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MY CALL: Quite a terrible movie, but terrible in all the right ways if you’re in the mood for gory, silly, deliciously bad horror. It’s moderately smutty and often disgusting. You’ve been warned. MORE MOVIES LIKE Faust: So you want smutty movies horror? Try Night of the Tentacles (2013), Bioslime (2010), Blood Gnome (2004), The Haunting of Morella (1990), Killer Workout (1987), Death Spa (1989), Evils of the Night (1985), Head of the Family (1996) and Piranha 3DD (2012). Throw in Barbarian Queen (1985), Conquest (1983), Deathstalker (1983), Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (1987) and The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984) for some campy fantasy, sword and sorcery flicks.
A rule-breaking police officer (Jeffrey Combs; Lurking Fear, Doctor Mordrid, Would You Rather) crosses paths with some sort of music therapist after our Faustian protagonist makes a deal with a white-haired euro-trashy fiend and is granted Street Fighter II Vega wrist blades to avenge the death of his murdered immigrant girlfriend. Sounds like somebody got snubbed at the 2001 Academy Awards for Best Screenplay, doesn’t it?
Clearly, this was in no way imaginable ripped off of Wolverine.
Look at all those claw poses!
As the mysterious near-albino Mephistopheles figure, Andrew Divoff (Wishmaster, Lost) is deliciously ridiculous and I struggle to rationalize his hair. But trumping the lunacy of his hair is the rampaging melodrama and varying sound quality. More Oscar near-misses, no doubt.
Faust breaks the Devil’s rules and is sent to Hell, which he promptly escapes by defeating an animated skeleton. I know, the scene wasn’t very inspired and I’d imagine evading damnation would have posed a greater challenge. Moreover when he emerges he is like a demonic superhero complete with cape, latex muscles, and silly CGI transformations. This is, after all, based on a comicbook. It’s tone yo-yos between clearly deliberately silly at times, and somewhat serious at others. The finale pits our Faustian inverse-hero against a ritually summoned Hell beast.
There’s a good amount of action, all being of awful cheesy execution. But that’s to be expected when you have topless women slitting throats mid-coitus and women in bras beating men up. With that, there’s also a fair amount of graphic sex scenes and nudity accompanied by a hefty dose of low budget gore like rooms filled with severed limbs and heads, flesh-tearing, face-ripping, face-melting and dismemberment. And to top off the special effects, there’s a deeply perverted slimy transformation scene that is too gross, smutty and tasteless for me to explain…but a quick GoogleImage search for “Faust love of the damned boob” should explain things.
This is the worst film I’ve seen by director by Brian Yuzna (Society, Bride of Re-Animator, Return of the Living Dead 3). This cheesy comic book adaptation is utterly terrible, but if you’re in the mood for a specifically really bad horror movie, then this might be right up your alley. So maybe it’s terrible in all the right ways. If you know what I mean by that, watch and enjoy this gory, silly flick. If you don’t, then skip it.
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MY CALL: Highlander (1986) meets Constantine (2005) as our favorite immortal genre star slays his way through witches, monsters and magical spell effects using arcane tricks, potions and a FLAMING SWORD. YES!!!! This movie is for Dungeons and Dragons dorks who love Vin Diesel. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Last Witch Hunter: Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters (2013), Constantine (2005), Highlander (1986), Blade (1998) and Underworld (2003).
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Following the Blade (1998)/Underworld (2003) playbook, Highlander (1986) meets Constantine (2005) as our hero Kaulder (Vin Diesel; Furious 7, Guardians of the Galaxy, Riddick) suffers the Van Helsing curse to hunt criminal witches across the centuries. Vin Diesel’s immortal has gained no more wisdom or savoir-faire in his centuries of experience than Dominic Torreto has in his seemingly unending supply of heist movies. They’re basically the same coarse unkillable character, only one of them is a several hundred-year-old, flaming sword swinging hunter of the Dark Arts afflicted with a curse (eye roll!) of eternal life whereas Dom graduated from living life a quarter-mile at a time to $100 million dollar jobs across the globe.
They say Vin made this movie to erect a world around his love for Dungeons and Dragons and I’d say, as a major D&D enthusiast, he succeeded. The world-building may not be as refined as the program-infested The Matrix (1999), the enchanted academia of Harry Potter (2001), Avatar‘s (2009) xenoscape or John Wick‘s (2014) underground assassin society, but he laid down an ambitiously solid franchise foundation. Now I could write thousands of words making fun of this movie–poking holes in the story and pointing out things I think are silly or bit dumb…or very dumb. But at the end of the day, I really enjoyed it! Hell, I think I want more of these. Let the academics be critical and scoff, but I love Vin’s franchises (Fast and Furious, Guardians of the Galaxy, Riddick and maaaaybe even xXx, which is getting another sequel).
Parts of this movie feel like they’re straight out of an old adventure module.
This flick features an awesome diversity of witches, spells and magical items…down to flaming swords, the witch queen’s (Julie Engelbrecht) lair in a giant Game of Thrones tree, and even a Gummi Bear illusion reminding me of Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters (2013).
For real, it’s like the Game of Thrones tree got infested with bark beetles and died.
But what keeps us from slipping off into the deep end is Michael Caine (The Dark Knight Rises). He plays his 36th Dolan, a watcher, confession receiver, advisor and record keeper to Kaulder. He is the humanity and soul of the film whereas Vin is more of the film’s flexed, sweat-glistening bicep. He is replaced by an eager-to-please Elijah Wood (Cooties), who is the Shia LeBouf to Keanu’s Constantine.
Caine dies but his apparently natural death was concealed by the darkest magic imaginable–“darker than evil.” Cue more eye-rolling. Phrases like “darker than evil” and constantly hearing Vin Diesel use the word “magic” verge on comical. Vin travels the world using pick-up lines honed over centuries on dim-witted flight attendants between Dungeons and Dragons missions to recover ancient artifacts. He even keeps a treasure horde in a secret vault like a high-level character in his chic NYC penthouse, afforded from centuries of saving up (I guess). It’s all very silly, even stupid, but there’s just something about this urban fantasy that appeals to me.
The witch queen resurrection!
In this world witches live among us in secret and, according to “the truce,” they cannot use magic on humans. Kaulder is the peace keeper, the Judge Dredd. And like John Constantine (2005), he keeps the balance and employs arcane boy scout tricks to detect magic. Oh, and his new girlfriend Chloe’s (Rose Leslie; Game of Thrones) bar is akin to Midnight’s hangout.
He also explains things a lot, simple things and obscure notions alike. I would have preferred more subtlety, but every time I roll my eyes it’s accompanied by a smile. Is all this blunt exposition perhaps deliberate? Well, let’s just say he actually makes reference to “a 14th level Warlock.” A classic D&D bazinga!
Have I compared this to Constantine enough yet? Probably not. Well Balthazar (aka Belial, a devil in the Monster Manual) is the bad guy, as was Balthazar (Gavin Rossdale) the baddie in Constantine.
No reason to be annoyed, though. Fun diversions come in all form of plague trees, magic potions, high councils, plague flies (crawling under the skin–yes, like Constantine), a monstrous sentinel (like a Bone Golem)…everything a Dungeons and Dragons dork could want. Except for maybe a dragon–they’ll save that for the sequel. And boy did they set us up for a guaranteed sequel.
This film does not deliver an original story–not even close. But the magical and monstrous visuals are a popcorn spectacle to be celebrated and our new gruff hero is familiar in all the ways we seem to enjoy seeing over and over again. Even if we’re not going to dole out Oscars at it, this flick is worth seeing, renting, even owning if you’re a Vin Diesel fan. And if you’re not, then you should’ve known better than to watch this.
If you decide not to be critical, then this will happily bring out the nostalgic geek in you.
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO OUR PODCAST ABOUT THE MOVIE
Click here for the Podcast Summary
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You can download the pod on Itunes or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOGTALKRADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
We hope you enjoyed our previous episode:
The MFF Podcast #47: Let’s Grab a Beer and Hunt Some Bigfoot Trolls.
SUMMARY: This week we discuss, spoil, analyze and review Vin Diesel’s Dungeons and Dragons lovechild The Last Witch Hunter (2015) and Jane Austin’s contemporary adaptation Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016).
We also answer such important questions as…
“What is the best superhero film with only one villain?”
“Why does The Last Witch Hunter keep reminding me of Constantine (2005)?”
“In out cold is it really possible to open beer bottles by hitting the cap with your snowboard?”
“Was Mr. Darcy in the right, or could we have lived peacefully with the zombies?”
“Why is there no Crouching Tiger Hidden Figure Skater?”
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or head over Itunes so you can download, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod.
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10 Films That Can Unite the Hardcore and Art-House Horror Movie Fans
What I love and hate about the horror genre is that nobody will ever agree on the definition of horror. Viewpoints are entrenched, battle lines are drawn, and circular arguments are perfected in an effort to protect the sanctity of the genre. We can accept that doughnuts (I’m hungry) come in all shapes and sizes, but we scoff when we think about horror having many facets. I recently read a fantastic article written by Cinenation’s Jason Coffman entitled This is why we can’t have nice things: “The Witch” and horror fandoms gatekeepers. The article stirs the horror pot and asks that genre fans unite instead of attacking movies that try something new. I liked this quote a lot:
Critics and cinephiles in general tend to dismiss genre cinema wholesale, and genre fans as well, and seeing members of the community react to these films with such violent negativity only reinforces their image of the “horror fan” as a slack-jawed dullard whose only interests are sex and gore.
The gap between “the slack-jawed dullards” and the “art-house horror cinephiles” is growing because of the current horror hybrids that are being released. I started thinking about the indie horror boom last year when Mark Harris wrote a great piece called Scared Senseless: The Indie Horror Boom and What Frightens Us Now. He noticed that the current crop of horror hybrids are not particularly frightening, but they are certainly trying.
Perhaps it’s unfair for those of us who are, ahem, considerably older to sigh about what is and isn’t scary — if you’ve indiscriminately slept around in the genre for decades, of course you’re going to feel “Is that all there is?”But there are signs that the films themselves feel that ennui. At least It Follows scavenges the detritus of the genre in search of fresh ways to be frightening, not just as a way of creating wry commentary about it. That makes it an exception to current ruling sensibilities.
Since reading the post I’ve worked my hardest to trumpet the arrival of a new independent horror era. An era that is unique because of the surprisingly positive critical reception that rivals the classics of the 1970’s (Dawn of the Dead, Jaws, Exorcist, Texas Chainsaw Massacre). The new films are not as dangerous, gritty or iconic, but they have the independent spirit and uniqueness to make critics fawn all over them. We are in an era where people who are influenced by the classics are going out of their way to make the genre fresh again. These films include It Follows, Spring, Creep, The Babadook, Honeymoon, Under the Skin, The Guest, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night and The Witch. These inventive hybrids are critically adored, but haven’t achieved mainstream success because of their subject matter and expectations.
Director Richard Linklater said Spring was “a beautiful, unique love story. An accomplishment of genre and tone.” Hardcore horror fans wondered where all the blood was.
It is frustrating hearing people complain about the lack of scares and gore when referring to the recent genre films. Horror hounds and casual viewers have been conditioned to slasher tropes, and instead of thinking outside the box they’ve jumped in and closed the lid. To be fair, the last 30 years have been punctuated by Slashers films, Scream knock-offs and Saw movies. These films have their merits but cannot be compared to the recent crop of “horror” films because of how different they are. They may be lumped in the same genre but that doesn’t mean they all have to be alike. The “horror” films nowadays occasionally toss in some ultra-violence, but there is a boutique vibe and thoughtfulness to them which alienate people conditioned to blood, guts and gore.
I’ve learned first hand about angry genre fans. Last year I figured out the best critic/audience rated 21st century horror films by breaking down available data from Rotten Tomatoes, Metacritic and IMDb. All of these films had “horror” attached to their name and I chose to include any film that could be labeled such. The highest-rated film was Pan’s Labyrinth and this set off a whole lot of interesting (AKA angry) comments that proclaimed it was a “dark-fantasy-war-thriller with moments of horror.” This lead to a poll that answered “What is the best 21st century horror film?” Cabin in the Woods won and since then I been bombarded with comments deriding the top 21 and asking why The Shining isn’t on the list. The A.V. Club (who helped me greatly) even wrote about whether Cabin in the Woods is a horror film or not after the post came out. Nobody can agree when it comes to “horror.”
The 10 films below cover every facet of the “horror” genre and all have one thing in common. They are good films that offer something for everyone. In order to think outside the box we need to broaden our horror horizons and keep an open mind to the nice things placed in front of us. These 21st century horror films films did not receive wide theatrical releases in the states, but have managed to build a nice following around the world. They weren’t plagued by epic expectations and were allowed to find their audiences by word-of-mouth.
I believe if we put genre lovers in a room, and placed this list in front of them, world peace would be caused. If not, they could probably find one they all like. Which is a good start.
Trollhunter (2010)
Why it will appeal to all genre fans: Trollhunter proves that found footage movies about trolls can be fun, original and occasionally violent.
When dealing with dueling ideologies the best thing to do is find common ground. The common ground amongst cinephiles is that everyone loves Trollhunter. On the surface, it can be written off as another found footage film, but that is not the case. It doesn’t play like a horror film, but it features familiar elements that showcase what a genre film can be. Trollhunter creates a mythology and builds to a surprisingly emotional climax. I love the Norweigan landscapes and its ability to have fun while maintaining a wicked sense of humor (trolls have rabies).
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Thirst (2009)
Why it will appeal to all genre fans: Director Park Chan-wook is amazing.
I love what Roger Ebert had to say about Thirst director Park Chan-wook (Stoker, Oldboy, Sympathy for Lady Vengence).
Park Chan-wook of South Korea is today’s most successful director of horror films, perhaps because there’s always more than horror to them. He seems to be probing alarming depths of human nature. Maybe that’s why he can simultaneously be celebrated on fanboy horror sites and win the Jury Prize at this year’s Cannes Film Festival.
Thirst is blood-drenched and wicked, but it also has a heart. It is the rare film that perfectly juggles depravity, beauty and insanity. Any type of horror fan will appreciate this film.
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Cheap Thrills (2013)
Why it will appeal to all genre fans: Alamo Drafthouse distributed it and they’ve figured out a way to masterfully “destroy the balance between grindhouse and art-house.”
Director E.L. Katz does a great job of capturing the claustrophobia, humor and horror of a night of escalating dares. He draws strong performances from his cast and elevates the material to where even the most conservative of critics appreciate the work. The film can be frustrating and vague but I think that will lead to interesting discussions and leave more to the viewer’s imagination. It leaves you with questions in which there are no easy answers.
The movie has a nasty streak that doesn’t feel forced or gratuitous. It wears you out but it doesn’t drain you with depravity. It walks a tight rope of gore and despair but manages to not fall into a nothingness abyss. David Koechner and Sara Paxton remain villainous mysteries throughout and we never get any revelations about them. Are they really a couple? Have they done this before? The questions are welcome because it leaves you to come up with the answers.
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Bone Tomahawk (2015)
Why it will appeal to all genre fans: It is lyrically written and features some crazy ultra-violence.
You know, I know the world’s supposed to be round, but I’m not so sure about this part.
Bone Tomahawk is a lyrically written horror western that plays with multiple genres while creating memorable characters. It takes its time getting to the violence and I applaud that decision. It has stayed on the fringes of the mainstream because it features lots of patience and extreme body mutilation. Director/writer S. Craig Zahler pulled off a $2,00,000 dollar miracle and worked wonders with a brief 21 day shooting schedule. It is rare in the cinema world when a cannibal western can get nominated for multiple Independent Spirit and Fangoria Chainsaw Awards.
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Pontypool (2008)
Why it will appeal to all genre fans: It does a lot with little and proves genre films can create tension without wiping out co-eds.
I’m not sure why it took my so long to watch Pontypool. It is a fantastic independent horror film that puts a new spin on the zombie world. I love how it captures a zombie outbreak in a completely new way. We get four characters, one radio station and words as weapons. Tony Burgess wrote the book “Pontypool Changes Everything” and he was fortunate enough to write the screenplay for Pontypool. You can tell he poured lots of love into the script and he lucked out with a solid director and editor. Director Bruce McDonald works wonders with very little and I love the trust he has in his actors. Stephen McHattie, Lisa Houle and Georgina Reilly do a fantastic job reacting to news reports and dealing with the insanity unfolding around them.
Movies like Pontypool are rare because they are are told organically and are in no way reactive. They are confidently made and the point is to tell a solid story and not appeal to the lowest common denominator (jump scares!). I love that I was sitting on the edge of my seat while people talked about other people dying (think War of the Worlds with zombies). The editing and fantastic cinematography capture every angle of the radio booth and the single location always for character building. Pontypool did something different, and that is a beautiful thing for horror lovers.
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Housebound (2014)
Why it will appeal to all genre fans: It is a cheeky little thing that bounces around genres and features a new type of hero.
Housebound is a glorious horror hybrid that is equal parts funny, scary and outrageous. It plays like a Peter Jackson horror film teamed up with The People Under the Stairs and formed something completely different. Housebound exemplifies the current crop of horror hybrids because it refuses to be pegged down into any genre. Whether it be the characters or the tonal shifts Housebound is full of surprises and you will love Morgana O’Reilly’s performance.
I can’t wait to see what director/writer Gerard Johnstone does next because his genre blending skills are impressive. I love what he had to say in an interview with The Nerdist.
I love movies which are stuffed full of multiple genres, plot-twists and big reveals, but it was paralyzingly difficult to write one of them. I guess because I knew it would all take place in a single location, I wanted the story to be anything but simple.”
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Spring (2014)
Why it will appeal to all genre fans: The directors did something crazy and created a new monster!
In an interview with the AV Club Director Justin Benson and co-director Aaron Moorhead had this to say.
It felt like there was something sort of rebellious in the act of creating a new monster. Because for some reason it was something that so few people attempt to do now. Usually, when people want to tell a monster story, it’s a vampire, it’s a werewolf, or it’s an alien. It’s always got to be one of those things. That’s pretty much it, conceptually.
Spring plays like Before Sunrise met An American Werewolf in London and spawned something like Species but totally different. It is an earthy film that plays with romance, love, loss and lots of squishy things. The critics have rallied around it (89% RT) and it exemplifies the current crop of sensitive horror films. Spring has proven itself to be a genre bender that takes old ideas, makes them original and still manages to murder jerky college kids.
A neat example of where Spring veers from the horror path is in the meet-cute. The two characters lock eyes, she is obviously out of his league and when he approaches she immediately invites him back to her apartment (think Species). He is caught off guard and begins to wonder whether she is trying to rob, kill or trick him. He declines the offer, and instead tries to set up a coffee date. It is a neat moment that plays refreshingly against type.
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Creep (2014)
Why it will appeal to all genre fans: Creep creates an original and modern villain.
Creep is a semi-improvisational horror hybrid about a freelance camera man answering a Craigslist ad. He will be paid $1,000 to film a man’s final moments before a terminal illness kills him in a few months. The final product will go to his unborn child and will provide a glimpse into his daily life. Things go wrong (of course) but the direction of Creep is never predictable. The dark humor, paranoia and performance by Mark Duplass create an immensely watchable 80-minute experience.
What makes this film work is that it doesn’t seem to be a cash grab or more of the same. It fits perfectly alongside the original and proactive horror hybrids that have been hitting the theaters in the last couple years. Mark Duplass (The League, Safety Not Guaranteed) and director Patrick Brice started filming with a five-page outline and over the course of a year it evolved into a tight little thriller. If you are interested check out the podcast we recorded for Spring and Creep. It is the greatest thing ever.
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I Saw the Devil (2010)
Why it will appeal to all genre fans: It is a beautiful punch to the face.
I Saw the Devil is a tough as nails cat-and-mouse thriller that will put your soul in a headlock. It looks beautiful and the performances go above and beyond what you normally see in horror. It is a draining experience that is anchored by an incredible performance by Min-sik Choi (Oldboy). He embodies evil and his performance is so layered. Choi is one of my favorite actors and I don’t think any body else could pull off this performance. I Saw the Devil has one of the best critic/audience ratings of any 21st century horror film. It may be bloody and depraved, but critics (80% RT) and audiences (86% RT) love it. If you can stomach I Saw the Devil you will leave the viewing knowing you just watched something incredible.
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Kill List (2011)
Why it will appeal to all genre fans: Director Ben Wheatley is a master of combining multiple genres
What I love about Kill List is you never know where it is going because director Ben Wheatley (Sightseers, A Field in England) is amazing. Bloody Disgusting said it was the “#1 horror film of 2011” and called it a “straight up shocker.” I’m going back to the Roger Ebert again because I love what he said about the film.
The movie may leave you scratching your head way too much when it’s over. Yet it proves Ben Wheatley not only knows how to make a movie, but he knows how to make three at the same time. I suppose one of the characteristics of horror is that it wears shifting faces.
What movies do you think could unite the horror masses? Can genre fans all get along?
If you are interested make sure to check out our podcast on Blog Talk Radio or Itunes. We cover pretty much every aspect of horror and Kurt Russell’s best sleeveless shirts.
Photos via Rotten Tomatoes
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With the comic book universe expanding and Deadpool exploding in cinemas I wanted to go back and look at the third films of three early Marvel trilogies. The three films are X-Men: the Last Stand, Blade: Trinity and Spider-Man 3. They made over a $1,000,000,000 worldwide yet are perceived as creative failures that forced reboots and prequels in order to right the crazy course they set. While many have disdain for the three films I actually love how carefree and careless they are. It’s like they took everything that everyone loved from the prior films and walked all over them.
The three films went off the rails for three different reasons. Whether it be last minute director changes, or studio meddling, the quality plummeted to some pretty great depths. If you look at the averaged Rotten Tomatoes critical ratings for the three trilogies the first films started strong (74.6), the sequels got better (78.6), and the third films went totally bonkers (48.6).
X-Men: The Last Stand was left in a limbo when both Bryan Singer and Mathew Vaughn departed for other jobs. This left the new director Brett Ratner a month to prep for the juggernaut. Ratner succeeded in making a cohesive movie, but it totally screwed up the X-Men universe and left people very confused and annoyed. The movie made over $200 million domestically, but is now completely ignored and considered a non-cannon X-Men film.
The Last Stand focuses on Magneto trying to kill a mutant who can rid mutants of their powers. I stopped caring about 10-minutes in when the film unceremoniously killed off Cyclops and turned Mystique human.
I know exactly what Marsden is saying to Famke in this picture.
James: I got a role in Singer’s Superman. Come with me!!!
Famke: I can’t. I have to stand around for three months.
The biggest problem (aside from everything else) with The Last Stand is the massive fight at Alcatraz. The brawl is the conclusion to a blockbuster franchise and is amazingly dumb. The fight proves how little thought went into the film because it makes zero sense. It involves Magneto’s folks attacking Alcatraz while the X-Men defend. While watching I thought “why doesn’t Magneto just throw huge metal objects at the island and call it a day?”
Pick up the bridge and drop it on the island. Problem solved.
The battle features some hilarious scenes of badness that forget to include logic. For instance, A man’s limbs keep growing back after wolverine cuts them off. Thus, Wolverine kicks him in the balls (classic….) and the dumb fight is over. Did the man think he could defeat a metal bodied Mutant by punching him in the face? Did he not have a scouting report before the battle? Also, there is a scene where Wolverine is being hunted by a man holding a baseball bat. Is he the Sammy Sosa of mutants? The film cost over $100 million to make yet it still featured a mutant holding a baseball bat.
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X-Men: The Last Stand is now looked at as a hindrance to the X-Men world because of all the craziness involved. The movie took zero thought towards the future and didn’t think anything out. Major characters were killed and others were shortchanged. It was the product of a rushed production schedule and too many cooks in the kitchen. X-Men: The Last Stand imploded under too much pressure whereas Spider-Man 3 self-detonated.
Spider-Man 3 is a weird mash-up of singing, dancing and villains who are in no way related to each other. Sam Raimi seemed to have no interest in Venom so he wrote him in as a goo alien that lands on earth then hops a ride on Peter Parker’s moped. The goo waits a couple of days in Peter’s apartment then latches itself to Spidey’s suit. In that time, we have to deal with Mary Jane’s failed Broadway career, James Franco dying twice and enough skyscraper rubble to kill thousands of people.
In an interview with The Nerdist Sam Raimi had this to say about the film:
It’s a movie that just didn’t work very well. I tried to make it work, but I didn’t really believe in all the characters, so that couldn’t be hidden from people who loved Spider-Man. If the director doesn’t love something, it’s wrong of them to make it when so many other people love it.
The disdain for Venom was apparent and the character never had a chance to become anything threatening. It actually became “anti-threatening” because Raimi made it seem like the goo simply made you a jerk. Spider-Man 3 takes an interesting plot turn when the goo latches onto Spider Man and he devolves into an emo dancing guy. Basically, he becomes an super jerk who struts around giving everyone finger guns (which is awesome). He buys a super cheap suit then dances the night away while saucily eating cookies. While many were cringing I had a smile on my face because it was all so crazy. Spider-Man 3 is massive film that doesn’t give a shit.
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For instance, casting Thomas Haden Church after his wonderful turn in Sideways and giving him nothing to do. He escapes from jail and ends up in a conveniently switched on particle accelerator (something like that). The machine turns him into Sandman (very quickly) and Church then goes to New York and finds convenient sand trucks which triple his size and create subpar CGI. The rest is bad movie history and it made room for some spin-offs that made a lot of money but ultimately failed.
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X-Men: The Last Stand never had a chance but Spider-Man 3 sorta gave up However, they both pale in comparison to the extremely weird Blade: Trinity.
Blade: Trinity is the rare daywalker of bad movies. It is gloriously terrible yet very watchable. The majority of it makes zero sense but there is something hypnotic about it. The production was troubled from the beginning and everything was changed at the last minute which infuriated Wesley Snipes and made the production a living hell. Despite all the problems I adore the movie because it is really dumb, and loaded with good actors doing what they can to make it work.
The two prior Blade films did a wonderful job of building up Wesley Snipe’s Blade character. They were ultra-violet, somewhat serious and featured some logic. They opened the door for R-rated comic book mayhem, and featured this great line.
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However, all the world building was thrown out the window with the inclusion of the Night Stalkers and a deep v-neck wearing Dracula. Blade: Trinity revolves around yuppie vampires awakening Dracula, and Blade teaming up with a crew to stop them. Director/writer David S. Goyer went through hell on the shoot and his relationship with Wesley Snipes was vitriolic. In an interview with HitFix Goyer had this to say about the shoot:
“That was the most personally and professionally difficult and painful thing I’ve ever been through. Having said that, I have incredibly fond memories of working with Ryan [Reynolds] and Jessica [Biel] and a lot of people on the movie. Ryan and I remain really good friends today. It was a challenged shoot, as has been reported. What can I say?”
Patton Oswalt did a wonderful interview with the A.V. Club where he talked about what the film was originally about.
Oh, Christ. That was the third Blade movie. And there’s a scene where Blade goes in and confronts this guy for harvesting humans. That scene was supposed to be the whole basis of the film. Blade is fighting for the last shred of humanity. But they thought that it was just so fucking grim, so they decided to just have Blade fighting Dracula. It was just one of those; it was a very troubled production.
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The reason I love Blade: Trinity is because of Parker Posey. Posey is transcendent (hair included) in Blade Trinity. She owns the role of a yuppie vampire and is way better than she has any right to be. Roger Ebert summed up her performance perfectly.
“Parker Posey is an actress I have always had affection for, and now it is mixed with increased admiration, for the way she soldiers through an impossible role, sneering like the good sport she is.”
Posey soldiers on through a soul crushing script and copious amounts of slow motion walking. Without her we never would have seen this kick (10 second mark) or heard the insult “c*ck juggling thunder c**t.” While watching, I felt she was on another level of performance. She realized the production had it’s troubles (read this article) and went full vamp. Her committed performance is one of the reasons Blade: Trinity has become a watchable bad movie staple
The three movies I’ve written about are not good. They border on insane film making and I love them for it. It’s not everyday that this weirdness comes about, so, I’ve learned to appreciate the bombs and roll with them. I will leave you with this.
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John’s Horror Corner: REC 4: Apocalypse (2014), a shipwrecked disappointment for this Spanish zombie franchise.
MY CALL: The claustrophobia of the first two films is rendered limp on this ship, the spirit of fun embraced in part 3 (which many disliked) is also missing, and I wasn’t rooting for anyone for the first time in the franchise. Essentially this fourth film has nothing that anyone liked from the earlier films. It isn’t really so bad as a random horror flick. It’s certainly well-acted, has decent special effects and production value, and it made for a breezy entertaining 90 minutes. MORE MOVIES LIKE REC 4: Apocalypse: REC (2007), REC 2 (2009), REC 3: Genesis (2012) and Quarantine (2008)–all of which are MUCH better.
Our final girl heroine spends pretty much the whole movie in a tank top. We have an article that focuses on this phenomenon: The Tank Top Horror Film: A Horror Tradition.
Spanish TV reporter Ángela Vidal (Manuela Velasco; REC) is rescued [picking up from the end of the second REC film] and sequestered for precautionary testing aboard a mobile laboratory on an ocean vessel. Finding herself in restraints, she doesn’t exactly feel “rescued” or safe, nor does she trust her new host.
This fourth franchise installment frees us from our most effectively isolated landlocked apartment building zombie siege and infected flesh-eating wedding to quarantine us on a ship. With no rescue boats and disabled radio communication, it seems that our militarized team of scientists have not only succeeded at finally isolating the virus behind the zombie epidemic, but also at sealing their own fate should operations go less than smoothly.
We have plenty of time to get to know our characters but I think we barely sufficiently give a damn about most of them, not nearly as much as with REC 1-3. Parts 1-3 not only laid solid foundation for personable characters, but did so while the urgency level slowly ebbed from completely innocuous happy environments to utter dire terror. Here in part 4 we are dropped into troubled waters immediately and neither we nor our main characters have their guard down for even a moment…not even for a 20-minute introduction during which we’d like for someone to think there was hope. As such, there is no hope that we’ll care what happens to these people and subsequently no hope that we the audience will feel the threat of “Apocalypse” as the title suggests.
Rather than being well-intentioned, altruistic or optimistic, our scientist-commander is viciously pragmatic and his coldness borders on villainy. This operation is tyrannical by his design and, spoiler alert, all his security provisions will fail. Cue the evil zombie monkeys!!! You heard me: zombie monkeys. Zombie animals alone don’t harm the legitimacy of a horror movie, but the way they are handled here does. They start out cool, then they go overboard.
Shipmates get infected, the gore and zombie effects are pretty good, and the action is high-paced. I’m entertained. The only problem is that I don’t really care. I’m far less invested in the characters and even though this is not a found footage film, the camera relentlessly shakes during zombie attack scenes (as if the Starship Enterprise got hit by a Klingon photon canon–you know that shake). But the camera is admittedly less shaky than the preposterous story of a ship laboratory that willingly sets its course into a dangerous storm…and they never explain why. This sequel bit off more than it could chew, feels way less credible than parts 1-3, and fell off the deep end into ScyFy channel movie-of-the-week quality.
The most interesting thing about the story is perhaps the very thing most people will find annoying. In REC 3: Genesis (2012), we were introduced to the notion that this zombie virus had a Biblical origin: demons! This movie builds on that idea and may or may not have borrowed some flavor from The Hidden (1987) and Guillermo del Toro’s parasitic worm zombies in The Strain. This development takes things in a zany direction that provides a solid disservice to its three predecessors.
This movie isn’t really bad as a random horror flick. It’s certainly well-acted, has decent special effects and production value, and it made for a breezy entertaining 90 minutes. So I’ll give this a weak to moderate recommendation. Fans of the franchise should see it (although I think it offers the least of the four films and will likely disappoint to some extent), zombie fans maybe, and general horror fans could skip it.
To writer/director Jaume Balagueró (Darkness, REC, REC 2), I must ask: “What happened?” The claustrophobia of the first two films is rendered limp on this ship (more a writing/direction flaw than the setting itself), the spirit of fun embraced in part 3 (which most people disliked for its deliberate drop in intensity) is also missing, and I wasn’t rooting for anyone for the first time in the franchise. Essentially this fourth film has nothing that anyone liked from the earlier films and brought nothing new to the table.
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2016 Oscar Predictions: The 100% Correct Picks
Hello all. Mark here.
The most important weekend of the year is coming up (not really) and I wanted to throw my predictions into the ring. As always, the Academy Award nominations have annoyed many because they’ve excluded a lot of solid performances and ignored the mass populace. However, the show must go on and I once again wanted to prove my prowess at picking the majority of the categories correctly (thank you Gold Derby).
Without further ado here are my predictions!
Best Picture
Will win: The Revenant
Should win: Mad Max: Fury Road
Deserved a nomination: Sicario, Love & Mercy, Straight Outta Compton, Ex-Machina
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Best Director
Will win: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarrritu – The Revenant
Should win: George Miller – Mad Max: Fury Road
Deserved a nomination: Steven Speilberg – Bridge of Spies, Ridley Scott – The Martian
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Best Actor
Will win: Leonardo DiCaprio – The Revenant
Should win: Matt Damon – The Martian
Deserved a nomination: Michael B. Jordan – Creed, Tom Hanks – Bridge of Spies, Jason Segel – The End of the Tour, Samuel L. Jackson – The Hateful Eight
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Best Actress
Will win: Brie Larson – Room
Should win: Saoirse Ronan – Brooklyn
Deserved a nomination: Emily Blunt – Sicario, Charlize Theron – Mad Max: Fury Road, Elizabeth Banks – Love & Mercy
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Best Supporting Actress
Will win: Alicia Vikander – The Danish Girl
Should win: Alicia Vikander – The Danish Girl
Deserved a nomination: Alicia Vikander – Ex-Machina
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Best Supporting Actor
Will win: Sylvester Stallone – Creed
Should win: Mark Rylance – Bridge of Spies
Deserved a nomination: Paul Dano – Love & Mercy, Idris Elba – Beasts of No Nation, Benecio Del Toro – Sicario, Richard Jenkins – Bone Tomahawk
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Best Original Screenplay
Will win: Spotlight
Should win: Ex-Machina
Deserved a nomination: S. Craig Zahler – Bone Tomahawk, Quentin Tarantino – The Hateful Eight.
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Best Adapted Screenplay
Will win: The Big Short
Should win: The Martian
Deserved a nomination: Jesse Andrews – Me and Earl and the Dying Girl,
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Best Cinematography
Will win: Emmanuel Lubezki – The Revenant
Should win: Roger Deakins – Sicario
Deserved a nomination: Hoyte van Hoytema – Spectre
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The Rest of the Winners!
Best Costume Design – Cinderella
Best Film Editing – Mad Max: Fury Road
Best Makeup and Hair – Mad Max: Fury Road
Best Production Design – Mad Max: Fury Road
Best Score – The Hateful Eight
Best Song – Til It Happens to You – The Hunting Ground
Best Sound Editing – Mad Max: Fury Road
Best Sound Mixing – Mad Max: Fury Road
Best Visual Effects – Mad Max: Fury Road
Best Animated Feature – Inside Out
Best Documentary Feature- Amy
Best Foreign Language Feature – Son of Saul
Best Animated Short – Sanjay’s Super Team
Best Documentary Short – Body Team 12
Best Live Action Short – Ave Maria
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The Top Six Fur Coats of 2015
2015 was a banner year for fur coats. The Revenant, Slow West, Carol and The Hateful Eight boasted an impressive collection of fur coats that were practical and fabulous. I understand the backlash against the coats, but, in these films they seem acceptable because of the time and place they were worn. These coats are basically extensions of the characters and in several cases they prevented them from dying. So, without further ado here are the top six fur coats of 2015!
6. Chewbacca – Star Wars: The Force Awakens
This one is a stretch but Chewbacca sure does wear his fur coat well. His fur seems practical and doesn’t get in the way. Also, it looks nice and conditioned, which is interesting because we never see him cleaning or shampooing his mane.
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5. Jonathan Brugh – What We Do in the Shadows
Brugh’s character Deacon looks like an arena rocker in the fur coat and I really want to know when and where he got it. You need to watch What We Do in the Shadows.
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4. Kurt Russell – The Hateful Eight
Sometimes I wonder if the fur coat grew out of Russell’s mustache. The fur coat would engulf any other man but when on Kurt Russell’s broad shoulders it fits perfectly. The fur coat was a practical item of clothing and it seems to have many stories. Kurt Russell normally rocks a great sleeveless t-shirt but I hope his new thing is the fur coat.
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3. Leonardo DiCaprio – The Revenant
DiCaprio would’ve surely died if it wasn’t for the coat. If you’ve watched The Revenant you know that DiCaprio was basically nature’s punching bag for two hours. However, with the help of the wonder coat he survived and found redemption.
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2. Cate Blanchett – Carol
Cate Blanchett looks fantastic in her Carol fur coat. This coat has been the focal point of the advertising and the picture below proves why. The costume designer Sandy Powell recently did an interview with The Hollywood Reporter and she broke down the importance of the fur coat. A lot of work went into making Blanchett look fabulous.
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The Winner: Ben Mendelsohn – Slow West
I have a feeling that this fur coat just grew around Mendelsohn one day. He went to sleep and woke up with a beautiful and warm coat around him. Mendelsohn loved the coat so much he wore it to Sundance and looked awesome! Definitely check out Slow West.
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John’s Horror Corner: Late Phases (2014), throwing tropes out the window to deliver a fresh indie werewolf movie with a blind elderly antihero.
MY CALL: If you enjoy werewolf movies or off-the-beaten path indie horror films, I’d say you should give this film a shot. Steering clear of standard trope fare, it’s not particularly gory nor scary. But it has something I struggle to put into words for which it deserves a lot of credit.
MORE MOVIES LIKE Late Phases: The best werewolf movies would have to be An American Werewolf in London (1981; semi-humorous), Ginger Snaps (2000; metaphoric), Dog Soldiers (2002; unconventional) and The Howling (1981; serious). If you want another utterly ridiculous werewolf movie, then move on to Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf (1985) and Howling 3: The Marsupials (1987). Skip Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning (2004), Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988), Howling V: The Rebirth (1989), Howling VI: The Freaks (1991) and The Howling: Reborn (2011). Cursed (2005; cliché-loaded and contemporary), Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed (2004), Wolf (1994), Wer (2013), The Wolfman (2010), Wolfcop (2014) and An American Werewolf in Paris (1997) are also worth a watch.
Meet Ambrose (Nick Damici; We Are What We Are, The Sacrament), a blind Vietnam veteran transitioning into a retirement community to enjoy the late phases of his life after the recent death of his wife. But Ambrose didn’t seem to get the memo about “enjoying” himself. He’s grumpy, brusque, and stand-offish to the baked goods-toting welcome committee and even a bit coarse with his own son.
The first reluctant night in his new home is overcast by a full moon, an animal’s claw embedded in his wall, the death of his kind neighbor and the slaughter of his seeing-eye dog. Obsessed with discovering the assailant’s true nature, the seed of suspicion is planted.
I’ve gotta’ be honest here. The cast offers all levels of performances from good, to maybe decent, to stale–thankfully the more talented actors seem to get the most screen time. Oh, and I enjoyed seeing Ethan Embry (The Guest, Cheap Thrills) in this, even though his role was sort of weak. No performances are outstanding, but despite that this film seems to work quite well. And not because this is some “so bad it’s good” B-movie. No, that’s not what this is at all. This is a decent film that has something to show us in, thankfully, a manner that isn’t so familiar.
Directed by Adrián García Bogliano (B is for Bigfoot – The ABCs of Death) and written by Eric Stolze (Under the Bed), this film is far from amazing but it’s nothing to scoff at either. This horror movie succeeds on its own merits without the overplayed tropes of the gratuitous breast, the final girl or the intoxicated sexually active teenager. Violating all expectations, we watch as an elderly man plays our antihero. He discovers a supernatural threat, trains by swinging his shovel like a sensei, and procures silver bullets in preparation for the next full moon. Worthy of a few giggles, Ambrose shoots with stunning accuracy considering his impediment and the werewolf action scenes are sloppy, but I don’t think I cared. Coming in with low expectations, I ended up really liking this film.
I enjoyed the different approach to the hero, the unique retirement community setting, and the deviation from some standard tropes. But do you know what I loved most about this film? The practical effects. The transformation scene may not have been top-dollar, but it was cool and smacked of Hemlock Grove (2013-2016), The Howling (1981), Wolfcop (2014; transformation scene) and In the Company of Wolves (1984). The werewolf itself had a sleek look of its own, too. And once we start seeing it, we see a lot of it! VERY pleased with the practical effects.
If you enjoy werewolf movies or off-the-beaten path indie horror films, I’d say you should give this film a shot. It’s not super gory (except for one scene) and not really scary either, but it has something I struggle to put into words for which it deserves a lot of credit. Again, it’s just…different.
If you’re not convinced and want a second opinion, read this: Late Phases: The Old Man and the Werewolf.
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The MFF Podcast #47: Let’s Grab a Beer and Hunt Some Bigfoot Trolls
Hello all. Mark here.
You can stream the pod on Blog Talk Radio or download it from Itunes. If you get a chance please rate the review the pod. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back and we are talking 21st century creatures features! I recently wrote a post about fantastic creature features and the internet actually loved it! The list was really popular and we wanted to spread the love to the podcast. In this pod you will hear about Grabbers, Trollhunter and Willow Creek!
Greatest alien flick ever.
As always we answer random questions and ponder why zombies aren’t bothered by flies. Sit back, relax and listen to a whole lot of creature randomness.
You can stream the pod on Blog Talk Radio or download it from Itunes. If you get a chance please rate the review the pod.
Movies, Films & Flix 
