John’s Horror Corner: The Final Girls (2015), an excellent horror satire and a clever slasher metamovie.
MY CALL: This film is all about celebrating metamoviedom. Not kills, not gore, not action, but geeky commentary and smart, playful satire. I highly recommend it and would even prescribe it to people who generally don’t like horror movies. MOVIES LIKE The Final Girls: While they’re far more serious (yet satirical), I’d suggest the Scream movies (1996-2011; discussed in our podcast). Those looking for more smart horror comedy should try out Tucker and Dale versus Evil (2010), Cooties (2015), or the extremely silly Love in the Time of Monsters (2014) and Zombeavers (2015; discussed in our podcast).
Director Todd Strauss-Schulson is responsible for this playful metamovie, presenting a “movie within a movie” premise in which the protagonists must follow the classic horror axioms in order to survive the film into which they are magically transported. As a true honorarium to early summer camp horror, the film in question has a poster reminiscent of The Burning (1981) and is called is Camp Blood, which was the original working title for Friday the 13th (1980).
Clearly mirroring Camp Crystal Lake, the film is complete with “ch ch ch ka ka ka” which our protagonists can actually hear as if they were watching the very movie that has entrapped them! They also make interesting use of flashbacks as a metamovie filmmaking device to escape the killer. The flashbacks tell the killer’s origin story and it’s very much akin to that of Jason Vorrhees, including the flashback timeframe (1957) and the “present day” timeframe of Camp Blood (1986). It’s all in good fun and it will light up smiles on fans of 80s horror.
This film knows exactly what it is and it uses that effectively to entertain viewers with nods to things we love about the 80s horror era. Manic power geek Duncan (Thomas Middleditch; Silicon Valley) assumes Jamie Kennedy’s Scream role as the meta-analyst and Camp Blood expert of the group. His knowledge of horror movies and Camp Blood helps them to safely navigate this horror fantasy world and understand the rules—for a while anyway. He makes silly comments about how the characters behave, knowing the lines of the script, and how they should treat their experience like they’re in a nature preserve: “don’t interrupt, only observe.” He is the key character that connects us to the theme.
Max (Taissa Farmiga; American Horror Story) is the typical final girl, a likable sympathetic virgin. Perhaps a namesake in honor of A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), Max’s mother is Nancy (Malin Akerman; Watchmen), a single mother struggling to find work who was a scream queen in the cult classic Camp Blood (fictionally made in 1986). In the real world Nancy died in a car accident, so when we find her character again in Camp Blood, Max has the opportunity to reconnect with her even if it’s under the guise that they are peers working together for the summer. This gets particularly entertaining when Nancy talks about sleeping with Kurt (Adam DeVine; Pitch Perfect), the over-sexed alpha bro.
Kurt brings loads of comic relief and the characters are rounded out with Chris (Alexander Ludwig; Vikings, The Hunger Games), Vicki (Nina Dobrev; The Vampire Diaries) and the stereotypical slut Tina (Angela Trimbur; Halloween II). I was pleased with the acting and story, and even more pleased with the nuances. Most notably the color correction of the forest plants and flowers was starkly in brilliant contrast, as if the protagonists had just been displaced to Oz.
As if their horror microcosm comprised only the scenes and sets of Camp Blood, attempts to escape the camp site loop them right back and it even affects the behavior of the Camp Blood characters. Once the group has a handle on the metamovie rules they discover that one of them has to be the “final girl” and, in fact, their idea of who that should be and why shifts a bit. They also use tropes that lead to death (i.e., implications of nudity) to set a trap for the killer. How that turns out will delight viewers.
There are some very funny death scenes but gore is kept to a minimum and scares are completely absent (in lieu of comedy). One kill even reminds me of the gymnast’s death in Final Destination 5 (2011).
Overall, this film was smartly scripted and a true delight. It should please diehard horror fans and even occasional visitors to the genre.
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The MFF Podcast #32: Street Fighter Casting Call
You can download the pod on Itunes or head over to Blog Talk Radio to stream it. If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
We hope you enjoyed our previous episode: A Scream on Elm Street.
SUMMARY: This week the MFF crew discusses the our dream team cast for a cinematic reboot of Street Fighter (or, more specifically, Street Fighter II).
We also answer such important questions as…
“Why is it so hard to cast Chun Li in Street Fighter?”
“Where does Dolph Lundgren fit in a Street Fighter reboot and future Rocky films?”
Sit back, relax and learn about everything you missed.
If you haven’t seen some of these movies, be comforted that we will geekily inform you as to why you should watch them.
JCVD (Guile from Street Fighter) has a Chinese penny for your thoughts…
So if you get a chance please REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod!
You can listen to the pod on Blog Talk Radio
or head over Itunes so you can download, rate, review and share. Thanks!
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The Last Witch Hunter: Dungeons, Dragons and Diesel
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The Last Witch Hunter ain’t Shakespeare but it is a lot of fun. Anytime a movie creates a new world and features Vin Diesel punching witches I’m sold. I’ve grown tired of watching sequels, remakes and prequels so I’m happy a movie as ridiculous as The Last Witch Hunter was released. I was able to take my brain out and appreciate a world full of plague trees, shadow walkers and gnarly beards.
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The Last Witch Hunter is based on a Dungeons and Dragons character that Vin created during his D&D days. He is a massive gamer and thought it would be cool to make a movie about the character. With the Fast & Furious series making insane amounts of money I guess Vin Diesel was given carte blanche when it came to creating this film. Thus, a script was written and Breck Eisner (The Crazies) was pegged to direct the movie about a suave immortal witch hunter.
Think of The Last Witch Hunter as the anti-Constantine. In Constantine the character was dying and looking to atone for his wrong doings via eradicating evil. In The Last Witch Hunter Kaulder (Diesel) was cursed with immortality and uses his powers to wrangle up trouble making witches. He is basically a mixture of The Highlander, Constantine and Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters. Throw in some James Bond and tailored shirts and you have Kaulder.
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The plot centers around Kaulder preventing his old nemesis the witch queen from rising again. He laid the smack down on her 800 years prior and now he has no urge to battle with the deadly villain again. So, he travels around town with his handler Dolan (Elijah Wood) and deals with various trouble makers in order to get a handle on the strange things that are afoot. His journey leads him to potions, curses, cupcakes, plague flies, hell portals, fizzy drinks, double crosses and a shadow walker named Chloe (Rose Leslie).
My favorite part of the movie was watching Kaulder traveling around doing detective work. I loved how the world unfolded and I definitely caught a strong John Wick world building vibe. A lot of nerd energy went into building this gonzo world and I would have been happy if it would have lead to a simple detective story as opposed to the obligatory CGI battle that doesn’t make a lick of sense. If there is a sequel I hope it becomes more grounded but still fashionable.
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This isn’t a knock on Vin but I’m glad they made his character immortal because he is basically going that route in the Riddick and Fast series. The immortal angle allows Vin to run through skeleton creatures whilst still being relaxed. He is an unstoppable force that is immortal for a pretty good reason. I won’t give it away but when the big moment comes and you learn about his immortality you get it. Vin came up with a good idea and I really we get another installment because I’m down for more witch punching.
I’m not saying The Last Witch Hunter is as good as Constantine or as fun as The Mummy. I’m saying it creates a new world and you can tell Vin loves every second of it. For me as consumer I appreciate new stories and I think Vin’s world is perfect for further stories about witches getting drop kicked.
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John’s Horror Corner: Nothing Left to Fear (2013), a mediocre religious horror story about a small town with a dark secret.
LOADS OF SPOILERS LOADS OF SPOILERS
LOADS OF SPOILERS LOADS OF SPOILERS
LOADS OF SPOILERS LOADS OF SPOILERS
MY CALL: Barf! This religious ritual/possession movie will leave you unsatisfied and annoyed with dozens of unanswered questions. MOVIES LIKE Nothing Left to Fear: I’d suggest that you instead watch The Last Exorcism (2010), Children of the Corn (1984) or The Shrine (2010).
The film starts out in a rather familiar but promising way. A wholesome and outwardly religious family stops to ask for directions to their new home in Stull, Kansas. The father of the family is relocating to serve as the new pastor of the quaint, God-fearing hamlet. Reminiscent of The Last Exorcism (2010) and Children of the Corn (1984), the vast openness of the countryside hints at a socially remote and geographically isolated Bible Belt society living under a patriarchal theocracy in lieu of modern government. And that’s exactly what we get.
Of course, everyone in town is hospitable to their new pastor, despite being a bit on the weird side. And, also of course, things start to get weirder…and slow! After a brisk start, the pace becomes sluggish after we are introduced to our protagonist family and the residents of Stull.
The introduction is acceptably tropey and features good acting, but sadly the scares fail to follow suit. The delivery behind a nightmare sequence featuring creepy townspeople and decaying ectoplasm-spewing ghosts failed to provoke even a flinch out of me. They may not have used loud noises to get the job done, but the scares never really connected; feeling ill-staged and randomly inserted.
And, not that I expect or demand much in the way of monster originality, but the evil entities smack a little too hard of Grave Encounters (2011), The Apparition (2012) and Pulse (2006), featuring wispy black ectoplasm that creeps like a supernatural infection afflicting flesh and inanimate objects alike with an abyssal decay. Once our evil antagonist assumes a more consistent form, it resembles a mix of Bughuul and a J-Horror stringy-air-in-the-face poltergeist with its victims appearing much as those drained corpses in Lifeforce (1985) or Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988). Sure, this film borrows a lot and, sure, I’m okay with borrowing horror elements. It’s just that this film failed to pack any punch.
Further failing to elicit any interest was the misplaced plot device of an inhuman “tooth” serving as some sort of unexplained (and completely unnecessary) unholy artefact. This wasn’t subtle. This tooth was discussed a lot by characters and we see it change hands multiple times. This is the first sign that the film is falling apart before our eyes because, when we’re introduced to the tooth, it is evidently used as a form of “God’s hand” to choose a victim for a dark ritual…and that choice is made when someone eats a piece of “welcome to town” cake with the tooth in it! There are better, creepier and still easier ways to have accomplished that task in a horror movie.
In an attempt to create a dire atmosphere, we encounter lines like “Have you made the choice? There can be no mistakes…We’re doing His will.” Clearly the locals have plans for their new pastor and his family. A sacrifice…a possession…an infernal impregnation (i.e., devil baby), perhaps? Suggesting that some impending evil is somehow the work of God, nightmare sequences now shift to undead demonic sheep afflicted with some manner of evil plague. Like the previous nightmare, it doesn’t seem to make any sense. Sure, there are some Biblical plague references in the imagery, but they are sorely misapplied.
So, I have now twice mentioned nightmare sequences. These are the dreams of the new pastor’s quite attractive older daughter (Rebekah Brandes) and, it turns out, that there is no reason for her to be having these dreams! Nothing is explained, implied, metaphorically paralleled…I couldn’t even invent a reason for her to be having these foreboding dreams indicating that something bad was going to happen to her family—especially because she is not the “chosen one.” Screwing up the already scrambled synthesis of this messy story even more is that her nightmares imply that specific townspeople will do her (or her family) harm…but that doesn’t actually happen except for one indirect case. Some townspeople do poison the other daughter and, again, there seems to be no reason behind it at all given the events that follow.
Many things are introduced that warrant explanation, aspects of the ritual being a lot of them…
Why is a sacrifice required?
What happens if they don’t do the ritual?
How often must the ritual be performed?
How do you know when it’s time to do the ritual?
Do you always use the tooth to choose the victim?
What if the new victims are gluten-intolerant and don’t eat the cake?
Where the Hell did this tooth come from? A demon? What demon?
Why is the victim later poisoned?
Why does the victim’s sister receive warnings in the form of nightmares?
How do they know when to end the ritual? Because, YES, that happens! The ritual and the awful things that come with it has an “off switch.” Here’s a good one.
If this happens every 10-20 years, how is the occasional death of an entire family (save one survivor who keeps her mouth shut for some reason) explained?
Does no one (e.g., police/FBI/PIs) ever look for them and connect the dots that a new-to-town family (except one locally adopted survivor—as if that’s how adoption worked) is wiped out within days of moving once every decade?
Here’s another winner. What happens if the surviving family members flee the town?
It turned out that a surviving family member was used to end the ritual. What if they died or got away…demon apocalypse? End of Days for Stull…the world?
There are movies that get away with leaving things mysterious. The Shrine (2010) is an excellent example. However, The Shrine doesn’t keep dealing out things that merit explanation—so it actually works! Children of the Corn also leaves a lot to the imagination, but it does so flawlessly and doesn’t pelt us with seemingly important things that go unexplained.
The effects are fine, even sort of good. They’re just not “effective” in delivery. The same can be said for the story and other components of this film. Despite some capable performances by Clancy Brown (as the retiring pastor) and Anne Heche, this was a largely unsatisfying movie experience. While the idea behind the ending was okay, the execution was a bit weak—but maybe a “bit” satisfying as well.
The only thing that really worked in this movie was our introduction to the characters, the opening atmosphere and the notion that something was weird about this town—all in the first 20-30 minutes. After that it all failed to find any form of synthesis, urgency, thrills or concern on my part. The characters didn’t do things that made sense, they didn’t react appropriately to situations (yes, even for a horror movie), and I left annoyed by the things that weren’t explained. A better movie would have left me curious, not annoyed.
As if it made any difference, Guns ‘r Roses’ Slash was a producer on this film.
I recommend this to no one.
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11 Cinematic Trees I Wouldn’t Want in My Front Yard
I recently watched a screening of The Last Witch Hunter and it got me thinking about dangerous trees. In the film there is a “plague tree” that is home to the witch queen and it is probably the worst thing ever. The tree exists so that plague flies can grow in it until they are ready to wipe out everybody. In honor of that jerky tree I’ve compiled a list of trees that I would not want in my front yard. Some of these trees are not evil or jerky. However, the occurrences around them would spell disaster for homeowners and would leave us as frustrated and confused as the people in The Happening.
Pretty much all the vegetation was jerky in The Happening.
Enjoy!
The Last Witch Hunter Plague Tree
Why? – It wants to kill everyone.
It would take up tons of acreage and would spell doom for humanity. Another negative is that you would have to deal with constant influx of crusaders looking to burn it down. Good luck having the fire department trying to put out a “plague tree” fire.
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The Evil Dead Tree
Why? – You know why.
If this tree was in my front yard I could probably never have visitors.
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The Ernest Scared Stupid Tree House
Why? – Attracts too many trolls.
How annoying would it be if you built a beautiful tree house then learned an evil troll was using it to rouse his minions. A child’s worst nightmare.
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The Hometree From Avatar That Sits on Top of a Bunch of Stuff That Corrupt Miners Want
The last thing a homeowner needs is to be stuck in the middle of a war between humans and blue people. Also, if a branch falls off that thing your house is done. Nobody will insure it.
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The Harry Potter Whomping Willow
Why? – You could never park your car in the driveway.
I understand the positives of the tree but it is way too unpredictable to have in your front yard.
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The Sleepy Hollow Tree of Blood and Summoning Power
Why? – Nobody wants to deal with what comes out of it.
The last thing you need is having a headless horseman jumping out of the tree and attacking your dinner guests.
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The Wizard of Oz Jerky Slap Tree
Why? – They are grumpy jerks who complain when you eat their fruit.
You are giving it free rent and you can’t eat its apples. That is not cool.
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The Poltergeist Tree Who Attacks Little Children
Why? – Total Jerk
Kids already have enough nightmares. Why would you add a tree bully who is up to no good and loves property destruction.
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Pan’s Labyrinth Toad Tree of Gross Bugs and Toads
Why? – Yuck
I love Pan’s Labyrinth but I wouldn’t want this tree on my lawn. Too many curious people would visit and I don’t want to deal with toads who offer immortality in their bellies.
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The Conjuring Tree That Dead Witches Hang On
Why? – It would always make people feel weird.
I know people wouldn’t be able to see what was hanging on the tree but I wouldn’t risk it. Everyone would look at it and think it was evil.
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The Guardian Tree Who Sucks People Into it and Can Bond With Evil People
Why? – The tree eats people.
If you move into a house I suggest you check each tree to make sure it hasn’t eaten any babies.
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MFF Special: Almost Everything You Need to Know About Horror Franchises, Sequels and Remakes
Hello all. Mark here.
Everybody has their own personal favorite franchise/sequel/remake that cannot be gauged by any statistic. However, if you are a fan of horror movies and their evolution you will appreciate knowing the statistics of a film series that you love. The Movies, Films and Flix Metrics system (MFFM) can’t explain why the dog from The Hills Have Eyes 2 was having flashbacks or how Jason was able to punch someone’s head clean off their shoulders in Jason Takes Manhattan. However, it can inform you on how your favorite horror franchises held up with all its bumps (Halloween: Resurrection), bruises (The Final Destination) and decapitating head punches. This graph sums up Jason’s head punching antics perfectly.
The point of the Movies, Films and Flix Metrics is to give you horror statistics. I wanted to know which horror franchises/remakes/sequels were the best for four reasons
- I wanted to know which horror franchises held up the best throughout their theatrical runs.
- I wanted to know if there are any horror sequels that are statistically better than the originals.
- I wanted to know which remakes were actually good.
- I wanted to know what straight to DVD franchises had the best critical/audience ratings.
I pulled together 300+ films, collected all the box office/audience/critical data I could find and handed it off to the MFF data wrangler Jeremy. In the end we have a massive data set to play around with and give the world more lists. Here is a brief(ish) explanation from Jeremy about the MFFM:
The MFF crew developed the MFFM composite metric as a way to consolidate available information on movie performance (e.g., movie critics’ review scores, box office returns) into a single, easy-to-understand score. The score can be used to objectively compare movies or movie franchises. Version 1.0 of the MFFM incorporates the following performance data: IMDB ratings, Rotten Tomatoes (RT) Critic’s Ratings, RT User Ratings, an adjusted version of Amazon user reviews, and a MFF-developed rating to describe return-on-investment (profits less budget). To get the MFFM for a given movie, we sum the individual scores and divide by the number of non-null values (i.e., missing scores don’t negatively affect the score). By aggregating MFFM scores for a group of movies, we can get an MFFM value for an entire movie franchise (or for a given director, actor, year, etc.).
Before I get into the MFFM lists I wanted to give you some information on the top rated horror remakes, sequels and franchises. These numbers haven’t been tampered with I just want people to know the facts when it comes to the highest rated franchises, sequels and remakes. I wanted to know four things.
- The top 10 critically rated franchises, sequels and remakes.
- The top 10 audience rated franchises, sequels and remakes.
- The 10 highest box office averages for franchises and the highest grossing remakes/sequels.
- The 10 best ROI averages for franchises and highest ROI for remakes/sequels.
Here are the spreadsheets for the horror franchises, sequels and remakes. I love the differences between the critic/audience ratings (audiences love the Underworld, Resident Evil and Final Destination series) and I think it has some interesting insight into the divide between critics and audiences.
Quick note: I am just sharing the information and in no way consider the Resident Evil series to be one of the best horror franchises.
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If you are interested in the average franchise box office and critical/audience ratings from the first film to the third remake you will love the charts below! Also, if you want to know which franchises were used in the data set here they are.
Quick note: The third remake is Texas Chainsaw 3D and the Vs. movies are AVP, AVPR and Jason vs. Freddy
Here are the top horror franchises, sequels and remakes according to the MFFM!
If you want to learn more click on the lists and you will find information on the gathering/analyzing of all the data. For all the data just think Average = (IMDb user score, RT critic score, RT audience score, weighted Amazon score, domestic ROI rank value).
Top 10 Franchises (statistically speaking)
10. Halloween (50.6)
9. Saw (52)
8. Nightmare on Elm Street (52.4)
7. The Omen (52.4)
6. Psycho (54.1)
5. Scream (54.5)
4. Paranormal Activity (54.9)
3. Manhunter/Silence of the Lambs (55.2)
2. Night of the Living Dead (56.4)
And the most groovy franchise is!
The Evil Dead franchise has the highest critic (81.5)/audience (77.25) scores and it the only horror series to almost double its box office with each outing. Evil Dead 2 had a better critical score than Evil Dead (very rare) and the Evil Dead remake made the top 10 remakes list. Also, Army of Darkness has the third highest critical score (70) of any third horror film (Here are the top 10 critically rated third films).
Things I’ve learned: Pretty much every one was happy with Evil Dead winning. I did have one person saying he refused to look at the data because there is no way anything is better than Friday the 13th. I liked his candor.
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Top 15 Sequels (statistically speaking) – I included 15 because .74 points separated 10-15
Sidenote: I am a huge fan of the Universal monster films but there is no reliable domestic box office data so I couldn’t include them in the metrics. If these lists focused only on critical/audience reception Bride of Frankenstein and Son of Frankenstein would’ve made the top five.
15. Army of Darkness (56.13)
14. Purge: Anarchy: (56.28)
13. Red Dragon (56.42)
12. The Devil’s Rejects (56.73)
11. Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (56. 78)
10. Saw 2 (56.87)
9. Paranormal Activity 2 (57.36)
8. Day of the Dead (58.34)
7. Paranormal Activity 3 (58.985)
6. Scream 2 (59.945) – My favorite horror sequel.
5. Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (64.146)
4. Evil Dead 2 (70.6) – Higher MFFM score than Evil Dead (74.03)
3. Dawn of the Dead (74.239)
And the most acid blooded and Chianti soaked sequel (s) is (are)!
There are two films because there are a lot of people who do not consider Silence of the Lambs to be a sequel .
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Silence of the Lambs (78.8) had a massive MFFM jump from Manhunter (59.6) and it made $252,000,000 domestically. It was one point behind Aliens critic/audience score but its massive ROI (12.3) won the day. Silence and Aliens are the only two sequels to have a higher MFFM than their predecessors. Nine of the 15 films were number two in the franchises which is an interesting fact. In case you were wondering here are the top 10 critic/audience/MFFM rated number two films.
I was very happy to see Wes Craven’s New Nightmare showing up in the MFFM list. Aside from Red Dragon (4th film in series. Here are the top 10 critically rated fourth films), New Nightmare is the latest (7th) of the franchise installments to make the list.
Things I’ve learned: Silence of the Lambs is not a sequel but it is a sequel. Many people say it isn’t. Many people say it is. Also, Aliens is apparently an action sequel to a horror movie (so says the internet).
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Top 10 Remakes (statistically speaking)
I was able to find Metacritic scores for all the remakes (except Invasion of the Body Snatchers) so I included them into the formula.
10. The Crazies (54)
9. Fright Night (54.2)
8. Evil Dead (54.6)
7. The Ring (54.9)
6. Dawn of the Dead (60)
5. Let Me In (64.3)
4. Cape Fear (65.455)
3. The Thing (68.685)
2. The Invasion of the Body Snatchers (70)
And the most arm snapping remake is…..
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The rankings between The Thing, Invasion of the Body Snatchers and The Fly closely resemble the Silence of the Lambs/Aliens battle. The Thing had a higher critic/audience score but The Fly’s domestic box office success ($80,456,545) and Metacritic/RT Critic/Audience score won the day.
Things I’ve learned: Statistics or no statistics The Thing is way better than anything ever made.
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Top 10 Theatrical/Straight to DVD Franchises
Some of these films were theatrically released but they didn’t qualify for the main lists because they didn’t have four theatrical releases. We had to depend on audience/critical scores for these franchises because box office information wasn’t available.
10. Pumpkin Head 44.3
9. Return of the Living Dead 46.7
8. Candyman 47.9
7. Feast 47.9
6. Joy Ride 48.9
5. Night of the Demons 49
4. Hatchet 49
3. Tremors 52.4
2. Cube 52.7
And the most critically/audience beloved STDVD horor franchise is…..
- Phantasm 54.9
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Phantasm is the bomb. I love that series.
What I’ve learned: Apparently Wrong Turn 2 (72) has a better critical rating than Wrong Turn (41).
There you have it! Hopefully, these statistics have enlightened you and provided you something to debate about as Halloween nears!
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WHAT MAKES THIS A GOOD HALLOWEEN MOVIE? Not quite as scary as it used to be but every bit as fun, Wes Craven’s original Nightmare is a creation that no horror fan should be without. It remains creepy and satisfying. Plus, all the night scenes in alleys and boiler rooms are perfect for a chilly October movie night with the lights off. MOVIES LIKE A Nightmare on Elm Street: Other classics everyone should see include Poltergeist (1982; discussed at length in our podcast #16) and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), The Hills Have Eyes series (1977). For more recent horror with a similar sense of humor try Wishmaster (1997) and Hatchet (2006).
Now over 30 years old, I think it’s safe to say this is a horror classic…and it’s a classic I still enjoy and revere. However, like many “classics,” there are aspects of this film that will disappoint horror fans reared by films of the last 10-20 years. The effects are dated (although I love these practical effects still much as I do those in The Thing and The Fly), the plot and characters are a bit hokey at times (but that’s forgivable in the horror genre), and it feels more campy by today’s standards when it felt drop dead serious at the time of its release. So I contend that it is my duty to defend the importance of the classics to our younger readers and assign some homework to those who have not yet seen the pre-remake/reboot Freddy Krueger.
This film opens with a nightmare, and an inherently creepy one at that. We are taken to a shadowy, steam-spewing boiler room where a mysterious stalker rakes his “claws” across old pipes as he slowly advances upon his prey, his dreaming victim Tina. The evil assailant swipes his claws at her and she awakens with her nightgown shredded four-fold. Rattled by the experience, Tina shares her horrible dream with her friends Rod, Nancy (Heather Langenkamp; Star Trek Into Darkness) and Glen (Johnny Depp; Tusk, Dark Shadows), who have all eerily had similar dreams about the same “clawed” killer.
Written and directed by Wes Craven (Cursed, Deadly Friend, Deadly Blessing), we are introduced to the terrifying notion that someone (or something) can hunt and kill us in our dreams…and you really die! Our killer is Fred Krueger (Robert Englund; Wishmaster, Hatchet), a demonic power with an ugly red and green sweater, a single clawed glove, and a face still-moistly burned beyond recognition. As a villain, Freddy is iconic and has graced the screen for 9 films!
This film may not have the emotional power of Poltergeist (1982; discussed at length in our podcast #16) or the blunt-force trauma holy shit factor of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), but is instead its own entirely different animal. Freddy gives us hints of a twisted sense of humor as he cuts off his fingers and slices open his own maggot and pus-filled chest or licks Nancy and laughs through a possessed phone, but (unlike many of the sequels) there is nothing slapstick or comedic about it really. He is a twisted and pure evil. It’s intended to be sick and disturbing, not funny (to anyone but Freddy, that is)—although fans laugh at it today. We find these kinds of scenes delivered with a deliberate humor in Hatchet (2006), Wishmaster (1997) and so many more releases of the past 20 years…and also blatantly more deliberate in later installments of the Nightmare on Elm Street or Leprechaun franchises.
Simply meant to be terrifying back in 1984, Freddy looks a little hokey today—in a fun way. He runs down alleys like a crab with a limp waving his glove hand in the air, he jumps atop Nancy and rolls around instead of wisely slicing at her, laughs after mutilating himself. My movie companion actually said the movie, at times, felt a little dorky. And I couldn’t agree more.
Starkly contrasting these “dorky” scenes are dream sequences with a bodybagged Tina calling for help and being dragged away through the school hallway, the boiler room scenes, the harrowingly weird death scene of Nancy’s mother towards the end, Tina’s gravity defying death scene, and Freddy’s twisted laughter in the boiler room. These scenes remain “effective” to me, but they lack the right kind of production to remain sufficiently creepy or scary today (even with all the lights off as I watch). Of course, I’m a bit numbed by the hundreds of horror films I’ve seen. Perhaps these scenes will make you all quiver a bit. If not those, then at least the little girls jumping rope while reciting Freddy’s dark nursery rhyme.
Whoa! A cool death scene in any decade.
Timelessly creepy.
Look for John Saxon (Blood Beach, Enter the Dragon) and Lin Shaye (Insidious Chapter 3, The Signal) as we watch Nancy and her friends discover what drives Fred Krueger, learn his origin, and figure out how to defeat him through a combination of booby traps and bringing Freddy from the dream world into reality. Just try to ignore the lamely written controlling nature, denial and alcoholism of Nancy’s mother. It should also be noted that as Nancy, Langenkamp (not Robert Englund) carries the film. Freddy is done well with creepy execution, but he has almost no lines and little screen presence until the end. It’s Nancy who validates our fears, rallies awareness despite her parents’ disbelief, and battles Freddy.
Without going into detail, I should add that I still enjoy ALL of the practical effects in this film. Sometimes the simplicity makes it more gross, weird, off-putting, or even a bit funny.
The ending is deliberately sort of silly and illogical. But that was and remains a fun staple of horror—twists, even if stupid, that make us smile. If there was a deliberately funny moment, it had to be the last scene with the car and Nancy’s mother being cartoon-yanked through a tiny window on the front door.
Is that prop a blow-up doll?
This is a truly fun movie experience and worth the ride, even if you laugh today in 2015 whereas others screamed back in 1984.
If you need another trusted opinion, check out this review from Rivers of Grue.
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Okay, folks. Let me be the first to admit that I’m using the word “Satan” very loosely here to mean pretty much any devil-like character. That said, here are 12 diabolical characters that really won me over…
We also discussed the matter to metageeky ends in our Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #35 [just click to listen!]. JOIN US!!!
The man on a mission Devil.
Gabriel Byrne as Satan in End of Days (1999).
He certainly had his share of cool scenes. But does anyone remember when he walked in that restaurant and randomly made out with that woman (while groping her) in front of her date at the dinner table and she just loved it? BRO LEVEL: 1,000,000!
The best monstrous Devil.
Monstrous yet debonair, Tim Curry was remarkable as Darkness in Ridley Scott’s Legend (1985).
Now sure, he played “Darkness.” Not necessarily the Devil, or even “a” devil, but he looked very diabolical and demonic. So I chose to include him. Besides, he did some pretty evil stuff in fantasy land. He wanted unicorns dead! His minions’ actions almost inadvertently drowned Tom Cruise (as the hero Jack). He wants to end all daylight to live in darkness. And he wants to marry Jack’s girl…and she’s spoken for! Maybe committing just one of these offenses isn’t bad enough to make the “evil” list, but commit two to four of them and you’re on Santa’s naughty list forever.
The bitter ruler of Hell.
Viggo Mortenson as Lucifer in The Prophecy (1995).
Loved the way he postured himself, perched and spoke. He was a bad ass and real bad asses don’t need to tell people they’re tough. Viggo was far from a big shot back then, but he convinced me that not only he could rule Hell, but that ruling Hell was an exhausting, embittering, tolling burden that he carried.
The Devil with a soft spot in her heart…and the SEXIEST DEVIL!
Elizabeth Hurley as the Devil in Bedazzled (2000)…damn!
First things first. Hottest Devil EVER! And secondly, no offense to my English friends overseas, but I think we all pretty much knew that the Devil would be British. She grants Monkey Pawed wishes and leads Brendan Fraser one temptation at a time to near eternal damnation. When she fails to claim his soul, she’s almost struck with admiration at the selfless deed that saved him. Imagine that, a devil with a soft spot.
The peevish, Euro Devil.
Peter Stormare was delightful as Satan in Constantine (2005).
Peter Stormare (22 Jump Street, The Last Stand, Bad Boys II, 8mm) has a long history of playing Euro-trashy criminals, and I love that he basically brought the same character he always plays to his role as a barefoot, apparently hungover Satan. His Satan is impatient and he wanted Keanu Reeves to know how much he hated him and wanted his soul.
The silver-tongued Tempter of free will.
Al Pacino as John Milton (The Devil) in Devil’s Advocate (1997).
Again, Keanu Reeves is face-to-face with the Devil. And this time, the Devil has a law degree and a swanky pad overlooking Central Park. It’s hard to say no to the Devil when he offers you the dream job, the dream NYC condo, and since he’s your dad he probably won’t steal your soul. He just wants you to join the family business and be rich and overindulgent.
The old school, smooth but weird Devil.
Robert DeNiro as Louis Cyphre in Angelheart (1987). Smoothest, yet suuuuper creepy! I like what they did with his fingernails.
The soul collector coming to collect.
The Devil from Devil (2010) was as malevolent as devils get. Like a cat pawing at its crippled rodent fare, he toys with his souls to take as their sins are revealed to us. When I first saw this film I was guessing all over the place at the identity of the Devil. We got a nice surprise!
The Devil with the best eye for a cruel pineapple.
Harvey Keitel as “Dad” in Little Nicky (2000). Harvey wasn’t actually THE Devil in this (Rodney Dangerfield was Lucifer), but he owned his silly role.
So Hitler enters Keitel-Devil’s office in a French maid outfit and goes to a closet of pineapples and picks out a small one.
Keitel-Devil looks at him and say “mm-mmmm” shaking his head no. So Hitler picks another.
After Hitler picks a huge pineapple, we learn that it is to be shoved up his butt!
The most absolutely evil thing in Hell…with a phallic tentacle attached to his head.
Kenneth Cranham as the brand new Cenobite from Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988).
Now, Leviathan (see below) is the true God of Hell in Clive Barker’s books and movies. However, we never really “see” Leviathan outside of its/his giant floating cube form. So instead I’m showcasing the toughest Cenobite ever; the one that took on Pinhead, Butterball, Female and Chatterer all at the same time. This Cenobite seemed special, though, for reasons beyond his toughness. He had a tentacle (like a giant leech with a blender-mouth biting his head) that reached up into the sky and propelled him around. Was this Leviathan puppeteering him?
The most lecherous Devil.
Jack Nicholson as Daryl van Horne in The Witches of Eastwick (1987) was a sex-hungry delight. And my, did he have good taste. Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfeiffer and Cher in her prime? Yeah. He clearly knows how to talk to a lady. He managed to womanize and have the women like it…that is, until they realized what he was doing.
Then the girls got revenge and the real Jack came out to play.
The least Devil-like Devil.
The giant silver diamond emitting a black beam known as Leviathan from Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988).
This thing is the God of Hell in Clive Barker’s world. Hmmm…don’t know what to say about this. Cool idea, though. It is completely inhuman, even inhumanoid, and quite menacing.
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Cop Car: The Best Thriller of 2015
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Cop Car is fantastic thriller that looks beautiful and boasts a fantastic bad guy turn by Kevin Bacon. I’m happy director Jon Watts is doing the next Spider Man but I would’ve loved another white knuckle thriller from him. This movie could’ve easily gone into Tarantino land but instead becomes something very original. There is zero fat to the 86 minute film yet it always feels patient. The Colorado vistas speak for themselves and the isolation aids to the overall hopelessness. Cop Car is a fantastic hybrid of cartoon, thriller and coming of age movie. I would place it alongside Blue Ruin, Headhunters and Slow West as my favorite thrillers of this decade so far.
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The premise is simple. Two young kids steal a cop car and the cop attempts to chase them down. However, everything gets messy and it is all very nerve wracking. I appreciated how the kids weren’t precocious little punks and instead proved to be every ounce of their ten years. Their shenanigans had me cringing with dread and I can’t believe it went down the way it did. Cop Car follows a very odd structure in that you have no clue where it is going. When a movie surprises me I know it has done a great job.
I also loved how the expository dialogue was nonexistent. We learn about the characters as events unfold and it always keeps us in the moment. We watch as they figure out what they are going to do and then they execute their hasty plan. There isn’t much time for thought because everything is urgent and action is required. The camera is voyeuristic and that makes for a very stressful and occasionally funny experience. I never thought I’d be so tense watching Kevin Bacon attempting to unlock a car door with a shoe string. I love what Watts had to say about why Bacon took the role.
I think he said when he read it, he just completely saw the character and he was excited about the idea of creating a character with everything else, not with dialogue, but with his physicality, with his wardrobe, with the art direction of his house and his truck and things like that, you know, the way he moves. Because essentially everything he says is a lie. Almost every line he has until really the very end is some sort of bullsh*t. We don’t explain anything about how he got there and how he’s gotten himself into this situation, so it’s like a very visual performance, a very physical performance. He’s amazing and I think he was really excited about that opportunity.
The MVP of Cop Car is Shea Whigham (Take Shelter, Fast & Furious, All the Real Girls, American Hustle). I won’t spoil how he is introduced but the movie becomes pretty awesome when he becomes a player. His monologue to the boys is a thing of terrible glory and murderous threats. He is always good in everything he does and he almost steals the spotlight from an A+ Kevin Bacon. If you are ever looking for a supporting player to add some menace just go ahead and cast the guy. He has never disappointed.
If you are looking for a lean and mean thriller it doesn’t get any better than Cop Car. It is a fantastic calling card for Jon Watts and you can tell Kevin Bacon loves every second of his villainous role.
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The MFF Podcast #31: A Scream on Elm Street
You can download the pod on Itunes or head over to Blog Talk Radio to stream it. If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
SUMMARY: This week the MFF crew discusses the Scream and Nightmare on Elm Street franchises, the best season for horror movies, and the best horror sequels and franchises!
We also answer such important questions as…
“Would a Sith Lord with a crotch blaster (think Tom Savini of From Dusk ’til Dawn) have an advantage?”
“How do we use Return on Investment to judge a horror franchise?”
“What is the best time of year for horror movies?”
“Why is Michael Myers’ mask called The Shape?”
“Why was Ghostface so clumsy?”
Sit back, relax and listen to three guys discuss the legacy of Wes Craven.
You can listen to the pod on Blog Talk Radio or head over Itunes so you can download, rate, review and share. Thanks!
Movies, Films & Flix 
