SPOILERS!!!!
SPOILERS!!!!
SPOILERS!!!!
I loved Avengers: Infinity Wars because it managed to pack 10 years worth of Marvel storytelling into a cohesive, funny, emotional, and overwhelming experience that demands multiple viewings and makes viewers ask many questions about what happens next. Instead of asking the obvious questions that have been written about ad nauseam, I came up with 10 questions that don’t matter much in regards to who lives or dies. These questions are supermundane and pointless but they do explore some unexplored questions that people (AKA me) might have.
Quick note: Make sure to listen to our Avengers: Infinity War podcast. It’s pretty great and I guarantee we’re the only people talking about Thanos eating half of a grouper sandwich.
1. Who Taught Thanos How to Box?
I know Thanos is a titan who has lived many years and fought many battles. However, if he was self-taught he could’ve learned some bad boxing habits that would make him look silly when battling someone who was his equal. Somebody must’ve taught him boxing skills (footwork, angles, combinations), and I’d love to know who got tasked with one of the worst jobs in the universe. Does Thanos spar lightly? Can you give Thanos advice? What happens when the speed bag gets the better of him? Are there heavy punching bags big enough for Thanos?
There are no clips of the fight, but when you watch it again make sure to look for all the things that Thanos does right while fighting.
Thanos can fight – pic credit.
2. What Does Red Skull Do In His Downtime?
Red Skull has a lot of downtime and I wonder how he keeps himself entertained on Vormir. I know he learned how to access the powerful Soul Stone but he can’t obtain it which must be incredibly frustrating. Thus, he is stuck on a desolate planet with an Infinity Stone taunting him at all moments. Has he mastered yoga? Does he jog? How many people has he taken to the Soul Stone? Are there books on Vormir?
Is there booze on Vormir?
3. Do Chaperones Hate Peter Parker?
I feel terrible for any high school chaperone or bus driver who has to keep tabs on Peter Parker. The kid can disappear at any moment and it looks really bad for a teacher/driver when one of their charges has vanished. Also, what happens when all the kids on the bus in Avengers: Infinity War realize Peter is gone? I know they have more important issues but his disappearances have become a bit of a pattern.
Poor guy had a terrible time keeping up with Peter in Spiderman: Homecoming.
4. What Is Justin Hammer Up To?
Justin Hammer would be no help when battling Thanos but I still like the guy and think he would add some levity to all the death. I know that he is still in the maximum security Seagate Prison and has zero chance of escape because he isn’t that clever and seemed quite content when we saw him last. The best bet for him to see the light of day is after Thanos snaps his finger and 50% of the people disappear. He could capitalize on the confusion and walk out of the prison when everyone is justifiably freaking out. Then, I hope he teams up with Trever Slattery (Iron Man 3 – Ben Kingsley is the best), and they form a weird criminal partnership that annoys The Avengers after they help them defeat Thanos.
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5. Could Thanos See Drax When He is Standing Still
I was very impressed with the stillness that Drax achieve’s when he puts his mind to it. I love that he can stay still for an hour and nobody notices (not that they were looking). It would be awesome to see if he could trick Thanos into thinking there wasn’t a 6’5 muscular behemoth in close proximity? Drax blends in really well into his surroundings and I’m thinking the best way to defeat Thanos is by a Drax surprise attack that was hours in the making.
He does blend in well.
6. Did They Make a Joke About Thanos and his Floating Throne?
Many jokes have been made about how Thanos never left his floating chair in Guardians of the Galaxy. The dude seemed totally comfy in his floating rock throne and because of this he never came across as threatening, powerful or proactive. That all changed in Avengers: Infinity War when he kicked everyone’s butt and proved himself to be a wrecking machine capable of pulling a 10-7 round on The Hulk (see above boxing). There is a moment in Avengers: Infinity War when he is in his spaceship with the recently kidnapped Gomora and she says “I always hated that chair.” Is that a joke about the floating chair? Did directors Joe and Anthony Russo really take a dig at his love of chairs? If so, I love it.
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7. What is Peter Quill’s Current Zune Playlist?
I’m sure that Quill is still jamming out to the two Awesome Mixes, but the Zune must’ve opened up his world to some brand new music. Here are five songs I think he would love.
- Slow Ride – Foghat
- Take on Me – a-ha
- Down Under – Men at Work
- Don’t Stop Believing – Journey
- Sweet Child O’ Mine – Guns & Roses
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8. What is Eltri up to now?
I feel really bad for Eltri (Peter Dinklage) because he is all alone on Nidavellier and has nothing to do. I guess he could keep forging sweet weapons, but I doubt he will be making them all willy-nilly after Thanos attacked and killed all his people. How do you keep yourself busy when you are alone and mourning the death of your friends?
(Photo by C Flanigan/Getty Images)
The dude is gonna be bored and sad.
9. Will Wong Go to Tony Stark’s Wedding?
I sure hope he does. If the wedding happens, I’m expecting Tony to send Wong an invite (with a +1) that hopefully doesn’t ask him to perform magic tricks at the reception. I do think it would be awesome to see the Beyonce-loving-Wong, DJ’ing Tony’s reception because I’m certain Dr. Strange got him into music.
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10. Will Tony Help Nebula With Upgrades?
I really hope Nebula is the one to kill Thanos because he is responsible for ripping her body apart and turning her into a homicidal killer (who got better) who has probably killed thousands of people (which she might regret). She has suffered for too long and it would be awesome if Tony set her up with a sweet suit that could give her the upper hand on the weakened titan. How cool would it be if a super-suited Nebula beats the living sh*t out of Thanos, saves the galaxy and brings everyone back?
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What random Avengers: Infinity War questions do you have?
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MY CALL: Dario Argento’s classic witch movie is hardly a witch movie at all… but, wow, the man could cultivate great atmosphere! MORE MOVIES LIKE Suspiria: For more ballerina horror, consider the psychological thriller Black Swan (2010). For more bewitched films, check out the “sidebar” below.
Newcomer ballerina Suzy (Jessica Harper; Suspiria 2018 remake) attends a strict German ballet academy to find that not all is as it seems. Something sinister is afoot, and her roommate (Stefania Casini; Blood for Dracula) is eager to help her solve the mystery.
Writer (in part) and director Dario Argento (Mother of Tears, Phenomena) relies tremendously on atmosphere, heavily utilizing greens, blues and reds in the set design, wardrobe and lighting to augment the mood. The sets are gorgeous, the dancers are catty (and also gorgeous) and the characters represent exaggerated stereotypes… although perhaps not so exaggerated for the 70s. The acting may feel a bit rigid, at times, while delivering an often over-explanatory script. But not in a way that affected my enjoyment of the film.
With my contemporary eyes, I’m not impressed with the clunky execution of the death scenes. Retractable knives just don’t do it for me and, while quaint, the visual of a victim being stabbed directly in the heart through a hole in her sternum didn’t really nail it either. But Argento had a flare for drama, and the post-mortem shots were appropriately macabre.
I was particularly fond of the opening death when the bystander was impaled by large pieces of glass and window framing from the ceiling. However, quite to the contrary, the bewitched murderous dog scene was just okay and I was completely unmoved by the maggot infestation scene. But, again, I’m watching with 2018 eyes, having seen perhaps 1000 horror movies released after 1977. So, there’s that. And when have maggots ever really been done well except for The Lost Boys (1985)?
We find ourselves asking a lot of questions like where did all the maggots come from? Where do the instructors go at night? Why is Madame Blanc (Joan Bennett; Dark Shadows) so pushy about where the dancers sleep? Why did it take so long for the killer to jimmie open that lock and why the Hell was that floor filled feet deep with wire coils? Yeah, some questions are weirder than others.
Everything builds to a rather anticlimactic, generally unsatisfying and completely unresolved (yet still over-explained) ending featuring no stronger special effects or urgency than earlier in the film. Truly, the film’s greatest assets were the least dramatic: Udo Kier (Blade, Flesh for Frankenstein) making his least melodramatic appearance ever, and Barbara Magnolfi (The Sister of Ursula) as the deliciously catty ballerina. Let’s face it, this sorcerous school is no Hogwarts.
Dare I say it, but this beloved classic felt… boring. Yeah, I said it. But honestly, most “classic” horror bores me—like the original Halloween (1978). My enjoyment in these films (and, yes, I do enjoy them despite my criticism) is seeing how tropes were utilized back then, before themes were yet overused; their early iterations that inspired the films to come and the concepts that would be copied, honored, or simply ripped off by their successors. So, for me, watching Suspiria feels like taking a snazzy horror film appreciation class. And, even if boring, I appreciated it for that.
Witch Movie SIDEBAR: Some excellent witch movies that actually feel like witch movies include Warlock (1989), Warlock 2: The Armageddon (1993), The Witch (2016; podcast discussion) and The Witches of Eastwick (1987). Beautiful Creatures (2013) and The Woods (2006) may appeal to young adult audiences. But I would sooner direct you to Hocus Pocus (1993), The Witches (1990) and The Craft (1996). I’m leaving Harry Potter out of this discussion, by the way. Fantasy sorcery (Willow, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice) and wizardry (The Lord of the Rings) is to be considered its own thing entirely.
The campy The Kiss (1988), Spellbinder (1988), Necromancer (1988), Necropolis (1987) and Cherry Tree (2015) are entertaining but bad. And speaking of campy, Superstition (1982) and The Haunting of Morella (1990) are allegedly witch movies but don’t feel like it. But even if you want a bad movie, definitely skip Witchcraft (1989) and all sequels.
The dark noir Lord of Illusions (1995) is intriguingly edgy and, while more a “magic movie” than a “witch movie,” it hits a lot of the same dark arcane notes. And, of course, The Blair Witch Project (1999) and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000) were awesomely stylized in their own unique ways despite never actually showing us a witch—at least, not until Blair Witch (2016). Check out Pumpkinhead (1988) for a great depiction of a witch, though it’s not a “witch movie.” Meanwhile Deadtime Stories (1986) and The Theater Bizarre (2011) features a pretty cool witch short story, and The Pit and the Pendulum (1991) addresses witch trials.
Witches can come in so many flavors, can’t they? Lords of Salem (2013) and Mother of Tears (2007) deal with witches’ spirits in the form of dark ritual and possession. Quite the opposite, Snow White and the Huntsman (2012), The Last Witch Hunter (2015; podcast discussion) and Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) offer action and effects-driven popcorn fun—Season of the Witch (2011) attempted this, but failed miserably. But the witch from The Brothers Grimm (2005) was pretty cool.
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Paul Shipper does some legit work
With the fourth upon us, I felt it was necessary to do a deep dive into the nine Star Wars films in an effort to give you some random data. This data won’t change the galaxy, but if you’ve been reading my stuff for some time you know that I love compiling random data and sharing it with the world. The following covers lightsaber screentime, the evolution of the prequels, and if the amount of time spent in space affects critical/audience reaction.
- Time in space = If you step outside you will most certainly die horribly.
- Time on land/terrestrial planet = If you step outside you will be welcomed with glorious oxygen.
Here is the amount of time the nine movies spent in space and on land.
- Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace – 22 (space)/ 104 (land) – minutes
- Star Wars: Episode II – The Attack of the Clones – 8 / 123
- Star Wars: Episode III – The Revenge of the Sith – 33 / 102
- Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope – 65 / 53
- Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back – 29 / 94
- Star Wars: Episode VI – The Return of the Jedi – 40 / 85
- Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens – 33 / 95
- Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi – 74 / 68
- Rogue One: A Star Wars Story – 27 / 99
Quick note: There is no causation/correlation here. However, I think the results are neat because there are some patterns that emerge. Also, I was surprised at how little time the prequels spent in space.
Interesting Facts:
- The movies with the highest Tomatometer rating and IMDb User Scores in the three trilogies (Empire Strikes Back, Revenge of the Sith, The Force Awakens) spend roughly 25% of their time in space.
- A New Hope and The Last Jedi spend more time in space (than on a planet) and they have a higher combined Tomatometer average (92%) than the movies that spend more time on land (78.8%). Also, Luke drinks gross milk in both movies
- The two films (Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones) that feature the least amount of “space-time” have the lowest Tomatometer scores (55%, 66%). It’s kinda bonkers that Attack of the Clones only spends eight minutes in space.
The gladiator battle in Attack of the Clones was kind of cool.
I also found out some cool data points on lightsaber usage
- Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace – 8 minutes
- Star Wars: Episode II – The Attack of the Clones – 14 minutes
- Star Wars: Episode III – The Revenge of the Sith – 21 minutes
- Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope – 5 minutes
- Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back – 5 minutes
- Star Wars: Episode VI – The Return of the Jedi – 7 minutes
- Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens – 5 minutes
- Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi – 4.75 minutes
- Rogue One: A Star Wars Story – 33 seconds
Revenge of the Sith went big with its lightsaber battles and has the highest critic/audience score of the prequels
Quick note: Ed Mahon (Flipsidepa) did some solid work compiling the lightsaber time of the first six films. I counted the rest of the time
- Revenge of the Sith features the most lightsaber usage of any of the prequels and has the highest Tomatometer score (79%). Return of the Jedi features the most lightsaber usage in the original trilogy and has the lowest Tomatometer score (80%)
- The four lowest-rated movies (Phantom, Clones, Sith, Return) feature the most lightsaber screen time. I know the prequels are responsible for this stat but it is still surprising that the more you show a lightsaber the lower the critical score.
Prequel Data
- The good news for Solo is the Tomatometer scores and IMDb User Scores for the four prequels have risen with each installment (55%, 66%, 79%, 85% and 6.5, 6.6, 7.6, 7.8))
- The bad news for Solo is the prequels have a much lower Tomatometer average (71.25) and IMDb User Score (7.125) than the non-prequel movies (90.2% / 8.2)
I am really excited for Solo
Random Data that involves Han Solo
- The five movies that feature a variation of a “Death Star/Planet” have a higher Tomatometer average (86%) than the movies that don’t feature giant planet killers (76.5%)
- Star Wars movies that feature sea/lake/water beasts (New Hope, Phantom Menace, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi) have a higher Tomatometer average (83.25%) than the movies that feature very large monsters (Attack of the Clones, Return of the Jedi, Empire Strikes Back) that try to eat our heroes (80%). I wrote this because of the massive tentacle thing in the Solo trailer.
- Movies that feature terrible things happening to Han (Empire Strikes Back, Force Awakens) have a 93.5% average.
- Movies that originally featured Jabba the Hut (Phantom Menace, Return of the Jedi) have the lowest scores in each trilogy.
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There you have it! A whole lot of Star Wars data for you on May the fourth. Hopefully, you can use this data to “wow” your friends and provide some interesting talking points while you are waiting in line for Solo.
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The MFF Podcast #127: Avengers: Infinity War
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back and we’re talking about the superhero epic Avengers: Infinity War. The fantastic movie was 10 years in the making and we loved that it pulled off a Triple Lindy, stuck the landing, and left viewers clamoring for more. In this podcast, you will hear us wax poetic about Peter Quill being a punk, Tony Stark being the best, and if Drax was successful in his invisible antics. There was a lot to cover and we did our best to touch on everything while answering intense questions like “Will Thanos become a sex symbol?”
Photo: Chuck Zlotnick..©Marvel Studios 2018
I loved the pairing of Tony Stark and Dr. Strange.
As always, we answer random listener questions and discuss Thanos eating a grouper sandwich. If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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Hostiles is an uncompromisingly bleak film that manages to find beauty in several powerful scenes. Director Scott Cooper (Into the Furnace, Crazy Heart) has crafted a memorable vision that is full of beautiful vistas, brutal death, and committed performers. As the film wanders headlong into violence there are welcome doses of hurt/hope that I found to be refreshing because I liked the flawed characters and could tell the actors inhabiting them relished their moments to monologue, shed tears or dig graves with their hands. The cast is stacked (Christian Bale, Rosamund Pike, Wes Studi, Adam Beach, Q’orianka Kilcher, Scott Wilson, Rory Cochrane, Stephen Lang, Jesse Plemons, Ben Foster, Timothee Chalamet) and if you are a movie nerd like me you will dig The New World and 3:10 to Yuma reunions.
Hostiles is a meditative character study that relies on silence and the occasional outburst of violence that was common in the western states in 1892. The film opens with a group of “snake” Comanches perpetrating a brutal attack on a family of homesteaders and killing everyone except the mother/wife Roselee (Rosamund Pike – always good). The isolation of the cabin and the sudden attack of the Comanches creates a bleak world that just keeps getting bleaker as the story unfolds.
The core story revolves a bigoted Captain named Joseph Blocker (Christian Bale – great mustache) being tasked with escorting his former nemesis Chief Yellow Hawk (Wes Studi) and his family back to his former tribal lands in Montana. After being imprisoned for many years, Yellow Hawk’s health is failing and his request to be buried on his tribal land gets picked up by the press and government officials and given the utmost importance in an effort to develop a kinder narrative between the army and Native Americans. Blocker is not happy about the assignment, but when threatened with a court-martial he assembles a team of loyal soldiers and new recruits who will most certainly be tested during the journey.
The mustache is legit.
The caravan is soon joined by the incredibly distraught Roselee who has been living in the burnt down remnants of her home and caring for her dead daughters (very bleak). She is initially frightened of Yellow Hawk and his family but as the journey progresses she becomes close to the family and it leads to more bleakness. What follows is a movie that isn’t afraid to add layers to its characters and then kill them quickly. It all builds to a powerful final scene that somehow manages to create hope for characters who probably never thought they’d have a life after what they’ve seen and done.
Hostiles is a tough film to watch but I loved the cinematography, meditative pacing, and performances. You should give it a watch.
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MY CALL: This admirable and perhaps unparalleled vampire film brings us both the classic monster and star-crossed lover alike. Iconic horror atmosphere coupled with dark fantasy, romance and a major budget. Wow. MORE MOVIES LIKE Bram Stoker’s Dracula: Vampire movie lovers should also try Fright Night (1985), Fright Night part II (1988) and Interview with a Vampire (1994). For more gothic horror perhaps Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1994), The Bride (1985) or Gothic (1986). Need more dark fantasy romance in your life? Try Guillermo del Toro’s Crimson Peak (2015) and The Shape of Water (2017).
To anyone casually strolling up to this film for the first time, I’d remind you that it’s approaching 30 years old and (among a divisive crowd) it should be regarded with respect. I remain pleased with the production to this day, but some of the impressively designed sets (e.g., the altar scene when Dracula drinks the blood of the cross) may strike some as “small.” I hadn’t seen this since my college years (maybe around 2001-2003). I recall loving it and, you know what? I still do—as Dracula did Elisabeta.
The introduction to our famous monster’s origins paints suffering in Dracula’s war path to return to his love Elisabeta (Winona Ryder; Beetlejuice, Stranger Things, Heathers), with unsubtle brushstrokes reddening his berserk discovery of her death. Yell at a few priests, you go to confession. Drink the blood of Christ in an act against Christ… you forfeit your humanity.
Gary Oldman is one of the silver screen’s great treasures. Manic in Sid and Nancy (1986), terrifying in Leon: The Professional (1994), and embracing cheeky villainy in The Fifth Element (1997; podcast discussion), his range is broad and admirable. Oldman always brings his A-game, yet here things feel even a bit more intense than his oft-dire presence typically permits. Whether emotionally exploding in a cathedral imbibing the Lord’s blood in sacrilege, or questioning the fate of his love mid-blood baptisim, he is wonderful as our stylish Dracula!
Director Francis Ford Coppola’s (The Godfather, Apocalypse Now) undead adaptation was ambitious. This film really went for it! It may be regarded by some as “a bit much,” but I think its atmosphere conveyed a sense appropriate for horror-fantasy. The opening scene’s religious influences, the horrific mystique of Transylvania, Jonathan’s (Keanu Reeves; Constantine, Knock Knock, The Neon Demon, John Wick) letter-narrated journey to the foreign land, the succubus-like Brides of Dracula, and Van Helsing’s (Anthony Hopkins; Westworld, The Wolfman, Silence of the Lambs) harrowing yet hammed-up accounts of Dracula’s oversea journey all pour over a sense of epic saga.
Dracula’s incredibly long robe and almost impishly unmatching shadow, blood geysers bursting from the sides of the bedroom and the Raimi-esque blood vomit, his curiously demonic coachman, the hyper-erotic illness striking its victims and turning Keanu into a sexualized blood bag for the brides of Dracula (including Monica Bellucci; The Brothers Grimm, The Brotherhood of the Wolf, Matrix: Reloaded), and Van Helsing’s garish commentary regarding the mutilation of a corpse all contribute to this incredibly stylish, star-studded and ambitious endeavor.
The wonderful make-up for Dracula’s hybrid wolf and bat forms, the skittish wall-crawling (reminiscent of 1990’s Exorcist III and 1988’s Fright Night part II), and the inclusive effort covering all of the classic folklore (e.g., mirrors, stakes, reflections, crucifixes, garlic) contribute to this admirable and perhaps unparalleled vampire film—bringing us both monster and star-crossed lover alike. This delivered a classic horror atmosphere coupled with dark fantasy, romance and a major budget. What can I say? I’m a fan.
PODCAST SIDEBAR: If you want to know more about Bram Stoker’s Dracula, check out our in-depth podcast discussion: Episode 115: Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Mark did TONS of research on the film and the behind-the-scenes. You’ll walk away with forgiveness for Keanu’s accent and an appreciation for Coppola’s studio-defiant approach to this magnificent horror film.
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The MFF Podcast #126: The Shape of Water, the gill-man love story that won Best Picture
Download the pod on iTunes, PodBean, Stitcher or
LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
Please SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE.
SUMMARY: This week we discuss Guillermo del Toro’s romantic dark fantasy The Shape of Water (2017) from curious plot holes and gorgeous imagery to the beautifully flawed characters and desperate psychology of the kidnapped gill man. Among the spirited banter we address the abilities of our sympathetic “monster,” his origins and biology, how our tax dollars may be funding villains, the delicate topic of cat-eating, needless property destruction and even Stockholm Syndrome. And if you considered our creature influenced by Hellboy‘s Abe Sapien or the story to Revenge of the Creature (1955; sequel to The Creature from the Black Lagoon), you’re not alone.
If you enjoy discussions about creature features, check out Episode 47: Let’s Grab a Beer and Hunt Some Bigfoot Trolls and Episode 125: The Art of Creature Features.
For more horror podcast discussions, check out…
Episode 123: The Ritual, Swedish hiking and the Norse Jötunn
Episode 117: Event Horizon, Hellraiser in space, and wrestling Graboids
Episode 116: Happy Death Day
Episode 115: Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Episode 114: Office Horror, Mayhem & The Belko Experiment
Episode 113: Elise, her Demons and the Insidious Franchise
Episode 108: The Best Horror Films of 2017
Episode 78: Carpenter vs Zombie Halloween Rematch (1981 vs 2009)
Episode 76: The Blair Witch Pod (1999-2016)
Download the pod on iTunes, PodBean, Stitcher or
LISEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
Please SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE.
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“I wanted to right what I felt was the only wrong of Red State by scripting something with no religious or sexual politics that could grow up to be a weird little movie and not an indie film call-to-arms or a frustrated self-distribution manifesto. I just wanted to showcase Michael Parks in a fucked up story, where he could recite some Lewis Carroll and “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” to some poor motherfucker sewn into a realistic walrus costume.” – Kevin Smith – 2013
Tusk is a very original film that features a kidnapped podcaster being turned into a walrus. When I first heard about Tusk I was instantly excited because I loved what Kevin Smith did with Red State and I dug that he was jumping into the horror world with reckless abandon. He came up with the idea on his podcast and you could tell he was super passionate about making the best movie possible. I remember searching for every update and being very curious as to how a movie involving a man being modified into a walrus would turn out. The end result was a very pleasant surprise and between the cinematography, set design and Michael Parks monologues, I think it is one of Smith’s best films.
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I’ve been a fan of Kevin Smith since 1995 when I watched Clerks on VHS and it blew my young mind. I loved the Star Wars references, the immense amount of profanity and the dynamic between Dante and Randall who talked about absolutely nothing (and everything) at the same time. After watching Clerks I made sure to watch, read or listen to whatever he created because I appreciated that he made his own way in Hollywood. I like Tusk so much because he went away from the View Askew universe and made something very unique and original. Making a film like Tusk is a massive gamble because it is in no way mainstream and the majority of Smith’s fandom might be disappointed because there are no Star Wars references or appearances from Jay and Silent Bob. Tusk is a weird film and even though it wasn’t especially successful or beloved by critics it should be respected because it is so damn weird.
The story revolves around a snarky blogger named Wallace (Justin Long – very game performance) who interviews disgraced internet stars and uses their viral failures to build his snarkily titled podcast The Not-See Party. Wallace’s caustic tone and bitterness are due to him being a failed standup comedian who found popularity in his mean-spirited podcasts that he records with his slightly more jovial friend Teddy (Haley Joel Osmont). Problems arise when Wallace travels to Canada and learns his latest interview subject killed himself and left him without anyone to interview. Wallace decides to stay around another day in search of an interview and unluckily finds an ad in a bathroom that offers “a lifetime of interesting stories” to anybody who is willing to travel to the middle of nowhere Manitoba to hear them.
Desperate and not wanting to waste his trip to Canada Wallace drives out to Manitoba and arrives at a secluded mansion owned by a wheelchair-bound older gentleman named Howard Howe (Michael Parks – crushing it). The introduction is about as creepy as imaginable and leads to Howard waxing poetic about being shipwrecked and saved by a walrus named “Mr. Tusk.” Wallace soon realizes his tea was drugged, and when he wakes up is strapped to a wheelchair and missing his left leg. It turns out Howard has been killing people for years and he plans on modifying Wallace’s body so it can fit inside a lifelike walrus costume so he can spend one final day with his buddy “Mr. Tusk.” Because this is a horror film, Wallace manages to momentarily get away and make a desperate call to Teddy and his girlfriend Ally (Genesis Rodriguez – so good Smith wrote her an impromptu monologue) who conveniently don’t pick up because they are having an affair. This leads to Teddy and Ally flying to Canada and teaming up with Johnny Depp (rocking a bonkers accent) to save Wallace and kill Howard.
I won’t spoil the rest because it goes to places I never expected or thought would happen. All I can say is be prepared for insane fights, weird accents, and enough monologues to last a lifetime.
The production design was legit.
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Tusk is weird. Tusk is fun Tusk will annoy many people. Appreciate it for what it is because Kevin Smith embraced the dark-indie side and created an odd delight that is exactly what he wanted it to be.
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MY CALL: A possessed computer makes robot minions, evil gory zombified cyborgs and a hulking destructive juggernaut to stalk a star-studded cast on a high-tech Russian vessel. Is this movie for you? Come on, you know who you are. MORE MOVIES LIKE Virus: For more terror at sea trapped in ocean vessels, try Deep Rising (1998), Leviathan (1989), Deepstar Sixx (1989), Screamers (1995), Harbinger Down (2015) and Ghost Ship (2002). And for more late 90s sci-horror threatening mankind, go for Event Horizon (1997), Species (1995), The Arrival (1996) and The Faculty (1998)—all very entertaining—or the more recent Life (2017) and Zygote (2017; short). Need more evil robots in your life? Then get your hands on Chopping Mall (1986), Deadly Friend (1986), The Terminator (1984) and Hardware (1990).
This gory 90s thrill ride opens when a spaceship (and/or lifeform) of pure energy ravages the MIR space station and beams itself down to a Russian research vessel only to be discovered by a desperate tugboat crew-turned-ship salvers hoping to return the seemingly abandoned, dead in the water ship for riches.
OUR CREW includes Captain Everton (Donald Sutherland; The Puppet Masters, Invasion of the Body Snatchers), his engineer (William Baldwin; Sliver, Flatliners), Kit (Jamie Lee Curtis; Halloween I-II, Scream Queens, Prom Night, The Fog), Woods (Marshall Bell; A Nightmare on Elm Street Part II, Starship Troopers, Total Recall), Squeaky (Julio Oscar Mechoso; Machete Kills, Planet Terror), Hiko (Cliff Curtis; Sunshine, Fear the Walking Dead, Push, Deep Rising) and Nadia (Joanna Pacula; The Kiss, Warlock: The Armageddon).
Based on Chuck Pfarrer’s Dark Horse comic series, director John Bruno (visual effects for Terminator 2, The Abyss, AVP: Aliens vs Predator, Fright Night, Poltergeist I-II) terrorizes a film’s tugboat salvage crew while sampling his favorite moments from the Predator and Terminator and Alien franchises, The Thing (1982) and Hardware (1990). It seems that Agent Smith (The Matrix trilogy) wasn’t the only nonhuman entity to classify mankind as a virus—our energy-based alien lifeform came to the same conclusion. To expedite the extermination, it hijacked the ship’s computer and electrical system, developed several castes of robot minions to do its murderous bidding, and eventually sought human victims for spare parts to make evil macabre cyborgs appearing as much zombie as robot! Basically, we’re dealing with a very small version of SkyNet becoming self-aware and, like Agent Smith, it even bargains with a greedy malevolent human.
The special effects span a broad range hitting us in three phases (i.e., as we learn more about our monster and its capabilities) but improve notably as the film progresses. At first, we find little robotic spiders and flies clumsily clunking about while dragging extension cords in their wake. And like little transformers, they have bitty nail guns and buzz saws. This is about as silly as it sounds… but they’re cute and boast a sort of practical effects charm.
Much as The Thing (1982), human victims are overtaken as cyborgs with a (now more evil) semblance of their conscious selves. They look like chunky macabre T-800s with a dash of Borginess (Star Trek: First Contact). This portion of the special effects will please gorehounds and lend credibility to a film already boasting a better cast than ever it deserved. This weird little flick is surprisingly decent!
The final phase of the effects is a CGI-enhanced stop-motion hulking menace; a giant robot undertaking the hive mother mainframe’s most destructive or dire tasks. This thing looks awesome and moves with frightful haste. It reminds me of the MCU Hulk as it bashes through walls and rends steel barricades.
This movie really holds up, continues to boast highly entertaining effects and gore, and is supported by an outstanding cast. Even the script felt highly capable (a rarity in films like this) and I had no major criticism from the direction. No, this is no Oscar winner. But this is not a “bad movie.” It’s a pretty great sci-horror in terms of entertainment value and it deserves so much more attention.
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Super Troopers 2: A Worthy Sequel That is Loaded With Laughs
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What I love most about Super Troopers 2 is how it embraces the best bits of its 2001 predecessor and still manages to come off as fresh and fun. I was a bit worried when the movie was announced because delayed sequels to cult classics rarely work and several movies like Zoolander 2, Joe Dirt 2, Dumb & Dumber To and Blues Brothers 2000 are proof. It is really hard to capture lightning in a bottle twice because trying to replicate the charm and personality of a beloved movie can result in a shallow and unfunny experience that mimics instead of forging new ground. My fears were alleviated almost immediately as it became clear that the guys from Broken Lizard were able to slide back into their iconic characters with ease. It felt like no time had passed and I loved how the movie jumped straight into the plot without wasting any time.
Super Troopers 2 revolves around the former (thank Fred Savage) Vermont Highway Patrol members reuniting to help with the transition of a small Canadian town into America. Before they are called back into service we learn that Mac (Steve Lemme), Rabbit (Erik Stolhanske) and Farva (Kevin Heffernan) are working together as construction workers while Thorny (Jay Chandrasekhar) is chopping down trees as a lumberjack/arborist. Foster (Paul Soter) has married the now Chief of Police Ursula (Marisa Coughlan ) and they all seem pretty happy with their current state of affairs. They are brought back to law enforcement under the guise of a weekend fishing trip with their old captain O’Hagan (Brian Cox) who has been tasked with absorbing a small Canadian town into Vermont.
The shenanigans start almost immediately as the Vermont boys have to deal with rowdy Canadians, annoyed Mounties and a large smuggling operation that is happening in the town. Their initial introduction finds them pelted with hockey pucks and ending up on the wrong side of a beat down inside a brothel that is owned by the friendly local mayor Guy Le Franc (Rob Lowe – loving life) who isn’t a fan of becoming an uncool “American mayor.” The crew isn’t helped by the local Mounties (Will Sasso, Tyler Labine, Hayes MacArthur) who instigate a massive prank war when they coax a bear into the highway patrol office with large slabs of meat. Their introduction to the town is disastrous, but their misadventures with the locals lead them to find mysterious stashes of pills, guns and illegal contraband in which they will undoubtedly use (five types of pills for five cops) to clear their names and keep their jobs.
Rob Lowe is the best.
If you are a fan of Super Troopers you will love the callbacks to the meow, liter of cola and bear f**king jokes. I know the callbacks are straight-up fan service but since this movie was crowd-funded I see no problem with appeasing the masses with familiar bits that work. The good news is there is enough new material involving chicanery, electrocution and Mounties discussing Danny DeVito to keep the proceedings fresh and fun. I can’t think of the last time I laughed more, and even though many people describe the Broken Lizard movies as “bro film” I’ve always felt they know how to enhance a great joke and there is more nuance than it seems to their shenanigans.
If you are a fan of Super Troopers and the Broken Lizard crew you will enjoy Super Troopers 2. I totally recommend you watch it this weekend in a packed theater.
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