Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
By John Leavengood
MY CALL: The live action actors were mediocre but I simply didn’t care. The apes, both CGI and performance-wise, were EPIC! For a summer blockbuster this gets a solid “A”. IF YOU LIKED THIS, THEN WATCH: This movie had some great qualities to it. Here are some off the wall movies to try out which share some such aspects. For the cruel prison elements try The Experiment. But be warned, that movie really tests its audience’s moral limits—like Sleepers. For awesome CGI apery, how about the recent King Kong? For an amazing emotional performance by another CGI character, you can’t go wrong with Wall-E.
Despite being an obviously predictable remake, this movie was absolutely not what I expected and it left me quite awestruck. James Franco, John Lithgow, and Freida Pinto brandished nothing but mediocrity. While watching the movie, I realized that I was in no way invested in their characters, their well-being or their relationships. The CGI apes, however, were done perfectly. If you’re old enough to remember how impressed you were when Jurassic Park or, more recently, the latest King Kong came out then you know what I mean. A solid standard is being set in the realm of live actor-driven CGI characters (in this case, by Andy Serkis of Lord of the Rings and King Kong fame).
I could talk about how great the ape scenes were for their dynamic movement, facial expressions and very creative action sequences. But I want you to see it for yourself. Just know that a LOT of work and careful thought and planning clearly went into this.
I was stunned by how well emotion was conveyed through Caesar (Andy Serkis’ role). Caesar had a powerful father-son connection to Franco’s character. When Caesar compared himself to a pet the tension and compassion were palpable. And as Caesar united his fellow apes, choosing them over his previous human family, you feel the sense of loss and conflict. Not since Wall-E have I seen such amazing emotional connections delivered by CGI characters. In fact, the two strongest examples of characters (live or CGI) depicting senses of longing or yearning to belong may just be Caesar and Wall-E. What can I say? Both of these movies really affected me.
So here’s what I wasn’t counting on. Much of this movie is essentially a prison movie. Yeah, like Shawshank prison movie. It shared a lot of the same plot elements: discovering enemies, big fish-little fish hierarchy, abuse, fear, feeling abandoned and alone, forming alliances, insurrection, escape, revenge. I’ll make another reach here. The movie reminded me of The Experiment. However, that Draco Malfoy kid didn’t do as well in this movie as Cam Gigandet and Forest Whitaker did as prison guards. Not by a long shot. Could Hollywood please never give Draco a job again, please? I’d prefer he do something he can do well, like pumping gas, because he surely can’t act!
Despite my harsh criticism of the live-action actors, this movie was jaw-dropping. The slow parts were stimulating and the FX and action were truly summer blockbuster-worthy. Don’t tell yourself that you’re walking into Mark Wahlberg’s Planet of the Apes remake all over again. This movie wipes the floor with it!
Not surprisingly, there’s already talk of the next installment, but I’m certainly not complaining. Click here to check it out
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Men of War
The tagline says it all
“Warriors are paid to fight. Not to think. But that’s about to change.”
With this tagline I expected two great things. Ridiculous action and Dolph thinking.
The movie starts off badly enough. Dolph wearing an ill-fitting hat while chugging whiskey. He has given up with mercenary ways and instead does sit ups and drinks hard liquor in-between sets. In true bad movie fashion he is summoned back for one more mission by the creepy dude who was in Roadhouse.
A strange thing happens though. After all the bad acting, ADR dialogue and bicep flexing the final battle scene is actually pretty badass (by bad movie standards). My guess is that they did the action scene first…ran out of money then had to film the rest in three days before the food ran out.
I’m thinking the producers hoped people would survive the beginning to make it to the end. All the badness is quickly erased when Dolph runs around with a swedish rocket launcher and the largest gun I’ve ever seen. There is even a slow motion scene where he runs with a knife and kills a whole plethora of bad guys.
Of all the 80s-90s Dolph action films I have to say that he tries the hardest in this film. The newest Rambo actually stole its tagline from this movie. “Die for something or live for nothing.” The Expendables is somewhat similar as well. Dolph’s character is Swedish Nick Gunnar….his character in Expendables is Gunnar Jensen. Coincidence?
I’m not saying this is a good film….because there is a whole lot of bad. The dialogue is almost all done by ADR. The editing is choppy and there is an action scene where a woman’s stunt double is obviously a man. Also, in the beginning Dolph wears the worst hat in the history of cinema.
I guess I should talk about the plot. The movie revolves around people wanting to mine Jade from an island. This is evident when the shirtless Australian bad guy is sitting in a boat reading a National Geographic that has Jade written on the front. The Aussie then is badly dubbed saying “Jade.”
In the end, Swedish Nick and his band of loyal mercenaries and villagers defeat a creepy guy, Zeus Lister and a shirtless Australian.
Coud be worse. You are not totally angry at yourself after watching. I recommend you watch in three intervals.
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John’s Old School Horror Corner: Night of the Demons 3
John’s Horror Corner: Night of the Demons 3 (1997)
By John Leavengood
MY CALL: No grade or score properly relays what one is getting into by watching this movie. Just be informed that I liked part one and LOVED part 2. This, however, paled in comparison. WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD: Night of the Demons (1988), Night of the Demons 2. IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: Night of the Demons (1988), Night of the Demons 2, Night of the Demons (2009)…in fact, if you liked this movie, watch ANY horror. DRINKING MOVIE STATUS: Alcohol is an absolute necessity to mentally survive this assault on good taste.
Beware, folks. And I’m not talking about demons either. From the first scene of this movie the film and camera quality are suspect. Poor special effects, dialogue which desperately forces the history of the ‘til-now-decent franchise, and unpresentably awful introductory credits—all three of which would be easily rivaled by a zero-budget student movie—prepared me for my own Hostel experience.
The same actress (Amelia Kincade) as in the previous installments plays the apparently aging demoness, Angela. I’m not complaining. I like the casting consistency. But this should be the first time she regrets the role. When we first see Angela she demonstrates the ability to telekinetically move a 5000-pound police cruiser. Keep that in mind later in the movie when that talent would likely be useful, yet unutilized, in dispatching pesky youngsters from the cast.
When introduced, the victims (or—characters) have an 80’s slasher-flick air about them in an era where movie-makers should know better. The wardrobe and breast-casting in the opening scenes also seem typical of a time that is 30 years past its prime. The young ladies’ unsensational bare breasts, dated hairstyles, ill-etched tan lines and underwear lead me to believe that this was actually filmed during 1980!
Following in the same classic vein the youthful leads all exhibit criminal proclivities early on in order to justify their obviously forthcoming doom. They also seem to have been held back a few years. These high school seniors look a lot like my cronies when I was in my early 20’s. So what happens is exactly what we expect: a lot of nonsense…
There’s ample nudity staying in classic horror trend: death-harbinger-nudity. Sex seems to be behind the wheel in this low-budgeter. Kissing Angela results in death, but that’s nothing new to those who have seen the prequels. There’s a ridiculous snake-for-a-hand death (see it and you’ll understand). Oh, and the best part of the movie was the “this is my pistol, this is my gun” quote from Full Metal Jacket. Even crappy filmmakers know when a well-deserved nod is due.
Now, I gotta’ ask—how old were these kids when Night of the Demons 2 came out. I mean, they all seem know something about Hull House in the movie. This is a sequel, so we are to understand that the kids from part 2 did in fact die there…in that house…just a few years ago. How many people need to die in this damned house before kids learn to stay away?
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Cowboys & Aliens
By: Megan Arnall
This story begins when Mark and I were in a theater in November 2010 to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. The Cowboys & Aliens trailer came on the screen for a packed theater, and instead of the awe and applause for a great summer blockbuster that we expected…a bunch of high school kids laughed and mocked this awesome looking movie. I was shocked.
Go see Cowboys & Aliens. Go see it yesterday. Did you see the trailer? If yes, ignore it; If no, don’t watch it. Don’t be the cynical kids in the movie theater, Cowboys and Aliens may sound like a funny title but weren’t you ever a kid with a huge imagination? When you were playing Cowboys and Native Americans as a kid…wasn’t it awesome when your Star Wars X wing fighter came to join the party?
Is this the penultimate of summer blockbusters? No, but it is a fun and highly watchable movie.
Megan’s reasons why:
- Sam. Rockwell. Always a superb and interesting master of ‘the character.’ Does he dance in this movie? You must watch to find out.
- Walton Goggins, the bad guy you root for. He is amazing on TV’s Justified and he brings that same spark to his supporting role in this movie as a member of an outlaw gang.
- Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig….and aliens. The only summer movie I am more excited for is next summer’s Liam Neeson and aliens movie, Battleship.
- The ultimate-movie-lover-who-is-still-a-kid-at-heart fantasy mash-up. Bond and Indy. This is a completely independent reson from the previous one, duh
- Harrison Ford as a role model to his Native American ward (Adam Beach, AKA one of Mark’s favorite actors) and the sheriff’s grandson
- The daytime fight scenes, but hey when you have Industrial Light and Magic on your team how can you go wrong?
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If you haven’t watched this film you owe it to yourself to check it out. Buckaroo is a totally enjoyable cult flick. the narrative is uneven, the scenes jump around, yet it has an undeniable charm.
Here are some reasons you should watch it.
1. Aliens with nicknames such as John Yaya, John Smallberries, John Bigboote.
2. John Lithgow saying “Laugh-a while you can, monkey-boy.”
3. Jeff Goldblum in a cowboy outfit.
4. this line…”Hey, hey, hey, hey-now. Don’t be mean; we don’t have to be mean, cuz, remember, no matter where you go, there you are.”
Check it out on Netflix instant.
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August Movie Preview Part 2
John’s August Preview
By John Leavengood
Conan the Barbarian
Release Date: August 19th
Cast: Jason Momoa, Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan
I have been waiting so very long for this movie—perhaps a decade. I always wondered who they’d find to replace Schwarzenegger and whether there would be a strong comic book fantasy element or not. Judging by the trailer, they went with the Boris Vallejo fantasy with serpents and sorcery (i.e., a creepy sorceress). I’m thrilled. I also like the guy they found to play Conan. He played Khal Drogo, a nomadic barbarian clan leader, in HBO’s Game of Thrones.
My biggest fear is that this movie seems conceptually no different from Kull the Conquerer, and while I loved the delicious Tia Carrera and Kevin Sorbo back in his Hercules days, Kull cut me pretty deep. Please don’t let this feel like tongue-in-cheek humored Kull. Please, barbarian God, Krom, let this movie rock! Luckily, director Marcus Nispel has a few credits that I enjoyed including remakes of Friday the 13th and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Their brutality coupled with his work on Pathfinder could yield an interesting result for Conan.
The Change-Up
Release Date: August 5th
Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Jason Bateman, Olivia Wilde, Leslie Mann
If a movie has Jason Bateman in it, I see it. If a movie has Ryan Reynolds in it, I see it (even if that movie is Green Lantern). So this movie is an instant must see. Both of these actors ooze humor and situationally awkward charm. And situationally awkward is exactly what this movie is. A la Vice Versa and Like Father Like Son, two people switch bodies. Only instead of a father and son (as was the case for the other two movies), this movie swaps an over-sexed bachelor who never grew up with a responsible family man. It looks great!
Fright Night
Release Date: August 19th
Cast: Anton Yechlin, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Colin Farrell, Toni Collette
This remake has been in the online movie rumor mill for over five years now. Finally, it has come. But should I be worried that director Craig Gillespie (Lars and the Real Girl, The United States of Tara, Mr. Woodcock) has never done horror—rather only comedy and drama? We have a lot of decent actors, but the trailer boasts none of the fun horror feel of the original. This barely looks like a horror movie but rather a Lifetime “Stepfather” style movie where there happens to be a vampire. I’ll give it a shot, but I’m very pessimistic straight out of the gate.
Final Destination 5
Release Date: August 12th
Cast: David Koechner, Tony Todd, and a bunch of kids.
I really loved the first three movies in this franchise. Even though they recycled the same plot with different actors and kills scenarios, I always found them to be very fun. The fourth, however, really dropped the ball. I may have enjoyed a few scenes, but there was a noticeable drop in quality. That said, I have high hopes that we get some quality horror fun this August with the fifth installment which is directed by new blood director Steven Quale, who has never been at the helm of a movie, but assisted Cameron on Avatar.
One Day
Release Date: August 19th
Cast: Anne Hathaway, Jim Sturgess, and Patricia Clarkson (who was wonderful in Easy A)
Ok, folks. This was evidently based on some best seller about which I know nothing. However, I absolutely adore Anne Hathaway—for her work not her looks and body, you perverts! She was stellar in Love and Other Drugs and charming in the otherwise mundane Valentine’s Day. That said, movies like this see no justice or warning from trailers. What do I mean? Well, no one who didn’t know about the novel would have thought that Pride and Prejudice’s trailer would merit a great tale of longing, nor did the trailer of Valentine’s Day warn us of the slap-dash script that was in store. Sure it was funny and sweet at times, but it just didn’t make par. I’m hopeful on this one. Check out the trailer and you be the judge.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark
Release Date: August 26th
Cast: Katie Holmes, Guy Pearce
Guillermo del Toro has truly proven himself when it comes to fantasy creature-driven movies. Hellboy 2’s tooth fairies and angel of death, the faun and eye-handed monster from Pan’s Labyrinth, and Hellboy’s Samaal; I’m looking forward to what creature he dreams up next (with the help of some ace make-up and CGI technicians). We just get a hint of the diminutive horrors of the movie in this early trailer…
Glee 3D
Release Date: August 12th
Cast: Cory Monteith, Lea Michele, Dianna Agron
Okay, I just watched the trailer…what am I watching?
I adored Glee in season one, like it in season 2, and fell off the wagon for season 3. I feel like this is just pushing the envelope. However, if you loved Glee throughout all seasons, then this is probably your bag. The trailer is not terribly informative, but it gives us the gist that the same ilk is being presented with a hint of reality behind-the-scenes action.
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Sucker Punch
Hello all. Mark here
Sucker Punch is like a juggler who has dropped all three balls. 99% of the time he wouldn’t have dropped the ball……This time he did. Read John’s review. I agree
Sucker Punch
By John Leavengood
MY CALL: This movie is clearly a reference to what you feel like after watching this movie. It’s essentially an example of what should have been epic schizophrenic ingenuity. However, what I watched felt like being spoon-fed heaping doses of terrible. WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD: There are some good examples of schizophrenic cunning out there. Try Cemetery Man, Pulp Fiction, The Shining or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. How’s that for a genre mix?
I simply don’t understand how one movie could have so many things that delight me and, contrarily, so many things that make me wish the moviemakers would all get bitten by an ebola-ridden gibbon monkey and die! What gives?
This generally awful flick follows the demented escape-fantasy hallucinations of a girl in a girls’ psychiatric facility. That’s the plot. I seriously nailed it in one sentence. While there is a story to her fragmented daydreams, it has no more direction than a slapped together game of Dungeons & Dragons…a mysterious dude gives her some instructions on things she needs to find, he throws in some clues along the way, and they have to kill a bunch of weird shit to get to these quest-completing items. It’s really no more complicated than a game of capture the flag—but with guns and swords.
I feel like the writers had a really easy time with this screenplay. Not a single piece of dialogue was ever important. It probably simply addressed how this chick gets thrown into the girls’ psych ward, she meets other girls, a series of badass special effects-driven dream scenes, and the movie ends with whatever lame scene is cheapest when our budget runs dry. While filming, the actresses just adlibbed everything.
Here’s a list of awesome shit that was in this movie. If you saw this list, you’d probably just assume this movie would be amazing, guaranteed…and you’d be wrong.
1) A fight between a chick with a katana and three 20’ tall shogun-samurai dudes, and one of them has a giant Gatling gun! How would that not make any movie awesome, right?
2) An army of zombies. Zombies will never be out of style.
3) A fire-breathing dragon.
4) An oversized mech-warrior robot thing.
5) A group of (mostly) cute chicks wearing cute Halloween outfits while fighting all these things. It’s like they crossed a strip club with ComicCon.
With these elements and a competent CGI-effects team, how on Earth did they manage to screw this up?
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Season of the Witch
Demons, witches, barbarians, wolves, Ron Perlman and Nicolas Cage. All the makings of a fantastic bad movie. In my head I imagined over the top acting, bad CGI and blood and guts flying in every direction. Just picture Nicolas Cage covered in blood battling a CGI demon while laughing radically the whole time.
Much to my dismay this did not happen. The movie is rated PG-13 and Nicolas Cage resorted back to his bored acting.
It is one of Cinema’s seven great mysteries as to why Cage under acts when surrounded by crazy incidents. Here are the seven mysteries.
1. Nic Cage underacting
2. Why Kurt Russel isn’t a superstar
3. Why hollywood cannot make a good film featuring Aliens fighting Predators
4. Paul Blart: Mall cop
5. The remake of Psycho
6. Point Break not winning an Oscar
7. Point Break not winning 14 more Oscars
If you haven’t read my review of the Nic Cage film Next I will give you some examples of bored acting.
https://moviesfilmsandflix.com/2011/03/22/bad-movie-tuesday-20/
Fighting Demonic Spirits: Bored
Wearing stylish duds during the plague ridden dark ages: Bored
Arbitrarily pointing at a map: Bored
Looking at beautiful vistas: Bored
Imprisoned: Bored
The movie centers around Nic Cage and Ron Perlman escorting a witch to a castle in which they will destroy her. The two talk boringly while one by one the knights traveling with them die. Wolves make an appearance and they have to cross the most inconvenient bridge in the history of cinema. The movie moves along ploddingly until the ending where Cage battles CGI right out of the 1990s.
This movie has no freakouts, Cage does not wear a bear suit and punch a woman…… And he never loses his sh*%.
Do not watch this flick. Watch the Wicker Man remake instead.
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Megan’s DVD Round Up
Hello all. Mark here. I asked my girlfriend Megan to write-up a quick DVD round-up for these two surprise hit films. They are both enjoyable for completely different reasons. One is about a Lawyer the other is about a really angry demon. I didn’t expect much from either of these but they managed to be very pleasant surprises. Read the round-up. Rent the DVDs. Leave a comment.
Insidious
Reasons you will rent this movie tonight: (1) It’s creepy (and movies don’t usually get to me) in all the right ways (2) It’s original, it is refreshing to have a horror movie sans torture and the typical horror gimmicks (3) Angus Sampson and Leigh Whannell, kind of ghostbuster sidekicks who provide hilarity at just the right moments (4) The characters make smart decisions! (5) All of this was done on a budget of $1.5million, including the paychecks for Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne. You will definitely get your money’s worth with this movie!
Lincoln Lawyer
Matthew McConaughey has definitely found his niche with this film (maybe a franchise?). This novel based, murder mystery/courtroom thriller is evidence that under that serious tan and southern charm there is a convincing actor who can stand up with the likes of Marissa Tomei, Ryan Phillippe, John Leguizamo and William H. Macy. The story keeps you hooked until the end and all of the interesting/crazy/funny side characters that you meet along the way, really fill out this movie. This is definitely one to buy and watch on rainy afternoons. Also, be sure to check out the soundtrack with it’s funky/pop/upbeat/urban style jams!
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid
One thing I never understand about these movies (Mega Piranha, Sharktopus, Mega Honey Badger vs. Mutated Sloth) is why the main characters are never put in jail for the rest of their lives. They mutate creatures and those creatures go on to kill hundreds of people. They are responsible for the slaughter of animals and bad actors.
This movie is based on funky logic. However, this is the first film ever by the Asylum production crew that features an actual technical fact.
One bad acting cop tells another bad acting hunter (in a V neck) that when they cut off a pythons head they need to scramble its brains. This is an actual fact that PETA and the law supports. My jaw dropped when I heard this. Things soon returned to normal and dumbness reigned supreme.
The plot revolves around people doing dumb things with animals. The beginning features Tiffany (the world’s worst environmentalist) rescuing a python from a lab and releasing it into the wild. The problem is that pythons are not native to the Everglades so she is technically letting an invasive species lose to wreak havoc to a native population.
The pythons get bigger and bigger and start to eat alligators. This makes Deborah Gibson (the world’s worst park ranger) angry so she feeds super steroids to the gators (gatoroid YEESH) The gators get bigger and faster than you can say “horrible CGI” the creatures are battling it out.
The big selling point of this film is the fight that Gibson and Tiffany engage in. The two middle-aged women throw each other over tables and smear each other with cake. I understand the camp aspects but the fight depressed me. I felt bad for the ladies. Watch for yourself.
Eventually, the creatures make it Miami. One large python bites a blimp and it flies off in the air with the python attached. Another Snake swallows a train. Eventually, they are all lead back to the Everglades via pheromones. They are all blown up and Debbie Gibson and Tiffany are eaten by the large creatures.
When viewing this don’t attempt to focus all your attention on it. Watch it while vacuuming or working on something productive.
Movies, Films & Flix 