Bad Movie Tuesday: Red Tails
By: Sweet Sugar
Rating: D (saved only by stunning aerial fighting)
Synopsis: Well, at least we still have Glory.
What to watch instead:The good 1995 PBS movie “The Tuskeegee Airmen” with Lawrence Fishburne and Malcolm Jamal-Warner (Yes, Malcolm Jamal-Warner)
I can see how it’s challenging to tell a story about a group of beloved Americans like the Tuskeegee Airmen. On one hand, the studio could stick to history, plot and character development for a narrower audience, or on the other hand, dumb it down for a mass audience and make it merely “based on true events” in an effort to tell the world about these heroes.
However, paying tribute by making a one-dimensional, by-the-numbers movie will fail to bolster any legacy, especially when the real story is far better than any quasi-fictionalized version of the story.
In the style of the Movies Films & Flix crew, we try to keep things positive ……… but, Cuba Gooding Jr’s (CGJ) acting is such an abomination that a rant is justified. For example, the director gave him a pipe to aggressively chew on in every scene so that CGJ could appear (pretend) to be a grizzled war veteran. They could have casted Dolph Lundgren as his character and it would have been less comical.
Whenever a bad movie is being made with elements of racism/prejudice in the military, it’s mandatory that CGJ is cast. See Men of Honor (43% Rotten Tomatoes) or Pearl Harbor (25% Rotten Tomatoes). CGJ’s role was none other than to play CGJ. I’m surprised he wasn’t cast to play the Navajo soldier alongside Nic Cage in Windtalkers (33% Rotten Tomatoes), which was another WWII dud that dealt with the ugliness of racism.
The actors tried hard to make this work, but weren’t given much to work with. Each was assigned a single personality trait. The Germans were also one dimensional-evil as they talked slowly with thick scowls while ominous evil music played.
Here’s the breakdown of the Tuskeegee cast. They had the …
– The guy who gave defiant, impassioned speeches
– The troubled leader
– The “Maverick”
– The kid
– The comedian
– The martyr
Now, some examples of the corny dialogue:
“We didn’t lose a single plane. Wow, that’s a first!”- White Pilot # 1
“I hope we meet up with those Red Tails next time!”- White Pilot #2
“Wow, these guys are good.” – White Pilot # 3
“They’re not chasing glory and they’re staying here to protect us?” – Probably White Pilot #2
In conclusion, don’t watch this movie. Read about the Tuskeegee Airman instead.
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Trailer Talk: Magic Mike (2012)
TO GO TO THE REVIEW PAGE CLICK HERE
Channing Tatum. What can I say? I love the guy. In the past few years he has won me over and earned the level of man-crush that I had previously reserved for Christian Bale (The Dark Knight Rises) and Ryan Reynolds (The Green Lantern, Safe House). Between Dear John (2010) and The Vow (2012), he had me at “Hello…bro.” In The Eagle (2011) I found him impressive and credible. I even liked the him back in his Step Up (2006) days, which were actually rather close to his previous career…
Some of the stars at the Entertainment Weekly photo shoot got a little nervous that Manganiello (far right) would wolf out and grind them up into his protein shake. Judging by his size, a relevant concern.
CLICK HERE to watch the trailer.
Release Date: June 29, 2012
You see, Tatum (a Tampa native), was a male stripper as a late teen. That’s where he honed his dance moves for Step Up. In fact, making this movie was his idea. He wanted to reveal what that life was like, all the fun and reality of it alike–although a recent TMZ interview suggested that he left out some of the darker aspects. I wonder what they are?
Are they doing YMCA or Macho Man? I can’t tell.
And what’s going on with the big ugly guy in the back left?
So let’s get to Magic Mike. The trailer looks good. CLICK HERE to watch it. Take that with a grain of salt, though, you know I like Tatum and–confession time: I love RomComs, too. Anyway, Mike is an easily likable character. He sports an ever-approachable “aw, shucks” grin that will make ladies skip a heartbeat, muscles and dance moves that guys will envy and girls will want on their envious guys, and a not-soo-gooey yen for something more out of life.
Along with some hopefully successful attempts at sincerity, there looks to be a good, not-too-over-the-top amount of humor. Mike’s candidness and occupational quips should win audiences over and his jest about their “first fight” should unite the sexes with smiles.
“You don’t want to know what I’ve gotta’ do for 20s.”
Joining Tatum at the bro-spa for butt waxes was Alex Pettyfer (In Time, I Am Number Four) who plays Adam, a rookie to the business recruited by Mike. That should make for some fun firsts and an ass-grabbing hazing.
True Blood’s Joe Manganiello plays one of Mike’s coworkers and sports a name that is bound for some clever script moments (stage-named Big Dick Rich).
Matthew McConnaghey, Cody Horn, Olivia Munn and the “fluffy” comedian Gabriel Iglesias round out the rest of the cast. I am also intrigued that this is directed by Steven Soderbergh. When I think Soderbergh, I think gritty–I think Haywire and Contagion. So this is one Hell of a light-hearted turn for him. I’d like to think it’s because Tatum really won him over with the script idea.
This flick looks like it’ll be a lot of fun. And unlike Tatum’s past serious romances or bro-flicks like Fighting, no member of any couple should have to drag the other to go see this.
Despite having more shiny abs and waxed chests than a Gilette ad marathon, the cast is impressive and full of guys that guys like to root.
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Mark: I’m stoked that Edward Norton is seemingly back in 90s awesome mode. Jeremy Renner is a wonderful actor. However, where does the dude get all his wonderful fleeces and leather jackets? The same thing happened with Tom Cruise in MI4. I believed he could climb on the world’s tallest building and beat the snot out of a 50-year-old dude. But, I couldn’t believe that he would find a perfectly tailored leather jacket/hoodie randomly on the street. Does Renner have time to stop in at the GAP and find a perfect outfit? This is a strange thing to think about in a movie where he makes a fire extinguisher blow dart.
Sweet Sugar: I have to think that replacing Matt Damon in a movie series would feel like putting on a wet swimsuit. The producers felt sorry for Renner and gave him a genetic cocktail of skills
Chuck Finley: Does anyone else feel like the CIA and whoever else in the Bourne collection are totally inept? Like how hard is it really to keep tabs on one dude? They shouldn’t have been spending all that time turning Ferrari’s into lawnmowers (?) or whatever other ridiculous aphorism you use for incompetence.
Mark: I love the moment where he asks one question and the assassin next to him says “you ask too many questions.”
Chuck Finley: I still can’t get over the “That’s all I have, got to go” scene. If you drop the line that Jason Bourne is in New York City currently you better follow-up with some more information. That would be like calling someone and going “Don’t leave your house this week”-“What?! wait, why?!”-“That’s all I have, go to go”. That prick just made you a hermit for no reason.
Mark: I would tell every cop to look for custom fleeces.
Mark: I predict four things for the Total Recall remake.
1. It will be very shiny.
2. Jessica Biel will squint a lot.
3. Kate Beckinsale will do several unnecessary flips.
4. Colin Farrell will choose to get the memories of his character from In Bruges. He will then be annoyed by all the futuristic shenanigans.
Chuck Finley: I like in movies like this and the first Bourne movie you can forget how to kick major league ass like you would your new neighbor’s name and then all of a sudden it’s like “Holy shit, I know how to do Krav Maga and Jiu Jitsu”. That seems like something you would fucking remember, Colin. Also, asking someone why they are trying to kill you is the most asinine question possible. He might as well ask why the sky is blue and the grass is green at that point. Just accept it as a fact and move on. And try not to get donkey kicked too hard by Kate Becks. The second to last scene with the falling car also begs the questions: Are they even on Mars? Because when they fired that whip back up it looked more like modern-day Seattle. And is someone going to dramatically suffocate or have a man-child living inside them? If not, I’ll pass.
Mark: Very true. They are in some sort of futuristic city then they are crushing a car in Vancouver. I hope the car they crush is owned by Arnold Schwarenegger…He then drops his paper grocery bag and says “Bullsh**.”
Mark: I love the scene in the Total Recall trailer when Kate Beckinsale unloads mass quantities of exposition then says “You haven’t even begun to see me try to kill you.”
When I was a bouncer I tried to throw those indie kids out as quickly as possible. I didn’t toss them around for a bit because what if I tweaked my back or got them stuck behind the dart machine? Farrell then escapes and they go on the most expensive flying car chase ever.
Chuck Finley: The scene with Colin and Kate is just grating. I never understand why people have to explain things about the situation before trying to kill someone else. It reminds me of The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly scene: “Don’t talk, just shoot” and The Incredibles: “You got me monologuing”. Just shoot first and then say something cool. Ex: *shoots person* “Looks like your idea of living…*puts on glasses*….”just got shot down”.YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mark: A Eurotrash villain kills a couple CIA agents then tells a joke. There is no reaction. He then says: The Crowd is dead tonight.”
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Project X
I can totally understand the 25% rating Project X received on Rotten Tomatoes. However, I didn’t expect a plethora of older movie critics to appreciate a movie about the mother of all high school parties.
Peter Travers of Rolling Stone sums this movie up perfectly when he says:
“Project X is an unholy mess that reaches down to the age-irrelevant drive in all of us to just get sh**faced and run amok, in this case with the help of booze, pot, Ecstasy, a bevy of hot bitches, a crotch-punching midget and a flamethrower. Project X is a sh**faced Paranormal Activity.”
It is a hotbed of degradation and terrible choices. However, it never claimed to be something it wasn’t. This is a movie that will live on in high schools and colleges for years to come. Project X also features some of Todd Phillips trademark mean-spirited humor and is better than the abysmal Hangover Two. X also features the most obnoxious character in teen movie history. Oliver Cooper plays a punk named Costa who due to his own selfish needs destroys his friend’s house, incites a riot and wears a ridiculous sweater vest.
The movie revolves around three kinda cool kids who throw a monster party that becomes a living organism hell-bent on insanity. The movie is stuff of pure nerd fantasy. Limbs are broken, trees are lit on fire and three kids become legends.
I don’t need to write too much about this film. It is all empty calories and good-looking women. Everything is objectified, there are no realistic repercussions and the music is solid. Project X will be a terrible influence for easily influenced teenagers. Don’t expect anything from this movie other than a bunch of loud noises. However, the trailer told you that already.
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Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World or (SFEW) is a neat little film that attempts something wonderful. It attempts to spark a romance amidst the chaos of apocalypse. However, the spark has all the subtlety of two rocks smashing together. What should have been a nifty natural film feels forcefully scripted.
The biggest problem with this film is Steve Carell. I am a big fan of Carell and dug his work in 40 Year Old Virgin, Anchorman, Crazy Stupid Love and Dan in Real Life. However, in this film his depressed shlub is like an anchor that keeps the movie from starting a journey. In the film he plays a dour yet incredibly well dressed man whose wife left him and now he is alone. He isn’t into the heroin fueled love/alcohol fests that his friends have been throwing. He instead goes to work and mopes around his house and laments on his lost love. Another strange thing about his character is that he wears perfectly tailored outfits throughout the movie. Here is a man who has given up yet still manages to primp himself.
If Carell is the anchor then Keira Knightley is the buoy keeping this movie afloat. She provides a three-dimensional woman who could have been a pixie waif in a world that doesn’t understand her. However, Her problems seem real and all she wants is to see her family whom she has neglected in her pursuit of wrong men.
I was hoping this film would break out of its scripted purgatory and become an organic little movie where two people fall in love while on a journey. However, it all feels so scripted with its various vignettes of life before the meteor. The following proceedings feel like cheeky moments from a writers brain. The best moment of the road trip takes them across TJ Miller and his crew at Friendly’s. A restaurant that happily serves donut burgers until the eventual block of rock destroys them.
I dig how the story is about two people who are staying away from the craziness. They don’t want to be part of the orgies, heroin or riots. However, their intimate journey never feels right because of the opposing acting styles. When they do get together it feels forced and inevitable. The relationship isn’t earned, it is expected much like the deadly meteor. This is a sad chain of events because you really want to like the movie.
When a major aspect of the movie feels fake it hurts the rest of the movie. The movie is about finding a partner before the world ends. However, there is never anything at stake other than eventual death. Thus, when the world does end the emotional impact isn’t what it should be because it never felt real.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World could have been a wonderful film. Instead, it features a fantastic performance by Keira Knightley and an interesting take on armageddon.
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MY CALL: I never thought I’d appreciate my 5th grade Civil War history lessons. They paid off well in gory fun that was well worth the wait. This should entertain. [C, but a B+ for pure entertainment value]. IF YOU LIKE THIS WATCH: I have no suggestions for you other than the not-so-similar The Brotherhood of the Wolf. If you have any ideas, please post them in a comment below.
Director Timur Bekmambetov is a veteran of exaggerated action and genre-splitting fang flicks, having directed Night Watch (2004), Day Watch (2006) and Wanted (2008). In addition to some of those he has produced The Darkest Hour (2011), Apollo 18 (2011) and the possible Wanted 2 (????). He picks weird projects and visually supplements them in unexpected and often impressive (though also often ridiculous) ways. He’s a creative guy and, in general, I’m pleased with his work—including his latest: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
Young Abe.
Our story begins by weaving motive. Young Abraham witnesses the death of his mother at the hand of a vampire. From that day into adulthood, Abraham (Benjamin Walker in his first major role and looking like a young Liam Neeson) seeks revenge against that vampire, but hates them all.
The more stately, aged, axe-wielding Abe.
Honest Abe is trained by Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper; The Devil’s Double, Captain America: The First Avenger), who is as un-Yoda-like as it gets complete with rigid rules, a temper and a penchant for exterminating all vampires. One must wonder why. Of course, there’s a story there, the explanation of which would spoil the movie. He is backed by his best friend Will Johnson (Anthony Mackie; The Adjustment Bureau, Real Steel), a freeborn black man who has some unexplained skill for martial arts (in a time when it was generally unknown to the West) and axe-spinning (even though he lacked Sturgess’ Jedi tutelage).
Abe marries Mary Todd (Scream Queen Mary Elizabeth Winstead; The Thing), with whom he shares a life veiled from the truth behind his night life and political ambitions. In fact, this is where knowing some simple history gets fun. You’ll grin as you see political campaigns and war tactics steered by anti-vampire stratagem.
Our vampiric antagonist is effectively portrayed by professional villain Rufus Sewell (A Knight’s Tale, The Illusionist). As Adam, the 5000-year old maker of all vampires, Sewell is cold and enjoyably hatable. He leads the Confederate vampires of the South in their invasion of the North in the Civil War. His personal cadre enjoys the bedazzling company of Vadoma (played by newcomer/model Erin Wasson, who already looked rather vampy before doing this movie). She plays her simple part well and I hope to see more of her in more challenging roles.
Here, the sultry Erin Wasson is all vamped up for her scene.
And here, the sexy Wasson is all vamped up just because it’s Tuesday in Hollywood. Sexy, yes. But also cold as ice–like into those man-eating eyes.
The movie ends with a brief present day scene which smacks of Interview with a Vampire’s “I’m going to give you the choice that I never had.” An endearing nod, but not without a little eye-rolling to accompany my acknowledgement—not that this was the only time in the movie when that happened.
THE SETS: Now, I only noticed this because I always ask myself “now how do I feel about the cinematography and set design”—but I was largely unimpressed with both (excluding some action sequence work, though). Had I not been looking for it, I might not have noticed most of the time. The scenes were still effective and I don’t think too many people will wish they got more from this department unless, again like me, they specifically look for it.
To be, or not to be, in 3D: I saw this in 3D, and it wasn’t until the second act action scenes that I sensed that this might have been filmed in 3D. There was just something about the first act’s movement, zooming and background that felt a bit untidily modified-from-2D-to-3D. As it turns out, I saw the HBO making of special and noticed the same stale, artificial focus and contrast during zooming in 2D. However, once the second act action begins, you see that the action was clearly made (and well made) for 3D. It’s just that the 3D felt like a natural improvement for some scenes, but actually obscured trademark scenes like the one-swing-tree-splitting when compared to HBO’s (and the TV trailer’s) much crisper 2D presentation. One scene really didn’t fit in 2D or 3D, and that’s the “stampede fight.” When you see this, everything is so obscured by choppy focus and lazy-hazy blurred CGI that you wonder if they ran out of budget and then realized “Hey guys, we still need to do the Stampede Fight.”
My final decision: I’d vote to see this in 3D.
He must’ve been working out with Sosa and McGuire.
THE ACTION: After witnessing his tree-splitting training and some impressive axe-spinning flair I’m reminded of Ray Parks’ work as the headless horseman (Sleepy Hollow) and Darth Maul (The Phantom Menace). The action starts somewhere in the middle; it’s very blood-letty, fast-paced and entertaining, but also filmed very close up such that you see very little. So I was quite entertained while also wishing it was done differently. But during this first act of the movie the events, build-up and consequence were more important than the fights themselves. Whereas in the second act elaborately choreographed and CGI-enhanced scenes spew gore, sever limbs, and add complex acrobatics from a wide angle allowing full realization of intricate marriages between combat choreographers and CGI engineers. The sets were more open, much as were for many of Neo’s fights in the 2nd and 3rd Matrix movies, which allowed more freedom in planning grandiose maneuvers with more combatants. There’s even a healthy dash of post-impact slo-mo (a la 300 or The Immortals) as caped bodies and weapons corkscrew through the air about trailing cascades of black blood. Very well done indeed. The action shifts gears yet again for the third act (with a more aged Lincoln) and include a Western-style train action sequence and Civil War battle scenes. There’s a good deal of unrealistic skill and precision which hemorrhages absurdity this flick, but I found myself not minding a bit despite some playful Oh-come-ons.
In the spirit of The Matrix this flickcomes complete with jumping flip kicks…
Gratuitous jumping, spinning, 720-degree double-axe to the face moves…
And hits so hard that you’ll corkscrew flair through the air for so long that Abe will have time to wind up again and cut off your head.
THE STORY: This movie succeeded where many failed in utilizing a multi-story-style 3-act model. What do I mean? I mean The Brotherhood of the Wolf model. Each act of The Brotherhood of the Wolf felt like a different movie—it began with a period piece mystery, shifted to a large-scale action-driven phase, and then finished as a somewhat supernatural revenge flick, any one of which could have been its own stand-alone film. Movies that try to do too much (like this) often fail. In Abraham Lincoln we have a plotty origin story, followed by a more typical vampire hunter choreography-driven flick, and ended with an aged Abe and a politico-military historical piece where period mattered and fights took place in less martial arts-friendly venues. Again, any one of these parts could have been the vampire-gnawed blood and guts of a whole separate movie. 
While on paper, the concept must sound like it skirts lunacy, this exercise in absurd fantasy-horror-war-history hybridization comes off as a great summer action flick. You’ll be surprised at how seriously you’ll take it—as if hypnotized by some True Blood glamour. So I say see it. Be glamoured and dazzled. Enjoy.
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Jeff, Who Lives at Home
Jeff Who Lives At Home asks a lot of questions. Fate? Free will? Goatee? The film is directed by the Duplass brothers who struck indie gold with Cyrus and The Puffy Chair. Their film deals with arrested development in all its forms. Jeff stays on the shallow end of the subject matter but stays engaging due to its actors and unique direction.
I don’t think it ever wanted to be The Tree of Life. But, it boasts the uneven narrative that the Duplass brothers are fine tuning. I don’t think their style will hit the mainstream because their stories are methodically paced and focus on big aspects of people who live small lives. The Duplass brothers create movies that are intimate to them. I like their style and would trade an uneven narrative for likable characters.
Jeff does an interesting thing. It creates characters that are a mixture of terrible depression and arrested development. They could easily be viewed as unambitious and unlikable. However, with Jeff and Cyrus you appreciate the characters because of the actors performances. If the actors weren’t so warm and likable you’d feel terrible for them.
Jason Segel plays a 30-year-old man best described as an unkept stoner Sasquatch. Jeff lives at home and smokes weed. His widowed mother (Susan Sarandon) is confused and exasperated by her man-child.
He thinks the world is full of signs and coincidences. Thus, he waits in the basement looking for bigger things. He won’t settle because destiny hasn’t pushed him yet. However, after multiple viewings of the film Signs he gets a wrong number from a man looking for Kevin.
This leads him on a day long journey of coincidences and brotherly bonding. His brother is played Ed Helms. His character is a marvel of blue-collar douche and depressed obliviousness. He settled and is in an unhappy marriage and has resorted to acting recklessly to add entertainment in his life. His poor decisions lead him to buying a Porsche. However, his wife has resorted to flirting with adultery to cure her reckless needs.
Their lives seem so unhappy that it takes a lot to believe their ills will be cured in one day. The end of their day features an incredibly unlikely event which is incredibly effective. If you don’t like the characters and the Duplass style you will dislike the heavy melodramatic turn of events. However, the ending worked for me. Why not give these people a happy ending?
Jeff, Who Lives at Home is the work of two men who are finding their footing in the film world. Their style is simple and they make sad characters likable. The worlds are small but to the characters the changes are life changing.
Watch Jeff, Who Lives at Home. Support interesting directors. Watch Signs.
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This Means War (2012) [a second opinon]
MY CALL: Ridiculous, silly, unrealistic, but really just plain fun. [B-] IF YOU LIKE THIS WATCH: The level of silly fun in this flick really smacks of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003) and Keeping the Faith (2000), but without all the spy hoo-jazz.
A romantic comedy with an action-backdrop. It’s been done before, but in the past and limited by smaller budgets and less easily achievable CGI technology. This little date night charmer comes complete with serviceable (but admittedly, and hopefully intentionally, stupid) action—great, in fact, for a RomCom—and a good buddy dynamic between our two best friend spy-by-trade male leads: The ever-shallow ladies’ man, FDR (Chris Pine; Bottle Shock, Star Trek, Unstoppable), and the more soulful and soul-mate-y, Tuck (Tom Hardy; Inception, Warrior, Dark Knight Rises).
Here our heroes let the villain (a lousy attempt at a mini-side-plot) get away in an overelaborate escape.
Both actors have proven their worth with a recent flurry of genre admixture. Then, of course there’s Lauren (Reese Witherspoon; Water for Elephants, How Do You Know), an overly sharp, generally adorable, successful Consumer Report analyst who can’t seem to find a date even though she has a great attitude and takes care of herself—oh, and she’s as cute as Reese Witherspoon. Don’t find it plausible? Don’t care? The flick simply works in its own silly way and Chelsea Handler is fantastically funny as Witherspoon’s sister.
The flick kicks off when Tuck and Lauren meet via ItsFate.com for their first date. It’s rather abbreviated, but quite sweet. Shortly after, FDR bumps into Lauren, fancies her and has a womanizer meets girl-power innuendo battle which culminates in an invasion of her workplace until she agrees to a date. Tuck and FDR find out the very next day that they like the same girl. Neither is willing to back down so it is suggested they compete to win her affection. And, with two newly adversely-faced best friends vying for the same woman, we found the title of this movie: This Means War!
Tuck and FDR’s friend dynamic is great. It starts with the naïve gentleman’s agreement that if their competition over Laura affects their friendship then they both would stop pursuing her—as if! They get together for Chips marathons and work together and really know little more than the other has to teach. During their bro-romantic feud they both abuse their surveillance and super-spy gadgetry privileges at work. As The Hof pointed out in his BMT featurette, this likely cost a lot of tax-payer dollars.
Their recon leads them to all of her childhood fantasies and…some unreasonable adult fantasies as well. Of course, being overpaid fantasy-movie spies, they make them happen with no problem while competing for her affection. When it comes to using CIA ear-pieces (inciting the Patriot Act, for God’s sake) to have their subordinates aid them, and the sabotage thereof, it got truly wonderful. Seeing FDR try to narrate art history while Tuck listened and chimed in to distract him…simply priceless.
Tranq dart to the neck. Always funny, especially when tranq’ing someone who’s on a date with the girl you like.
Overhearing their own flaws and watching themselves overcompensate on surveillance footage is nothing if not enjoyable. To win her over they adopt milky-eyed, venerable dogs and paintball preteens into post-traumatic-stress-disorder to make up for their perceived flaws. Thank you, Chelsea Handler, for helping to make that happen. Handler brings up sex at the most inappropriate times and I dare not ruin how.
After a few rounds of capture-the-flag with this fanatic, those kids will go back to playing Dungeons and Dragons in mom’s basement.
No matter what the conflict, these brothers in arms returned to each other as besties. The happy endings number more than one and will leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy in the standardly lame ways. FYI, the ending is glorious!
SIDEBAR: So Chris Pine is taller than Tom Hardy and, when they’re in suits, he even looks bigger and refers to Hardy as his “small friend” jestingly in the movie’s opening scene. But we all know that if they throw down Hardy is going to ruin Pine and then grind him up into a protein shake, right?
Ah, Chelsea Handler. Still trying to drown your feelings in cabernet I see. Well, at least this makes for seriously dirty-funny sex jokes.
Favorite Quotes, all from Chelsea Handler except one, FYI (see Bridesmaids favorite quotes as well—good stuff):
“Stop referring to Boggle like it’s a man. You sound like a woman who has nine cats and knits her ass off.”
“You know when you know you’re going to have dirty sex and it’s gonna’ stink? Not like sex. I mean like man stink, the good stuff.”
“Do you think Gloria Steinham got arrested and sat in a jail cell so you could act like a little bitch? I don’t think so!”
“You’re not going to Hell. And if you go there, I’ll be there to pick you up.”
“Agent Foster entered the premises. Then, he—uh…entered the premises.”
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Dark Shadows
Dark Shadows is the end of an era. An era filled with strange characters, memorable visuals and the beautiful macabre. Tim Burton and Johnny Depp have teamed up for some wonderful films (Edward Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow, Ed Wood) The recent collaborations have been box office hits (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Alice in Wonderland) that sacrificed the weirder aspects of the early works for commercial success.
What once was unpredictable, dark and imaginative is now predictable. It used to be that Depp was in a Tim Burton film. Now, the audience talks about Johnny Depp’s over the top characters that inhabit Tim Burton’s movies. Gone is the dark atmosphere and rich characters. What we are stuck with is Burton letting Depp be Depp. Letting Depp be Depp is not an entirely bad thing. He did put his spin on Captain Jack Sparrow and the series has made billions. Nowadays, instead of letting the humor and appeal come from the characters Dark Shadows puts Depp in zany situations and expects laughs.
Depp is not the fresh-faced 27-year-old who appeared in Edward Scissorhands. That role gave him a weird/dangerous factor that summed up his career. The film also knew how to incorporate humor with the dangerous. Remember the scene where Depp and Winona Ryder first meet? She walks into her room and startles Edward who then pokes holes in a water mattress. The scene makes you laugh and realize how inadvertently dangerous and ill-suited Edward was to everyday life. It was humor from the moment. In Dark Shadows it is Depp doing things.
Dark Shadows focuses on Johnny Depp’s character named Barnabas Collins. Barnabas was the heir to a huge fishing company. However, he angered a witch who killed his parents, girlfriend, turned him into a vampire. Then, he was imprisoned in a coffin for two hundred years. He is accidentally let loose in 1972 and has to deal with disco, cars and hippies. He tries to restore his families luster while Eva Green’s angry witch foils his every step.
What is lacking in this movie is danger, surprise and originality. Burton’s films are normally populated with zany goth characters wonderful misfits. This film lacks the third dimension. Depp is confused, Pfeiffer is a survivor, Moretz is a brat, Miller is a turd and Green is angry.
Dark Shadows has the look, characters and style of a Depp/Burton collaboration. However, it seemed so content to nail the look and make Depp weird that it forgot to add substance.
I’m hoping the next Burton/Depp collaboration will combine the box office success with the coherent weirdness of their earlier works.
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Moonrise Kingdom
Moonrise Kingdom is another Wes Anderson masterpiece. The film boasts a self-assured Anderson doing what he does best. Wes Anderson makes wonderful Wes Anderson films. What do Anderson movies include? beautiful set design, quirky characters, obscure music, and a plethora of dolly shots.
His movies are quotable, memorable and require multiple viewings. They also feature the three Ds (death, divorce, depression). The visuals and jokes come so fast you barely have time to appreciate everything you are seeing. Whether it is a motorcycle in a tree or Bill Murray throwing a shoe at Ed Norton there is always a funny/surprising moment. One thing I love about Wes Anderson films is that a throw away joke can become your favorite moment after further inspection.
Wes has added another element to his arsenal. Moonrise Kingdom has a genuine warmth to go along with the quirks. The two key players responsible for the depth are Edward Norton and Bruce Willis. The two have actors are notorious for being difficult (Hulk, Cop Out, The Score). However, they seem to have bought into the Anderson mind-set and bring another dimension that was only glimpsed on the surface of prior Wes films. Their scenes with young Sam are true works of odd art.
The movie centers around two precocious yet slightly deranged 12 year olds who run away together on a sleepy island inhabited by Wes Anderson characters. Looking for them are Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand and Tilda Swinton. They also come across Jason Schwartzman and Harvey Keitel.
Bruce Willis adds a surprising amount of warmth and sadness to his police officer. Edward Norton is a perfect mixture of aloof and capable as the Khaki Scout Master. Bill Murray is a depressed man who gets drunk and chops down trees. McDormand is his wife and a successful lawyer who is stymied by her occasionally enraged daughter.
The movie works on every level. I laughed all the way through. After this film and The Royal Tenenbaums it is clear that Anderson knows how to make stab wounds funny. Also, the set design reminded me a lot of Life Aquatic. The practical sets and unique construction allow for long dolly moves that feature beautifully framed shots. Also, I loved the two young actors who hit every note correctly. Their roles required them to be confident, capable and wise yet still behave like kids.
Moonrise Kingdom is the product of a man who knows what he likes. All of his films may share the same visual flair and eccentric characters. However, he is constantly evolving in ways that add more depth to the familiar. With each film his characters become more human without sacrificing the odd qualities that make them such beloved characters.
Watch Moonrise Kingdom. Dig the depth. Appreciate the warmth. Don’t get stabbed by scissors.
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