Skip to content
Advertisements

The 1995 Jerk Squad: A collection of step brothers, musicians and fashionable males.

March 28, 2015

Hello all. Mark here.

The cinematic world needs jerks. Jerks move films forward and allow the heroes to save the day. Without jerks we’d be stuck with boring films full of nothing (not true). When a jerk is done right they become canonized and are cherished and disliked for decades.

biff

Biff!

We’ve already had a 1995 heist crew post so I decided to write about the jerks of 1995.  Think of them as the Ocean’s 11 of jerkiness. They are the supporting characters who are a pain in the ass and more often than not cause annoyance or slight discomfort. If you want a great example of a jerk look no further than the picture below.

Chet

Chet from Weird Science is a Jerk to the extreme

Without further ado here are the jerks of 1995!

Sidenote: I’ve left out the guys from the Jerky Boys movie because it seemed to easy.

 

Shannon – Mallrats

Shannon is the true elitist of the mall. He works at a fashionable store and has no problem intimidating the comic book nerds. He loves hooking up with women in uncomfortable spots (not a Volkswagen) and gets his comeuppance because he sleeps with a 16-year-old. Kevin Smith sums up Affleck’s early career in the Mallrats commentary when he said:

“You were just a guy who would beat ass all of the time.”

mallrats

 

Roach – Demon Night

Roach basically kills everybody then gets himself killed. In a classic jerk move he wipes up the evil blocking goo and dooms the rest of the survivors.  Most horror films need a jerk like this to move along the plot and give the audience something to cheer for when they meet a bloody death. People cheered when Mr. Roach was torn apart.

roach

 

Deebo- Friday

Deebo bullies, threatens and eventually loses his consciousness via a brick. He is the classic jerk who uses his size to bully the populace and throws upper cuts so devastating they knock people into the stratosphere.

Friday

 

Eric Gordon – Billy Madison

Eric is a big time turd who attempts  to blackmail, cheat and threaten his way into running a massive company. Classic jerk move! He also has this dialogue exchange in which he manages to be jerky, condescending, and more jerky.

Carl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.

Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.

Carl: I’m sorry.

Eric: Well  “sorry” doesn’t put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Carl?

.

.

Rex Manning – Empire Records

Rex Manning is the worst. The employees of Empire Records were stoked to have him in the store signing autographs. They dubbed the special occasion “Rex Manning Day” and had a really nice set up for him.

 

rex manning

 

He arrived at the store in jerk mode and proceeded to hurt feelings and wreck expectations. The thing that elevates his jerkiness is he had a hit song called “Say No More Mon Amour!” That is the jerkiest song ever.

 

rexm

 

Rick Sanford – Angus

Before James Van Der Beek was crying at the Creek he was harassing an overweight kid.

 

cry

 

Rick Sanford was a gawky kids nightmare in Angus. Rick was popular, athletic and really jerky. If you got on his radar you were in for a lot of hurt. However, the ENTIRE school rebelled against him and the jerk got his comeuppance.

angus

 Being a jerk at prom. Classic jerk move.

 

Paul – Tommy Boy

Rob Lowe was awesome in Tommy Boy. He played a total jerk who accused people of eating paint chips and had no problem smacking little kids in the face. Between Wayne’s World and Tommy Boy it is hard to imagine Rob Lowe was so nice in Parks & Recreation.

rob lowe

 

Amber – Clueless

Whatever! Amber is the most spoiled person in a movie full of spoiled people. Amber is always in competition with Cher and she sets herself up for some mighty zingers. She might be misunderstood but I just think she is a jerk.

what

 

Lolita – Welcome to the Dollhouse

Lolita is a monster who intimidates via blank stares and terrible words. She harasses the main dorky character and cements her status as a jerk in this moment.

Dawn Weiner: Why do you hate me?

Lolita: Because you’re ugly.

 .

.

Tony Perkis – Heavyweights

Attention campers. Lunch has been cancelled due to lack of hustle. Deal with it.

How do you help overweight kids lose weight? You act like a massive jerk and force them to take over the camp so they can sad eat. Tony Perkis was a perfect trial run for Stiller’s jerky Dodgeball character White Goodman.

heavyweights

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: