John’s Horror Corner: Deliver Us From Evil (2014), and deliver ME from this uninteresting, boring possession movie.
MY CALL: I wasn’t sold, scared, or really even interested in this possession film whose scenes lacked any sense of synthesis and whose story never maturely developed. MOVIES LIKE Deliver Us From Evil: A mainstream crime-mystery-horror that I loved was Fallen (1998), another meta-genre possession movie with a great cast and excellent execution. BETTER POSSESSION MOVIES: The Unborn (2009), The Last Exorcism (2010), The Quiet Ones (2014)…and even The Possession (2012), which I described as the “diet coke of possession movies,” was better than this.
New York police officer Ralph Sarchie (Eric Bana; Deadfall, Hanna) has recently started getting some strange cases. A woman in a drug-induced manic craze, a call of “strange sounds” coming from the basement in a “possessed” house, a crucified cat, some self-mutilated crazies in animal enclosures at the zoo…but that’s New York, right? As Sarchie investigates further, these strange incidents appear to be darkly connected.
You are charged with one count of trespassing in the lion’s enclosure and eight counts of being creepy.
During his investigations Sarchie is approached by a drinking, smoking, edgy Jesuit priest named Mendoza (Édgar Ramírez; Wrath of the Titans, Zero Dark Thirty) who offers his help, but is met only with skepticism. No clue why. I often solicit the advice of leather jacket-wearing Jesuit priests who wander into my place of work unannounced and offer assistance. There’s nothing weird about that.
As we slowly accumulate clues Sarchie starts hearing things, seeing things, weird things are happening in his home, and everything gets really… “satanic.” Scratching sounds abound, lights burn out as if extinguished by evil, chiseled bloody fingernails on perps, insane Latin babble, and dark etchings on walls set an abyssal tone and it is effective for the most part. Realizing the darkness that has befallen him, Sarchie chooses to work with Mendoza, who is (of course!) well-studied in demonology and exorcism.
Not really sure where the cat fits in to all this, but whatever.
I really like writer/director Scott Derrickson’s (Sinister, The Exorcism of Emily Rose) past work and I admire his ability to recruit mainstream actors into his horror casts (e.g., Olivia Munn of Magic Mike, The Newsroom playing Sarchie’s wife and Joel McHale of Community). Olivia Munn handles her very minor role well and Joel McHale brings some often out of place yet totally welcome humor.
But despite the cast and all this cool “evil satany” stuff I just never found myself caring about this movie…like, at all. There was just something–something big–about the whole story, the characters and composition that didn’t work for me. I wasn’t sold or scared and, not to sound mean but, I was never really even interested. I mean, some individual scenes were sort of working for me. They just didn’t have anything close to the kind of synthesis I needed to suspend my belief and immerse myself in the movie.
Ultimately, I found this film boring. Even during the exorcism scene, which I’m sure was meant to be intense and climactic, I was legitimately bored and waiting for the movie to end.
I won’t say don’t see this movie. A lot of Amazon reviewers loved it. I’m just clearly not one of them. And on a totally random note, this movie made me hate Jim Morrison. Watch it and you’ll learn why.
Share this post:
John’s Horror Corner: Annabelle (2014), an incompetently made evil doll movie and a MAJOR disappointment to this MAJOR fan of The Conjuring
MY CALL: I think evil doll movies practically make themselves. But this is an absolutely incompetent horror film that should disappoint fans of the genre whether they were birthed in the era of serious slashers, classic Hammer releases, or campy 80s slapstick gorefests. The only way this made it to the big screen was by riding the tidal wave of hype created by its link to The Conjuring. I feel genuinely cheated! MOVIES TO WATCH INSTEAD of Annabelle: There are really soooo many wiser choices you can make for your scare-tastic Saturday night. Maybe Dead Silence (2007), Dolls (1987), Poltergeist (1982) or The Conjuring (2013).
Let’s start with a little disclaimer here. I absolutely adored The Conjuring (2013)! I viewed it as an instant classic which also stylistically paid kind homage to the classics while maintaining a more contemporary intensity. So when I heard they were making a movie about the creepy doll introduced to us in the Warrens’ cursed menagerie, I was giddy like a school girl.
The story is very simple. A young soon-to-be doctor gets his pregnant wife a gift, an antique style doll for her collection. She adores it. After some random cultists randomly choose their home to invade the police dispatch the murderous satanic cultist assailants, the blood of a dying cultist coming in contact with the Annabelle doll and presumably completing some ritual opening a gateway for some other-worldly demonic spirit to possess the doll and use it as a conduit on its soul-procuring mission.
From here, we learn the particulars about the cultists, demons and how a soul must be “offered” to them. And then we watch as the twisted, possessed doll manipulates our young family (specifically the mother) in order to get what it wants. Is it the young couple’s new born child?
At this point I feel the need to say that there are a lot of positive reviews out there about this movie. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM.
I won’t spoil anything, but the movie itself left a spoiled taste in my mouth. I was impressed by nothing, affected by nothing more than cheap jump scares and blaring sound effects, and utterly bored by a story whose end I couldn’t see coming largely because of the disconnected randomness of the events that were meant to build urgency. Creaky chairs and slamming doors can be scary, and creepy dolls can really make a horror movie work all by themselves, but the mood just wasn’t developed to maturity for me.
Was the doll creepy? TOTALLY…perhaps even in an over-the-top way. I mean, that doll—would anyone actually make a doll that looked that evil even before it got possessed and dirtied up? Those cheek bones and thin eyebrows felt reminiscent of the Wicked Witch. But the doll’s creepiness and a few jump scares are all the good I have to say about this. The Warrens were mentioned once, but we got nothing more than that little tease of something better…and that something better never came to my aid.
Instead of the Warrens I got mysterious baby carriages in ultra-creepy basements with no explanations.
Some may say it’s not fair to compare Annabelle to The Conjuring. But I’d respond with the fact that the entire advertising campaign was designed around linking the two movies by the very tagline: “Before The Conjuring, there was Annabelle.” More like “Before The Conjuring there were lame horror stories that weren’t told well.” The only way this made it to the big screen was by riding the tidal wave of hype created by its link to The Conjuring. I feel genuinely cheated!
Things seldom work out well for the good-intentioned priests in these movies.
Let’s talk about what The Conjuring had that Annabelle did not: a director who had proven himself in horror, experienced writers, and an absolutely legit cast. What does Annabelle have? Director John R. Leonetti, whose biggest prior accomplishments were The Butterfly Effect 2 and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (if we’re considering these “accomplishments” at all), led the project. He worked with the foundation of an inexperienced writer and an almost completely unrecognizable cast offering forgettable performances and a stale story. The only thing that haunted me about Annabelle was all of the promising hype that got me to waste my money on it.
In my perhaps overly critical eyes, this is an absolutely incompetent horror that should disappoint fans of the genre whether they were birthed in the era of serious slashers, classic Hammer releases, or campy 80s slapstick gorefests.
Share this post:
Horror Wardrobes: The Fall/Winter Edition
Hello all. Mark here.
I recently watched Deliver Us from Evil and was perplexed by the barrage of form-fitting leather jackets and slim fitting shirts. The film went out of its way to make everyone look slick and it was distracting.
I’ve already written about Tank Top Horror films (The summer edition) and was inspired to do something new. The trendy outfits of Deliver got me thinking about better usages of wardrobe in horror. Since fall is upon us and winter is coming (Sorry Ned) I put together a list of costumes that could get you by in the colder months. Some of these costumes weren’t meant for cold weather (Freddy chills in a boiler room whilst wearing a sweater) but depending on your geographical location they will be needed. If anything this is a list of costumes that further the story and build characters instead of showing off their muscles. Thought was put into the outfits and more often than not they’ve become characters all their own. For instance, Three Amigos isn’t a horror films but everybody remembers El Guapo’s sweater.
This list may be odd but it was fun to write.
The Shining Jackets and Sweaters
All sweaters and no coat make Jack a dull dressed boy. Shelly Duvall and Jack Nicholson rock some iconic gear in The Shining. The cold weather and drafty house made it necessary to bundle up . I wonder how many iterations of costumes Kubrick ran through before he decided on these get ups.
Drag Me to Hell Coat
Woman buys beautiful coat. Woman gets dragged to hell. A great-coat is wasted.
The Wolfman During a Full Moon
Full moon + Furry coat = A whole lot of warmth. Thanks for the idea @aaronsagers.
Rosemary’s Quilt Chic
Are you pregnant with something evil? Is it kinda cold outside? Is the house drafty? No worries. This night quilt will solve all your problems!
Patrick Wilson/Ethan Hawke Rocking the Cardigans in Insidious 2 and Sinister
These cardigans say “we’re literate but still laid back.” These costumes brought in a new era of good actors elevating low-budget horror material.
Freddy’s Sweater in The Nightmare on Elm Street Series.
This sweater is so synonymous with Freddy it has made it impossible for people to wear it without drawing comparisons. Wes Craven chose the colors because red/green are the two most clashing colors to the human retina.
Sam’s One Piece Fleece/Burlap Sack Thing in Trick ‘r Treat
Comfortable, relaxed and warm enough to get you through October-November. Also, he might be trying to start a ski cap that covers the whole head craze.
Tippi Hedren Looking Great While Being Attacked By The Birds
You gotta look good when getting attacked by birds. Hitchcock chose the green suit because he felt it had a cool quality that set Melanie apart from the residents of Bodega Bay.
Norman Bates and the Nerdy Chic
Warm yet relaxed. The outfits scream “mamas boy” and we all know how that goes.
Kurt Russell’s Hat and Jacket in The Thing
I wish I could consider the beard an article of clothing. The hat really ties the outfit together and Carpenter had the hat ready and waiting for Russell’s arrival.
Candyman’s Massive Coat.
You gotta look fabulous when patrolling the netherworld. Imagine the surprise of unwitting victims when that jacket comes through the mirror.
Kathy Bates and the Flannel/Sweatshirt Combo of Misery
Just because she looks like a run of the mill country woman doesn’t mean she won’t smoosh your legs with a sledgehammer.
Jack’s Jacket in An American Werewolf in London.
The coat compliments the beautiful makeup work. There are rumors that Griffin Dunne wore the jacket long after filming wrapped.
Nosferatu and His Warm Looking Hybrid Jacket of Doom.
Probably the greatest horror jacket ever. I read through some comment boards and the debate is still looming over what exactly to call the jacket. The mystery of the jacket continues.
Near Dark and fancy leather jackets
I would hate to be a bouncer at this bar. The leather jacket screams late October motorcycle ride and perfectly fits the hillbilly vampire.
Blair Witch and the tuque
There has never been a more iconic ski cap.
They Live Flannel and sweatshirt
If your movie is gonna feature the greatest fight you need the greatest/toughest flannel and sweatshirt. Mission accomplished.
There you have it! Did I miss any sweet fall/winter horror gear? Let me know!
Share this post:
Deliver Us from Evil and the Inevitable Exorcism
Eric Bana is a fantastic actor who deserves better material than Deliver Us From Evil. The idea of a real life NYPD Sergeant tracking down evil with a priest is fantastic on paper. However, instead of giving the film a unique character the director has given us more of the same. We get cats hissing, false scares and obligatory cannibalism. Bana has been in some fantastic films (Munich, Lone Survivor, Black Hawk Down, Hanna, Chopper) and it is a shame that Wesley Morris of Grantland could sum up his role like this:
As Ralph Sarchie, he’s the very fit cop who pokes around crime scenes unaware that his penchant for hearing and seeing what others cannot are a calling against Satan
Eventually, Bana’s character Sarchie meets up with a very fit priest named Mendoza (Edgar Ramirez) and they get entangled with a jerky demon. Along the way Olivia Munn is given nothing to do, Joel McHale knife fights and people die violently. It is paint by the numbers exorcism that is more focused on making its stars look cool.
Director Scott Derrikson knows how to create creepiness and his prior efforts landed him a great gig directing Marvel’s Dr. Strange. However, the script he co-wrote hinders him on every level. The creepiness gets weighed down by a slog through exposition town. The dialogue hurts more than the cannibalism and you cringe as great actors do their best to deliver stock phrases. For instance, read this gem of an exchange:
Mendoza: [notices waitress]
Sarchie: So you’re not all pedophiles, huh?
Mendoza: Any other stereotypes you want to hit while I’m here?
Sarchie: I’ve met a lot of priests. You don’t seem the type.
Mendoza: And I’ve known a lot of cops, and you’re exactly the type.
When our eardrums are not getting bombarded by bad dialogue we get the occasional cool moment. There is a solid moment at a zoo that creates a neat opening tone but is quickly foiled by a shlock scare via bear growl. The plot devolves into a series of coincidences that take out all urgency and test the audiences patience. For instance, there is a scene where Bana is driving around the city and the exact body he needs to find lands perfectly on his windshield. This means that a demon possessed man stood on a roof looking at his watch in order to throw a dead woman on top of a Sergeant’s moving police vehicle. What if he was driving another car? What if he took a cab? What if a poor soul came across the pesky demon man?
When watching horror films you don’t want to be asking questions. I found myself asking lots of questions and in my search for answers the scares were lost on me. Why The Doors? Why no urgency? Why did Edgar Ramirez always look so stylish?
Deliver Us from Evil had the chance to be effective. However, the suspense was squandered with sub-par material. It should have fleshed out the characters instead of spending so much time coming up with cool looking flesh scars.
Don’t watch Deliver Us from Evil. Watch Bana’s other films or search out better horror fare.
Share this post:
John’s Horror Corner: Wer (2013), a fresh and realistic take on the werewolf concept.
MY CALL: A fresh and realistic take on the werewolf. It’s like no werewolf movie you’ve ever seen. I just wish it ended as awesomely as it started. MOVIES LIKE Wer: The best werewolf movies would have to be An American Werewolf in London (1981; semi-humorous), Ginger Snaps (2000; metaphoric), Dog Soldiers (2002; unconventional) and The Howling (1981; serious). If you want another utterly ridiculous werewolf movie, then move on to Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf (1985) and Howling 3: The Marsupials (1987). Skip Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988), Howling V: The Rebirth (1989), Howling VI: The Freaks (1991) and The Howling: Reborn (2011). Cursed (2005; cliché-loaded and contemporary), Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed (2004), Wolf (1994) and An American Werewolf in Paris (1997) are also worth a watch.
To start, let’s set a few things straight. I see “found footage” mentioned in a lot of reviews. This is absolutely not, nor even mistakable for, a found footage film. Second, despite the setting and some of the cast, this is not a French horror film…it’s just a horror set in France.
After a hirsute Frenchman of unusual dimensions is taken into custody under suspicion of the “brutal animal attack-like” slaughter of an American family, skeptical attorney Kate Moore (A. J. Cook; Final Destination 2, Wishmaster 3) steps to his defense in this unusual case claiming “there’s no way he could have committed these crimes.”
Written and directed by William Brent Bell (The Devil Inside, Stay Alive), our story revolves around the possibly porphyria-stricken Talan (first-time actor Brian Scott O’Connor). Porphyria sufferers have long weak bones and, if proven to be afflicted, he could not have possibly caused the bone-crushing fatal wounds of which he is accused. But when the soft-spoken Talan is “triggered” during a medical exam for his defense, the plotty tone phases out and the violence is graphic and intense.
Of course, we can’t talk about a werewolf movie without addressing the transformation scene. You “hear” it as the bones violently shift in Talan’s back and wince. Some may complain that this scene is far too brief (perhaps 8 seconds), however I defend it in the spirit of subtlety and appreciate that Talan does not “grow” by a hundred pounds before our eyes nor shift form apparently. Rather we witness a truly “realistic” take on the werewolf explained by the “dog boy disease” porphyria, epileptic seizures, seizure-induced superhuman strength and lunar cycles (e.g., full moon’s effect on tides or water).
This film’s flaws lie in the Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon wire-stunt jumps and throws. Talan leaps like a superhero in a manner unmatching all things surrounding his character and throws bodies such distances that remind me more of Hulk or Thor than a seizure-strengthened mad man. Talan also seems to evade a few hundred bullets from dozen-man SWAT team by sheer fleet of foot and runs 60-70 mph in one scene…again, this just didn’t “fit” in this movie. I also really wasn’t fond of the ending–but I won’t ruin anything for you.
But today I say “let’s forgive this film these flaws” and just enjoy it for a very different take on the werewolf movie. The first hour of this film was pretty damn cool and in the best possible taste the word “werewolf” is hardly used.
Share this post:
The TOP 10 Survivors of Horror
Hello all. Mark here.
Many people die in horror films. They get tortured, beheaded, chainsawed, stabbed and eaten alive by bugs. The body count is astronomically high and very few make it through.
We here at MFF have decided to write about the survivors of horror. They’ve endured rednecks who wear skin masks and jerky ghosts whom suck your face off. They’ve survived despite immense odds and rough environments. So, in honor of Halloween and these tough individuals John (The Horror Czar) and I will introduce our favorite survivors.
SPOILERS ABOUND! YOU WILL KNOW THE SURVIVORS!
Here is John’s list
1. Kurt Russell (Escape from New York) and Keith David (They Live) from The Thing (1982). Those guys faced the toughest of times together in the toughest of places against the toughest “thing” and survived…just so that they could freeze to death together knowing that some alien genetic mimic wouldn’t overtake transform their body into some disastrously goretastic mess of a killing machine. Yes! THEY are some serious horror survivors.
SKILL LEVEL: EPIC. They drank, which kills teenagers by the dozen in horror, and distrusted each other over and over again. But they survived. And absolutely NOT Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Final Destination 3, Black Christmas, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) from The Thing that should have never been remade (2011).
2. Constance from Just Before Dawn (1981). What makes this entire movie (and the “heroine” character) worth it is when, while her boyfriend watches and whimpers, Constance goes toe-to-toe with our killer hillbilly mountain man and literally…wait for iiiiiiit…fists him to death! This was one of the most memorable slasher movie kills EVER!
SKILL LEVEL: DESPERATE. She was really just surviving her way through the film until she had her moment to shine.
3. Sigourney Weaver – Ripley (Ghostbusters, Galaxy Quest) from Alien (1979). Ripley was perhaps the strongest female character I can remember excepting perhaps Linda Hamilton as Sarah Conner in T2. And she saved the cat…and then in Aliens (1986) she saved Newt. Let’s forget that Newt got parasitized between the second and third movie and just call this a win.
SKILL LEVEL: Straight up Liam Neeson throat-punching amaze-balls!
4. Billy (Zach Galligan; Waxwork, Hatchet III) from Gremlins (1984). Billy had no idea of the consequences he’d face if he didn’t take special care of his exotic pet. People with marmosets need to spend thousands of dollars on rare sugar compounds and people with 30′ anacondas shell out cash for livestock meals…it’s not like he was the first kid to get a pet from afar with special needs. And what were those needs? 1) Don’t get it wet. This should be no problem. Every teenager I know neglects giving his dog a bath so often that it basically turns into his dad’s dog…or a filthy dog. 2) Don’t feed it after midnight. Again, irresponsible teenagers aren’t too good about feeding schedules. But if Billy is awake after midnight, he’s probably out doing keg stands or trying to get to second base. 3) Don’t expose it to sunlight…or it will die like a vampire? Whatever. Despite these simple rules that any other teenager would follow by accident, Billy–on his very first night as a pet owner that came with two very clear and easy to follow rules–let Gizmo become patient zero in a citywide gremlin outbreak. Parents, don’t buy your kids a mogwai!
SKILL LEVEL: Stupid lucky…he really deserved to die but the movie was rated PG.
5. Daryl Dixon (Norman Reedus; The Walking Dead, Blade II). Does this one really require any explanation at all? Daryl is a true survivor. He does what need to get done and he gets plenty of attention from the ladies.
Here are my (Mark) top 6 survivors!
1. Sarah (Shauna MacDonald) – The Descent
Sarah survives spelunking accidents, claustrophobia and hungry mole creatures. She becomes a one woman murdering machine that immerses herself in blood and comes out an angel of mole creature death. You need to watch The Descent.
2. Carter and Preacher (Thomas Jane/LL Cool J) – Deep Blue Sea
I was working in a movie theater when Deep Blue Sea was released. The audience went bananas as LL and Jane survived their way through a sinking laboratory of sea water doom. LL survived a kitchen nightmare while Jane managed to survive an arrow in the leg and exploding shark. They had zero reason to live and fought their way to survival via cross necklace stabs and sweet swim moves. Deep Blue Sea is beautiful garbage that is my all time guilty pleasure.
3. Sally (Marilyn Burns) – Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Poor Sally got put through a meat grinder/horror house/death trap/ringer in Chainsaw. She was harassed, poked, prodded, whomped, chased and fed gross stuff. However, she survived and gave us one of the most iconic shots of horror history.
4. Josh and Renai – (Patrick Wilson/Rose Byrne) – Insidious
They survived The Further, red evil demons and a lady ghost so terrifying it left me uber stressed out. They are good parents who protect their family and are smart enough to move when a house gets creepy. They support each other when one of them turns evil and will go to vast lengths to rid themselves of jerky ghosts.
5. Jim – (Cillian Murphy) –28 Days Later
Jim got dealt a bum hand. He wakes up in a hospital and proceeds to survive fast zombies, old cars and a colonel Kurtz like fellow. Eventually, he becomes a British Terminator/Daryl Dixon hybrid who lays waste to the alive and undead. Danny Boyle is one of my favorite directors and he gave us a horror hero to support.
6. Ernest P. Worrell – (Jim Varney)- Ernest Scared Stupid
Trantor the Troll is the only horror villain to ever give me nightmares. Ernest defeats him. Thus, Ernest is my horror hero. Watch this scene and respect Ernest and his quick thinking.
.
Honorable Mentions:
Heather Langenkamp – Nancy Thompson – “A Nightmare On Elm Street”
Shaun of Shaun the Dead
David Drayton (Thomas Jane) – The Mist (2007)
Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), Zombieland
Share this post:
Horror Films For People Who Don’t Like Horror Films
Hello all. Mark here.
With Halloween approaching you might find yourself looking for a horror film to watch. The problem is that our world is so inundated with crap horror it is easy to pick out a stinker. If you are not a fan of horror or gore you don’t want to jump in the deep end of The Human Centipede or Martyrs.
I’ve put together a list of cult classics and movies that deconstruct the genre. They offer laughs, chainsaws and drunk Irish villagers. The violence isn’t over the top and nobody gets sewn together to resemble a centipede.
To make it easy for you I’ve included only horror films that you can find on Netflix. If you are feeling adventurous and want to rent a film I totally recommend The Descent. It is wonderful and worth the rent. Also, here is the Horror Czar’s Horror Index. You will find some mainstream, non-mainstream and incredibly non-mainstream horror reviews there.
Here is the list! Enjoy!
Tucker & Dale vs. Evil – Funny, charming and gory. Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine are instantly likable bumpkins who think college kids are killing themselves all around them. Also, horror disliker Roger Ebert loved the film.
World War Z – World War Z is surprisingly smart and urgent. It never slows down and builds to a welcome finale that relies on tension and not property destruction.
Evil Dead 2 – Gonzo filmmaking at its best. if you haven’t watched Evil Dead or Evil Dead 2 watch them now! Get “Groovy” with it.
Scream – You gotta watch Scream. Have you watched Scream? It is fun satire done right. I’ll be right back!
Grabbers – Irish villagers need to stay drunk in order to not become alien food. What is there not to like?
Devil – It will never be considered a horror classic but it is enjoyable, atmospheric and wonderfully constructed. Also, it has one of my favorite horror moments of all time. Philly upside down!
Cabin in the Woods – Innovative, charming and genre bending. Cabin in the Woods is a wonderfully Whedonesque tale of horror, comedy and pithy dialogue. Watch out for the Merman!
Slither – “I can’t get drunk. I have too much muscle mass.” Expect this type of dialogue as Nathan Fillion and Elizabeth Banks battle jerky aliens. Also, an added bonus is watching James Gunn direct before his Guardians of the Galaxy gig.
Insidious 2 – You need to watch Insidious first. Then, check out this roller coaster of a thriller. It is so wild I created the word “dreadernaut” for it. It has stylish cardigans in it as well.
John Dies at the End – Strange, engrossing and fun. John is a little film that is unlike anything you’ve seen before.
Odd Thomas – Anton Yelchin and Addison Timlin build a neat relationship and they manage to be charming while saying lines like “you are not allowed to go playing around other Hell gates.” You like the two and care as demons called Bodachs harass them insistently.
Share this post:
Dog Soldiers: Neil Marshall’s Werewolf Epic of Awesomeness
This line from Dog Soldiers sums up the film.
We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch.
Dog Soldiers is a fantastic cult classic that is minor miracle of practical effects, inventive action and dialogue like this:
[Cooper tries to push Wells’ intestines back into his stomach]
Sergeant Harry Wells: My guts are out Coop!
Cooper: We’ll just put ’em back in then!
Sergeant Harry Wells: They’re not gonna f**king fit!
Cooper: Of course they’ll fit, man!
I watched a Dog Soldiers and Descent double feature at my friend’s home in 2006. I knew nothing about the films and could tell by the pleased look on his face that I was in for something good. The experience was a cinema lovers dream because I had zero expectations and was blown away by the creativity, creatures and violence.
The Descent has become a well-known top five horror flick while Dog Soldiers is slowly building a cult audience. The critical acclaim of Dog Soldiers allowed Marshall to make The Descent and that is one of the reasons it should be appreciated. Dog Soldiers is packed with low-budget creativity that feels like equal parts Aliens, Evil Dead and Predator. It was a blast watching the British soldiers dispatch the werewolves (and vice versa) in creative ways.
Jump forward eight years and Neil Marshall is still one of my favorite directors. He is a maestro of mayhem and his films are packed with urgency, violence and awesomeness. The Descent, Centurion, Doomsday (Uber guilty pleasure) and his episodes of Game of Thrones are all wonderful. The thing I appreciate most about Marshall’s films is the urgency he instills to the proceedings. You never have time to catch your breath because the action never stops. For instance, this picture from Centurion exemplifies all of his films.
Dog Soldiers centers around a bunch of badass British soldiers battling badass werewolves in the Scottish Highlands. They get chased into a country home and proceed to use the limited resources they have (propane, fists, knives, feet). It proves that a lot can be done with little and practical effects are timeless (E.g. The Thing, American Werewolf in London). Dog Soldiers walks a fine line of humor, violence and suspense. For instance, after a massive kitchen brawl the werewolves get the upper hand and a soldier says “I hope I give you the sh*ts. You f**king wimp.”
Dog Soldiers is an action packed spectacle that doesn’t reinvent the wheel. However, it makes the wheel look amazing. It is a fun ride that borrows heavily from other films but shows all the traits of future Marshall films (Lots and lots of violence). The cast made up of Sean Pertwee, Kevin McKidd, Liam Cunningham, Emma Cleasby and Darren Morfitt add credibility and acting chops to the monster madness. They are believable tough guys who might actually have a chance in a fist fight against an eight foot tall werewolf.
Dog Soldiers is a fantastic film that you should watch this Halloween. It is urgent in ways many films are not and it belongs alongside genre hits like Evil Dead, Assault on Precinct 13 and An American Werewolf in London. It exemplifies low-budget horror and would make a perfect double-header with The Descent.
Check out Marshall’s other films as well. They are fantastic guilty pleasures that bring the violence and fun.
Share this post:
Warning: SPOILERS ABOUND!
Hello all. Mark here.
Halloween is on its way and the world will be inundated with “best of” horror lists. However, I (with some help from friends) will be doing something different. I wanted to talk about the greatest horror drags. When I mean drags, I mean the hero/victim is unwittingly pulled into danger via evil clowns, modified sharks or skinny zombie ladies.
The drag is a staple of horror films because it provides real stakes that let the viewer know the threat is real. Somebody is probably very angry and the they will take it out on the poor recipient via pulling them into danger. A drag isn’t a schlock scare dependent on a cat jumping out of nowhere. If done right the drag/tug/pull can become legendary.
These moments provides quality gut punches that thrill, shock or make you laugh. They build upon worlds or simply kill off random characters like this poor guy in Big Trouble in Little China.
Quick disclaimer: I have not watched every horror film and I’m certain I’ve missed many drags. However, these drags have been well researched and reflect some of my favorite horror moments. What are your favorite drags? Read and vote below!
Leatherface Thump and Drag in Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yes, he thumps the man on the head first. However, the drag is quick, economical and powerful. The moment is a blur and sets the basis for the rest of the primal scares. It is the perfect introduction to a skin mask wearing murderer
.
The Drag to Hell in Drag Me to Hell
I love Drag Me To Hell. Sam Raimi hit a goofy homerun and the ending really punches you in the gut. Aside from The Descent, Drag Me To Hell is my favorite horror film.
.
Evil Dead 2 Hand Drag
Ash gets his butt kicked a lot. He is a famous cinematic blowhard who takes a licking and keeps on ticking. Turner Classic Movies has the best hand battle/drag I found. Click on the link to enjoy!
.
Descent Creature Drag
I love The Descent. It is primal, violent and amazing. I love the opening attack and the insanity of trying to save one of your friends from being dragged away by a hungry mole creature.
.
REC Finale Drag
Woo Wheeee! This drag punched me in the face and left me breathless.
.
Fire in the sky Alien Abduction Drag
I watched this movie when I was a kid and it wrecked my youth.
.
Nightmare on Elm Street Drag Into Bed
Geyers and geyers of blood. Johnny Depp gets dragged into a bed and explodes. Hello, Freddy.
.
Alien 3 Ceiling Drag
Alien 3 is not a good film. However, this moment was amazing. I love how the guy gets pulled through the ceiling. The prisoners were in deep sh*t. It is so unexpected and instantly adds a wildcard to the film. The alien could and would strike from anywhere.
.
Every Drag in The Conjuring
I love The Conjuring. That witch was a massive jerk. The threat was so real that every drag had a weight to it. The poor family was in over their heads and I watched most of the movie with my eyes covered.
.
Paranormal Activity Bed Drag
Forget about all the lame sequels. The original is a beauty in which a jerky demon does some angry dragging.
.
Poltergiest Clown Drag
Wow, This scene is terrifying and played upon many peoples fear of clowns and ghosts.
.
Aliens and the Hudson Dragging
Game over man. Game over. James Cameron used the drag to perfection in Aliens. Here, the show stealing Hudson is dragged away and the stakes get very real and one liners become less frequent.
.
Deep Blue Sea and the Sam Jackson Moment of Awesomeness
Probably the greatest moment ever in genetically modified shark cinema. The bite and drag comes after a fantastic monologue and plays out perfectly. I was working in a theater when this movie came out and the scene always got a massive applause. The drag perfected.
.
The Blob and the Kitchen Sink
The Blob creators literally brought in a kitchen sink to drag a guy into. Brilliant!
.
Dog Soldiers– Dogs! More Like P*ssies Drag
I love Dog Soldiers. More people need to see it. I couldn’t find the clip but the movie is on Youtube. Watch it.
.
Jeepers Creepers and the Depressing Fly Away– The end of Jeepers Creepers is a real downer. You like the brother/sister duo and the moment actually gives you some hope. However, poor Justin Long gets dragged away and his eyes are recycled.
.
The Creature from the Black Lagoon Belly Flop Drag
The Creature likes a lady. The Creature grabs the lady. The creature and the woman belly flop off a boat. This is one of the original horror drags and must be appreciated.
.
Tremors and the Drag Through Tire Kill
The subterranean worms are great at dragging people into their squishy mouths. Thus, don’t hide on top of a tire.
.
Cabin in the Woods and the “I’m in a Reality TV Show” Drag.
Cabin in the Woods defies all expectations. So, when you think Marty is being dragged away to his death you are being fooled. In a typical film, that drag would have meant death. Instead, the guy lives, beats people with a bong club and lets the world burn. A great way to end the drag list.
Did I miss any? Vote below to let me know what is your favorite drag of the bunch.
Share this post:
Sunshine: An Underrated Science Fiction Classic
Sunshine is an underrated science fiction epic that didn’t connect with the mainstream. It is an intellectually stimulating film that takes a journey into the heart of darkness near the sun. With Interstellar looming on the horizon ready to pulverize the senses (in a good way) I wanted to remind everyone about Sunshine.
I missed Sunshine in the theater but was able to watch it on Blu-ray (first film I watched on Blu). My buddy had a Blu-ray player and picked up Sunshine the day it came out. Between the large television, surround sound and amazing visuals I was hooked. The experience absolutely floored me and left me exhausted. It immediately became one of my favorite films and I’ve tried to get everyone I know to watch it.
The reason I love Sunshine is because of it’s singular vision. Boyle hired one company to do all the visual effects and he wrote the film with The Beach and 28 Days Later scribe Alex Garland. It lives and dies on Boyle’s shoulders and that is why it is so effective. Sunshine has the same thing in common with my favorite films Jaws, Dr. Strangelove, Royal Tenenbaums and Hot Fuzz. They are singular visions by incredibly talented directors.
Sunshine works because of the bonkers story, talented cast and beautiful visuals. The $40 million dollar budget was stretched perfectly. Boyle planned out the entire process and left nothing to chance. The actors lived together and learned to bond like a crew. Also, they didn’t have to act against blue/green screens. Boyle and his team built live sets and set up a system where strobing lights cascaded off their faces in order to get the most realistic performances.
The film takes place in 2057 and focuses on a crew looking to reignite the sun. On board their massive ship they are hauling a nuclear bomb with the mass of Manhattan. They are second crew to attempt the mission and the world’s last hope. The technology is not over-complicated and it all feels grounded. Boyle said this about the look of ship “fifty years ago there were red buses. Now there are silver buses.” Boyle kept it simple and relied on practical technology and lots of blue/green/gray hues that showcased the powerful yellow of the sun.
Here is the blue and grey.
Here is the yellow.
The cast made up of Cillian Murphy, Rose Byrne, Chris Evans, Michelle Yeoh, Hiroyuki Sanada, Cliff Curtis, Mark Strong, Troy Garity and Benedict Wong are all fantastic. Chris Evan’s has been vocal about the disappointing box office and has this to say about it.
I know, man. Like ten people saw it. All my good movies, nobody sees. Everybody goes and sees ‘Fantastic Four,’ but nobody sees ‘Sunshine.’ I’d have a different career if people saw that. I love that movie, man. I love Danny Boyle. I love that experience and I love that cast. That was one of those movies, top to bottom, I’m just in love with.
Many have complained about the ending (I will not spoil anything). However, it is a Danny Boyle film. Have you watched his other stuff? He has never played it safe and I didn’t expect that in Sunshine. I will admit that the finale felt like a gut punch that comes out of nowhere. The film goes from A to B to Z quickly and it makes for some trippy visuals and a whole lot of head scratching. Boyle had this to say about the ending in an interview with Lumino magazine:
Some people find that Pinbacker breaks the realism too much. Which is fair enough, but I always love taking a huge risk in films where you risk everything by doing something that breaks the pattern. Like, there’s a bit in Trainspotting where Ewan [McGregor] goes down the toilet, and people used to say, ‘You’ll never get away with that. It’s ludicrous’. But, in fact, people love that moment. So that was always the plan, to take you and see how far we could stretch realism. Push it as hard as we could.
Danny Boyle films have always had a beautiful visual look and moments that push cinematic boundaries. He started with the low budget Shallow Grave and never looked back. Sunshine is a wonderful trip into a “Heart of Lightness” and deserves a second look.
Watch Sunshine. Let me know what you think.
Movies, Films & Flix 