Iron Sky (2012), the over-the-top Sci-Fi space-Nazi movie that will put a silly grin on your face.
MY CALL: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004) and Star Wars (1977) plus a dash of Sucker Punch (2011) form this genre-crossing mash-up of space Nazis invading the Earth. This may sound like a dumb B-movie, but it’s more like a B+ movie… on steroids.. Trust me, it’s fun.
MORE MOVIES with NAZI VILLAINS: Dead Snow (2009), Dead Snow 2: Red vs Dead (2014), Overlord (2018), Hellboy (2004), Inglorious Bastards (2009), Green Room (2015), Yoga Hosers (2016), Manborg (2011), Zombie Lake (1981), Oasis of the Zombies (1982), The Keep (1983), Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Frankenstein’s Army (2013), Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge (1991), Puppet Master: The Legacy (2003), Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (2010), Puppet Master X: Axis Rising (2012) and Puppet Master: Axis Termination (2017).
In this zany straight-to-DVD movie important questions are answered like “If we elect Sarah Palin into office will God smite us with space Nazis?” and “Can thousands of Nazis find sufficient resources on the moon to survive for 73 years?” This film also confirms conspiracy theorists’ notions that a cadre of Nazis did, in fact, escape to the moon in 1945, brought a tremendous amount of machinery to mine elemental resources, built space artillery and warships with room-sized computers that rival the 1970s in order to propagate an army to return to Earth and reclaim the world in the name of the Fuhrer.
Well, that’s evidently exactly what Nazis did in this story. They fled, somehow completely unnoticed, to the dark side of the moon where they developed weapons of mass destruction. But things get interesting when a lost—yes, “lost” on the moon—American astronaut James Washington (Christopher Kirby; Daybreakers, Predestination, The Matrix: Reloaded & Revolutions) is captured in the year 2018. He’s black, which really perturbs the Nazis.
But they get over it when they discover that his cell phone evidently has 1000-times the computing power of all the Nazis’ computers combined. The real catch here, and the writers obviously saw how farcical this was, is that the Nazi “Death Star” wasn’t able to fly until they hooked up their ship’s computer main frame to a SmartPhone—which naturally he had on him… during a space mission… while moonwalking! You know, in case he wants to post a selfie in front of the Earth to Facebook.
So now the Nazis initiate a mission to send their spies to Earth to gather the additional SmartPhones they’ll need to launch a full assault on Earth. Renate (Julia Dietze) is a school teacher molding young space-Nazi minds and the resident expert on all things American and Earthling. She joins her future husband and Fuhrer-to-be Klaus Adler (Götz Otto; Cloud Atlas) on a mission to Earth with the now-Nazified-made-Caucasian Washington who will take them to his leader: President Palin. This is somewhat offensive, very funny and incredibly stupid. But hold on, it’s actually surprisingly well-acted! And, despite the nature of the content, it’s well-written and generally composed on-screen as well!
The physical action is a bit hokey-clumsy and the CGI, which accounts for almost all unearthly sets, spaceships and backgrounds, may be well-shy of theatrical quality but remains quite impressive for direct-to-DVD—it’s more than good-enough and I enjoyed it a lot. I loved the Nazi Moonbase, by the way. So cool!
Director Timo Vuorensola has developed a zany idea into something so much more than its silly premise. Plus we have cult horror icon Udo Kier (Mother of Tears, Halloween, Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich) as the Moon Fuhrer.
The lunacy continues to mount as the American President teams up with the Nazis, promotes her leather corseted and cleavage-baring PR girl (Peta Sergeant; The Originals) to space warship commander on a whim, someone gets killed with a high heel, spaceships are modeled after Zeppelins, and Renate actually Zeig Heils someone to death.
If you’re the kind of person who giggles at the idea of a movie about space Nazis attacking present-day Earth, then this movie is clearly for you.
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The MFF podcast is back, and this week we’re talking about the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic Total Recall. Released in 1990, the Paul Verhoeven directed movie was surprisingly smart, insanely violent and loaded with some brilliant Schwarzenegger one-liners (See you at the party, Richter!). In this episode, you will hear us talk about Keith David (he isn’t in the movie… but, he is the best), cereal on Mars, practical effects, and reliable henchmen. If you are a fan of Total Recall, you will love this episode.
Gross.
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Blood Beat (1983), a boring Samurai possession B-movie in Wisconsin with a bunch of psychic malarkey.
MY CALL: This movie is terrible! I think a film student had a Samurai costume and erected a terrible film round it. MORE MOVIES LIKE Blood Beat: Maybe Ninja III: The Domination (1984). That’s all I’ve got.
When Ted brings his girlfriend home for Christmas, his mother insists that she somehow (cosmically) knows her. Likewise, Sarah feels strangely in the house with her, as if she’s always watching her. After Sarah discovers a chest in the guest bedroom containing samurai armor and a katana sword, weird stuff starts to happen.
What genre is this thing? I’m not playing around. Here is the actual IMDB synopsis: “A woman who lives in deer-hunting country in rural Wisconsin is possessed by the spirit of a Japanese samurai warrior.” This sounds strangely similar to Ninja III: The Domination (1984). But this isn’t really accurate. I’d say a spectral samurai shares a psychic link to a teenage girl who experiences sexual euphoria when the Japanese ghost kills, and for some reason the girl’s boyfriend’s mother also shares a psychic connection to the girl. Very sensible plot.
Writer and director Fabrice A. Zaphiratos simultaneously debuts and ends his filmmaking career along with his cast of largely one-film actors. But, despite the very B-movie nature of this release, the writing is indicative of a genuine desire for the audience to know and understand the characters. It may not be “good” writing, but some effort is there at least.
That said, everything else about this film might just be as bad as you’d expect. Most kills occur entirely off-screen, generally sluggish pacing, naturally there’s some gratuitous nudity, the dumbest erotic night terrors I’ve seen, videogame laser special effects, a horribly glowing rotoscoped Samurai, and a lot of psychic crap that added nothing to the movie… except for giggles.
I giggled a lot at the stupidity of it all.
The best scene in the movie (which still sucks) involves the contents of a kitchen pantry nearly beating a man to death. Of all things, I think a cardboard container of Quaker Oats nearly killed the guy. This ghost samurai needs to improve on his magic. It’s truly terrible.
As for recommendations, those of you who might enjoy something like this… you know who you are. 😉
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John’s Horror Corner: Hagazussa (2017), a gorgeously shot German folk horror and a REALLY odd witch movie.
MY CALL: Not sure how to describe this one… the film isn’t pretentious, but pretentious cinephiles are gonna’ love it. More arthouse than horror, more style than substance, and more gorgeous photography than dialogue. MOVIES LIKE Hagazussa: For more recent folk horror try The Golem (2018), Apostle (2018; podcast discussion), The Ritual (2017; podcast discussion), The Witch (2016; podcast discussion), The Shrine (2010), The Village (2004), or Salem (2014-2017).
Writer and director Lukas Feigelfeld—in his first feature length horror—brings stark white beauty to the screen with shots of wintery wilderness. The dark trees silhouetted in contrast to the barren snow are illustrative of hardship. But scenes of snow-covered cabins and sunset mountains maintain a soft beauty behind the powerfully fearful superstition of the locals in 15th century Europe.
After tending her mother through illness and death as a preteen, Albrun (Aleksandra Cwen) now has a baby of her own as she continues to live in the secluded cabin of her youth, just out of reach of the local townsfolk and the priesthood. The peasantry fancy her a witch, and she endures their enmity.
Before watching a film like this, it’s important to know what you’re getting into in terms of tone. Very much like The Witch (2016), this film is heavily atmospheric and slow-paced. There is nothing in the way of action, scares or special effects. It’s truly a visual spectacle and I find it deeply intriguing. But anyone seeking the next Deathgasm (2015) will be sorely disappointed.
In terms of how I felt watching this, if The Witch (2016) and a brutality-stricken Antichrist (2009) had a baby, this would be that film… only with even less dialogue and exposition.
Tonally, this film is such a curiosity—from the well-meaning local priest and the unusual dynamic between Albrun and her dying mother, to a sensual scene involving a goat and some perhaps drugs-induced mania. Was her mother a witch, bewitched herself, or simply superstitious and increasingly delusional with plague? Adding to its mystery is the general paucity of dialogue.
Overall, I find great difficulty recommending this film. It’s not fun or gory or exciting… but it’s clearly inspired and gorgeous and rich. I think films students and aficionados will notice and appreciate much more in this than most viewers.
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The MFF podcast is back for the 200th time! In honor of our 200th episode we’re talking about Soldier, the 1998 Blade Runner-sidequel directed by Paul W.S. Anderson (listen to our Resident Evil podcast episodes now), that featured Kurt Russell beating many people up. What we love about Soldier is how it tells the story of an outdated soldier defeating upgraded soldiers — who don’t realize they are fighting Kurt Russell. In this episode, you will hear us talk about homemade scarves, broken ankles and chain fights. If you are a fan of Soldier, you will love this episode.
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
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John’s Horror Corner: Splinter (2008), delivering twitchy plant zombies and outstandingly gory practical creature effects.
MY CALL: Brutal, gory, well-paced and well-acted, this practical effects-driven monster movie was an absolute pleasure! MORE MOVIES LIKE Splinter: The style of the gore reminds me strongly of Cabin Fever (2002, 2016). For more killer plant movies, try Seed People (1992), The Happening (2008), The Ruins (2008), The Girl with All the Gifts (2016), and for something really bad go for The Crawlers (1993). And for a great twitchy zombie film, you want Train to Busan (2016)!!
Hoping to enjoy a romantic anniversary camping trip together, Polly (Jill Wagner; Blade: The Series, Teen Wolf) and her biologist boyfriend Seth (Paulo Costanzo; The Expanse) are carjacked by on-the-run criminals Dennis (Shea Whigham; Death Note) and Lacey (Rachel Kerbs). In transit a roadkill event causes a flat tire, and a curious splinter sets an interesting tone as they find themselves stranded at a remote gas station.
If you’re gonna’ make a not-so-big budget one-set horror movie, a remote gas station strikes me as a good frugal choice. But how nice is it that gas stations are a classic harbinger check point in so many films? From Wrong Turn (2003) and Tucker and Dale versus Evil (2010) to The Cabin in the Woods (2012), the gas station is usually where victims have the opportunity to heed the harbinger’s warning and avoid the evils ahead. Yet here, it is upon arrival that they are doomed… because the harbinger was already a victim!
Our monster is a botanical parasite that metastasizes in the blood stream to induce twitchy zombiism. The first victim is the gas station attendant (Charles Baker; The Neon Demon), who thrashes and contorts his mangled limbs, a marionetted host to the splinter monster.
Early encounters with the monster are deliciously macabre as a freshly flattened roadkill slug-crawls towards an intended victim. We see the infectious splinters probe about like the prongs of a sea urchin. It’s REALLY cool. Infected zombie-like animated bodies flailing undexterous limbs, and disembodied hands twitch like something out of Bride of Re-Animator (1989). Everything looks great and, given the premise, the delivery is shockingly credible.
Despite the often choppy editing—most likely to disguise any flaws in the practical monster suit—this remained goretastically effective, engaging and exciting. These special effects are nothing to scoff at… actually, I was quite impressed. The blood work is excellent—and the blood splattering is kinda’ chunky! The animated bodies are disturbing, the stop-motion severed hands are a joy, and the brutal limb breaks will catch you off-guard.
When we see the “final monster” it’s only for a second at a time; we see it often, but only in these glimpses. It’s a macabre amalgam of randomly attached bodies/parts similar to the new The Thing (2011), the end of Terrified (2017),the final queen roach monster in The Nest (1988) or Zygote (2017).
When films put all their eggs in the monster basket, we tend not to expect much overall. Perhaps a few obscure creature sightings and a gory death scene in the first hour, followed by a hopefully redeeming monster-rich finale—all surrounded by weak writing and acting. Director Toby Wilkins (The Grudge 3) delivers a very respectable film. His characters are well-written and performed affably yet credibly. I don’t think I have a single negative criticism of this film! I just… loved it!
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John’s Horror Corner: Lake Mungo (2008), an Australian documentary-style “ghost” film exploring guilt and loss.
MY CALL: Not to be confused with found footage, this documentary-style horror film is completely objective and circumvents the jumpy, silly and annoying tropes of the genre. This would best be described as interesting and spooky, and easy viewing even for those who would otherwise dislike horror movies. MORE MOVIES LIKE Lake Mungo: Not that it’s similar in nature (but more in tone and style), fans of this film should look into Searching (2018). For more mockumentary-esque or documentary-gone-wrong horror I’d strongly recommend The Last Exorcism (2010), Grave Encounters (2011), Grave Encounters 2 (2012), The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014), Demonic (2015), Ghost Stories (2017) and Butterfly Kisses (2018). For more Australian horror movies, try Razorback (1984), Wolf Creek (2005), The Howling III: Marsupials (1987), Dark Age (1987), Rogue (2007), Black Water (2007), Wyrmwood (2014), Charlie’s Farm (2014), Cargo (2017) and Boar (2017).
It’s rather common to find documentary films being made by the main characters “within” found footage horror films. Such docu-style horror tends to present (found) footage of the process by which the filmmakers produce their documentary (such as B-reel, outtakes, or “the making of” segments), in addition to the common components typical of the documentary itself. In doing so, we generally get to know the filmmakers in the introductory footage before their investigations are deep underway.
Quite to the contrary, this docu-style film is not a found footage film at all. In fact, it feels like an actual documentary you could watch on your TruTV or Crime-themed cable channel. The film quality varies from TV news clips to witness interviews/testimonials or reenactments like an episode of Unsolved Mysteries (1987-2010). To that end, it also feels more like a mystery/thriller than it does horror, despite the citation of probably supernatural events during explorations in their own grief. But rather than jettisoning all attention down a rabbit hole of suspicion over a ghostly image or such, this documentary remains 100% straight-faced and objective.
After the tragic loss of their daughter Alice, the grieving Palmer family begins to experience unusual events around the house. More subtle things like sounds from Alice’s room, nightmares and artefacts in photographs, develop into greater oddities such as inexplicable bruising and visions of their deceased daughter in the house. Their observations even lead them doubt their daughter’s death months after identifying the body themselves!
The family eventually turns to a psychic, performing a séance, and subsequent investigations that all begin to reveal more about their dear departed Alice than they ever knew… or cared to know.
The discovery of Alice’s drowned body is accompanied by some mildly disturbing The Ring–esque imagery. But there is little horrific or disturbing content in this film. Instead it relies on excellent intrigue, writing, style and mystery as its driving force. Writer and director Joel Anderson (his only feature film) leads us down an untrodden path in which the “horror” takes the backseat in its own genre, but not necessarily to its own detriment. However, viewers should know what they’re getting into—something of a slower pace, yet boasting excellent pacing in terms of cultivating intrigue.
This would best be described as interesting and spooky, and easy viewing even for those who would otherwise dislike horror movies.
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MY CALL: If someone used a more serious Freddy Krueger to ambitiously reimagine Gaston Leroux’s classic… and it’s actually pretty decent. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Phantom of the Opera: Easily A Cure for Wellness (1994) is the closest match, and packing the budget to support its grandiose vision.
Far before her Saturday Night Live days and in her first role ever we find Molly Shannon (Lawnmower Man II, Scary Movie 4), who discovers a time-forgotten page of music composed by the serial killer Erik Destler in a book that looks like a cross between the Necronomicon and Hellraiser’s (1987) puzzle box. And just in case the book’s appearance wasn’t warning enough, visions of musical notes on the pages seeping blood foretell misfortune.
A lovely young Julliard singer Christine (Jill Schoelen; Curse II: The Bite, The Stepfather) sings the piece and is transported through time to London (in a similar past life), where she finds herself the fixation of The Phantom (Robert Englund; A Nightmare on Elm Street, Galaxy of Terror, Hatchet II). The Phantom is a horribly disfigured composer introduced to us as he sutures flaps of flesh over his own gaping facial wounds. It’s pretty awesomely gross.
At this point with five NOES films under his belt as Freddy, Englund breathes strong personality into The Phantom, and the make-up department followed suit accordingly. So it comes as no surprise that his reverence for his murders and impassioned charismatic flair smack of familiarity.
The latex and gore work are effective. Skinned victims, rat-eaten flesh-gnawed faces and severed heads are just the basics. But what’ll make you wince is the flesh-suturing and slimy gooey suture removal scenes with sticky skin flaps being peeled off.
Fresh on the set of his second horror film, director Dwight H. Little (Halloween 4) swings for the fences in this semi-contemporary approach to The Phantom of the Opera. Englund is hammed up to fans’ satisfaction and expectations, the special effects are splendid (budget permitting), and with all the operatic music, do I call some scenes in this a pseudo-musical? The music takes no part in the narrative, but it is (in concept) linked to the story. I’d simply call this a film much more stylistic for its era regarding its inclusion/utility of music. This film also seems especially ambitious with respect to the set design (lots of sewers and caverns, theaters and London streets) and the wardrobe. Also, watch out for Bill Nighy (Underworld, Shaun of the Dead).
This film may have been a tad over-the-top at times, but less so than Freddy’s sequels and impressive for my honestly low gorehound expectations. No, this is more seriously approached and produced than I had imagined. I’m maybe a bit impressed. I thought I was wandering into hokey B-movie territory, when really this is more in the B+ zone.
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The MFF podcast is back, and this week we’re talking about the 1993 cult classic So I Married an Axe Murderer. The Mike Myer’s starrring movie underperformed at the box office, but has since built a loyal audience who quote the movie frequently (Heed! Pants! Now!) and love extremely large cappuccinos. In this podcast, you will hear us talk about Froot Loops, Scottish accents and cinematographers who never walk. If you are a fan of So I Married an Axe Murderer, you will love this episode.
I want this cappuccino.
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean, or Spreaker.
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MY CALL: After a worrisome slow start, this developed into the kind of B-movie that I not only enjoy, but that I love. This is the “B+” movie I want to own and add to my well-curated collection of giant killer boar movies. Come for Nathan Jones, stay for the giant animals brutally turning on man and the excellent creature effects. MORE MOVIES LIKE Boar: For more giant killer boar films, try Razorback (1984), Pig Hunt (2008) and, Chaw (2009, aka Chawu). For more Australian horror, try Razorback (1984), Wolf Creek (2005), The Howling III: Marsupials (1987), Dark Age (1987), Rogue (2007), Black Water (2007), Wyrmwood (2014), Charlie’s Farm (2014) and Cargo (2017).
I’ve been waiting to see this for almost two years and, in fact, it was the release of the first teasers of this film that provoked me to revisit Razorback (1984), Pig Hunt (2008) and Chaw (2009) as an amuse-bouche for my recent taste for killer boar cinema.
Bruce (Bill Moseley; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, House of 1000 Corpses, Texas Chainsaw 3-D, The Blob, Smothered), Debbie (Simone Buchanan; Patrick) and family head out to Debbie’s family farm in the Australian countryside where they meet her gentle giant brother Bernie (Nathan Jones; Charlie’s Farm, Troy, Mad Max: Fury Road). Shortly after their family vacation begins, they come to realize they are sharing the outback with a man-eating monster. That’s basically the movie.
Right away this feels like a moderately-budgeted B-movie, and I was more than a bit worried. The early gore gags are grimy and mean (e.g., the razor wire tangle), but certainly could have been more graphic for my taste. But the moment we first see the non-CGI boar’s slobber-soaked gnarly mouth, blood-stained tusks and jagged teeth, I was awash with a sense of comfort that this wasn’t a mistake.
The death scene “action” is sort of simple, but also sort of wild in execution. There’s enough sloshy splish-splashing of blood and, for all its hokiness, it tries really hard and I appreciated that. Rounding out the special effects are mangled flesh-eaten corpses (complete with rended-flesh nudity and torn-off faces) getting plenty of screen time. They look great and boast a diversity of make-ups and horrid injuries. We also see the beast worrying a dead body with its limbs gangling about on more than one occasion and it is delightful.
This tusked beast is covered with open wounds as if it were a zombie and I love the practical creature effects as it goads and roars at its victims. It’s funny how this boar, which looks great by the way, looks just like the giant killer boar from Pig Hunt (2008) because of the massive facial lacerations and the dead white eye.
Director Chris Sun (Charlie’s Farm, Daddy’s Little Girl, Come and Get Me) reached deep into a line-up of Aussie actors for this. Watch out for the feisty old bogan Ken (John Jarratt; Wolf Creek 1-3, Rogue) and his crotchety beer buddy Blue (Roger Ward; Mad Max, Turkey Shoot), Steve Bisley (Mad Max), and Madeleine Kennedy (Charlie’s Farm) as a promiscuous camping victim. Ken is an unsung hero, taking every opportunity to challenge the boar. But Bernie (Nathan Jones)—well, let’s just say that I seldom smile as big as I did when I saw Nathan Jones emphatically singing along to Ice Ice Baby. But, oh, it gets better…
When the snarling giant rabid Hell-Muppet is completely in-frame in non-action shots it’s fully animatronic—which is so cool. When it’s in-frame and getting shot up, it’s ScyFy movie-of-the-week CGI. But it’s awesome anyway. I really don’t care because I like the way it moves, jerks, snaps its jaws and reacts.
As we get deeper into the film, the action progresses. We finally see an on-screen kill. Despite being cheap CGI, it was handled well enough and I joyfully cackled at the violent thrashing of the body. Yes it’s fun and feisty… and it’s stupid. Somehow, in broad daylight and out in the open meadows, a full throttle charging two-ton boar “sneaks” up on several victims as if the ground wouldn’t be pounding under its massive frame and as if no one would notice something the size of a van plowing across the plains at them. This thing teleports like Jason Takes Manhattan (1989).
But once I saw Nathan Jones fighting a boar ten times his already huge size with a knife and his fists—all flaws are given. Even after he was nearly gored to death, he continued to taunt the boar like it was some barfight or Monday Night RAW. I was SCREAMING at the screen rooting for him even when it was clearly futile. I’m pretty sure I love this movie. And it’s great that Nathan Jones got to play a good guy!
After a worrisome slow start, this developed into the kind of B-movie that I not only enjoy, but that I love. This is the “B+” movie I want to own and add to my well-curated collection of giant killer boar movies. Whether you love Nathan Jones or giant animals brutally turning on man, this is probably for you.
Movies, Films & Flix 