This Means War (2012) [a second opinon]
MY CALL: Ridiculous, silly, unrealistic, but really just plain fun. [B-] IF YOU LIKE THIS WATCH: The level of silly fun in this flick really smacks of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003) and Keeping the Faith (2000), but without all the spy hoo-jazz.
A romantic comedy with an action-backdrop. It’s been done before, but in the past and limited by smaller budgets and less easily achievable CGI technology. This little date night charmer comes complete with serviceable (but admittedly, and hopefully intentionally, stupid) action—great, in fact, for a RomCom—and a good buddy dynamic between our two best friend spy-by-trade male leads: The ever-shallow ladies’ man, FDR (Chris Pine; Bottle Shock, Star Trek, Unstoppable), and the more soulful and soul-mate-y, Tuck (Tom Hardy; Inception, Warrior, Dark Knight Rises).
Here our heroes let the villain (a lousy attempt at a mini-side-plot) get away in an overelaborate escape.
Both actors have proven their worth with a recent flurry of genre admixture. Then, of course there’s Lauren (Reese Witherspoon; Water for Elephants, How Do You Know), an overly sharp, generally adorable, successful Consumer Report analyst who can’t seem to find a date even though she has a great attitude and takes care of herself—oh, and she’s as cute as Reese Witherspoon. Don’t find it plausible? Don’t care? The flick simply works in its own silly way and Chelsea Handler is fantastically funny as Witherspoon’s sister.
The flick kicks off when Tuck and Lauren meet via ItsFate.com for their first date. It’s rather abbreviated, but quite sweet. Shortly after, FDR bumps into Lauren, fancies her and has a womanizer meets girl-power innuendo battle which culminates in an invasion of her workplace until she agrees to a date. Tuck and FDR find out the very next day that they like the same girl. Neither is willing to back down so it is suggested they compete to win her affection. And, with two newly adversely-faced best friends vying for the same woman, we found the title of this movie: This Means War!
Tuck and FDR’s friend dynamic is great. It starts with the naïve gentleman’s agreement that if their competition over Laura affects their friendship then they both would stop pursuing her—as if! They get together for Chips marathons and work together and really know little more than the other has to teach. During their bro-romantic feud they both abuse their surveillance and super-spy gadgetry privileges at work. As The Hof pointed out in his BMT featurette, this likely cost a lot of tax-payer dollars.
Their recon leads them to all of her childhood fantasies and…some unreasonable adult fantasies as well. Of course, being overpaid fantasy-movie spies, they make them happen with no problem while competing for her affection. When it comes to using CIA ear-pieces (inciting the Patriot Act, for God’s sake) to have their subordinates aid them, and the sabotage thereof, it got truly wonderful. Seeing FDR try to narrate art history while Tuck listened and chimed in to distract him…simply priceless.
Tranq dart to the neck. Always funny, especially when tranq’ing someone who’s on a date with the girl you like.
Overhearing their own flaws and watching themselves overcompensate on surveillance footage is nothing if not enjoyable. To win her over they adopt milky-eyed, venerable dogs and paintball preteens into post-traumatic-stress-disorder to make up for their perceived flaws. Thank you, Chelsea Handler, for helping to make that happen. Handler brings up sex at the most inappropriate times and I dare not ruin how.
After a few rounds of capture-the-flag with this fanatic, those kids will go back to playing Dungeons and Dragons in mom’s basement.
No matter what the conflict, these brothers in arms returned to each other as besties. The happy endings number more than one and will leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy in the standardly lame ways. FYI, the ending is glorious!
SIDEBAR: So Chris Pine is taller than Tom Hardy and, when they’re in suits, he even looks bigger and refers to Hardy as his “small friend” jestingly in the movie’s opening scene. But we all know that if they throw down Hardy is going to ruin Pine and then grind him up into a protein shake, right?
Ah, Chelsea Handler. Still trying to drown your feelings in cabernet I see. Well, at least this makes for seriously dirty-funny sex jokes.
Favorite Quotes, all from Chelsea Handler except one, FYI (see Bridesmaids favorite quotes as well—good stuff):
“Stop referring to Boggle like it’s a man. You sound like a woman who has nine cats and knits her ass off.”
“You know when you know you’re going to have dirty sex and it’s gonna’ stink? Not like sex. I mean like man stink, the good stuff.”
“Do you think Gloria Steinham got arrested and sat in a jail cell so you could act like a little bitch? I don’t think so!”
“You’re not going to Hell. And if you go there, I’ll be there to pick you up.”
“Agent Foster entered the premises. Then, he—uh…entered the premises.”
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Dark Shadows
Dark Shadows is the end of an era. An era filled with strange characters, memorable visuals and the beautiful macabre. Tim Burton and Johnny Depp have teamed up for some wonderful films (Edward Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow, Ed Wood) The recent collaborations have been box office hits (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Alice in Wonderland) that sacrificed the weirder aspects of the early works for commercial success.
What once was unpredictable, dark and imaginative is now predictable. It used to be that Depp was in a Tim Burton film. Now, the audience talks about Johnny Depp’s over the top characters that inhabit Tim Burton’s movies. Gone is the dark atmosphere and rich characters. What we are stuck with is Burton letting Depp be Depp. Letting Depp be Depp is not an entirely bad thing. He did put his spin on Captain Jack Sparrow and the series has made billions. Nowadays, instead of letting the humor and appeal come from the characters Dark Shadows puts Depp in zany situations and expects laughs.
Depp is not the fresh-faced 27-year-old who appeared in Edward Scissorhands. That role gave him a weird/dangerous factor that summed up his career. The film also knew how to incorporate humor with the dangerous. Remember the scene where Depp and Winona Ryder first meet? She walks into her room and startles Edward who then pokes holes in a water mattress. The scene makes you laugh and realize how inadvertently dangerous and ill-suited Edward was to everyday life. It was humor from the moment. In Dark Shadows it is Depp doing things.
Dark Shadows focuses on Johnny Depp’s character named Barnabas Collins. Barnabas was the heir to a huge fishing company. However, he angered a witch who killed his parents, girlfriend, turned him into a vampire. Then, he was imprisoned in a coffin for two hundred years. He is accidentally let loose in 1972 and has to deal with disco, cars and hippies. He tries to restore his families luster while Eva Green’s angry witch foils his every step.
What is lacking in this movie is danger, surprise and originality. Burton’s films are normally populated with zany goth characters wonderful misfits. This film lacks the third dimension. Depp is confused, Pfeiffer is a survivor, Moretz is a brat, Miller is a turd and Green is angry.
Dark Shadows has the look, characters and style of a Depp/Burton collaboration. However, it seemed so content to nail the look and make Depp weird that it forgot to add substance.
I’m hoping the next Burton/Depp collaboration will combine the box office success with the coherent weirdness of their earlier works.
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Moonrise Kingdom
Moonrise Kingdom is another Wes Anderson masterpiece. The film boasts a self-assured Anderson doing what he does best. Wes Anderson makes wonderful Wes Anderson films. What do Anderson movies include? beautiful set design, quirky characters, obscure music, and a plethora of dolly shots.
His movies are quotable, memorable and require multiple viewings. They also feature the three Ds (death, divorce, depression). The visuals and jokes come so fast you barely have time to appreciate everything you are seeing. Whether it is a motorcycle in a tree or Bill Murray throwing a shoe at Ed Norton there is always a funny/surprising moment. One thing I love about Wes Anderson films is that a throw away joke can become your favorite moment after further inspection.
Wes has added another element to his arsenal. Moonrise Kingdom has a genuine warmth to go along with the quirks. The two key players responsible for the depth are Edward Norton and Bruce Willis. The two have actors are notorious for being difficult (Hulk, Cop Out, The Score). However, they seem to have bought into the Anderson mind-set and bring another dimension that was only glimpsed on the surface of prior Wes films. Their scenes with young Sam are true works of odd art.
The movie centers around two precocious yet slightly deranged 12 year olds who run away together on a sleepy island inhabited by Wes Anderson characters. Looking for them are Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand and Tilda Swinton. They also come across Jason Schwartzman and Harvey Keitel.
Bruce Willis adds a surprising amount of warmth and sadness to his police officer. Edward Norton is a perfect mixture of aloof and capable as the Khaki Scout Master. Bill Murray is a depressed man who gets drunk and chops down trees. McDormand is his wife and a successful lawyer who is stymied by her occasionally enraged daughter.
The movie works on every level. I laughed all the way through. After this film and The Royal Tenenbaums it is clear that Anderson knows how to make stab wounds funny. Also, the set design reminded me a lot of Life Aquatic. The practical sets and unique construction allow for long dolly moves that feature beautifully framed shots. Also, I loved the two young actors who hit every note correctly. Their roles required them to be confident, capable and wise yet still behave like kids.
Moonrise Kingdom is the product of a man who knows what he likes. All of his films may share the same visual flair and eccentric characters. However, he is constantly evolving in ways that add more depth to the familiar. With each film his characters become more human without sacrificing the odd qualities that make them such beloved characters.
Watch Moonrise Kingdom. Dig the depth. Appreciate the warmth. Don’t get stabbed by scissors.
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American: The Bill Hicks Story
American: The Bill Hicks Story is a marvel of archival footage and interesting narrative. The film chronicles the life and death of Comedian Bill Hicks and his years in the American comedy scene.
Hicks career was full of alcohol, drugs. anger, laughs, music and psychedelic mushrooms. His career took off in an age before YouTube, CDs and Internet message boards. His anti-war and angry stage presence made him a savior amongst comedians and critics but he never caught on with the American populace. His style of comedy was never popular but it was groundbreaking. He allowed fellow comedians to follow in his trail blazing failures.
The documentary does an interesting thing with the narrative and visuals. Instead of various talking heads it employs pictures of Hicks to be used in interesting ways. What follows is an innovative way to tell a story. If you are a fan of stand up comedy you should know about Bill Hicks. His presence and material are apparent in Bill Maher, Lewis Black and multitudes of other comedians.
Watch this documentary if you are a fan of visually interesting film making. The story of Bill Hicks is an innovative doc that tells a wonderful story of a man who was appreciated too late.
Watch the wonderful Senna as well. They are both solid docs on Netflix.
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Melancholia
Two hours of beautiful depression. A collection of moving art featuring depressed rich white people. Directed by one of the most polarizing directors today. A director who requires his own poster and promo photos when he makes a movie.
If you are a fan of film then you should be familiar with Lars Von Trier. He is a mad genius who polarizes the movie going populace. His movies look great but they are rarely positive and often controversial. His movies range from experimental (Dogville) to insane (Antichrist).
Regardless, he still manages to make beautiful looking films that focus on depression, depravity and more depression. This is the first time that one of his films have pushed into the mainstream. This still isn’t his Drive but he is closer to the outskirts of the mainstream. If he learns to curb his insanity and depression he could make a brilliant looking film that might make some money.
The depression in this movie is understandable. The movie focuses on a planet named Melancholia that is two weeks away from hitting the earth. The movie starts at a wedding and ends on a golf course. In this time marriages end, suicide happens and the world is destroyed.
All of this depression looks beautiful. Von Trier creates a visually rich stark world. The shot selection is picturesque and the acting wonderful. Also, Von Trier uses the Phantom camera in creative and practical ways. The super slow motion shots are works of art.
Kirsten Dunst is also really good at playing a character that is more of an emotion than an actual person. The actors in this film play off the various stages of grief that occur when a huge planet is about to obliterate the planet.
This movie is like hiking to the top of a mountain. The journey is a monster but the view is great. You won’t enjoy many moments of the trip but the hike makes you stronger and you can tell pretentious stories while at parties.
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Prometheus
Prometheus looks for answers and succeeds in sparking conversations. love it or hate it you will want to talk about it. It is a philosophical science fiction film that shares the same DNA as The Grey. They are both films that question life, death and survival. However, they were marketed as slam-bang wolf punching terror. They were never meant to be huge. They were personal films made by two capable directors.
Prometheus is about two scientists searching for the engineers who created life. One uses faith the other science. The problem is that you don’t always want to find the answers because the answers will kill you and provide the DNA for the Alien series.
The reason this film will not go down is a classic is simple. The top six thriller films according to AFI are Psycho, Jaws, Exorcist, North by Northwest, The Silence of the Lambs and Alien. These films feature people who are doing their job or are in over their heads. Their motives are not filled by greed, power or selfishness. They are dealing with the situations they’ve been handed. Thus, you support the characters because they are doing what they have to do. Prometheus focuses on the gains of several people and you dont have the connection with the characters like you do in Jaws or Alien.
Michael Fassbender steals the show as the android David 8. He is the wild card in a ship full of personalities. Is he like Ash from Alien or Bishop from Aliens? Regardless of his motives he is the catalyst for all the chaos.
Noomi Rapace holds up in the physical scenes. Logan Marshall-Green is appropriately confident. The supporting characters are good but inconsequential. The most engaging character moments happen between Idris Elba’s smooth captain and Charlize Theron’s icy supervisor.
Another reason why Prometheus will never be a classic is because of the occasional head scratching choices the crew makes. Why take off your helmet while in an alien built catacomb? Also, there are a couple of moments I want to mention but for spoiler sake I will not. These choices do not matter in the long run (they would die anyway) but they do take you out of the story.
What Prometheus excels at is creating a beautiful look and eerie mood. The practical sets blend perfectly with the CGI and there is always a sense of dread. The look and practical sets achieve a look rarely achieved on-screen. The movie lived up to the visual hype that has been building in my mind.
Prometheus swings for the fences and almost gets there. However, that “almost” is enough. I’d rather watch a film with hiccups that attempts to build a world. Many movies simply try to manage expectations and keep a ship afloat. Prometheus asks big questions, provides memorable visuals and has given the populace an adult science fiction film to discuss.
If you go and watch Prometheus on IMAX 3D make sure your IMAX glasses are clean. They recycle the glasses and they have smudges. I was plagued by the smudges while watching John Carter. I made sure the glasses were cleaned this time. The lady at the ticket drop was cool and cleaned them again. Thus, the viewing was smudge free. Don’t be afraid to ask for them to be cleaned.
Enjoy Prometheus. Watch it and comment.
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MY CALL: So bad. At times funny, but ultimately not worth the guilt of choosing to watch something so inane. I never want to see or hear about this movie again. [D] WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD: Want to see someone with cool powers fighting a cool devil? Watch Constantine (2005).
They waste no time lacing this movie with implausibility. Even after we accept the existence of the supernatural Ghost Rider as a given, the super high-tech monks in minute-two had me Oh God-ing from the very start. I’ve seen these monks before, too, so this ridiculous concept isn’t even original. The Van Damme-Dennis Rodman buddy action flick Double Team (1997) had them, too.
Spirit of Vengeance follows the new wave franchise trend of going international with the storyline. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker saw Rush Hour traffic in China and France. The Karate Kid series kicked young adult butt in Japan and China. The Fast and the Furious stamped their passports in Japan, Brazil, and the UK in the upcoming Fast 6 with Haywire’s Gina Carano and returning Dwayne Johnson. And the Indiana Jones and Mission Impossible series always takes place in other countries.
We receive a nice little Cage-narrated background of why and how Johnny Blaze became “the rider.” Later, we also learn just what the Spirit of Vengeance actually is. We meet some techno-monks and learn that some child’s fate will determine the fate of the world. And then there’s the incentive. Some “ancient church” will remove Blaze’s curse if he saves this boy from the devil.
Let’s add some cynical irony, shall we? In Stigmata and Dogma our theological keystone characters were atheists and one of them worked at an abortion clinic. In this, the boy and his mother are drifters who hustle their way from one meal to the next. Then there’s our cell-phone toting, business class devil (Ciarán Hinds; The Woman in Black). I prefer my devils more like the Bedazzled Elizabeth Hurley, Angel Heart’s Louis Cypher or Constantine’s Lucifer. Our devil just isn’t sleek, off-putting, or handsome; just a lame, old school CEO-type. His powers are limited on Earth, in human form, and he relies on deals to find emissaries to carry out desired tasks.
For Ghost Rider the action is good, what little there is, and the effects are A-one. They also had a little fun with the concept that whatever Ghost Rider rides becomes sort of a Hellfire version of itself.
But the cons outstandingly outweigh the pros. The story is lame, the primary antagonist is a regular human schmuck (Carrigan) and he is later transformed into a somehow even less interesting and dumb looking supernatural semi-undead villain, Cage has some really weak father-figure moments with the boy, and the boring devil’s role is minimal. Also Carrigan’s post-transformation make-up is awful and his action scenes are poorly imagined. Carrigan’s face off with Ghost Rider is a complete disappoint.
So this is the best they could come up with? Son of Hobo with a Shotgun, here? He looks like he should have a cardboard sign at an interstate exit ramp.
Christopher Lambert (Beowulf, Highlander) plays the ancient church’s monk leader with mad face tats. They are pressure point senseis, expert winemakers with a 2000-year old wine cellar, and gunsmiths of advanced artillery—making them the second least plausible monastery ever in this movie (second only to the techno-monks).
Nic, that’s exactly how we all feel after watching your movie. Now how many Aspirin do I have to chase with vodka to forget that this movie ever happened?
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Bad Movie Tuesday: The Devil Inside
A 7% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and an “F” cinemascore guaranteed that I would watch this movie. It deserved all the internet vitriol, audience boos and twitter hate. However, it did make $20 million in its opening weekend and only cost $1 million.
This movie would make an interesting case study in marketing success. If you promote anything at the right time you will have yourself a hit film. However, so many internet savvy people watched it the opening weekend it cost the film dearly. Because, afterwards the internet exploded with Devil Inside dislike. It was an interesting phenomena. The marketers fooled the audience and it cost the long-term success of the genre. Take for instance, the better reviewed Chernobyl Diaries did poorly at the box office due to fatigue.
I cheated a bit while watching this movie. I fast forwarded through all of the exorcism moments because they were unnecessary and exploitive. I could care less about a bunch of actors wrestling with an old woman with a deep voice.
The reason I watched this movie was to understand the badness. I figured it out in the first thirty seconds. The movie is supposed to resemble a found footage film but the acting is bad. It feels like people are acting and not being natural. A found footage movie hinges on the acting. Paranormal Activity worked because the two leads were natural. The Last Exorcism somewhat worked because of the strength of Cotton Marcus. Troll Hunter worked like gangbusters with its creativity and solid acting.
The Devil Inside is incredibly bad. The acting hurts, the plot wonky and the source material vague. When I say bad acting I mean that the actors cannot play natural. You can tell they are trying…They watched other films and copied them. Thus, it feels forced and not believable.
The movie is humorously promoted as “inspired by an actual story.” So, If I’m inspired by a football game and I write a dinosaur movie I can say it was inspired by an actual story. Also, they asked the Catholic Church for help. The church said no. So, now they promote how the Church wouldn’t help them.
This film made money however it hurt the genre. This is a great thing. It will force the creators to come up with creative endeavors that don’t exploit the movie going audience to make a few dollars.
The Devil Inside is a bad film that will do good things for the found footage genre. It will force creators to re-evaluate the audience and create interesting things that people will want to see.
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John’s Horror Corner: The Woman in Black (2012)
MY CALL: Three things, ordered from good to bad. 1) Daniel Ratcliffe can actually perform non-Harry Potter roles effectively. 2) The mood in this movie was very cool, though misadvertised. This is a horror flick, but the mood is more mystery/thriller-ish. 3) This film has no synthesis and then just “ends” without a real ending. [C/C-] WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD: Some house-themed horror-mysteries that pleased me include The Skeleton Key (2005), Session 9 (2001), What Lies Beneath (2000), and maybe The Others (2001) or Darkness (2002).
Let’s just be real for a moment. When I saw the preview for this I saw This Old House meets a period piece version of Dead Silence with a Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme. Throw in Harry Potter’s Daniel Ratcliffe and I’m even more skeptical. I didn’t doubt he could act. I loved him as Harry Potter. I just didn’t trust that he could convince me that he act any other role.
Ratcliffe plays Arthur, an alcoholic English widower who is leaving his small boy for a few days of work out of town. He is a lawyer charged with auditing a dead woman’s estate to ensure that a final will and testament is held. His arrival to the small town is met with unwelcome. The local tavern “lost” his reservation and has no room available except for the attic where, in the opening scene, we saw the three young daughters of the tavern keepers commit synchronized suicide.
In fact, all of the locals from peasant to commissioner are not only aware of the lawyer’s presence, but they all clearly don’t want him there. The uncooperative commissioner tries to convince him that there is no need to audit the house; that he already has all of the relevant documents. They go so far as to convince him that all means of contact to London are barred. But one local man, Mr. Daily, whom he met on the train, was kind to him.
We also quickly learn that the theme of the movie is the random death of small children…and it’s somehow linked to the marsh estate. The remote, ocean tide-bound estate is decrepit, dark, stony and cold. In the beginning it’s not really very eerie. The occasional, quiet sighting of the woman in black and some loud, cheap scare tactics keep us on our toes, though. It went something like this…
Hey, what’s that out of focus thing moving in the background. OMFG! The woman in black!
What’s that there? Right there…to the left…in the doorway, out of focus. WTF! The woman in black!
What a fabulous view. FML! The woman in black!
When Arthur has nowhere to stay, the Daily’s host him. Mrs. Daily is clearly still disturbed from the loss of her son nearly twenty years ago and is medicated, apparently with ether, to suppress delusions of serving as her dead son’s medium. Mr. Daily (Ciarán Hinds; Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance) warns of chasing shadows with superstition and furiously defends him from the lynch mob mentality of the other townsfolk who swear that Arthur is to blame for a recent child’s death. You sympathize with Mr. Daily, who supplies travel, alcohol and the companionship of his dog. But you also can’t help but to wonder why he is so helpful.
Yeah, I was REALLY worried about the dog, too.
The scares and creepiness become more tactful, but the film is more intriguing than it is horror-ish. I want to know what’s going on whereas, in most horror, I’m there to be scared or gored and am simply along for the ride to discover the backstory’s motive or origin. Later on, the movie turns into a fruitless ghost wild goose chase.
Creepy-intriguing writing on the wall.
Creepy-intriguing toys and rocking chairs.
Creeped out and intrigued Harry Potter with a hatchet.
For me the ending was the major disappointment. I was given no closure as to why the ghost was doing what it was doing or why the story ended the way that it did. I’m most disturbed that I had read about a sequel to this movie. Why have a sequel to a story that has no middle or end? Essentially, from the time of the first act, we never get anything new that sticks throughout the movie.
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Movies, Films & Flix Roundtable: Premium Rush
Mark: JGL and Michael Shannon star in a movie about a bike messenger who is hunted by a really angry guy. Add Nu Metal and bike stunts and you have…..a movie that I still cannot believe exists.
Ham Sandwich: The extreme life of a bike messenger in NYC….followed by the extreme life of the hot dog food cart and sky scraper window washer
Jay: It’s like Quicksilver meets the Transporter, starring Kevin Statham a.k.a. JGL.
John: Okay, what on Earth did I just see. Fine! I’ll watch it. I’ll probably even enjoy it. But make no mistake this will be a bad movie and, clearly, indicates JGL’s (or JGL’s agent’s) first serious lapse in judgment. Levitt has been getting great, serious roles and even some lighter-hearted sincere ones as well. Were it not for Christopher Nolan’s grab bag of preferred and re-used actors, I’d worry that this could cause a serious hick-up in JGL’s career. I mean, when this was in pre-production what was the role being cast? 22-year-old bike messenger with a dim future? And his agent jumped on this? Sounds like somebody owed somebody a favor.
……Now that the critical rant is over, I really do think this will be some mindless fun to watch.
Mark: I’m thinking it will be Cellular on bicycles or Timeline without time travel.
John: Cellular with considerably less muscle mass between the pro- and antagonists. Timeline without time travel is really just Paul Walker yelling with a sword in his hand
Mark: I just watched this trailer again and the thought “rush” did not come into my mind. These are three thoughts that did.
1. If Michael Shannon stops me then threatens my family I’m going to give him my backpack.
2. There seems to be a lot of CGI in a movie about bicycles.
3. I think JGL said the line “when somebody hits you…you hit back.”
Sweet Sugar: This has to be some kind of joke. Why watch this when i could watch Pacific Blue reruns on TBS? It seems like it should have been kids movie along the lines of Surf Ninjas with a Third Rock from the Sun aged JGL
Chuck Finley: “Speaking of Surf Ninjas, the world needs more Rob Schneider” said nobody ever
Sweet Sugar: … or more of Tone Loc
Chuck Finley: Michael Shannon is a great creep (eg., Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead). On a more important note, what ever happened to Nu Metal? Nothing makes me want to watch a bike delivery movie like some Slipknot and Coal Chamber. And what could possibly be in a parcel that the second that you gave it to the guy you wanted it back? “I really want to send this…(4 seconds later)….Oh yeah I’ll need that back or, uh, I’ll murder you”. Holy overreaction, Shannon. I also think it’s funny that cars were having trouble catching bicycles. Like if you are pedaling fast enough the person in the car is like, “Well we can’t catch them now, Jesus look how fast they are pedaling”.
Mark: He should have just pulled a gun and got the package. Instead he has to slowly drive around listening to Hoobastank for two hours.
O’Lasavath: I get the feeling this movie would be a lot more interesting if it were based on the perspective of Michael Shannon’s character. Why won’t that kid give me the envelope? Where did he learn to do those extreme bike tricks? Where is that numetal music coming from?
Chuck Finley: like no matter what CD or radio station he put on in his car it would be nu metal.
O’Lasavath: At one point in the movie, Michael Shannon gets an epiphany and realizes the best way to track down JGL is to just follow the nu metal.
O’Lasavath: You gotta give JGL’s character a lot of respect. You would never see that level of commitment from the UPS guy.
O’Lasavath: I wonder what’s in that envelope that’s so important? Does JGL ever stop to consider that maybe its just a father’s day card? Maybe the reason why Michael Shannon wants it back is because he forgot to sign it.
Chuck Finley: Maybe in a moment of weakness he put 20 bucks in a birthday card then realized he was exactly 20 bucks short on rent
Mark: David Koepp wrote this film. He also helped write Carlitos Way, Jurassic Park, Spider Man, Mission Impossible, Panic Room and War of the Worlds BUT….He also contributed to Indiana Jones 4 Maybe this is his punishment.
Sweet Sugar: Maybe the crystal skull is what’s inside the messenger bag?
Mark: If JGL starts swinging through the street with the help of city monkeys I will pre-order the film immediately.
Mark: I’ve been thinking about the title and several things come to mind:
1. Orange Juice
2. A remastered Rush album
3. Extreme Paper Clips …
The movie needs a new title. I’m thinking “JGL 500.” Not sure why but it doesn’t make me think of orange juice. What do you think the title should be?
Sweet Sugar: 4. Hold me close, tiny messenger 5. Message Man (I think it’s going to be a long long time) 6. Message in the wind
Chuck Finley: 7. Ja ja ja ja Joey and the mail. 8. Saturday nights alright for biking. 9. I guess that’s why they call it the news
Mark: I do hope I hope he gets help from the Portlandia bike guy. Michael Shannon would kill him quickly but he would make for a nice sidekick.
Movies, Films & Flix 