Man on a Ledge
The curious case of a Man on a Ledge.
I enjoyed Man on a Ledge. I’d watch it again. However, nothing is at stake, there is zero tension and the only way the plan would work is if EVERYTHING went right.
What I like about this film is that it is a nice little movie that you can watch after a long day of work. I myself had just gotten back from five days of working the Philly Comic Con and I needed something brainless and fun. The film zips by and asks for little but enjoyment.
The plot revolves around a wrongly accused man (Sam Worthington) trying to clear his name. So, he escapes custody and climbs on a ledge.
His ledge antics get everyone’s attention while his brother (Jamie Bell) and his girlfriend (Genesis Rodriguez) attempt to steal a diamond from an overly evil Ed Harris.
Bell and Rodriguez are the best parts of this film. Bell is attempting to help his brother and Rodriguez is %100 in on the plan. They are in over their heads but they never stop trying. You enjoy their bickering, arguing and covenant ways to fit into leather catsuits.
Joining them are wonderful actors who play stock characters.
Elizabeth Banks – Depressed/drunk negotiator who begins to trust Worthington
Anthony Mackie – Former partner who is undoubtedly corrupt
Kyra Sedgewick – Sassy reporter
Edward Burns – Sarcastic cop
Bill Sadler – Nicest hotel employee ever.
SPOILER
ALERT
DO
NOT
READ
THIS
UNLESS
YOU
WANT
TO
KNOW
A
MAJOR
PLOT
POINT
At the end Sam Worthington makes a mad dash of the top of a building. I was incredibly excited because I thought maybe he was trying to jump on Ed Harris from 30 floors up. This did not happen because he landed on a large inflatable pad. However, how cool would it have been if Sam was up here.
And he landed on Ed Harris.
Of course they both live though. I immediately would have bought the film and told everyone about the moment of awesomeness.
Watch Man on Ledge, appreciate Man on a Ledge, keep the hope alive that someday Sam Worthington will jump on Ed Harris from 30 floors up.
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Hello all. Mark here.
The MFF crew broke down the Snow White and the Huntsman trailer. Enjoy, read and appreciate the fairest blog post of them all.
Mark: They have succeeded in making the film look epic. However, I still don’t believe that Kristen Stewart can pick up a steel sword.
John: Epic, yes. But Kristen Stewart destined to be the fairest? Please! She reminds me of a tomboy ballerina.
Mark: ouch. I’m assuming that the people in the kingdom would rather have a morose tomboy ballerina as opposed to a heart eating, milk bathing, monotone shape shifting princess.
John: Ummmm, a heart-eating, milk-bathing, monotone shape-shifting princess that’s HOT! Lookin’ all sexy sucking the souls out of the virgin fair youth of the kingdom.
Sweet Sugar: I wonder if the milk queen likes Oreos or Famous Amos?
Mark: If an evil milk bathing Derek Zoolander was the king of an empire and killed off all the good-looking dudes I’d rock a mullet and wear parachute pants. Problem solved, and I don’t have to slide into any sewers.
Chuck Finley: I have to admit this movie is kind of epic looking. Kristen just strikes me as the girl you went to high school with who listened to Wilco and other more obscure shit and smoked Parliaments. She couldn’t beat eggs let alone glass knights, magic crows, and a Mega hot queen. Thor looks tough though. But probably because he’s Nordic.
Mark: I agree. I got goose bumps the first time i watched the trailer. It looks like a visual cornucopia and after watching Young Adult I know Theron will be a wonderful bad person. I wonder if her torture methods include listening to Good Charlotte cover Wilco.
Ryan: Does the queen win? Like as in Anakin vs Dooku in Revenge of the Sith win. I want her hands chopped off with a look of complete disbelief on her face.. then the unceremonious scissor cut as her head pops off and rolls away with a thump. Feast on the heart. Roll credits. Best movie ever.
Mark: At about :50 seconds Stewart accomplishes the greatest “slide into a sewer” ever. I was hoping there would be a gate just slightly inside the drain….
John: Stewart weighs little more than a house cat and, as such, slides across the kitchen floor when over-excited.
Mark: The first time I looked at this poster I thought “There are way too many crows.” It is like a crow bonanza.
Sweet Sugar: Those axes look really small. He must be chopping some tiny logs.
Jay: So is this what happened to Thor when his father stripped him of his powers?
Mark: Chris Hemsworths last four movies have involved him getting hit by large creatures (frost giants, zombies, Hulk and large tree goblins) I bet he wishes he could do more movies like Perfect Getaway where he only gets the stink eye from Timothy Olyphant.
John: The ‘phant is one of the only man ever to give a convincing stink eye from behind a cardigan. That eye is nothing to be taken lightly. I’d rather take a sucker punch from a playfully bitter Hulk than the ‘phant-eye.
Mark: Megan looked at the poster and noticed Kristen Stewart’s fantastic hair. I watched the trailer again and I hate to admit that her hair looks fantastic throughout. Her warrior ponytail is a marvel of nervous stylists. Then I started looking at the posters and noticed that Stewart is never looking at the camera. Her head is always to the side showing the glorious coiffure. I call it “hair acting.”
O’Lasavath: Maybe the reason why Charlize “Mr. F” Theron wants Stewart killed is because she’s jealous of her hair. Ultimately it doesn’t matter as both of their do’s pale in comparison to Hemsworth’s luxurious mane.
Mark: Imagine if this movie featured the Arrested Development cast. who would be the huntsman? Jason Bateman or Will Arnett? The fairest maiden would be Tobias Funke.
O’Lasavath: Here’s how I see it going down: Michael Cera would be cast as Snow-White, Jason Bateman would play the huntsman, Will Arnett as the voice of the magic mirror, and Carl Weathers would be the castle cook making a big pot of stew.
Mark: Carl Weathers make the best stew in all the land. “We’re getting our stew on baby!”
Megan: No way, I think the huntsman would have to be Ann ‘Egg’ Veal, you can’t really read her but I think she has the heart of a killer under that bland exterior.
Chuck Finley: I’m afraid that this will be a case of epic trailer making a movie look way more badass than it actually is. Kind of like Good Charlotte “punk” music.
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Good Reviews for Bad Movies
Have you ever seen these reviews before?
Lots of Action
Lots of Explosions
The Car Chases are fast
Whenever a bad movie is released there are always the random good reviews that you see on the DVD or poster. If you are a beginning movie blogger and want to make a name for yourself I highly recommend that you begin writing good blurbs for bad movies.
I was going to do a mid year bad movie awards BMT but I’ve decided I need to practice the good review for the bad movie. You might be seeing my blog soon on the cover of Season of the Witch 2!
1. One for the Money
1. John Leguizamo is in it
2. It reminded of Two for the Money.
2. Wrath of the Titans
1. Lots of CGI and loud noises
2. Liam Neesons beard is wonderful
3. You will only get a minor headache from the 3D.
3. Seeking Justice
1. This movie prevented me from going into bankruptcy.
2. Nic Cage succeeds in Seeking and finding justice.
4. Mirror Mirror
1. Snow Whites eyebrows are amazing.
2. They cast dwarves to play the dwarves.
5. This Means War
1. Tiniest cast ever
2. Everything is very shiny
3. Features only one nut shot!
Big Miracle
1. They save a whale.
2. The actors look realistically cold.
Underworld: Awakening
1. There is a really big werewolf who throws people into walls.
2. The squishy sounds are phenomenal..You feel the squish.
3. The CGI creation of Scott Speedman almost looks like Scott Speedman.
Contraband
1. Mark Wahlberg scratches his back whilst holding a gun.
The Raven
1. John Cusack tries really hard and sports wonderful facial hair.
2. Alice Eve is pleasant.
3. They don’t go crazy on the birds like they do in Snow White and the Huntsman.
Ghost Rider 2
1. It isn’t Seeking Justice.
2. Idris Elba is in it.
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MY CALL: If Netflix taunts you with this senseless smut, don’t take the bait. Without some sort of drinking game or comic relief outlet this movie is just about unwatchable. WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD: This movie was a lousy version of any movie from the Night of the Demons franchise. I’d watch one of them or The Hazing (2004).
Okay, just a sec here. I can’t possibly NOT compare an in-crisis Britney Spears to the Dreamaniac movie poster. This is equally scary, but based on a “true” story.
Back in the 80s and early 90s ultra-campy horror flicks used to make preteens wait until about the thirty-minute mark for their taste of scream queen nudity. Promising to be disastrously awful, Dreamaniac introduces nudity in the very first scene—an awkwardly bloody shower make-out session. Maybe I shouldn’t judge just yet, though. I mean, Of Unknown Origin (1983) had an opening shower scene and I ended up loving that movie—no, because of the shower scene.
Our lead character (Adam) is in to heavy metal. Now as any 80s parent knew, this meant that he worshipped the devil, right? Of course he does! He lights a few candles to set the mood, unwinds with a cigarette and his favorite infernal hymnal, and prays to the dark lord to “grant [him] this one night.” In the spirit of Weird Science (1985), this conjuration summons the girl of his dreams—his bloody, naked make-out dreams. This dream takes a nasty turn when she gets a little zombie on him during a BJ. Just another dream…or was it?
Adam and his college friends have a little house party and one of the guests brings bloody shower girl as his plus-one. What a coincidence. They do some drugs, drink too much and have some premarital sex to cue the audience that they’ll be dying one by one later on. This wish-upon-a-devil succubus (Lily) kills and then apparently feeds on the blood of Adam’s schoolmates. She gets a bit stabby with a couple of them, strangles one and electrocutes another. These kills are awful, you never see any of it happen, and there is practically no attempt at fun gore. A couple attempts at humor were evident, but their delivery horribly failed. In this respect, this felt a lot like Sleepaway Camp (1983).
I know what you’re thinking. “Please, oh please, let these douche bags die.” They do.
Is it me, or is he even standing there in his underwear like a douche bag? She’s a succubus, bro. It doesn’t take much to impress her into bed.
Lily toys with Adam, who can’t seem find the strength to send her back whence she came to stop her killing spree. Adam even starts to like her evil work and watches her bite off one of his frat buddy’s manhood. He even starts participating. Essentially, this is exactly what concerned mothers worried about when they’d find Slayer or Pantera albums on your dresser back in your high school days.
This “succubus” falls into a gray area for horror trivia experts. We see her drinking blood from a dead guy’s corpse—maybe she’s more of a ghoul than vampire. Someone reads Adam’s “evil book” and learns that to you must kill her by beheading or a stake through the heart—now more vampy. Yet, she seems to have no powers at all. Or does she? After she kills a few people, they come back to life with a murderous spirit and try to kill Adam’s girlfriend, Pat. Pat ends up killing these killed killers herself and does a more impressive job than Lily when it comes to dispatching Adam’s friends.
This lovely ski pole placement earned Pat a place on the scoreboard.
Really showcasing the inconsistency of this flick or perhaps the utter stupidity of the writer and director, Pat desperately explains “We have to kill her, and Adam, too, or we’ll never get out of here alive!” But no one at any time in the movie, not even after finding a dead body or being attacked, tries to open the front door and exit to safety. WTF!!!!! Just leave! Worse yet, at no point does anyone even try to pick up a phone and dial 9-1-1. I guess these chicks were all just majoring in “dumb slut.”
The best part of the movie—or, perhaps, the only good part—was near the end when Pat powerdrills Adam’s head off. This was very stupid, very funny, and the only part of the movie with a lot of blood and screaming. Then the ending is of paramount idiocy. Lily turns out to be some escaped mental patient who is collected by her caretaker, who really doesn’t seem concerned that the people in the house are covered in blood.
Yes, ladies. A powerdrill makes perfect sense to use as a weapon against someone who stands perfectly still. But, what if they move?
Typical Slayer fan metal-head.
I think this movie was made to please hormonally raging youngsters who are just a bit too young still to follow through on their impulses with a partner. All of the women in this flick are extremely horny and people are engaging in some manner of sexual contact basically throughout the movie. This flick oozes awful. The star, Thomas Bern, has never been in any other movie or TV show ever! The chick who plays the succubus shared a similar fate (four acting credits). Ashlyn Gere (aka Kim McKamy; who played Adam’s girlfriend Pat) transitioned from super-cheap scream queen to porn stardom. This flick’s writer has done nothing else and the director, who has done a LOT of smutty exploitative horror under various male and female pseudonyms (who knows for what weird reason), hit the high point of his career with the mediocre Puppet Master 3.
Do yourself a big favor and don’t see this.
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Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)
MY CALL: Bored. I can’t remember waiting for a movie to end for so long. There was disappointment, but mostly boredom. Might I add that there is little less credible in the world than Kristen Stewart’s armored Snow White wielding sword. WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD: I’m going to go way out on a limb here and say that The Brotherhood of the Wolf (2001) accomplished what this film was trying to. Not your style? Then I’d wind back the clock for some nostalgic darker fantasy fun. How about Legend (1985), Willow (1988), Labyrinth (1986), The Dark Crystal (1982), Wizards (1977), The Last Unicorn (1982), The Whiz (1978) or Return to Oz (1985). Too old for you? Then why not just aim for LOTR or The Brothers Grimm (2005).
Another misleading trailer. I thought I was in for a contemporary fairy tale with epic action. Instead I yawned my way through two hours as Kristin the one-look-Zoolander Stewart sulked her way through another over-produced, underwritten movie with an emotionally bewildered expression which begs the question…
Did somebody just fart?
I think that the Legally Blonde girlfriends of America have formed a united front to get their boyfriends to suffer through this well- wardrobed fairy tale. I was horrified to see that Amazon’s first five reviews averaged 4/5 stars. Blonde espionage at work—doubtless! Meanwhile, I think the evil queen’s soul-sucking aim is a little off because Kristen Stewart is still alive and I feel like I’ve been drained of all vigor. [End rant]
This really could have been epic. Many snippets, scenes and concepts/ideas were excellent; it’s just that many others were not. The opening winter scene was stark, but oh so powerful (most memorable of the movie, I’d say). But then it was largely followed by scenes shot too close up to enjoy the storybook grandeur. However it wasn’t all bleakly shot. Formidable castlescapes impressed and the brilliant enchanted forest reminded me that there was some insight behind this film’s production while also breaking the lowlight gray color palate of the scenes from The Dark Forest and the dungeon-like castle. The fairy forest was like Ferngully meets Pandora, filled with all manner of enamoring CGI flora and fauna. Conversely, the fairies seemed like something out of a Saturday morning children’s show as if they were thrown together at the last minute before the movie’s release. These are but few examples of the inconsistent quality throughout the film.
I thought this would be an action/adventure movie. But it didn’t feel like one. The chthonic troll was my favorite critter. But the action (i.e., between the troll and the huntsman) was brief, ill-imagined and ultimately anticlimactic. The queen’s glasswork soldiers are cool early in the movie as they shatter in slo-mo on the battlefield, but the scene is all about the effects and not about action. During the finale, these minions are animated semi-humanoid blobs of glass shards which move so fast you can’t tell what they’re doing. I wish I could unsee that scene. In general, the action in this movie was like poor quality background noise. It was never the focus of anyone one scene, but it was always too distracting to ignore. Anyone expecting Lord of the Rings quality sword fights or man-versus-creature bouts would likely be disappointed.
For whatever reason, the King never questions why his foes just “shattered” into black glass shards or where they came from. He just marries their prisoner hottie the next day and gets black widowed. Good call, King!
Really, Charlize Theron’s queen made for the best moods and moments. Her wardrobe was creatively architected to look both painfully donned and elegant while royal with trappings of the macabre. At times her acting may come off as a bit extreme, but hey—she is playing an evil aging witch queen obsessed with youth and power. You could feel her desperation, pain, flagging sanity…oh yeah, and evil. The best effects were cast on the queen’s sorcery as she shifts form.
Like a Goth prom queen, claw-ring and all.
I expect an Oscar nomination for costume designer Colleen Atwood.
Got milk?
I wonder if she even knows how much a gallon of milk costs. The price of beauty, right?
Chris Hemsworth (The Avengers’ Thor, The Cabin in the Woods) portrayed the right character the right way, but with the wrong lines, weak character development and no heroic scenes. His action scenes either focus little on his character (rather the whole battle or situation) or result in him getting his butt kicked. They also made the huntsman a depressed alcoholic widower, but offer little to justify his convenient noble transformation throughout the movie.
So they gave Hemsworth a Scottish accent and a big axe. This was a failed attempt at keeping us from thinking of him as the Norwegian hammer-wielding Thor.
The dwarves, who in three minutes quickly shift from murderous mercenaries to stalwart allies, were really only as interesting as the actors you recognized behind the odd haircuts and facial prosthetics—namely Bob Hoskins, Ian McShane (Jack the Giant Killer), Nick Frost (Paul) and Toby Jones (The Hunger Games, Your Highness). They offer little to lighten the mood, in fact often distracting from the tone with too many weak lines, frequent and ineffective attempts at comic relief, and way too much screen time. Oh, right, and the “Prince” guy (William) felt like a completely needless character.
Just like LOTR‘s Gimley; another failed attempt at fantasy dwarves by Hollywood. Just cast real dwarves for God’s sake! Game of Thrones‘ Peter Dinklage and Willow‘s Warwick Davis would make a good start, right?
Stacked upon all this is that a lot of things go unexplained. Just because you can get away with that in a kid’s fairy tale doesn’t mean you can do that with the adult contemporary version. I’m complaining a lot here, but the movie isn’t necessarily to be skipped. Many of the effects and scenes would be far more enjoyable on the big screen (or at least a large HDTV) and surround sound. Just don’t make a Friday night event out of it—save it for a rainy Sunday afternoon. A portion of these scenes, effects and ideas are why I say this movie could have been epic. The skill set was there. But the writing wasn’t—in terms of story fluidity above dialogue. But hey, this was director Rupert Sanders’ first film. For a first job, and one of such magnitude, he showed some serious imaginative chops…he just didn’t do so consistently. Keep an eye out for him in the future.
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Goon
My brother already wrote a wonderful review for this film so I’m not going to repeat everything. I just had to put a couple of thoughts out there in an attempt to promote this film
Goon is a charming little flick that had me laughing, cheering and biting my nails. It is anchored by two fantastic performances by Seann William Scott and Liev Schreiber.
Scott plays a hockey enforcer named Doug Glatt who is recruited to play for a minor league team to protect the star player. The all-star lost his mojo when Schreiber knocked him out and made him scared of his own shadow.
What follows are fights, laughs and a wonderfully dumb/smart Seann William Scott.
Goon was released by Magnet (13 Assassins, Tucker and Dale) and their movies always end up on Netflix. So rent, buy or watch this film on Netflix. Recommend it to a friend and pass it along.
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Trailer Talk: The Apparition
CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE REVIEW OF THIS MOVIE
The concept is interesting enough. Some young attractive folks test a theory that ghosts only exist because we believe in them. Ergo, to believe in a ghost can facilitate the manifestation of one. It works, “it” is pissed, and it haunt-hunts them down one by one. The imagery and F/X strategy feel just like Pulse, but the trailer offers a variety of approaches to prey upon the paranormally-intrigued protagonists.
Release Date: August 24th, 2012
CLICK HERE to watch the trailer.
This looks like Americanized releases of Pulse (2006) and The Grudge (2004) had a child…as if the Grudge ghost was the evil force in Pulse, more specifically. Trailers can be very deceiving. This flick has all the potential to be as good as either of its siring movies, but could just as well turn into another One Missed Call disaster.
I’ve been batting just over .500 with horror trailers lately. My Trailer Talk on Grave Encounters paid off well. So did The Cabin in the Woods. But my hopeful expectations of Chernobyl Diaries led only to crushing disappointment.
No means no, Grudge ghost!
Some Concerns: First off, writer/director Todd Lincoln hasn’t really done anything yet other than an early screenplay for the Devil’s Due comic-to-movie Hack/Slash; the producers have almost no horror experience between them; and none of the actors have the experience to capture the audience—not that horror movies typically do. The cast includes Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy of the Harry Potter series; Rise of the Planet of the Apes) and the lovely Ashley Greene (the Twilight series) prancing around in her underwear looking scared.
Don’t worry, Ashley Greene. If the Grudge ghost shows up he’ll use his baseball bat. That should work, right? Right? A bat against a ghost…that only exists because we believe it does?
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Battleship
If the Academy Awards started a new category called “best dirt placement on a poster’ Battleship would win the award.
Here is a tip for you:
Let Battleship be Battleship.
It is not Prometheus (I’m guessing) but it is better than Cowboys and Aliens, Transformers, Wrath of the Titans and Battle LA. Battleship is a loud, dumb and incredibly fun. The dialogue can be laughable (“You are a hotshot”), the acting bad (Brooklyn Decker trying her best) and Rami Malek (The Pacific) needed more to do.
If you can’t sit back and enjoy this movie I feel bad for you. It is a huge gamble that is helmed by an excellent director. Enjoy a movie that was made to enjoy.
I understand why people do not like this movie, It is a peculiar and alienating film. However, it worked on me. I loved the weirdness (bearded aliens), odd humor (the beginning of the movie is all about getting a chicken burrito) and Friday Night Lights reunion between Peter Berg and Taylor Kitsch.
I’ve talked to several people who all scoff at this film. They laugh at the name and seem to have forgotten that Peter Berg (Rundown, Kingdom, Friday Night Lights) directed the film. Here are some reasons to watch this film.
1. A Friday Night Lights reunion with Peter Berg, Taylor Kitsch and Jessie Plemons.
2. A wonderful celebration of Veterans. Some of the key members who repel the invasion are actual veterans. One of the main characters is Gregory D. Gadson. He is a real life Iraq hero who lost both of his legs. Gadson is a commanding screen presence who is not too ornery.
3. A cohesive plot amidst the money. Battleship Unlike Transformers 2&3 and Wrath of the Titans has a legit three act plot that moves full steam ahead.
4. The gamble. They made a movie based on a board game with a slightly unknown Canadian actor who worked on Friday Night Lights and got a bad rap from John Carter (read the review).
5. The movie is meant to make you cheer. There is zero pretension. Don’t cheat yourself out of a ridiculous time.
The movie focuses on a section of Hawaii trapped inside a force field. The aliens lost their communications so they try to use massive satellites in Hawaii….The same satellites that were meant to contact them. Kitsch battles them at sea and Brooklyn Decker battles the aliens on the mainland.
Who cares that the aliens have bad goatees? Who cares that the movie resembles a better version of a Michael Bay film? Movies are made for you to enjoy. Battleship is a movie that is filled with unpretentious joy….And Liam Neeson.
Sidenote: Battleship did something brilliant. Sensing a poor opening weekend in the US ($25 million) they opened it up worldwide a month before it hit US theaters. The film was a success grossing $250 million and paying for its budget. Now, that the film has flopped here the press statements revolve around how the film is a worldwide success. I see this smart marketing continuing in the future. It proves that people around the world love stuff blowing up.
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Bad Movie Tuesday: This Means War
This Means War was directed by McG. This means the movie was guaranteed to be loud, dumb and clumsily edited. My girlfriend and I did the worst possible thing when we watched this movie. We had hope. We went against the critics, audiences and McG’s history and hoped it would be dumb romantic comedy fun.
We were wrong. This movie is not fun because it is lazy. Watching it made me think of the film No Strings Attached. NSA gets a lot of criticism because it is incredibly uneven. I like that about NSA. It is an odd little film that attempts to be different. For instance, Lake Bell’s insane character, Cary Elwes odd doctor and an inventive usage of 3D glasses. Natalie Portman tries to be foul-mouthed and Kevin Kline drinks sizzurp. It doesn’t always work but it tries. This Means War does not try and it shows on-screen.
Let me give you an example. There are two scenes where Tom Hardy is watching his kid wrestle in the same auditorium. The scenes take place months apart but Hardy is wearing the same clothes. They couldn’t bother to give him a new outfit. They just shot right through the two scenes. This same thing happens twice in the movie with other characters.
Also, there is scene where Hardy and Reese are getting romantic and Pine unleashes the water sprinklers in the million dollar apartment. Pine wrecks everything in his best friends home and nobody ever says a word. Pine and Hardy also spend millions of dollars spying on Reese as she talks to her terrible BFF Chelsea Handler.
What annoys me is that McG landed three wonderful actors and he does nothing with them. Everything they say is stock, the action is bland and poor Reese plays the worst character of her career. Portman caught crap for her foul-mouthed and strange doctor character in NSA but at least she tried something new. In This Means War Reese lies to her ex fiance about having a boyfriend. Later you find out that the ex cheated on her and broke her heart. After all of this she is incapable of telling him off. All I could think about was her role in Walk the Line and how she says “baby baby baby..it’s always baby baby baby.” Witherspoon was saucy. Here she is a depressing little bugger.
The men who fall for her are Chris Pine and Tom Hardy. They play two incredibly tiny/well dressed CIA agents who fall INSTANTLY in love with her on the same day.
Neither of them wants to call it off so they both decide to date the Reese. Poor/shady Reese doesn’t know about the deal or tell the men she is dating two people. She happily dates the two spies. What follows is nut shots, blow darts and montages.
Whilst dating Witherspoon the two spies take their eyes off a eurotrash villain who wants revenge for the death of his brother. The dude would be nondescript but he is played by Til Schweiger. All I can think of when I see him is “Hugo Stiglitz.”
My favorite movie critic Roger Ebert said this in his review:
“If there’s anything I hate more than a stupid action comedy, it’s an incompetent stupid action comedy. It’s not so bad it’s good. It’s so bad it’s nothing else but bad.”
Ebert disliked this movie with a passion. If you look at the words I highlighted you will notice the seven negative words in three short sentences.
I didn’t hate this film. I was annoyed at the inability to say anything new. McG had a big budget, lots of talent and an opportunity to do something special. Instead he annoyed Roger Ebert and witnessed his film sink at the box office.
This movie is like diluting Hendricks gin with Coca-Cola. It wrecks the taste and doesn’t let you appreciate the fine ingredients. Hardy, Pine and Witherspoon are watered down amidst the shiny lights and saccharine plot.
This Means War is a lazy film. Don’t waste your time on a movie that offers nothing new. Check out a classic or at least enjoy the randomness of No Strings Attached.
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John’s Horror Corner: Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
MY CALL: The trailer looked promising, but the product delivered only disappointment. Even devout horror and suspense fans will be disappointed as this movie delivers neither enough or effectively. [D] WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD? Grave Encounters, the Paranormal Activity series and White Noise deliver the creepy suspense desired in this flick. For hungry mutant redneck whatevers aim for The Cabin in the Woods, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre series or Wrong Turn. For suspense and blood and guts galore mixed with a lot of funny: Final Destination 5.
I guess it was about time somebody capitalized on the horrors left in the wake of this historical event: Chernobyl, named after the city with the poor nuclear reactor of the same name. On April 26th, 1986, the Ukrainian power plant had a bit of a bad day when reactor 4 was getting a bit wonky from a power surge. What ensued was an emergency shutdown attempt, a series of explosions, the fall of the Soviet economy, and ultimately (evidently) some tribal-gone-cannibal locals in the neighboring town waiting to prey on 20-something tourists. CLICK HERE to see the trailer.
The tour guide is charmingly funny. He has his little Geiger counter and puts on a nice show.
The trailer doesn’t show us a whole lot in terms of estimating what kind of horror this will be. Really, we see just enough to know that the acting doesn’t suck (actually it looks quite good…for a horror flick) and the production value is competitive. I’ll go so far as to say that an unusually good job was done building the plot up to the “extreme tourism” trip to Chernobyl. I liked the characters (enough, at least) and enjoyed a few clever, light-hearted laughs. Jonathan Sadowski (S%#! My Dad Says (2010-2011), Friday the 13th (2009)) is charmingly funny and he brings that to the screen here early in the movie. Characters like his are typically fun to watch when the shit hits the fan. Makes me think of Grave Encounters (2011), where the jokester finds himself freaking out as he learns “it’s not a joke.” This flick also features Nathan Phillips (Wolf Creek, Snakes on a Plane), Ingrid Bolsø Berdal (The ABCs of Death, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters), Olivia Dudley (Chillerama, The Dictator), and Jesse McCartney (Greek).
Yes, sure, the apartment is small. But the location!
What do you mean the car won’t start?
Such a lively bunch. They have no idea…
Though a bit prepackaged—a la Wrong Turn past the Cabin in the Woods where the Hills Have Eyes—the premise worked and the creepy setting created the opportunity for some great scenes. Just the opportunity, though. While the set design worked, the crux of the movie (i.e., the anthropophagous mutants), was poorly delivered. Sadly, there are really no special effects at all in this movie. That is not to say they are bad, but that the way the “action” and “horror” are presented no effects are really necessary. Now, horror movies can vary. Depending on the style they may not need any CGI or fake blood (e.g., Paranormal Activity had minimal FX). Contrarily, movies in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre vein rely heavily on excellent make-up artists and mutant movies need solid mutant concepts that keep us from saying “hey that’s just like in that other movie with that guy in it that came out last year.” Well, this was a mutant movie, and no one in the audience could pick one of these mutants out of a line up after seeing this movie. That’s how little you see. Bummer.
It says WHAT about mutant Chernobyl residents in the guide book!?!?!
Producer Oren Peli (Paranormal Activity director/producer; PA 2 and PA 3 producer) has a great mind for creepy suspense. I think he was going for a monsters-driven quite creeper; the reason we never really see more than blurry silhouettes of the flesh-eating antagonists. This general mystery tactic worked in Insidious (2010), when the creature was some other-worldly specter. But this movie was advertised as suggestive of The Hills Have Eyes in an abandoned fallout city. Maybe there was a way to make this work, but Peli didn’t find it.
Everyone knows that you never–NEVER–approach the weird little girl in the dark!
I haven’t really addressed the plot…there’s not much to say that you don’t get from watching the trailer. Some likeable 20-somethings on a European vacation decide to take an extreme tourism excursion to a village in sight of Chernobyl. When they try to leave the car doesn’t start. Then they start dying one by one—and you never see it happen! The escape strategy never gets anyway, the characters (not surprisingly) don’t develop beyond a few cheap lines of dialogue, and there’s an inexplicably stupid not-so-twisty ending.
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