John’s Horror Corner: Zombeavers (2015), bringing us mutant rabid animatronic zombie beavers in this fun cheap campy horror
MY CALL: This movie is dumb. Really dumb. But it’s also gory, campy, bad in a good way and full of laughs and weird things like werezombeavers. MOVIES LIKE Zombeavers: Looking for more self-aware horror that will make you laugh? Try Black Sheep (2006), Cabin Fever (2002), Cabin Fever 2 (2009), Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (2014), Shark Night 3D (2011), The Boneyard (1991), Critters (1986), Gremlins (1984), Ghoulies (1985), Piranha 3D (2010), Piranha 3DD (2012).
This flick dutifully pays homage to the likes of Piranha 3D (2010), which feels like an Academy Award winner next to this. It answers what happens when an inexperienced director teams up with two inexperienced writers, none of whom having written or directed anything in horror? Certainly nothing amazing, but perhaps something that’s still worth the price of admission at the very least…as long as you brought beer, that is. That’s what Zombeavers is. It’s the very least…the very least that it takes to watch a movie and not hate, regret or dislike it to the point that it cannot be enjoyed.
This movie is definitely funny (and fun in general), but there are scenes that I feel may not have been intentionally funny (although this film is very self-aware of its quality and tone). The acting is deplorable, the writing is horrendous, there’s basically no story nor any clever shots to boast. Yet I didn’t mind.
Perhaps a product of the film’s own self-awareness, no time is wasted before leaping into some lakeside nudity. It may not be raining breasts in terms of the gratuitous nudity, but they got to it right away for those who care. Later in the film we’ll endure some quintessentially tasteless sex scenes (brief nudity at most) that feel like a one-way ticket to pound town on frat row. The sex dialogue is pretty funny.
The highlight of the film is animatronic beavers, which are delightfully bad. After being exposed to some sort of toxic waste that was dumped in their lake, these rabid twitchy zombie beavers remind me of the glorious creature effects of the 80s. Their spastic movements are reminiscent of evil Muppets or shaky-limbed gremlins. While they are surely funny to watch, something about them remains menacing. Really—I think the twitchiness makes them appropriately off-putting. I’m somewhat reminded of the mounted deer head in Evil Dead 2 (1987) crossed with the trickster gopher from Caddyshack (1980).
As you can see BELOW, the shots very tasteful.
As if directly copying scenes out of Night of the Living Dead (1968), the zombeavers break their way through boarded up windows in the panicked victims’ vacation house and the deck of the tanning raft. The beavers are pretty smart. They chew through phone lines and know when to regroup.
If the cheap zombeavers were the best aspect of the film, the gore came next. The rubber guts and torn latex flesh is thankfully abundant as throats are bitten and bodies sundered.
Quite a pleasure was the transformation of a bitten girl into a werebeaver zombie (or werezombeaver?)—not unlike what happened in Black Sheep (2006). These infected victims behave as if they caught a beavered up version of the Evil Dead’s (2013) contagious zombie demonism. After being infected, a young woman twerks her tail—YES, she grew a beaver tail—and terrorizes her friends with her buck teeth which pushed their way through her front teeth. She even bites off a guy’s penis in the spirit of Piranha 3D (2010). Yikes!
Clearly this flick has a good sense of humor. At one point a guy throws his girlfriend’s dog in the water as a decoy for the beavers and when the zombeavers break their way through the cabin floor, it’s like a game of Whack-a-Mole.
That poor dog. SMH
The ending (and opening) scene is gloriously stupid, along with the outtakes at the end. My favorite outtake was the dog in the water being chased by the zombeaver props.
I highly recommend this to anyone who enjoyed the more recent movies listed above in “MOVIES LIKE Zombeavers.”
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Hello all. Mark here. Sometimes you need to watch cheeky monster movies. They won’t win any Oscars but they will put a smile on your face and satiate your need for B-movie mayhem. When a B-movie can juggle gore, humor and decent characters it becomes a thing of beauty. We here at MFF love monster movies like Tremors, Piranha 3D and Deep Blue Sea. So, I decided to dig through Netflix and find five monster movies that exemplify all that is good, bad and glorious. The list includes Zombie Beavers, Cops that are werewolves and pleather wearing witch hunters. These films will be perfect for late night viewings.
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Grabbers
Grabbers is fun, charming and rewatchable. It is a little Irish film that focuses on villagers who have to stay drunk to stay alive. The best thing about Grabbers is that it is immensely likable and doesn’t become a one-note shlock fest. It follows in the foot steps of Gremlins, Attack the Block and Tremors with its infusion of horror, comedy and oddness. You will cheer for the eventual drunk heroes as they battle ill-tempered aliens.
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WolfCop
WolfCop tells the age-old tale of an alcoholic police officer turned vigilante werewolf cop. This soon to be Canadian cult classic is a simple little thing that knows what it is and gives people what they want. What do people want? They want a cop to turn into a werewolf and battle shape shifting small town inhabitants. Wolfcop never takes itself seriously and even as faces are being ripped off the likability is evident. It is 75 minutes of blood, beer and boobs.
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Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
Hansel and Gretel is the story of a good looking brother/sister duo who kill copious amounts of witches. They travel around the supernatural woods in search of death and pleathor pants. They help peasants rid themselves of swamp, bog, tree, water and sand witches that eat kids, enslave nice trolls and feed one of the heroes so much chocolate he becomes a diabetic. There is something fantastic about A-list actors acting in a B-movie that was directed by a horror maestro. Tommy Wirkola (Dead Snow) knows his way around gore, humor and blood explosions. You will have fun with Hansel & Gretel.
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The Colony
The Colony is a wonderful type of dumb. The characters are barely two-dimensional, the bad guys do spin kicks and there is a whole lot of narrating. The film rivals AVP in it’s ice age shenanigans and misunderstanding of frost bite. However, I kinda enjoyed it. It The modestly budgeted Canadian production has a charming personality despite not featuring anything original. The bumps and bruises make it a perfect late night shlock fest that you and your cinephile friends will appreciate.
The most memorable part of this film is the bad guy who must be some kind of paranormal. He loves flying through air ducts and surviving explosions. In the film, he survives three separate explosions with nary a scratch. Fishburne drops dynamite in the outpost (nothing). Fishburne blows up a bridge and kills 75% of the bad guys (nothing). Bill Paxton shoots a gas canister killing the rest of the bad guys and the villain slides into an air duct (unscathed). His clothes aren’t burnt and he only becomes hungrier. During the finale he is hit in the head by a steel pole at least 37 times (not an exaggeration). He shakes it off and finally succumbs to getting his head chopped in half. Where did this dude come from? How did he become the leader of a cannibalistic tribe? Does it hurt shaving your teeth into spikes? When did he make the move to cannibalism? Was it an easy choice? Why is that scar so strategic?
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Zombeavers
Zombeavers is gloriously underwritten, self-aware and cheeky. It is loaded with everything that makes for a perfect midnight movie. There is nudity, profanity, beaver puns, bikinis and death via Zombeaver. Shakespeare this ain’t. However, if you gather your friends, stock up on beer and embrace the mayhem you will have a fun time with this film.
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Hello all. Mark here.
If you’ve been reading MFF for sometime you know that we champion certain films, actors and performances. You will also know that our lists are always random and don’t stick to the rules of normalcy.
For instance, after much soul searching I decided Kurt Russel’s sleeveless shirt in Big Trouble in Little China was better than all of Kurt Russell’s other sleeveless shirts.
The following posts examines my 25 favorite performances of this decade (2010-2015). It is an odd collection that will leave you scratching your head and hopefully having a new appreciation for some of the actors. These are performances that are stuck in my mind and proved to be pleasant surprises or supremely underrated. For the list I’ve stayed away from the massively rewarded performances and spread the love around to people you wouldn’t expect. Maybe that is why these are my favorite performances. They went under the radar (for the most part) and carried films on their backs.
25. Scoot McNairy and Ben Mendelsohn – Killing Them Softly
Scoot and Ben are total dirtbags in Killing Them Softly. Their scenes buzz with a spectacularly dirty energy that pushes Killing Them Softly to the next level. Both of these actors are fantastic and they’ve never been better than in this film. Their robbery scene is a masterclass in suspense and their drugged filled storytime might be one of the funniest and absurd things I’ve seen in years.
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24. Jean Dujardin – OSS 117: Lost in Rio.
He may be known for The Artist but I love Jean’s performance in the OSS films. This opening sequence is pure glory and showcases his charm, smarm and dance moves.
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23. David Koechner/Sara Paxton – Cheap Thrills
David and Sara make for fantastic villains. They are smarter than they seem and expertly bring the pain to unexpected schmoes. Who are they? Are they really together? They performances are layered and it was a fantastic surprise watching David Koechner give the world something different.
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22. Paul Walker – Hours
Paul Walker was fantastic in Hours. The final scene will break your heart and prove the guy was moving towards legit acting. If you haven’t watched Joyride, Running Scared and Flags of our Brothers check them out now. Also read this article by Vulture that perfectly sums up Walker’s career. I love this excerpt.
It’s the final shot of the film that destroys you: Having passed out, unable to keep his daughter’s incubator going, our hero is taken away on a stretcher. But just as the film fades out, he’s reunited with his baby, who has finally learned to breathe on her own, and he cries tears of joy. The scene would have been powerful before Walker’s death; after his death, it’s totally devastating.
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21. Ice Cube – 21 Jump Street
Don’t mess with Korean Jesus! He’s busy, with Korean sh*t. Cube’s scowl worked perfectly in the 21 Jump Street world and I loved every second that featured Cube. Watching him react to Jonah Hill telling him that he slept with his daughter is pure gold.
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20. Min-sik Choi – I Saw the Devil
I can’t recommend I Saw the Devil because it is way too insane for mass consumption. It is a draining experience that is anchored by an incredible performance by Min-sik Choi. He embodies evil and his performance is so layered. Choi is one of my favorite actors and I don’t think any body else could pull off this performance.
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19. Jake Gyllenhaal – Prisoners
Loki is a fantastic character and Gyllenhaal should have been nominated for an Oscar. Loki is a tattooed detective that is loaded with ticks, guilt and buttoned up shirts. The guy has seen some things and he brings a superhuman amount of effort to each case. There is something really cool about a guy that has tons of demons helping other people out.
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18, Eva Green – 300: Rise of an Empire
Eva Green owned every second of 300. She straight up went for it and seemed to be having a blast. I love when actors/actresses own their roles and dive into absurdity with zero self consciousness. Green gave us a fantastic villain who is way more layered than she had any right to be.
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17. Gary Oldman – Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Gary Oldman is the only human alive who can outsmart the smartest people in the world. His spymaster character hides behind his thick glasses and is the very definition of controlled restraint. I lost an Oscar pool because I predicted he would win the Oscar even though he had no chance. His performance was so good I lost an Oscar pool.
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16. Matthew McConaughey – Killer Joe
Before McC was winning Oscars he was staring in this batsh*t crazy film. Directed by William Friedkin (French Connection, Sorceror, Exorcist) the movie allows McC to unleash his good looks and charm on the dumbest family alive. He oozes menace and should have won the Oscar for this instead of Dallas Buyers Club. The final shot will punch you in the gut and will renew your faith in the McConaissance.
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15. TJ Miller – She’s Out of My League
TJ Miller was born to steal scenes. In She’s out of my league he plays in a Hall and Oates cover band and makes glorious comments about people wearing their hats backwards. I could watch Miller sing, dance and trade barbs with Krysten Ritter all day. She’s Out of My League is an incredibly uneven film and when it starts teetering into dumb Miller comes back in and pushes it into fun.
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14. Samuel L. Jackson – The Kingsman
The guy wants to destroy the world but he hates the sight of blood. I love it when Sam Jackson plays something other than Sam Jackson. I loved his explanation of the villainous lisp he used in the film (the director initially hated it!)
Having watched all those Bond films and other genre films of that nature, all the bad guys have something that’s very specific that separates them from other people. Or that makes people dismiss them as a villain as opposed to going, ‘he’s an evil guy’.’ So speech impediments are something that I understand because I stuttered when I was a kid, so people kind of dismiss you and go, ‘You can’t be interesting because you sound funny. So I’m sure Valentine had used that as a motivational tool in a certain kind of way because people had dismissed him.
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13. James McAvoy – Filth
I don’t know how I could recommend Filth to non-cinephiles but I will fully praise McAvoy’s performance to everyone. McAvoy navigates the world with a mixture of angst, anger and feigned bluster. Mentally, he has gone off the rails and as the film progresses you begin to feel bad for the guy as his story becomes rather tragic. McAvoy juggles the mental collapse well and remains sympathetic even as he is doing terrible things. This isn’t a stylized bad guy who is evil to be cool. He is a sad man who needs help and will never get it.
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12. Elizabeth Olsen – Martha Marcy May Marlene
Olsen is incredibly watchable with her unique features and ability to quickly yet subtlety float between naivety, anger, paranoia and girlishness. You never feel like she is acting. It doesn’t feel like some actress pouting in front of the camera whilst the director pans slowly over a wide shot. Olsen’s Marcy May is a person who is smart enough to escape a cult but still shell-shocked by all the things she has seen. Imagine harboring the verbal and mental scars of two years of horror while trying to act normal at a swanky dinner party.
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11. Everybody in Warrior
Tom Hardy is a force of nature. Joel Edgerton is a rising star and Nick Nolte is the best he has been in years. What I loved about Edgerton’s character is that he is a teacher/fighter/bouncer who fights for family. I used to be a teacher/bouncer and it is great to see similar characters making it big.
Keep your eye out for Part 2! What performances would you add? Let me know!
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MY CALL: A decent classic, but a classic may often feel dated. Keep your expectations low and this may be very entertaining. OTHER HORROR ANTHOLOGIES: Some other fun, decent and/or clever anthologies include (in order of release date): Black Sabbath (1963), Tales from the Crypt (1972), The Uncanny (1977), Creepshow (1982), Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983), Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye (1985), Creepshow 2 (1987), Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990), Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (1993), Campfire Tales (1997), 3 Extremes (2004), Trick ‘r Treat (2007), Chillerama (2011), Little Deaths (2011), V/H/S (2012), The Theater Bizarre (2012), The ABCs of Death (2013), V/H/S 2 (2013), The Profane Exhibit (2013) and The ABCs of Death 2 (2014).
Based on comic book stories Tales from the Crypt and The Vault of Horror, this British anthology begins when five strangers accidently take an elevator to the “subbasement” of a building only to end up trapped in a room where they all have no choice but to sit, pour a drink and chat to pass the time. The theme of conversation is that each of them inexplicably shares the recent experience of a grave dream that felt so real that it was as if it really happened. They take turns goading each other to share their dreams, which clearly seem disturbing to each story teller.
The stories involve murderers, double crosses, being buried alive, vampires and voodoo vengeance. Perhaps due to the dated style, these horror stories will bring you no sense of horror today. Also, unlike its Tales from the Crypt (1972) predecessor, these stories largely do not seem as iconic or particularly interesting. This film has a lower IMDB (6.6 vs. 7.0) and Rotten Tomatoes (51% vs 70%) scores. They’ll still make you smile, though. Think of them more as campfire stories than facets of a horror film.
There are five short stories, one for each stranger…
Midnight Mess is about a man who hunts down his missing sister to a quiet little town with the intention of murdering her for her recently inherited fortune. During his trip, he his warned by several locals that “they” come out at night. Confused by this warning, and clearly not heeding it, he goes about his business and finds out the hard way that he should have listened.
“Your fangs look so legit.”
“Thank you. Yours, too.”
This short story is unforgivably dumb and made me think twice about continuing with the movie. I’ll admit that I giggled at the final scene…but it was bad. Thankfully, the stories get better.
The Neat Job features an obsessive-compulsive neat freak who, without getting to know her, marries a woman so he would have someone to take care of him. Unfortunately she lacks his unhealthy attention to detail and order, which creates much tension between them and leads to dire consequence for one of them.
This story was an absolute delight and by far my favorite of the anthology. It is rich with dark comedy as we see his obsession blossom before his now fearful wife, who is driven mad by his mania. Truly a pleasure.
This Trick’ll Kill You is about a magician and his espoused magician’s assistant on vacation in India to discover a new trick for his act. He discovers a mystic woman with a magical rope trick that he absolutely must have—but it’s not for sale. Desperate for success on stage, he will do anything to possess the secret of the trick.
This one was a mixed bag. It started out very interesting only to later reveal that there was nothing behind the story; no clever twist or turn. It was entertaining, but conceptually simple to the point of disappointment.
Bargain in Death provides the answer to “what could possibly go wrong?” A man decides to fake his own death (using some metabolism-slowing drug of sorts) to cash in on an insurance policy. The catch is that his friend will cash in the policy and then dig him up from his grave before he suffocates in his coffin.
It’s not as predictable as it sounds. A bit random and a bit entertaining, but the story is nothing special.
Drawn and Quartered combines some interesting ideas used in later horror films/stories. An artist who is financially cheated by his agent wants revenge so he “buys voodoo” to bestow him with the ability to control fate. Whatever happens to his art, happens to whatever was painted. Destroy the painting, destroy the model. The catch? The artist must now protect his own self portrait.
This was an interesting story and the fun was in the anticipation. The only short story better fitting to end this film would be The Neat Job, the two of them clearly being my favorites.
This is a classic horror anthology not to be missed. It may not be dripping with gore and the stories may seem simple by today’s standards, but it’s easy to see what makes this a beloved horror classic.
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MY CALL: An excellent and classic anthology featuring some familiar tales. OTHER HORROR ANTHOLOGIES: Some other fun, decent and/or clever anthologies include (in order of release date): Black Sabbath (1963), The Vault of Horror (1973), The Uncanny (1977), Creepshow (1982), Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983), Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye (1985), Creepshow 2 (1987), Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990), Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (1993), Campfire Tales (1997), 3 Extremes (2004), Trick ‘r Treat (2007), Chillerama (2011), Little Deaths (2011), V/H/S (2012), The Theater Bizarre (2012), The ABCs of Death (2013), V/H/S 2 (2013), The Profane Exhibit (2013) and The ABCs of Death 2 (2014).
Based on comic book stories Tales from the Crypt and The Vault of Horror, this British anthology begins as five strangers on a catacombs tour who end up trapped with a robed monk who reveals the dark secrets of why each of them is there. This “crypt keeper” (Ralph Richardson; Time Bandits, Rollerball, Dragonslayer) seems all too knowledgeable about their sins and reveals how they all came to be here today.
The stories involve crazed madmen, zombies in various forms, prophetic dreams, twisted wishes and some very, very angry blind men. Perhaps due to the dated style, these horror stories will bring you no sense of horror today. They will, however, make you smile as they are nice little horror stories whose concepts have been used over and over again in past decades. Think of them more as campfire stories than facets of a horror film.
There are five short stories, one for each stranger in the crypt…
And All Through the House stars Joan Collins (Empire of the Ants) a trophy wife who murders her considerably older husband on Christmas Eve to make herself a rich widow. While this may sound evil enough already, she executes her plan with her daughter asleep (or is she?) upstairs. That same evening we hear radio announcements of a recently escaped psychopath wearing a Santa Claus suit…and all get what they deserve.
This short story is an absolute delight in its simplicity and it has been retold on Tales from the Crypt, season 1, episode 2 (1989) and then replayed by Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984).
Reflection of Death changes pace for the worst with a less engaging tale of a man sneaking away to leave his wife and family for his mistress. The man awakens from a bad dream revealing his future (much as with a “ghost of Christmas future”) only to relive it. A clever idea at the time (over 40 years ago), but now a trope too played out to hold up.
Poetic Justice finds Peter Cushing (Horror of Dracula, The Mummy, The Curse of Frankenstein) as the elderly Arthur Grimsdyke, the kindest widower living only for his dogs and the local children whom he entertains with homemade toys. Arthur’s neighbor takes action to part Arthur from the things he loves most along with his formerly saintly reputation and happiness. This predictably leads to Arthur’s death and revenge.
Wish You Were Here will feel most familiar, being based on the now-troped-up popular story of the Monkey’s Paw. In this story a formerly wealthy man finds himself deep in debt and forced to sell his assets. After breaking the bad news to his wife, she suddenly notices some strange text etched in an antique Asian statuette that offers three wishes to its owner, but offers a warning as well. Not heeding the warning his wife hastily wishes for riches…only to find grave consequence. Subsequent and more careful wishes to solve her error only make things worse.
We find more use of the Monkey’s Paw concept in The Monkey’s Paw (2013; which I DO NOT advise watching) and the Wishmaster (1997) movies…among many others.
Blind Alleys is by far my favorite short of the anthology and the one that stuck with me in the 20 years since I first saw this movie. A selfish (to the point of being cruel—except for when it comes to his dog) retired veteran takes a job as a superintendent of a home for blind men. As the “officer in charge” he budgets himself steak, brandy and fine art for his office as the elderly blind men freeze through the winter with little meat to warm their plates. When their requests are not met and a fellow resident dies after succumbing to illness in the cold, the blind seek revenge in a way that just makes my toes curl in delight…a way that makes me think “and this is before the Saw films came out.”
This is a classic horror anthology not to be missed. It may not be dripping with gore and the stories may seem simple by today’s standards, but it’s easy to see what makes this a beloved horror classic.
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Proudly sponsored by the audiobook company Audible, your new MFF podcast episode is here!
You can stream the pod at the Blog Talk Radio website, listen to us on with your mobile app OneCast, or download the podcast on Itunes. If you get a chance please REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod!
We hope you enjoyed our previous episode on All things James Bond.
SUMMARY: This week the MFF crew discusses George A. Romero’s zombie filmography, cultural impacts of progressive casting and social commentary, undead eating habits and a zombie origin involving blueberry pie and space yeast. Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead are discussed in depth, followed by brief assessments of Romero’s subsequent zombie films. As always, there will some be spoilers and loads of smarmy comments. You have been warned. 😉
We also answer such important questions as…
“Why can you contract zombiism from a bite, but not from having zombie blood splattered in his face?”
“Why don’t the Day of the Dead zombies of south Florida eat the alligators?”
“Did Day if the Dead make “Bub” too smart?”
“How could yeast from Venus or well-aged blueberry pie possibly be involved in the origin of zombiism?”
Sit back, relax and learn about everything you missed.
If you haven’t seen some of these movies, be comforted that we will geekily inform you as to why you should watch them.
You can stream the pod at the Blog Talk Radio website, listen to us on with your mobile app OneCast, or download the podcast on Itunes.
If you get a chance please REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod!
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Mad Max: Fury Road is a $150 million spectacle that totally deserves its 98% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. I don’t think we will see another R-rated insane fest like this again. When will we ever see a cadre of elderly female bikers kicking butt and wiping out post apocalyptic war boys? It is a marvel of practical effects that blend with beautiful CGI to create something insanely enjoyable. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more cohesive and coherent film that involves baby death, overweight milk maids and ultra violence. It is loaded with iconic characters and moments that will linger long in your memory.
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What I love about Mad Max: Fury Road is that it feels like an incredibly expensive hand made film. Every stunt feels like it hurts and I can only imagine how long it took to accomplish each stunt. George Miller wanted everything on his set to be functional and it all looks f**king amazing. The world is fully fleshed out and I’m amazed at the skill and care that each character receives. Films like this can never be recreated because they left no blueprint. Charlize Theron stated that their would be days when there was no script and director George Miller was shooting from the hip. Fury Road works because the crew worked their asses off for six months in the deserts of Africa. It is a labor of love that feels totally fleshed out.
Charlize Theron’s Imperator Furiosa is a miracle of a creation. Theron’s Furiosa worked her way through the ranks in a male dominated world and became the right hand woman to Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne). Joe has control of a massive water supply and is basically god to his radiated followers. He has an army of totally loyal war boys who are dying of radiation sickness. They are convinced that in dying they will end up in Valhalla and they go down in glorious blazes of glory. To add to their suicidal tendencies these War Boys are really good at what they do. They’ve fine tuned vehicular carnage and have no problem risking their lives in order to take down their enemies.
Things pop off when Furiosa drives away with Joe’s five wives. They are an odd and nubile bunch driven to the brink of sanity as they are locked away and forced to take part in anything Immortan Joe wants. The rescue sparks off a chain of events that involves several gangs all dying spectacularly in order to bring back some healthy women. I love how the group started off as bratty and became three-dimensional people who form unlikely relationships and prove their worth..
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How did Max get mixed up in the kidnapping plot? The film starts with Max being captured and becoming a hood ornament/blood donor to a War Boy named Nux (Nicholas Hoult). Nux is a fantastic driver and he eventually gets ahead of the rest of the war party and attempts to take Furiosa down. However, events unfold that introduce Max and Nux to the women and they all end up forming a weird alliance. From there we get to watch Elderly female bikers wreck shop, Furiosa brawl with Max and War Boys go boom.
Mad Max: Fury Road represents something rare in Hollywood. I still can’t believe somebody gave George Miller $150 million to make an R-rated epic stuffed full of weirdness. Miller filled the movie with blind guitar players, gout footed warlords and a man child played by Australian giant Nathan Jones.
Mad Max: Fury Road is a beautiful action film and should be appreciated for the gamble it took. The project wore on everybody but they held strong as the determined director created an action masterpiece. I have a feeling that Furiosa will join the Sarah Connor, Ripley, Rita Vrataski and Artemisia ranks. Theron’s portrayal balances emotion and stoicism and cannot be labeled. I sat in awe as the one armed Furiosa battled Max, shot down War Boys and genuinely kept her sh*t together.
You need to watch Fury Road and check out co-writer John’s two posts he wrote about the film.
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Tomorrowland: To Tomorrow and Beyond!
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Tomorrowland is a blast of new ideas that feels welcome in a summer of sequels. I know it is based on a Disney attraction but it takes a different road to the future. I will forgive a movie’s faults if it dares to bring something different to the table. Brad Bird (Incredibles, MI: Ghost Protocol) and Damon Lindelof (Lost) give us a film that goes against the post-apocalyptic ideals and hopes for a brighter future. The dreamer is idolized and imagination trumps all.
Tomorrowland does punch you in the face with its themes yet it tries something very different. Remember Flight of the Navigator, The Goonies, The Sandlot, Karate Kid, E.T. and Back to the Future? Teenagers used to be adventurous and daring. They put themselves in danger for a better cause and rolled with the punches even as the punches turned into robots that tried to kill them. Many of these films featured a sense of awe, optimism and daring that is lacking nowadays.
The hero of Tomorrowland is a high schooler named Casey (Britt Robertson) who rides a motorcycle, pilots helicopter drones and happily sabotages NASA property. Her dad is a NASA engineer who is losing his job because of the space program closing and she tries to delay his departure by old-fashioned sabotage. She isn’t saddled with a love interest and her protector is a young girl that kicks a whole lot of butt. They defy stereotypes and that in itself is wonderful.
You gotta love it when the hero finds a mysterious pin while being bailed out from prison
The film starts with a brief history on Tomorrowland and quickly becomes a chase film. This may sound insane but it is kinda like National Treasure met Jupiter Ascending and they spawned something completely different. As always Brad Bird fills the movie with amazing visuals that push the PG limits. It subverts many of the classic tropes and creates a dizzying atmosphere of surprise. You do not know where the film will go and that is a major plus. Normally I would dive into the plot but it works best when you go in knowing as little as possible.
Nothing about Tomorrowland is subtle. However, this is a film about a Disney attraction that will start conversations about the bigger picture. The problem is it isn’t doing well at the box-office. It lacked the sequel appeal and super-heroes to boost it to box-office glory. The critics have been split (49% RT) and that is a bummer because it is a movie that actually does something. It praises the dreamers and even though the themes are kiddie pool deep it has an optimism missing in cinemas nowadays. When I walk out of a theater feeling like I just watched something nice and new I consider it a win. Disney took a chance on a random attraction film and I applaud that despite the obvious attempts to make some money.
Tomorrowland deserves a bigger audience and hopefully it will build a dedicated following.
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San Andreas a fantastic popcorn movie that understands what a summer film should be. It doesn’t preach, features nice characters and smooshes many people with debris. It is a 114 minute roller coaster that is smart about being dumb and doesn’t care a bit about actual earthquake logistics. I left the theater with a smile on my face and can’t wait to watch it again when it eventually gets played ad nauseam on HBO, FX and USA. It is a perfect cable film that knows what people want and attempts to make the proceedings likable.
For some reason I knew I would like this film. I figured it would be 90 minutes of Dwayne Johnson punching an earthquake in the face. However, it focuses on several stories involving smart people trying not to die. We get Johnson and Carla Gugino escaping one car/plane/helicopter/boat crash after another while rekindling their love affair (they are separated of course) and rescuing their daughter in San Francisco. We get a subplot about their teenage (?) daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario…Thankfully away from Woody Harrelson) and two Brits trying to find high ground in San Francisco. Then we get a third subplot involving Paul Giamatti and his crew trying to save lives via early warning techniques and computer hacking. Everybody is pretty level-headed and you like all of them.
We’re gonna need a bigger building
The computer effects are suitable and allow San Andreas to feel like a roller coaster ride on red bull. It isn’t as preachy or bloated as 2012 or Day After Tomorrow. It is 114 minutes of roller coaster. It has a cheeky sense of humor that starts from the opening frame and goes till the end. An instance of the cheekiness is the opening rescue sequence. We get a pretty blond teenager driving on a windy road while searching in her bag and texting. Just when you think she will crash she doesn’t and eventually gets walloped by rocks knocked loose by a tremor. Her car falls a ridiculous distance and she is eventually saved by The Rock. San Andreas goes out of its way to show love to the Los Angeles Fire Department, and kill people in creative ways.
Another thing I love about San Andreas is that everything that can go wrong will go wrong. People are always on the top of buildings when the quakes hit, or the roads are always out in key moments. Just when you think you are going to survive a massive tsunami you have to deal with a floating freighter that is loaded with falling storage containers. There is a moment when a jerky Kyle Minogue thinks she is opening a door to a staircase but meets her 10-story demise when the staircase has been demolished. This adherence to terrible situations constantly constantly give us some glorious moments involving tandem skydiving, wet t-shirts and strategic fault lines.
I was able to take my brain out and enjoy the fun because director Brad Peyton didn’t look down on his audience. He knows what we want (jerks getting crunched by shipping containers) and delivers with aplomb. The script by Carlton Cuse does a solid job of delivering an A-B-C scenario and not getting the teenage daughter kidnapped or stuck in a tiger cage. Actually, Daddario is more than just a tight-fitting tank top. She is resourceful, kind, and somehow a normal product of a divorced family who split apart due to the death of a child.
San Andreas might be loaded with unnecessary dramatics involving child death via white water rafting but they never bothered me. I had more of an issue with The Rock playing an everyday man who never seems to work out. The guy probably needs to eat three pounds of chicken an hour and watching him act dramatically still sorta hurts the soul. Johnson is best in films like The Rundown, The Other Guys, Get Smart, Hercules and Fast Five where his size and comedic chops get used to their full extent. You never feel like The Rock is in danger because in San Andreas the guy literally flies every plane known to man, hot wires cars, saves lives, punches people out and puts the earthquake in a headlock (that last part isn’t true). If this Other Guy’s scene below happened in San Andreas he would have lived.
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San Andreas is a fantastic popcorn flick that knows exactly what it is. It doesn’t waste time on global warming or actual earthquake facts. It allows The Rock to be the greatest dad ever and makes all the characters likable. I totally recommend it and if you are able to take your brain out and enjoy I think you will have a blast.
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That Awkward Moment in Horror: Part 1: Classic Horror, Sexuality and Dating
THAT AWKWARD MOMENT…WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT DEBORAH LOGAN WAS POSSESSED BY THE SPIRIT OF AN EGG-EATING SNAKE.
The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014) was a creepy horror mystery about Alzheimer’s disease and nosy academic researchers. It turns out she’s not just rapidly mentally deteriorating…but rather her penchant to swallow things whole has inhibited her other daily living activities and concentration. Just imagine…someone is trying to have a conversation with you about current events all you can think about is this…
and this…
I guess if Deborah’s caretaker had just stocked the refrigerator with strawberries, this whole child-swallowing scenario could have been avoided.
Succumbing to her desire to swallow things whole, she impulsively tries to swallow a child:
This may not appear reasonably possible, but note the egg-swallowing snake…
Like the snake, Deborah unhinges her lower jaw thus separating the lower mandibles for a wider gaping mouth…
And like the snake, she attempted to dine.
Deborah’s fixation affected her so much that doctors thought she was suffering from Alzheimer’s when, in truth, she was possessed by the spirit of an egg-eating snake. CLEARLY! Poor Debby was not the first in the horror genre to fall prey to such “egg-swallowing snake demon” possession.
Even Freddy Krueger suffered from this malady in A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987). In this film, we watch as Freddy struggles with the overwhelming desire to swallow things whole. Just look here. At any point during this swallowing scene Freddy could have chomped down and bit his victim in half or grown arms to slash her with his clawed glove. But no…smh…he just focuses on swallowing her whole and ends up failing.
Clearly, egg-swallowing snake demon possession is now a thing in horror and humans (or they evil, dream-invading spirits) are not the only victims. Below we find the dog from Man’s Best Friend (1993) suffering from this anaconda dining affliction.
Tiger, you will be missed.
Then in The Brothers Grimm (2005) a horse is similarly possessed and, like the voracious Deborah Logan, swallows a child whole.
And as if that wasn’t enough, egg-swallowing snake demon possession has transcended the animal kingdom to even afflict trees. Case in point:
I give you the Poltergeist (1982) tree. This is, perhaps, the first actual case of possession by an egg-swallowing snake demon. SEE? This is a thing, people! And something to fear! I wager being swallowed whole would royally suck. I mean, you’re getting digested, possibly crushed, and all the while suffocating. Terrible way to go. SMH.
I hope you enjoyed this new installment of “That Awkward Moment in Horror.” Please also check out…
That Awkward Moment in Horror: Part 1: Classic Horror, Sexuality and Dating
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