The 2016 MFF Random Awards: A Collection of Awards Featuring Musatches, Flannel and Seagulls
The Random Awards are back and they are celebrating the best of 2016! I love randomness (just listen to the mid-year random awards pod) and because of this I put deep thought into dumb awards. The films of 2016 have given me ample random material and I hope you enjoy the inane and cheeky awards. If you are interested make sure to check out the 10 best mustaches of 2016 too!
Sit back, relax and enjoy the 2016 Mid-Year Random Awards!
Best Movie of the Year Award
Everybody Wants Some!! is the hands down best movie of 2016. It is rewatchable, likable and beautifully directed by Richard Linklater.
Best Blue Person Touching a Television and Learning Everything Award
If you are an ancient being who needs to play catch up on thousands of years of “learning” just go ahead and touch a television and tell people you are “learning.” X-Men: Apocalypse is really bad.
Best Looking at Computers Award
Jason Bourne is not a good movie. However, Alicia Vikander’s looking at computer work is stellar. She really nails looking at stuff that isn’t there and acting like stuff is there.
Best Volkswagen Backseating Award
Bucky and Sam need their own movie. I love their interactions in Captain America: Civil War.
Best Flannel On Top of More Flannel Award
Pete’s Dragon is a glorious flannel fest. It is easily the most flannel of remakes and it will make you shed a whole lot of happy tears.
Best Carhartt Jackets Award
Manchester by the Sea is the best film of 2016 (Everybody Wants Some!! is the best movie) and it features the best Carhartt jackets of the year. I’m pretty sure somebody from the costume department wore the jacket around for a month and wrestled random folks to get the jackets looking right. I hope Casey Affleck wins an Oscar because the dude is awesome.
Best Grumpy Waitress Award
Hell or High Water features the grumpiest/most amazing waitress ever. Don’t even try to order something than potatoes and steak around her.
Best Breathing in a Movie About Not Breathing Award
The breathing in Don’t Breathe is pretty great. I really believed the actors didn’t want to breathe, but had to breathe (because you have to). Their kinda breathing was excellent, and I applaud them for their attempts at not breathing and failing at it.
Best Mustache That Would Make Tom Selleck Jealous Award
Aaron Eckhart’s mustache in Sully is next level awesome. It is easily the best mustache of 2016.
Best M&M Stealing Award
I wish more people watched Elvis & Nixon. Michael Shannon and Kevin Spacey are in fine form and they worked wonderfully together. My favorite moment of the film involves Elvis stealing Nixon’s M&Ms. It is a gangster move and proves Elvis didn’t care about M&M theft laws.
Best Cannibalism Award
Are you a model? Is there a model who is better than you? Don’t eat them. The Neon Demon is a weird movie.
Best Mixtape and Escape From a Hot Tub Award
Craig Robinson is really good in Morris From America. I just hope Morris From America 2 isn’t Hot Tub Time Machine 2.
Best Sock Featured in a Horror Film Award
Lights Out is a nice little horror film. I really like the “relationship sock” moment because it felt real and created likable characters who don’t end up as horror fodder.
Best Droll Narration Award
Rachel Weisz’s narration in The Lobster might be the greatest thing ever in the history of the world (total hyperbole…but not really). The Lobster is brutal, brilliant, bleak and bloody hilarious.
Best Painting of an Evil Nun Award
Have you ever dreamt of an evil nun, then woke up and painted a perfect portrayal of that evil nun? Patrick Wilson did in The Conjuring 2.
Best Whiteboard Award
What does every linguistic need when communicating with uber smart aliens? A trusty whiteboard that doesn’t smudge and isn’t overly cumbersome. I love Arrival.
Best Snappy Named Seagull Award
Steven Seagull steals the show in The Shallows and I love that he/she didn’t meet a Deep Blue Sea fate. The Shallows is a really fun movie.
Best Non-Accent Award
Gerard Butler doesn’t even attempt to do an accent in Gods of Egypt. He is the most Scottish sounding Egyptian god ever.
Best Farting Corpse Jet Ski Award
The farting corpse jet ski scene in Swiss Army Man might be the weirdest cinematic moment of 2016. I love that fact, but I dislike that it makes jet skis cool.
Best Birthday Song of the Year Award
Hunt for the Wilderpeople is a joyous blast of sadness and humor. You can’t pin the film down into any genre and I like how it plays how unexpectedly and violently. You will love this song.
Best Threatening to Have Somebody Whipped Award
Kate Beckinsale is awesome in Love & Friendship. She nails the Jane Austen dialogue and you can tell she loves delivering every line. I feel bad for the guy she threatens in this scene though.
Best Music Video For a Band That Was Created to Impress a Girl Award
Sing Street is an ode to love, music and 1980s Ireland. Director John Carney (Once, Begin Again) has hit another homerun.
Best Annoyed Ralph Fiennes Award
Hail, Caesar! is the most underrated film of 2016 and the clip below features one of my favorite scenes of the year. Ralph Fiennes is the best.
Best Autograph Award
You gotta watch Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping to understand what this award is about. The scene is too NSFW for this post.
Best Perfect Fitting Outfits That Are Found During a Night of Chaos Award
Nerve is the most pleasant surprise of 2016 and it features outfits that are way too tailored to be found on the fly. Did the production designers go to the “Tom Cruise School of Perfect Fitting Clothes” school?
Best Usage of an Escalator Award
Imagine trying to run up a downward escalator while fast zombies are chasing you. That would be terrifying. Train to Busan is one of the best horror films of the 2016 (The Wailing is the best)
Best Green Room Inside a Gross Place Award
Watch Green Room now. It is really really ridiculously good and features a pretty decent green room. Check it out on Amazon Prime.
Best Usage of George Michael Award
Keanu made me believe that George Michael is a badass motherf**ker.
Best Topographical Map of Utah Award
Deadpool without a mask is not pretty. However, listening to T.J. Miller improv his way through insults is wonderful. I feel bad for all the insulted avocados.
Best Side-Eye Award
Colin Farrell’s side-eye work in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is top-notch. The dude has mastered the art of looking annoyed at people while not exactly looking at them.