Turbo Kid (2015), a weird, gory, goofy, quirky, post-apocalyptic wasteland B-action movie.
MY CALL: Just watch the trailer. If you really need to ask if this movie is for you, it probably isn’t. MORE MOVIES LIKE Turbo Kid: Kung Fury (2015), Manborg (2011), The ABCs of Death 2 (2014; W is for Wish), and various Tokyo Shock movies.
From the start, this movie is clearly an ultra-low budget flick that doesn’t seem overly concerned with acting quality. In fact, Michael Ironside (Extraterrestrial, Total Recall) gives perhaps his most ridiculously hammed up performance I’ve ever seen as some sort of evil tyrant in this post-apocalyptic Mad Max wasteland. Not one second of this film takes itself seriously and thank God for that. It’s part 80s action B-movie and part 80s videogame in theme and score, embracing its lunacy and running with scissors at top speed.
The Kid (Munro Chambers; Godsend) is a quirky young scavenger scouring the wastelands for trinkets to entertain himself and goods to trade for survival resources. He meets a bright-eyed, awkwardly idiosyncratic and perhaps mentally challenged girl named Apple (Laurence Leboeuf) who takes an instant liking to him…with a dash of stage-5 clinger craziness and equal parts adorable naiveté.
This attack legit kills someone…just saying.
This movie taught me a few things. For example, duct taping a lawn gnome to a baseball bat creates a dangerous weapon called a gnomestick. I also learned that the best way to settle a post-apocalyptic dispute is by arm-wrestling over hot toasters. Oh, and be wary of evil robots!
The adventure takes hold when The Kid finds Turbo Rider dead and dons his armor and turbo blaster power glove, which hilariously turns its target into explosions of gooey mess.
Written and directed by newcomers Yoann-Karl Whissell, Anouk Whissell and François Simard, this film feels rather innocuous until the gore graces the screen. Dismemberment accompanied by spewing red corn syrup and abundant gore-slathered chunky gushings beg us for forgiveness for the sinfully non-existent budget. And you know what? It works. I like watching torsos get quartered, blood geyser eruptions and bicycle-drawn disembowelment.
The connections to Fury Road‘s (2015) water tyrant and Soylent Green (1973) were well-intended, but didn’t fit my fancy nearly as much as the 80-90s videogame references to Zelda and the Nintendo PowerGlove. And despite its utter nonsense–best characterized by liquefying people and low-speed BMX chases–I “think” I enjoyed this. The combat violence was tedious at best (probably meant to be funny–but not so much for me), but I found it salvaged by the ridiculous gore.
There’s a pretty vast array of stupid-themed bad guys, saw blades and projectile buzz saws.
I find myself questioning the genre of this movie. It’s ultra-gory nature has made it an instant favorite to horror gorehounds, but it’s more of a campy action B-movie. I guess it doesn’t really matter, does it? It’s zany and bloody and funny, and that does it for me. If you enjoy pure cinematic lunacy, then this is probably for you, too. I will see that among movies like this, this is more on the forgettable side and I definitely have no desire to ever see it again. But I might be interested to see what these filmmakers do next, preferably with a bigger budget.
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The word “Olympian” and Michael Edwards don’t really go together. Michael Edwards grew up a as blue-collar kid with bad knees who defied every law of nature. He was told he should consider taking up reading over physical activities and was never allowed to prove himself when it came to sports. However, his determination lead him to becoming an elite downhill skier who could somewhat compete with his more pedigreed peers. When he realized he could no longer afford to be a downhill skier he took up ski jumping.
Nothing he did was pretty but the guy kept plugging along until his Olympic dream was realized. It is a true testament to never quitting and Eddie the Eagle deserved his time in the spotlight. He may have placed last in the 1988 Calgary Olympics but he left a first class legacy.
Director Dexter Fletcher calls the film a “fictionalized version of a true story” but the charm is all there. I enjoyed every second of the action and appreciated watching an uplifting story that featured all in performances. Eddie the Eagle is pretense free and simply wants to entertain. There is something refreshing about a small scale story about a dorky kid becoming an Olympian. If you can roll with the earnest story and quirky performances I guarantee you will leave the theater with a smile on your face.
Taron Egerton (Kingsman) and Hugh Jackman have great chemistry as student and coach. I bet Jackman was stoked to not be Wolverine in a film and he looks relaxed and happy to be there. His performance is alive and he blends humor with cynicism beautifully. I was a bit thrown off by Egerton’s take on Eddie but as the film continued I embraced the role and appreciated that Egerton threw himself headlong into the performance.
They look a bit different.
What I found to be most impressive is the way Fletcher was able to capture the danger of the ski jump. It is a crazy sport that features insane people jumping long distances in the air. One misstep and your body is jelly and the film portrays the danger perfectly. Fletcher incorporates tracking shots and wide-angles to show how high and dangerous everything is. If you watch the trailer you will know what I mean.
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Between Cool Runnings and Eddie the Eagle the 1988 Calgary Olympics have inspired some solid films. I love the underdog vibe and fact that some people don’t know how to quit. These are stories worth telling and I’m glad they’ve made it to the big screen. 2015/2016 has been loaded with some inspirational true/fictional stories involving good people doing good things. I totally recommend you check out Bridge of Spies, The Finest Hours, The Martian, Brooklyn, The Intern and Eddie the Eagle.
Watch Eddie the Eagle on the biggest screen possible. Leave the ski jumping to Eddie. Appreciate Hugh Jackman not being Wolverine.
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John’s Horror Corner: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016), combining a refined literary British love story and a zombie apocalypse into a tasty brain stew.
MY CALL: This multi-dimensional movie equally boasts action, an alternate history based on a classic novel, a zombie apocalypse, and a gender role-rich love story complicated by the British class system. On all accounts, I’d say this film succeeded. MORE MOVIES LIKE Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: For more literary and historic figures fighting evil try Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) or Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013). Want more zombie-induced romance? Then maybe Warm Bodies (2013) is more your speed.
Best known for his work on the Zac Efron movies 17 Again (2009) and Charlie St. Cloud (2010), writer/director Burr Steers, boldly steps into 18th century England and tries to please horror fan and bookworm alike as Jane Austin’s complicated Victorian romance crosses paths with the zombie apocalypse in this sleek undead period piece. This is every bit as much a love story as much as it is a zombie action movie and its tongue-in-cheek comedy comes specifically from their admixture.
For the survival of our species the Victorian-era women have decidedly sacrificed some of their practice in the feminine ways of pleasantry to study the eastern arts of war in China and Japan. That is, of course, until finding a handsome man of means to marry well.
I went into this expecting something akin to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) or Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) in terms of action frequency, CGI and gore. Yes to the first two, but except for the gory zombie make-up/CGI itself (of which we see a great diversity) we don’t find the typically gut-ripping exploitative gore within the high production value. The amount of action is happily sufficient–though certainly not constant as there is a lot of plot and relationship going on as well. The fight scenes are not technically wowing–not like they got the choreographers from The Matrix movies or The Bourne series–but they remain very entertaining.
What this film lacks in flesh-rending it makes up for with stimulating romantic interests which will surely draw smiles as the dialogue often stays true to Jane Austin’s treasured novel. As Elizabeth Bennet, Lily James (Cinderella, Downton Abbey) does a fantastic job opposite Sam Riley’s (Maleficent, Ghost in the Shell) eligible but coarse Mr. Darcy. Douglas Booth (Jupiter Ascending, Noah) and Bella Heathcote (Dark Shadows, In Time) also deliver, and Charles Dance (Game of Thrones, Underworld 5, Dracula Untold), Matt Smith (Dr. Who, Terminator Genisys) and Lena Headey (The Purge, Game of Thrones, Dredd) provide various stage presence for the genre film fans.
There are a lot of scenes that will really stand out. The two fly zombie detection scenes and the church scene, to name a few, provided new flavors not commonly tasted in the zombie genre’s oft-rehashed brain stew. Most intriguingly is that this newer iteration of the zombie is intelligent. Not in the sense of the Romero trilogy zombie which slowly evolved into something more intelligent with each film (e.g., using tools, firing guns, enjoying music), but as crafty and manipulative entities hiding their zombiism and plotting against the uninfected. Now there’s a new spin!
This multi-dimensional movie equally boasts action, an alternate history based on a classic novel, a zombie apocalypse, and a gender role-rich love story complicated by the British class system. On all accounts, I’d say this film succeeded.
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Hello all. Mark here.
The world is inundated with lists telling you which romantic films to watch on Valentine’s Day. I’m sure they all have their merits but they aren’t looking out for everybody. We here at MFF want to bring you a wide variety of films in order to give you options. We understand that not everybody watches the same kind of movies so options are always nice.
The following posts features 10 categories that have a main option and a backup in case you don’t like the first recommendation. Hopefully you can find something you will enjoy.
If you are in the mood for…..
A romance featuring amazing performances
Love & Basketball tells a great romantic story and features one of my favorite performances. Sanaa Lathan is amazing and you totally buy her as a love interest and successful athlete. It is well worth a watch and I guarantee you will be swept up in the love story.
- If you aren’t interested: You should check out Bull Durham. It is one of the great romantic sports movies and you can’t go wrong with Susan Surandon and Kevin Costner’s chemistry
A beautiful film full of great music and friendship
Once is one of my favorite films and it tells a great story about friendship, love and growing up. It is impossible to not have a smile on your face after watching it and you will immediately want to watch it again. Also, you will fall in love with the song Falling Slowly.
- If you aren’t interested: Cameron Crowe hit all the right notes with Almost Famous and I don’t see how anyone wouldn’t be into the fun story and characters.
- If you really aren’t interested: Beyond the Lights has a solid central romance and Gina Prince-Bythewood also directed Love & Basketball.
A movie about a hockey player falling in love
Goon is not a romantic film but it features one of my favorite cinematic couples. I love the relationship between Sean William Scott and Allison Pill because it is so nice and genuine. I really like it when she says “you make me want to stop sleeping with a bunch of guys.” In a weird way that is incredibly romantic.
- If you aren’t interested: If you are into unconventional love stories you need to watch Punch Drunk Love. Paul Thomas Anderson is brilliant and Adam Sandler has never been better.
A beautiful tale of a father and son finding their way in new relationships
I like Beginners because it does something different in the romance genre. It tells the story of people who finally make a massive decision that will change their lives. However, their beginning comes when they hunker down and stay in a “meet cute” relationship when things get hard.
- If you aren’t interested: Check out Amelie because it might be one of the most charming movies you will ever watch. Audrey Tautou is a likable presence and you will be swept up on the whimsy of this French charmer.
A woman being dragged to hell
Drag Me To Hell is the first film my wife and I watched together…….and we are still together. It is a fantastic horror comedy that will have you laughing, cringing and appreciating life.
- If you aren’t interested: I never thought Warm Bodies would work and I was wrong. It is a nice little thing that has a sense of humor and confident direction.
A sensitive dude and his boombox
Say Anything’s Lloyd Dobler and Diane Court are the greatest cinematic couple of all time. I love that Lloyd is a nice dude who can beat people up and still be sensitive. Say Anything is one of my favorite films and it made the young me realize that romantic movies could be great (and not yucky…this is young me talking).
- If you aren’t interested: I’m gonna stay with John Cusack and recommend Serendipity. It is a nice little charmer that features Cusack at his romantic comedy best.
Two people walking and talking
Before Sunrise is the beginning of a beautiful trilogy of films. It is optimistic, intelligently written and wonderfully acted. My wife and I love Before Sunrise.
- If you aren’t interested: I’m going to stick with the travel idea and recommend Lost in Translation. It is a fantastic film that will make you feel all the feels. The ending is beautiful.
An insane couple falling in love
True Romance is a bonkers love story that is full of ultraviolence and deplorable acts. It is a true cult classic that features fantastic chemistry between Christian Slater and Patrica Arquette. You will dig this crazy couple.
- If you aren’t interested: This couple is totally different but you need to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet are terrible for each other but the movie is amazing.
Jennifer Lopez and George Clooney at their best
Out of Sight turns the smolder to 11 and features Jennifer Lopez and George Clooney at their best. Out of Sight is effortless, sexy and cool.
- If you aren’t interested: Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie have crazy chemistry in Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
An absolute classic that never ages
Casablanca is an ageless wonder that still feels perfect today It transcends genres and has totally earned its top spot on AFI’s 100 passions list.
- If you aren’t interested: You gotta watch Roman Holiday. It doesn’t’ get any better than Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn hanging out.
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Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Jane Austen Meets the Undead
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Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is a droll little romp that is really hard to describe. Yes, it is Pride and Prejudice with zombies but it isn’t a farce or spoof. It is told straight-faced but everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. The violence isn’t too extreme and the whole thing feels like a weird hybrid that doesn’t know what it wants to be. P&P&Z is quite possibly the nicest film ever made about millions of people dying. If you are a fan of Dr. Who, Downton Abbey and Game of Thrones you will enjoy your favorite characters running around, slaughtering zombies and arming themselves to the teeth.
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The story revolves around the Bennet sisters dealing with suitors, zombies and zombie suitors. They live a nice lower-middle class life and have forgone their schooling in order to become undead killing machines. Their time training in Chinese Shaolin temples (yep. I said that) has paid off and they are able to take care of themselves when problems or the dead arise. It is still Pride and Prejudice so their mother is looking to marry them off to rich suitors to make sure they will have a roof over their heads during the oncoming war. Did I mention the movie is bonkers?
All the stock P&P characters pop up (Darcy, Wickham, Bingley) and the plot lines are the same but they have to deal with the constantly evolving zombie threat. In P&P&Z the zombies are smart suckers that don’t actually turn into zombies until they taste human brains. The undead set traps, manipulate and organize themselves in a force to be reckoned with. It is a good thing that the “warrior daughters” are on the job because there is danger behind every door and under the soggy British ground.
Yes….there are montages that feature women arming themselves before going to a dance.
I enjoyed the movie because of Lily James (Cinderella), Charles Dance, (Game of Thrones) and Matt Smith (Dr. Who). I am a big fan of the actors and it still boggles my mind that they signed on for this weird little movie. The subject matter is insane but they all sell the material without nary a wink at the camera. I still can’t believe this was intended as a Natalie Portman franchise and I wonder what that would’ve looked like. However, once the film starts you forget about Portman and embrace the weirdness. Matt Smith steals the show as Mr Collins and I had a smile on my face every time he was on screen. His version of Mr. Collins is kinda bonkers, always fun and loaded with sweet dance moves.
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P&P&Z will make for a perfect cable movie because it is lighthearted affair that is actually fun. Director/screenwriter Burr Steers did a solid job keeping it from becoming too in love with its cheeky title and was able to make a possible one-note film fun from beginning to end. I know a lot of people will be scratching their heads in confusion but if you can embrace the ride you will enjoy the film.
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MFF Random Observation: Kate & Leopold foreshadowed Hugh Jackman’s career as Wolverine
We here at MFF love randomness. We have random awards, random podcast questions and random posts that revolve around John Travolta smoking cigarettes. So, it is only natural that when I discover an incredible link between Kate & Leopold and the rest of Hugh Jackman’s filmography I need to share it. The following post examines how a tiny film about about a time traveling Aristocrat has extreme (not really) parallels to a beloved actors career.
Sit back, relax and be prepared to have your mind blown!
I am going to start with three Wolverine facts and work my way into some deeper cuts involving the films Butter and Eddie the Eagle.
- Hugh Jackman is related to Leiv Schreiber in Kate & Leopold and X-Men Origins: Wolverine (cue dramatic music)
In Kate & Leopold Leiv Schreiber plays a distant relative who time travels with Jackman from 1876 to 2001. In X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Schreiber plays Jackman’s half-brother and they kill many people from 1845 to 2009. They’ve covered a lot of ground and time together whilst being related. You might need a few minutes to digest this information because it is amazing (not really).
They also appeared in the soul crushing Movie 43. Their segments were different but Jackman’s is the most memorable because he literally has balls attached to his neck.
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2. James Mangold directed Kate & Leopold and The Wolverine
The two remained friends after K&L and Mangold stepped in to direct The Wolverine after Darren Aronofsky dropped out. I think Kate & Leopold might be the better movie.
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3. Time Travel has played a big part in Hugh Jackman’s career
Leopold found himself transported from 1876 to 2001. In X-Men: Days of Future Past Wolverine traveled from 2023 to 1973 in order to save the world. I love that his time traveling shenanigans started with K&L and continued through to Days of Future Past.
Jackman also finds himself in several different time periods in The Fountain but that is open to viewer interpretation .
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4. Leopold isn’t happy when he is asked to peddle pond scum butter in K&L. In 2013 he found himself sculpting butter in the movie Butter.
The guy went from promoting to sculpting butter. No other actor on the planet can say this.
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5. Hugh Jackman and his K&L costar have both fake cinematic orgasms in movies taking place in the 1980s. (this one is a stretch)
In the wonderful film Eddie the Eagle Jackman lets loose with a full on fake orgasm to inspire Eddie. One has to wonder if Meg Ryan had some tips after her stellar performance in When Harry Met Sally (she probably didn’t). Also, according to the film’s timelines they both took place in the 1980s.
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There you have it! Kate & Leopold still haunts Hugh Jackman and this is proof!
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #46: Troglodytes on Skype
You can download the pod on Itunes or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOGTALKRADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
We hope you enjoyed our previous episode:
The MFF Podcast #45: The Best Comedies of the 21st Century.
SUMMARY: This week we discuss, spoil, analyze and review three recent horror movie releases: the Austrian arthouse Goodnight Mommy (2014), the indie techno-horror Unfriended (2015) and Kurt Russell’s horror-Western hybrid Bone Tomahawk (2015).
We also answer such important questions as…
“Why would our co-hosts fit well into The 13th Warrior (1999)?”
“Why did the ‘real world’ food in The Matrix (1999) taste so terrible?”
“Would you be happy if you inherited the 13 Ghosts (2001) mansion?”
LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOGTALKRADIO,
or head over Itunes so you can download, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod.
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I love the Superbowl movie trailers because the big studios spend a lot of money to promote their blockbusters. This means the 30-second trailers pack in a lot of action into one commercial. Thus, we are blessed with copious amounts of property destruction and glory shots of things blowing up. In honor of the new trailers I’ve decided to rank them in order of property destruction. I want the world to know how much damage a 30-second trailer can do. The following post is made up of complete guess work and I am not a registered insurance agent. However, I’ve taken a lot of time making sure the rankings are correct and the sums are close to their actual price (not really).
12. Eddie the Eagle
Property Damage Meter – 0
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There are a few bruises but Eddie doesn’t destroy anything when he tumbles down the ski slopes. This trailer is an insurance agencies best friend.
Go watch Eddie the Eagle. It is a very fun film with very little property destruction.
Damage amount: $0
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11. The Secret Life of Pets
Property Damage Meter – 1
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How much money will it cost to repair the damage? A punk dog chews up some shoes which may or may not be expensive. I would go with $1,000 dollars in damage because there were some Jimmy Choo shoes in the closet.
Damage amount: $1,000
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10. 10 Cloverfield Lane
Property Destruction Meter – 2
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The trailer starts off with a car flipping many times over. That is $20,000 right off the bat. Then, either a house or bunker catches on fire. I’m assuming with a monster on the loose the fire department isn’t coming so the damage is about $200,000.
Damage amount: $220,000
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9. The Jungle Book
Property Damage Meter – 2
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The biggest problem with the property destruction is the location. An ancient temple gets slightly ruffled and will most certainly need fixing. However, how in the heck do you get a work crew in there? It is in the middle of a dangerous jungle and the rocks cannot be easy to replace. I would say with the work crews and quarry work it would cost about $5,000,000
Damage amount: $5,000,000
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8. Jason Bourne
Property Damage Meter – 5
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I hate when bad guys target innocent motorists. The trailer for Jason Bourne shows egregious damage to some poor podcast listening motorists. I counted about 20 cars being destroyed which amounts to about $400,000 in damage. Also, while Jason is riding around on a motorcycle the bad guys are shooting rocket launchers at him and causing massive fireballs. That is at least $5,000,000. I wonder if Jason Bourne ever thinks about hiding out in the desert? That way when people attack him they are blowing up sand and the occasional rattle snake.
Damage amount: $5,4000,000
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7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2
Property Destruction Meter – 5
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Once again some poor motorists are crunched by the bad guys which causes about ($500,000) in car and building damage. Also, some very expensive looking machinery ($4,000,000) gets destroyed when smashed on a bridge ($1,000,000). I’m surprised at the overall lack of things getting obliterated in the trailer. I’m impressed at the restraint.
Damage amount: $5,500,000
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6. Deadpool
Property Damage Meter – 5
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The refreshing thing about the Deadpool trailer is the property destruction is localized. Nobody is trying to destroy the world and aside from a port blowing up ($40,000,000) the world isn’t threatened. Of course, the stock cars go boom ($100,000) and there is some bridge destruction ($2,000,000) but that isn’t too bad! Good job Deadpool!
Damage amount:$42,100,000
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5. Alice Through the Looking Glass
Property Damage Meter – 7
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There is a world/city/town that is completely on fire! I don’t know how it happened but it looks like a terrible place to own land. I’m guessing the fire goes unchecked and destroys a wide swath of land as well. Between the loss of a town infrastructure and hundreds of acres of land the damage is about $63,000,000
Damage amount: $63,000,000
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4. Captain America: Civil War
Property damage meter – 7.1
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I have no clue how much War Machine’s suit costs but I’m guessing $100,000,000. Also, it looks like an entire airport runway is being destroyed ($5,000,000) and there is some stock building destruction ($3,000,000). It bums me out that a superhero squable costs the tax payers and insurance companies so much money.
Damage amount: $108,000,000
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3. Gods of Egypt
Property damage mater – 7.6
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A plethora of temples are destroyed which means a lot of slaves are going to be forced to rebuild them. Most of the peasant class is smooshed by battling deities so the Egyptian army needs to go to war to collect more slaves to rebuild. Once again, why can’t these battling gods fight in the desert? The damage and war costs are easily around $50,000,000,000.
Damage amount: $50,000,000,000
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2. X-Men: Apocalypse
Property damage meter – 10
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The name of the film is X-Men: Apocalypse. Thus, the property damage is going to be extreme. The bad guy even says “everything they’ve built will fall.” When an all powerful bad guy starts destroying the world there will be about $50,000,000,000,000 in property damage in a 30-second trailer.
Damage amount: $50,000,000,000,000
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- Independence Day: Resurgence
Property damage meter – 11
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The aliens pick up a city then drop it on another city……… The property damage is going to break records. I’m going with $5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. I feel this sum is adequate because both alien and human property is being destroyed.
Damage amount: Way too much too calculate.
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John’s Horror Corner: Frankenhooker (1990), a raunchy slapstick Frankenstein throwback exploitation film with loads of exploding prostitutes.
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW
This article contains images of prosthetic disembodied breasts and prosthetic naked bodies exploding. No actual human nudity is present. But, come on guys, you don’t want to get caught looking at this at work.
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW
MY CALL: No horror to be found in this gloriously raunchy slapstick horror comedy peppered with exploding hookers and rubber disembodied limbs. MORE MOVIES LIKE Frankenhooker: Basket Case 1-3 (1982-91), Brain Damage (1988), Killer Workout (1987), Death Spa (1989), Head of the Family (1996) and Hideous! (1997). Maybe even Puppet Master (1989), Ghoulies (1985) and Seed People (1992).
I have somehow gone 35 years of my life without seeing this movie, deprioritizing it, assuming it’s no big deal, sticking to the classics and new releases…boy was that a mistake!!! After just 7 minutes (yes, I paused and checked) of this B-movie madness I already know two things: 1) this movie is garbage, and 2) this is exactly the kind of garbage I LOVE!
We meet Jeffrey Franken (James Lorinz; Street Trash, RoboCop 3), a man who has somehow been kicked out of three medical schools, and his reanimated Cyclops brain creature experiment that he is working on in the kitchen…and everyone simply thinks he’s just a little weird for working on a REANIMATED BRAIN with one eye on the kitchen table!!!! But his whole life is about to change when his fiancée Elizabeth (Patty Mullen; Penthouse Pet, Zombinatrix) is killed in a freak accident with a supercharged lawnmower he invented. The news coverage of the massacre is hilarious! Oh, yeah, this flick is something special for sure!
Jeffrey Franken is no Victor Frankenstein (2015). He over-explains his downward spiral into mad scientist mania to his mother as if reading a list of symptoms from a psychiatric manual. While comically narrating his own insanity he draws elaborate blueprints of electrodes over a body’s framework (and it has boobs LOL), power drills his skull to alleviate headaches, and has dates with his fiancée’s disembodied head. Needless to say the acting and writing are terrible (but maybe “good” for the bad horror genre), but this movie remains a delight.
Is it just me, or does it look like he’s designing a giant female bodybuilder??? LOL
So since Jeff needs perfect female body parts to bring life back to his fiancée, naturally he goes to the city and arranges a prostitute crack-whore party, plays doctor, measures nipples, wrestles hookers and watches them literally explode as they overdose on drugs–and we overdose on cheesiness.
Nudity and disembodied limbs abound. Jeff superglues and welds his perfect Elizabeth back together from sacks of spare hooker parts, a pile of severed breasts, and a trash can of severed legs with bunyans from extensive streetwalking.
Once Elizabeth is back on her feet after a deliciously B-movied-up Frankenstein’s laboratory scene, she stumbles about with all the twitchy grace of a newborn foal and sports a Sylvester Stallone lip sneer. Assembled from mostly hooker parts, she behaves like…well…a frankenhooker–all the way down to the undead sex scene during which she sex-electrocutes her first John to death.
Written and directed by Frank Henenlotter (Basket Case 1-3, Brain Damage, Bad Biology), this relatively goreless exploitation cult classic deviates from his violent normal pedigree, having not a scary nor brutal moment–it’s pure slapstick comedy shown through a campy horror filter. A few steps above the raunchier Full Moon releases (Head of the Family, The Killer Eye) or anything from Troma studios, this goofy flick boasts severed heads, abundant bare breasts, mutant monsters made of spare hooker parts and rubber limbs galore! It’s awkwardly weird, strangely funny and classically so-bad-it’s-good. The final twist is quirky campiness at its inappropriate best (think Sleepaway Camp).
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The MFF Survival Guide: Surviving Movies With “13” in the Title
After watching The Final Girls I’ve started asking myself an age-old question. What movies could I survive if I was teleported into them and couldn’t simply run away?
I can’t pull a Dr. and sprint away.
The question is incredibly important and I decided to tackle it headlong. I figured a great place to start would be in movies with “13” in the title. More often than not movies with 13 in the title mean doom, gloom and a lot of pain. The following post examines if I could survive movies like 13 Assassins, 13 Ghosts, Assault on Precinct 13, The 13th Warrior, Friday the 13th, District B13 and Apollo 13. .
1. Friday the 13th
Chance of Survival – 0 – 5%
If I was transported into this film it would be very similar to the Camp Bloodbath scenario in The Final Girls. The kids knew what was going on but still ended up as serial killer fodder. The camp counselors in Friday the 13th meet a grisly death and the only person left alive is the final girl. I’d have no chance. The best thing I could do is delay Mrs. Voorhees long enough for others to get away.
Best chance for Survival – Don’t have sex. Don’t get drunk. Don’t Investigate. Don’t get in a Canoe. Don’t trust middle-aged women. Don’t try to fix the generator. Hide somewhere and stay there.
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2. Thir13en Ghosts
Chance of Survival – 3%
You are trapped in a house that is powered by evil ghosts who just so happen to be on the loose. You are dead. I guess the only way to survive would be…..actually, I would be dead. Even if I had a knowledge of the ghosts and had a Spaceball’s esque tape of the proceedings I would meet a violent end.
Best chance for survival – There is something about a ghost being created out of true love so I would stay close to the family and let Matthew Lillard be the hero. While Lillard is getting snapped in two for his bravery I would be chilling behind the door hoping the ghosts don’t wise up. I would just relax behind that ghost blocking door and hope the eventual house explosion doesn’t kill me.
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3. 13 Assassins
Chance of Survival – 6%
One word. Hide. The carnage that makes up the final battle is insane and there is no way I could fight my way through it. If I tried to fight I would be the first one dead and the only way I could help the good guys is if the bad guys tripped over me. I would just stay on a roof and throw rocks Hobbit style until they caught up with me. Skilled warriors couldn’t survive in 13 Assassins so I’d be in a whole lot of trouble.
Best chance for survival – Hide. Hide like I’ve never hidden before. Find a nice hut somewhere and hope that nobody falls into the cozy nook.
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4. Assault on Precinct 13
Chance of Survival – 50%
Two things could happen here. I survive the gang onslaught and find my way into the secure basement. Or, I meet a violent end while a John Carpenter synth score blares in the background. Not many people survive Carpenter’s R-rated action fests but he gives you enough hope in thinking you could dodge enough bullets to walk out slightly scathed.
Best chance for survival – Pull a Jack Burton and hope something knocks me out while the heroes and villains wipe each other out.
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5. Apollo 13
Survival Rate: 100%
Tom Hanks is on board. I’d be cool.
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6. District B13
Chance of Survival – 17%
I would blow out my knee immediately and become fodder for the bad guys. Parkour isn’t meant for 6’4 Swedish people so I would just be hurting myself everywhere. Also, I’d feel terrible for the populace because there is no way I could get to the bomb on time.
Best Chance For Survival – If a foot chase broke out on open ground I might have a chance of hiding long enough for the bad guys to forget about me. If Dolph Lundgren can star in a movie called Hidden Assassin then I could surely mimic him
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7. The 13th Warrior
Chance of Survival – 83%
I am big Swedish guy who is smart enough stay out of the action and not do dumb things that put me in the range of the crazy cannibals. If I found myself in the action I would stay close to Buliwyf and hope he wipes out everyone around us. A decent amount of vikings and villagers lived so I would stay close to the tough guys and hope for the best.
Best Chance for Survival – Hope that I have an awesome moment where I realize the bad guys are only human and I go on a rampage resulting in me being the battle MVP. Or, I get knocked out and fall under something where I won’t get smooshed by cavalry. It worked for Bilbo in The Battle of the Five Armies.
Movies, Films & Flix 
