh, and some short shorts, the movie focuses on what happens when a disgraced Russian soldier starts blowing up everything in sight. In this episode, they also talk about grenade logistics, bar fights, and terrible productions. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast, make sure to send in some random listener questions (we love random questions). We thank you for listening, and hope you enjoy the episode!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean, or Spreaker.
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John’s Horror Corner: Die’ced (2023), a moderately bloody, very mean, underfinanced Scarecrowification of Art the Clown.
MY CALL: This is an ultra-low budget, poor man’s Terrifier (2016). MORE MOVIES LIKE Die’ced: Well, obviously Terrifier (2016) and Terrifier 2 (2022). They’re both superior at what Die’ced aims to be.
Once I heard the buzz that writer and director Jeremy Rudd (The Dark Side) had created a movie much in the same vain as Terrifier (2016) and Terrifier 2 (2022), the movie had my attention and I knew I needed to see it, low budget or not. Some of us are gorehounds for the simple love of blood and guts cast across the screen. Some seek the curious thrills of the meaner and more boundary-pushing films that are emotionally and/or viscerally hard to watch. Still, others of us find an internalized, personal trauma-processing benefit from these types of films, like a form of therapy. I am all three. And if you feel you are none of the above, then I suggest you steer clear of this movie as well as anything to which it has been compared.
Halloween eve 1987, high schooler Cassandra (Eden Campbell; The Mortuary Collection, They Reach, Fear Street Part 2: 1978) is getting ready for a Halloween house party. Naturally, her friends and loved ones will feed the body count.
After his accidental discharge, a patient with dissociative identity disorder and a penchant for murder is set free upon the world. And despite his very adult skill set for murder, Benjamin (Jason Brooks; The Barn Part II) perceives himself as a child… a characteristic the movie goes out of its way to explain (creating some anticipation), but that we disappointingly never see realized on screen at all. Now Rudd readily acknowledges his inspiration from Art the Clown, and we see this in Benjamin’s inhumanly exaggerated features, not to mention that he, like Art, is a playfully homicidal mute and even has a few scenes that mirror Art’s.
Obviously, I wish this film had more money for its violence and gore. But the real noticeable flaw here was the writing. In some actors’ cases, the line delivery was as clunky as the written dialogue itself. Another minor issue was the clumsiness and filming, framing and angles of the physical altercations. Rudd has the kind of vision I like, but needs to hone his skills if others are to share his vision on the screen.
There’s plenty of blood, that’s for sure. There’s a sloppy, sticky, multi-choppy limb amputation, a woman is hammered to the floor, hands are severed, and the best gag was the eye-gauging skull split! A guy’s head is torn down the middle, bare-brained and all. Still, comparisons to Terrifier (2016) are only in “bullet point” form and never in the execution of these scenes. But again… budget is a factor. Not the only factor. But a significant factor, nonetheless.
I’d say much of the execution, gore, stunts and staging fall well below the quality of Terrifier (2016). But also general filmmaking experience was wanting. I imagine Rudd was a man of perhaps too many hats on this film. Or maybe many people handling many tasks (e.g., general photography) are still more green in the industry. I also don’t know if there was anyone handling stunts. It didn’t look to be the case anyway (I think the actors did everything). Truth be told, too much happens off-screen, out of view, or in obscured view. And sure, for the nth time, the money wasn’t there to better realize this on-screen.
This movie is just too ultra-low budget for me to enjoy. The graphic, gore-pleasing scenes were too few and far between. But truly, I still appreciate what Rudd is aiming for here and I’d like to see what he can do with a more workable budget. Whatever Rudd does next, I’m there. So frankly, if this was a job interview, then Rudd, you have my attention…
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast – Episode 550: Backdraft (1991), Kurt Russell and Ron Howard
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Mark and John Leavengood (@MFFhorrorcorner on X) discuss the 1991 action drama Backdraft. Directed by Ron Howard, and starring Kurt Russell, Robert De Niro, William Baldwin and some angry fire, the movie jams about eight plotlines into a single movie and still works really well. In this episode, they also talk about Kurt Russell’s hair, Ron Howard’s filmography, and rewatchable movies. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast, make sure to send in some random listener questions (we love random questions). We thank you for listening, and hope you enjoy the episode!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean, or Spreaker.
Movies, Films & Flix 